Episode 33.9 - The Chase Is On
August 12

Gordon: We're going to get letters.
Chico: Kids, don't crash your chandeliers at home. Is veeeeeeery dangerous.
Gordon: Welcome back to WLTI. Thanks for being part of our week and allowing our week to be a part of you.
Chico: It's back to school time, which means it's back to game time.
Gordon: And we all have resolutions when we go back to school.
Chico: I'm going to do better. I'm going to be the star on campus. I swear I'm not going to cry this time.
Gordon: I'll try to not throw any more spitballs at the fellow students.
Chico: But before we relive "the best years of our lives" *hysterical laughter*, let's start with this,

Big Brother is totally not using controversy to goose ratings, in essence, trading passion for glory.

Gordon: Resolved: Get contestants who are exciting without having them lose their jobs midstream.
Chico: Wouldn't that make them season-1-level boring?
Gordon: You can be exciting and smart without being pandering
Chico: Resolved: get gamers, not glorified attention whores.
Gordon: ...what I said.
Chico: Yeah. Next?
Gordon: Next one,

Whodunnit. It's a fun show but doesn't have the ratings behind it.

Chico: Resolved: better time slot. Better PR, Better network?
Gordon: Resolved: Make a game that focusses just as much on WHO as it does on HOW.
Chico: Because lets face it, ABC during the summer is "Bachelorette" and who cares what else. It deserves a better fate than what it's getting.
Gordon: And give us better rules on what the killer can or can't do. If Lindsey is not the killer, every other person has a continuity issue thats a production error. The producers need to do better than that.
Chico: Right. Next...

While we're on ABC, Wipeout is... wiping out.

Gordon: Resolved: We need new. Give me new please.
Chico: Agreed. Put up or shut up time, Give us something new or prepare to abandon ship, women and big balls first.
Gordon: Next one...

Capture. It's not capturing audiences.

Chico: Resolved: next time, try and capture pop culture waves at their peak, and do it on basic cable where there is little to no expectation.
Gordon: Resolved: In addition to pop culture waves, make sure you have a game that's more creative than vote out a team. We've seen this before. We want something original.
Chico: I sense a variation on a theme.
Gordon: I want something more than lazy programming. This is why you are losing your audience to cable.
Chico: Speaking of cable,

The highlight of last week's 90s Are All That Game Show Week: Almost 20 year old episodes of, ahem, LEGENDS of the Hidden Temple!

Gordon: Resolved: If the ratings dictate to make more shows, do so. I wouldn't mind seeing 80's updates of some of those shows.
Chico: Agreed. The Hidden temple needs to be unearthed again.
Gordon: Gives me a good idea of an ad, but we will continue on here. Last one...

Bachelor Pad. Chico is a smart guy. I'm sure he can make it watchable.

Chico: Nope. Resolved, well, we would suggest beauty vs. Brains but this is the Bachelor Pad we're talking about,
Gordon: Resolved: This is a show that COULD work as a celebrity edition. Put in C and D level young hip celebrities and watch them hook up with other C and D level celebrities.
Chico: How many of them aren't involved in long-term relationships, I ask you?
Gordon: Find some
Chico: Good luck with that. Anyway, that's all the Resolutions I can come up with. Let's do some bargain shopping, after this.

(Brought to you by Legends of the Downtown Projects. We bring this classic and revise it to current standards. This week's episode: The Legend of Mr. Jones Magical Bong.)

Chico: Mr. Jones Magical Bong can be found in the basement of the Bodega.
Gordon: Watch out for the Junkie Guards. You can ward them away though with a magic Police Badge.
Chico: The musclebound dudes in helmets with signs that say "Hungry please help", but when you offer them a sandwich they say "I'm good"? Man, I hate those!
Gordon: Terrible. Welcome back to the show. Now if you have a lot of money, you wouldn't have to go looking for a magical bong, because you could buy your own.
Chico: By the way, drugs are bad.
Gordon: Yes they are. We don't do them. We do, however discuss things you can do if you have a lot of money. For instance.

You can make your own zonk for next season's Let's Make a Deal and you can bribe them to use it. What would you make?

Chico: A brand new MAXIVAN! Of course its so big that they could only tote half of it in the studio.
Gordon: You've won, a Plasma TV (TV created from fake human plasma)
Chico: Or maybe a trip to the Sandwich Islands! Islands made of sandwiches, bonus points for use of pretzel bread. Is so yummy.
Gordon: Tasty. Next one?
Chico: Next one...

Jeopardy! is about to celebrate its 30th anniversary. Buy us another tournament.

Gordon: Just so they can prove they are smart - a 75 person tournament of the 'Victim of Ken Jennings'.
Chico: I was going to suggest a team tournament, but that would be cool too.
Gordon: Team tournament could be fum also. Next one...

You get to pick a judge for The Voice. Who do you got?

Chico: Poaching will.I.am from the UK version.
Gordon: I'm going to go a different angle. I want to see what a veteran of the business can do. Hence, I want to see what haooens if we replace Cristina Aguilera with Madonna.
Chico: As long as she loses that daft fake British thing. It's goofy.
Gordon: Im sure she would. Next one?
Chico: Next one...

It's do or die time for talent shows in general. Winners aren't moving copies. Buy up something that will help the cause.

Gordon: I would buy Will.I.Am OR someone like an Armin Van Burin to help create the songs for the winners to sing,. The problem isn't the singers. The problem is the old cliched material they are singing. Lee DeWyze + 'This is What it Feels Like' = Gold.
Chico: Never heard it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR_DFMUzX4E

Chico: Nice. But yeah, if you're going to write a song for somebody, it would help if you had a finger on the pulse of what the kids are into (see Phillips, Phillip)
Gordon: That could be anice song for him also, wouldn't you agree? Next one...

You can buy the Whodunnit mansion. What are you adding to it for Season 2?

Chico: A games room / murder room
Gordon: A trap door. We haven't seen a trap door. AND a Killer monkey.
Chico: You and your killer monkeys. Give them a monkey and send them to space.
Gordon: I like killer monkeys. Last one?
Chico: Last one:

You have enough left over after all this to buy a second Chaser.

Gordon: Im GSN and I just lost $180,000. I need to buy the one with the best Win/Loss record so that this doesn't happen again. Enter, Anne Hegerty.
Chico: I am taking a different route. The old adage says, If you can't beat'em, hire'em. Enter, Cory Anotado
Gordon: You're just saying that because you're plugging him as a guest for a podcast, aren't you?
Chico: Hmmm, Maaaaaaybe. Only if he will have us
Gordon: We will see if he will. One thing I'd like to have is a commercial break. Make it so.
Chico: 10-4

(Brought to you by "The Cha$e". It's almost impossible to lose, because the Chasers don't speak proper English, instead opting for garbled code or a simple "...")

Gordon: Yes, but you're in trouble if they catch you.
Chico: Yep. Let's just say Sword Art Online looks tame by comparison.
Gordon: How about a Speed Round to finish this one off?
Chico: Sounds good. Whodunnit: who gets whacked next? You have Melina, Kam, Lindsey, and Cris. I like Melina.
Gordon: I think it's Melina - unless she's the killer. In that case, Lindsey is in trouble. Capture: Who gets captured?
Chico: The purple parkourists. AGT, One act who gets into the semis
Gordon: Any opera singers this round?
Chico: No
Gordon: Damn. I'll go with Jimmy Rose. The Chase: Does Marc Labett redeem himself this week?
Chico: Yep and it won't even be close. Mail?
Gordon: None here. You?
Chico: Nope. But they can send us some at wlti@gameshownewsnet.com or follow us on Facebook and Twitter @wltiongsnn
Gordon: Nice. Next week: We get closer to a killer and closer to an AGT thriller.
Chico: Until then, for Gordon and everyone at GSNN, I'm Chico Alexander. Our time is up. We thank you for yours. Game over, and spread the love.