Episode 20.17
May 4

Jason: Interesting.
Gordon: The internet's got talent.
Chico: They do
Jason: Sure they do.
Chico: They do the craziest stuff online.
Jason: Crazy and/or stupid
Chico: Heh. Welcome back. People online do things that others either would or could... Makes for a good game... only we're talking TV instead of internet. Alright. First up...

Would you take a little-known board game (the type that would only be available at bookstores and game stores) and turn it into a game show? (Bonus: and if so, what?)

Gordon: I would.
Jason: Depends on the game.
Chico: Hence part 2 of the question.
Gordon: Also depends on the game. Most board game to tv show games have gone badly. Taboo, anyone?
Jason: Yes.
Chico: Scrabble worked.
Jason: You could do Quelf...on Comedy central.
Chico: Trivial Pursuit... I don't think that's EVER coming back.
Jason: No because it wasn't executed right.
Chico: You show reruns in sweeps, it's a sure sign that you've thrown in the towel. So to "You've Been Sentenced!"... Lots of luck... you're going to need it.
Jason: Exactly - see Temptation.
Chico: Though I can imagine Phase 10 as a game show somehow.
Gordon: Next one...
Chico: Next?

Would you go to Charm School for a shot at $100,000?

Jason: NO WAY! I have enough couth.
Chico: That depends. Do I have to room with the other students?
Gordon: Why yes. Yes you do.
Chico: Damn. In that case, no.
Gordon: I wouldn't do it because I don't think Id have a chance to win. Im not uncouth enough.
Chico: Sure you aren't. =p
Jason: Oh please.
Chico: You're just being modest, you are.
Gordon: Next?
Chico: Next...

Would you like to go to the Apple Store... San Francisco... and Japan?

Jason: Yes Yes Yes and Yes. Did you just see that!
Chico: I did just see that.
Gordon: And Drew screws up another ending.
Jason: Yes.
Chico: A little better than the last time.. Emphasis on little.
Jason: But yes.
Chico: Okay, let's play the Showcase... No conferring.

iMac... HDTV... San Francisco trip... $300 Apple store GC... and trip to Japan.

Gordon: $20,600
Chico: Block?
Jason: I just saw it.
Chico: So you should know it.
Jason: $20,601
Chico: $20,661.
Gordon: What sort of bid is that?
Chico: A smart one.  Next?
Gordon: Next one...

Would you drive 3 days for a game show audition?

Jason: Yes!
Chico: Depends. What game show is it?
Gordon: Well, I know that our group has gone cross-country for The Price is Right. Would you drive from the West Coast to CT for Deal or No Deal?
Jason: I know some will.
Chico: if it weren't for the events of last week, then yes, I would
Jason: But I do know this... We will have a more East Coast flavor to next year's syndie deal
Chico: I think more people're going to go all the way. Call me crazy, but that's the way the east coast rolls.
Gordon: The East Coast is definitely more aggressive. Also keep in mine that in a recession, you'd need more money.
Chico: So there you go.
Gordon: Next one?
Chico: Next one..

Would you enter a videogaming contest if it meant playing in a battle of the bands, a slam-dunk contest, a paintball game, a dance contest, and one of several pissing contests with your fellow geek?

Jason: Yes. If you are taking the Sci-Fi show.
Chico: I am.
Gordon: Actually, no. I'd rather be the judge
Jason: Or the game selector.
Chico: Heh. Too much 360, not enough Wii or PS3. Just something to think about.
Gordon: Exactly. I think since this is a fun show, Id want to be behind the scenes and torture the poor contestants
Chico: But respect must be paid to Mark Smith, the winner of WCG Ultimate Gamer. So...


Mark "applesauce" Smith

Jason: Give me Gears of War 2 and a 24 Hour Military Simulation at boot camp. Those geeks would be so gassed.
Chico: But how would you go on with Rock Band?
Jason: Rock Band was a great test.
Gordon: Last one...

Would you spend a summer with B-List and C-List celebrities on an island?

Chico: NO! NO! NO! NO! NEIN!
Jason: A Thousand Times NO!
Chico: NYET! Saint Happening. IN. COR. RECT. TO.
Gordon: Actually...I would. Nice tropical breeze. Fun people to hang around with. Get paid for your time. Why not?
Chico: Have you taken a look at who you're playing with?
Gordon: Yes. And you know what that means? It means I have a REALLY GOOD shot at winning.
Jason: BOOBIES!
Gordon:  And seeing a lot of boobies would not be a bad secondary perk
Chico: I can see Sanjaya just loving to bug you.
Gordon: I don't want to see Sanjaya's boobies though.
Jason: Torrie Wilson though... Nice.
Chico: Indeed.
Gordon: And with that, we end this segment. Next up, we cast our acting net and see if we bring in fish or a rubber boot and a flat tire.
Chico: I'm going to have to consult my book here. *reads "Method Acting for Dummies"*
Gordon: But first, watch this space...

(Brought to you by Headline Chasers: Boston Globe Edition. Boston Globe employees play negotiation games for their livelihood. If you're a Bostonian, please support your local paper.)

Chico: That goes for every market with a large newspaper. A free press is a strong press, after all.
Gordon: Agreed. If you don't have a newspaper, you'll lose your local coverage.
Jason: We all don't want USA Today... no offense to that.
Chico: Right on. How about a night at the theatre, though?
Gordon: Sounds good (Grabs Playbill). What do we got on the docket?
Jason: (puts on stage makeup)
Chico: First up...

Gordon is Ken Jennings. Jason is another guy named Ken Jennings. The scene... a game of Famous Names Week on Millionaire... and... ACTION!

Jason: (whistles sitting in the green room)
Gordon: Gee, I wonder if I'm going to be called. I wonder if the contestant will even get to $2,000. (whistles while playing on the internet and sitting in an unknown room, somewhere in Roswell, New Mexico, while Aliens are being dissected in the next wing)

*aaaaaaaaaahhhhh!*

Gordon: (Looks up. Looks down. plays on the internet.) I hope the famous name is not Ogi Ogas. Or even worse, Jason Block.
Chico: (As Meredith Vieira) Okay, I don't know what that was, but here's the question...
Jason: Yes?

Hilary Swank and Amy Adams both play what famous aviator in separate movies? a) Amanda Hugginkiss b) Ivana Tinkle c) Amelia Earhart d) Anonymous Lucy?

Jason: Dude I got this...it's A. Has to be.
Chico: Are you sure you don't want to use a lifeline, Ken?
Jason: Hmmm...maybe....Let me think about this...lock in C.
Gordon: If it really is Jason Block, I'm going to be stuck here in this room with no contact from civilization. No Meredith. Nothing of me making fun of the contestants.
Chico: You sure about this?
Gordon: I don't even get a free bagel in this place. Where's Michael Davies when you need him? I won't even mind losing to that Pepper kid again when I lost to him in a run-through of Ken Jennings Vs. The World.
Chico: Five seconds, Ken.
Jason: Look...I don't want to lose...and make sure that I am the laughing stock of the game show world. YES C! Final.
Gordon: Maybe I'll go find an Alien and absorb some more of his knowledge so I can beat Brad Rutter in a rematch.
Chico: *bom bom bom.... * I guess we're not going to hear from Ken Jennings this questions, but you just won $8000!
Jason: YES!
Chico: And Ken, if you're watching... I'm so sorry.
Gordon: What. Ever. I'm booking myself for Trivial Pursuit next.

CUT!

Chico: Next scene?
Gordon: Next one...

Chico is Howard Lederer, the sister of Annie Duke. Jason is Melissa Rivers, the daughter of Joan Rivers. The subject: Who's going to win Celebrity Apprentice 2. Annnnd...Action!

Chico: So Melissa... I just put a bet in that Annie was going to win Celeb. Apprentice.
Jason: How much are you going to lose?
Chico: I'm thinking zero. Is zero good for you?
Jason: Yeah...which is how much brain power your bitch of a sister has.
Chico: Annie's just been a killer in the challenges and she has clearly performed. Joan's only good at doing one thing... botox. And don't talk about my bitch of a sister or I might go off on your bitch of a mother. I'm still waiting for her to do something other than complain.
Jason: Don't you talk about my mom that way! She has been in the entertainment for 45 years. And excuse me...she has done a lot on this show. All you sister has done is to conspire against me with Brande, that big breasted whore pit viper. Trump knows a winner when he sees it.
Chico: Can anyone in your family go one sentence without using a derogatory?
Jason: Not really, fu(bleep)er.
Chico: ... Okay, I think we're done here... $500 more on Annie. There's no way she doesn't win this.
Jason: $1,000 on Joan Rivers. (puts bet in) So there. BTW...your sister has less wins in the World Series than you. 2-1
Chico: Alright.... so can I borrow $25 for lunch or are you strapped for not having a job?

SCENE!

Jason: That being said...put the house on Annie.
Chico: She's got this. Next...

Jason is "Jason"... a normal 11-year-old from Brooklyn. You've been there, right? Gordon is a 10-year-old from Los Angeles... with a SAG card. And two stage parents. And a trust fund. And a catch phrase... you get it. The scene... tryouts for 5th Graders. And... ACTION!

Jason: (walks over to Gordon) Hi! I am Jason. Nice to Meet you.
Gordon: Ooh. I've got this one so in the bag. Daddy got me my card and I can't wait to sit in the desks. Mommy will be so happy that she'll but my a nex gold XBOX 360.
Jason: Um...hi!
Gordon: Oh hi. I'm Gordon. You must be the mandatory kids brought in to audition even though you have a greater chance of getting a job painting bumpers for GM than getting my gig.
Jason: What did you say?
Gordon: Hi. Are you from one of the 5 boroughs of Brooklyn?
Jason: I would have you know that Brooklyn is one of the 5 boros of New York City. But if your nose wasnt so far up your butt...you would know that.
Gordon: Wait a sec... (opens up Mark Burnett's 5th Grader Academic Notes).= ..HA! Brooklyn has 5 boroughs! Manhattan, Staten Island, The Bronx, Albany and RuPaul. It says so right here in the producer notes. (Shows Jason the producer's notes)
Jason: (laughs at him) You are such a doofus.
Gordon: But it's right! Producers say so!
Jason: Um...no.
Gordon: MOMMY! (Runs to Chico) Jason's making fun of me! Make him stop!
Chico: Oh, pay no mind to him. He's just affected by the recession. Here. Have a sack of money.
Gordon: Oooh. My favorite! (Plays with the money)
Jason: (sits down and studies the World Almanac)

SCENE!

Chico: And that's what would happen if Gordon and Jason's kids were ever to meet.
Jason: No...we wouldn't be that much of the stuck up SAG kids.
Chico: True. Next act!
Gordon: Next one...

Gordon is American Idol's Judges Save. Chico is Millionaire's 50/50. Scene: The Game Show Unemployment Line. And...Action!

Chico: Hey, J. How long've you been in line?
Gordon: What's up, 50? I've been in the line for a few days - u?
Chico: 10 months.
Gordon: 10 months? I thought you were picked up by 50 Cent.
Chico: Yeah. That was before his career went south. Now I'm lucky if I get residuals from GSN.
Gordon: Yeah. well I'm no longer in use by American Idol, so I'm here looking for more work. What do you think the chances are of me getting used next season?
Chico: Probably better than my chances of getting used... EVER. At least your former bosses were patient with you. Seems like Meredith wanted to get rid of me to get more game in. I mean, what the heck is that?
Gordon: Well the random factor didn't help when everyone thought that the elimination of the clues weren't random.
Chico: That's rank. Well, I better get going to see if they're going to call me. I hear cases 23, 24, 25, and 26 are going to be here soon
Gordon: Cool. If you see 6 different colored wedges, give them my regards
Chico: Word. *pounds*

SCENE!

Chico: Okay, next up...

Gordon is Kisha. Jason is Jen. The scene... right after the cameras stop rolling as you try and blame each other for your elimination... Aaaaaaaaaand ENTERTAIN ME.

Gordon: Its your fault.
Jason: I had TO GO!
Gordon: Yes. And now we're going...We're going HOME, you idiot!
Jason: You want me to pee myself in front of millions of people...what happened if I did that and we lost!
Gordon: We wouldnt have lost. And if you peed on yourself, it may have given your skin a better complexion
Jason: Excuse me? You were the one who freaked at the pool.
Gordon: If I knew you had to go, I would have had you drink the water first so we could cross the pool.
Jason: Look....you couldn't find the U-Turn. You couldn't find anything in China.
Gordon: I also wasn't the person who got into a fight with Luke, which caused to to be hated by the rest of the teams and to be U-Turned.
Jason: You supported me in that...you said it was "Game on!" Now you are backing away because I couldn't hold it in?
Gordon: Yes. And then you turned your game off because you thought a little tinkle was more important than a million
Jason: It wasn't a little tinkle...and I didn't see you volunteering to eat that!
Gordon: Besides, you could have used a bush and give China some better natural fertilizer than what they usually put into their milk.

SCENE! 

Gordon: Last one...and it's the ALL IN CHALLENGE!
Jason: Lets do it!
Chico: Bring it OOOOON!

Gordon is the host of America's Next Top Moron...and we're in the finals. Jason and Chico are the finalists. And...action!

Gordon: I have 2 morons in front of me...but only one can be America's Next Top Moron. Present your cases.
Jason: Well...I was on an island...and I had 5 immunity Idols...but I didn't play them...because I trusted my tribemates.
Chico: Well, I could've won a game of Jeopardy! by holding back a bet... but I didn't. And I wasn't wearing pants at the time.
Jason: Lets hope you were wearing underpants
Chico: .. what are underpants?
Jason: Dude. But come on...Survivor is a game about making friends...isn't it?
Chico: Did I mention my competition won the game with enough money to by a vacuum cleaner?
Jason: A good vacuum cleaner? The one with the movey bally thingy?
Chico: ... No. Not that one.
Jason: ewwww
Chico: It's the one with the bag on it. You ever see Catch 21? THAT one.
Gordon: I have the results. America's Next Top moron is.................................
Jason: (crosses fingers)
Gordon: ................................................................................Bernie Madoff!
Jason: Dammit!
Chico: DAMN IT! He beats me every time!
Jason: NOT FAIR! This is such Bullsh(BLEEP)
Gordon: Better luck next year.
Chico: Every damn time.
Jason: You are such a (BLEEP)ing (BLEEP)!
Chico: *sniff*.. I wish i was wearing underpants.
Jason: (Starts trashing stage)
Chico: (Trashes stage as well)

SCENE!

Gordon: And we'll be back after this.

(Brought to you by "Spread the Love", the new musical competition... Who's scruffy enough... Who's bald enough... Who's geek enough to play Gordon and Chico in WLTI on Broadway?)

Jason: There you go!
Chico: Hey... it's either that or another revival of Grease.
Gordon: And with that, we go to The Speed Round...NOW! American Idol: Who doesn't make the FInal 3?
Jason: Bye Allison
Chico: Agreed.
Gordon: I'll go in agreement. Who wins The Amazing Race?
Chico: Margie & Luke
Jason: Margie & Luke
Gordon: I want to see Margie and Luke, but I think Victor and Tammy edge them out. Survivor: Debbie or Coach is out....right?
Chico: Right. I'll go with Debbie, though.
Jason: I will say Coach as well.
Gordon: Coach sounds good to me.
Chico: Down to Danny vs. Paula on HK. Who wins it?
Gordon: Danny sounds good to me also on HK, though I will say that this is the best head-to-head match up they've had on the show. Dancing With The Stars - who gets knocked out next?
Jason: Bye Bye Ty
Chico: If Ty doesn't get knocked out next, I'll quit this season.
Gordon: Any hello to mail?
Chico: Not on my end.
Gordon: Nothing here either, but if people want to send us some, where does it go?
Chico: It goes to WLTI@gameshownewsnet.com Or check us out on YouTube, MySpace, or Facebook. ALSO... We are currently looking for writers. This summer is going to be a busy one. So if you like to watch and you like to write and you like when people read what you write... Drop us a line! 30 shows this summer.
Jason: 30?!!?!??!
Chico: 30. Three. Zero. What's your next one?
Jason: I know my next one. Which is NFNS5
Chico: Ah.
Jason: That starts June 7th.
Chico: So how's that for a passionate plea, G?
Gordon: Pretty good. And that ends the show. Special thanks to Jason Block for hanging out with us today.
Jason: Much thanks. This week is going to be fun.
Chico: Very much so. Next week, we go back to college.
Jason: College Week on J?
Chico: Yep. Until then for Gordon and everyone at GSNN, I'm Chico. Game over... and spread the love.
Jason: See ya!