Episode 20.8
March 2

Chico: Hey, everyone... I'm Chico Alexander... and usually, my friend Gordon Pepper here... He's very happy. Usually when you catch him at the table... Or at the bowling alley... Or watching American Idol... But this week... Gordon, how are you feeling?
Gordon: ...I'm sad.
Chico: Gordon is sad, ladies and gentlemen.
Gordon: Sadness abounds by me.
Chico: Usually, a little game show talk will perk him right up... but this week... I don't think so.
Gordon: Not a chance.
Chico: But alas, we have a job to do so... from somewhere in America, the "Gordon is Sad" edition of WLTI... is... ON!
Gordon: Yay.
Chico: Yay?
Gordon: Around as lukewarm of a yay as you can get.
Jason: Anything I can do to help?
Chico: Why not. Helping us out this week, the one and only (thankfully) Jason Block.
Jason: You know I can be happy and ray of sunshiney, kind of.
Chico: You can?
Jason: When I want to be. Except I agree with Gordon somewhat. See?
Chico: Yeah, just wait until you see what we have this week.
Gordon: Would you like to join me on the Gloom Stools?
Jason: That black cloud over your head doesn't look good.
Chico: Yeah. It's about to grow into a tornado, because it's time for...



Jason: That was BRUTAL. Gordon and I did the recap live time.
Chico: Yep. How can I put this... That was the smelliest piece of crap on Fox since The Chamber. And THAT was worth a tattoo removal. But at least the best of the worst made it through (sort of).
Gordon: You had 12 singers on Tuesday night. Not one of them would have gotten a B from me, let alone worthy to be in the Top 12.
Jason: This was the first time in my memory...that no one was even close to being GOOD.
Chico: No joke.
Gordon: It was arguably the Worst American Idol set of 12 ever. And because of that, I'd like to put ALL 12 on the Big Bored this week.

Chico: Not just The Naughty Nine?
Gordon: No. The Subject: The Traumatic 12. AKA Only 3 got in because we had to do it.
Jason: Pretty much.
Chico: Okay, let's see where this gravy train derailed. Starting with...

Jasmine Murray - "Love Song"

Chico: In a word... Overdone.
Jason: This was terrible. Trying to R&B a song that didn't need it. You sing it straight...it's ok.
Chico: She didn't, though. She tried to put herself into it... You only do that if you know it will work.
Gordon: The problem was the song. It needed to be R&B'd up because it was a bad song. And she didn't inject anything into it to make it good.
Chico: Right. Next...

Matt Giraud - "Viva La Vida"

Chico: Remember when I thought that there could have been a worse song choice? We have a new chumpion.
Gordon: Viva La Vibrator.
Jason: What's the rating of this show?
Chico: The usual. Web-14.
Gordon: Maybe the stage was vibrating when he sang...or maybe it was the tremolo, which is awful for that sort of song.
Chico: Should've just sang it straight... you know, if he was insistent on singing it.
Jason: This was AWFUL.
Gordon: He never should have sang it. Whoever said it should be ok should be slapped around with a salami.
Chico: Yeah... Next...

Jeanine Vailes - "This Love".

Chico: Well... she has great legs.
Jason: But singing a group song...bad choice.
Chico: Everything else was subpar, but hey... If that's the best the judges can come up with... you know you're in trouble.
Gordon: That's actually not a bad song to sing. You can do a lot with it if you're a pop rocker like Adam Lambert or even Kris Allen. That's the song Kris SHOULD have sung. There's no way if you're an R&Ber like Jasmine that you touch that song. The reason why you categorize songs is for people in that genre.
Chico: There you go.
Gordon: If you're an R&B singer, you want an R&B song. Maroon 5? Really? No.
Chico: And now, the moment we've all been waiting for...

Nick Mitchell/Norman Gentle/Mother Sha-Boo-Boo - "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going"

Gordon: If I'm the American Idol sign, I sue for Sexual Harassment.
Chico: Dear god... the less said about his performance, the better. Agreed?
Jason: Wrong. I have to get on my soapbox.
Chico: Can I first? I've been thinking about this for days...
Jason: Alright.

(WLTI Soapbox: Chico)

Chico: This is my fundamental issue with American Idol. And this is the problem at work. It's a game show. A game show controlled by a network, owned by a corporation... And the bottom line is... the bottom line. As long as it continues to make Fox, Fremantle, or 19 money, stick to what works and damn the consequences. The only problem is now it becomes less about talent and more about making good television. Put someone like Nick through... it generates the drama, which generates the buzz... next step... Profit. Now you're sacrificing the heart of the show for something as common as money and as a result, the show fails. *off soapbox*
Jason: I have a different take on this.

(WLTI Soapbox: Jason)

Jason: First off all, you are wrong on this. The fact is that Nick Mitchell CAN SING. He has the talent. What he did was...with all due respect...let his flaming drag queen self-indulgent tendencies overwhelm his talent. If he sang it straight, he wins this in a walk. Because the class was incredibly weak.
Chico: Alright, Gordon. You're the tiebreaker.

(WLTI Soapbox: Gordon)

Gordon: *on Soapbox* First of all, You're BOTH wrong.
Jason: Of course we are LOL
Chico: As usual.
Gordon: You heard Nick Mitchell sing during Hollywood week. He's boring. He doesn't get into the Top 36 as Nick Mitchell. The only reason why he got in was he is entertaining (in a relative sense) as Norman Gentle. That's how Tatiana got in. American Idol isn't about singing. It's about the whole package as an entertainer. Are they the Top 36 singers? No. Are they the top 36 Entertainers? YES. Now it turns out that everyone was so bad that if Nick sang it well, he gets in. But I'm also sure he saw last week's show and saw what happened to Tatiana when she tried to sing it straight. So he had to see if being an entertainer overrides the singing. As we have seen throughout the years many a time, it doesn't. That's point #1. Here's point #2. Nick knew he wasn't going to win the competition, not even close. He said so. So the persona of Norman is there to improve himself as a career. He used American Idol just like Idol used him and anyone else who showed up to perform. Nick used Idol as his own vehicle.
Chico: So you're saying he gamed the system?
Gordon: He sure did. 5 years from now, you won't remember Jasmine Murray. You won't remember Kai Kalama. You will remember Nick Mitchell. That's the key.
Jason: No you won't.
Gordon: Unfortunately, yes, you will.  Shequida used what little time he/she/it had on America's Got Talent to command appearances wherever she goes - and wherever she goes is packed. If Nick is smart, he can do the same thing and make a career out of it - and that is what American Idol is about, after all. I went to Shequida's talent search to try to get an interview with her. The place was packed and standing room only.
Chico: Wow.
Jason: Wow indeed.
Gordon: Ok. Next?
Chico: Next...

Allison Iraheta - "Alone"

Chico: The first passable performance of the night. EXCEPT... It sounds like every other performance of "Alone" on this show... and that is... rather shouty.
Gordon: I didn't like it as well as you guys did. It was a watered down version with no fire and sung much better by previous performers.
Jason: I didn't like it either. I thought was self-indulgent.
Gordon: But the fact that it was in pitch made it better than anything else that night. Hey Chico!
Chico: Yyyyyes Gordon.
Gordon: You remember Nikki McKibbin?
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: This is Nikki, Version 2. Nikki McKibbin, 2.0.
Chico: You think she'll get to the top 3?
Gordon: Not a chance.
Jason: She also has the crazy eyes. That interview was scary.
Gordon: Next?
Chico: Next...

Kris Allen - "Man in the Mirror"

Chico: It was a tale of two halves. Not consistent at all.
Gordon: Rotten song choice.
Jason: Again...bad song choice.
Chico: He needs his guitar.
Gordon: Sort of made it work with the pitch, but should have never been in that position to begin with. Again mediocre is better than bad.
Chico: Oh yeah. Case in point.. He's in the top 12. =p Because that was mediocre =p Next...

Megan Joy Corkrey - "Put Your Records On"

Gordon: Take your earplugs out.
Chico: Okay... Now we finally have a song choice we can work with... but she overdid it at the end.
Gordon: Inconsistent and she looked weird moving around while singing.
Chico: That MIGHT have cost her.
Jason: I Liked her. But that's not saying much.
Chico: Flailing.
Gordon: If the judges somehow put her through, she's leaving early.
Chico: We'll see. Next up..

Matt Breitzke - "If You Could Only See"

Chico: Innnnnnnnnnnn-dulgent.
Gordon: I see that he picked a good song, but he put no fire behind it. The spunk that he did had he should have used on the song, instead of arguiing with the judges.
Jason: It was a karaoke performance. Great choice, horrible execution.
Chico: K. Next.

Jesse Langseth - "Bette Davis Eyes"

Chico: She had one shot because she wasn't focused on as much as the others... So she really had to come with it... but it's like, she's too cool for this crowd. You can't be and win this.
Jason: Same thing as Matt.
Gordon: The song was too big for her. This is a song you need to power through and maybe improvise a little. She came out wimpy and not consistent on the pitch.
Chico: True. Next...

Kai Kalama - "What Becomes of the Brokenhearted"

Chico: It was way too old for him.
Jason: This is a soulful song...with no soul at all delivered.
Chico: But at least we figured out what he was all about. The only problem here is.... yeah, what J said.
Gordon: It's a good song, but there's no fire to it. That was a standard example of karaoke.
Chico: It was singing, it wasn't "Telling the story" Next... and thank god it's the last time I have to type this...

Mishavonna Henson - "Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)"

Gordon: Maybe she'll make the Wild Card - but not when you sing as flat and lifeless as she sang.
Jason: This was a major misfire.
Chico: She was about as wound up as a yo-yo with that song.
Jason: Agreed on the WC, but it was just wrong on all the levels.
Chico: Yep. And finally...

Adam Lambert - "Satisfaction"

Chico: .... at least he stayed in character? Seriously, though... It was a good song choice, but a flawed execution. Not enough body for a song like that.
Gordon: Oversung. And the pitch was hit and miss. Mostly miss. And the opening was not only overtheatrical, but unwarranted in that song.
Jason: It was the best in class...but a C in a class of F.
Chico: So we're all in agreement that the three that did make it out alive... probably won't go on to win the whole schmegeggie.
Gordon: Not at all. Let's take a quick look at what we have so far, genre-wise.
Chico: K
Gordon: Lambert/Iraheta/Sarver are all what, kids?
Chico: Rock.
Gordon: And add Grace to that too, though she's more rock white soul.
Chico: Pop rock, to be precise. As for Alexis... she's Joss Stone. Only shorter and considerably blonder.
Jason: Yup.
Gordon: Gokey is pop. Allen is Country/Bluegrass/AC/Lite pop. Too many rockers this early on. Sarver may be seeing a very quick stay in the Top 12. Allen may be around awhile if there are no other country singers up there. Lil Rounds may also have a nice extended stay if she's the only R&B candidate.
Chico: Told you to vote for Anoop.... I told you.
Gordon: And they would have if Anoop decided to wait a week before getting in touch with his feminine side.
Chico: ba-DUM bum.
Gordon: So Idol this week made me sad. Let's talk about something that made me happy. Chico?
Chico: I'm trying...  Mmm...Jeopardy?
Gordon: ...No. This week in Jeopardy made me sad. This is how NOT to win in Jeopardy. We start on Monday's episode.
Gordon: Set this up please, Mr. Chico.
Chico: Jeanie Welch had $10,800. Her challenger Kenneth Burns has $21,600. This is what us J! experts call "a lock-tie". The Final in "World Rivers"...

With 4, more national capitals are located on this river than any other river in the world.

Chico: Responses, please.
Jason: What is the Danube.
Gordon: What is Moon River?
Chico: Sorry, the correct response is "What is Joan Rivers?"
Gordon: That was my second guess.
Jason: ROFL
Chico: Seriously, J's correct. So was Jeanie.
Jason: Got to get the comedy in somewhere.
Chico: Had she bet all of her money, she would've been tied for the lead... She.... didn't.
Gordon: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Jason: I screamed.
Chico: Yeah.
Gordon: But that's not the only transgression this week.
Chico: What've you got?
Gordon: Now Jason, let's say you're Leland Graham III
Jason: Alright
Gordon: You have $15,800. Your nearest opponent has $10,000. You find the Daily Double, Less than a minute to go in Double Jeopardy. What is your wager?
Jason: $4,201
Gordon: Why $4,201, Jay?
Jason: Because if you get the DD right...your opponent can't win.
Gordon: That would be correct (DING). Leland wagers...$4,000.
Jason: (thud)
Chico: Geez, man.
Gordon: He manages to survive by getting FJ right, but these are the little things that separate good players from the elite.
Chico: As it is, Leland's just another good player.
Gordon: So that...that made me sad. Chico, let's talk about something that makes me happy.
Chico: I'm trying... You see Amazing Race this week?
Jason: I did.
Gordon: Yes.
Chico: That's always good for happy...
Gordon: That did NOT make me happy, either.
Chico: ...unless you're a West Virginian who is poor with directions. And you're in Switzerland... And your name is Linda. And you're running in a race for a million bucks. Only proves the adage true... the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.... downward, as Mel & Mike figure out, as we venture into this week's edition of...



Gordon: Ok. It's bad enough if you're going to be slow. How in the world are you going to wander off a mountain path and wind up on a roadside?
Chico: Especially when all you had to do was look for an arrow. This should've been easy if you focused. And when you're in trouble to begin with... you have to be focused, you have to get out of that rut. Steve & Linda... they never did, did they?
Jason: No. You know...if Linda looked for the arrow...they might still be in the race. They were dysfunctional.
Gordon: This is what you call, and I'm sure Jason will understand exactly what I'm talking about - Racing on 'Tilt'. Meaning that you are so stressed out that you start to make silly errors when you're behind.
Jason: That's a perfect description.
Chico: Like not following arrows.
Jason: (nods furiously)
Chico: Then all of a sudden... you're in deeper and deeper. And you're not changing your game up, so... yeah, end result, you're out on your bum.
Gordon: Linda's fatal error was that she didn't wait for the wind to change. If you know you're going to be the slowest down a 6,000 ft hill, you have to take the risk that the glider will be available.
Chico: Or do what Mel & Mike did and wait for divine intervention. Heh.
Jason: That was a bit of nice editing if you ask me.
Gordon: Mel waited and the team was rewarded with 2nd place.
Chico: But yeah, slow and steady and all that.
Gordon: Ok. So losing Linda. Not making me happy. Let's talk about something that made me happy.
Chico: I'm trying... You like Top Chef? We're down to the final three... and who pulls it out in the end? Ho.... sea. Oh dear.
Jason: You called that one Chico, didn't you.
Chico: I believe I did. Beat Stefan, heavily favored, and Carla, heavily... screwed up?
Gordon: Carla really screwed up, making a soufflé that didn't puff. Kids, if you're trying to win a food competition, DON'T make a soufflé.
Jason: oh man
Chico: That's just too much in too little. The soufflé's hard to master in the BEST of cases.
Gordon: But you're going to knock the person who won 8 challenges...over a dessert? Come on now. It seems rather convenient that the All-American won over the European 'A-hole', as Chico liked to put it. And I'll answer this very clearly. The best chef did NOT win this competition.
Jason: Are you calling shenanigans?
Gordon: I'll just say that the judges were probably looking for any rationale to say that Stefan wouldn't win the competition.
Chico: I think Hosea finding the baby in the king cake is where he found the edge.
Gordon: I think Hosea being the crowd darling and edited as the goosed guy gave him the edge.
Chico: But if it helps any... Stefan did have the best second course. Mmmm.... squab.
Gordon: It doesn't help any. Stefan should have won the whole thing. This is the one thing I hate about Top Chef. If you're the villain, you won't win. Even if you're the best cook. If you're the villain, you wont win. Only only once in the past 5 seasons has the best chef won.
Chico: Unless you're Hung. Hey-OOOOOH!
Jason: Gordon is still sad.
Gordon: Very. Let's talk about something else.
Chico: I'm trying... Survivor was on this week...
Gordon: Ugh. Time for...



Chico: We start with something not so moronic... Brendan finding the Immunity Idol. We'll have to wait to see how he uses it.
Gordon: He won't be giving it to Jerry, who was dumb enough to get sick on the same tribe where it's 'Survival of the Fittest'.
Chico: But Jerry was voted out for something not so moronic comparatively... rapidly deteriorating physicality. Erinn gets a get-out-of-jail-free card in that respect. Were it not for Jerry, she would be next to go. But in the end, Jerry's weakness proved too big to ignore.
Gordon: But she is a moron for not aligning the weak against the strong. The weak have the numbers, and Brendan would love to knock out coach.
Jason: Coach is really playing the alpha-male a-hole to the hilt. It wont get him far.
Chico: Nope. If they were smart, he wouldn't last to the merge. Survivor players... typically not smart.
Gordon: No. He would make someone you'd want to be up against if the jury was female oriented.
Chico: But that's the ideal. We know that the ideal hardly comes to fruition.
Jason: You know you are an a-hole when Jim Rome rips you a new one on "Jim Rome is Burning"
Chico: Wow.
Gordon: That's pretty sad. I wonder if Jim Rome got the info on our website?
Chico: Would be nice if he did. Hi, free publicity.
Gordon: Coach makes me sad, too. Can we talk about something happy yet?
Chico: I'M TRYING!
Jason: You aren't doing a good job. Keep working at it.
Chico: Uhh... Trivial Pursuit... That's good... right? I like it. It's the best game show you're not watching...
Gordon: Sure...if you like the some contestants an unfair chance to return.
Chico: Oh yeah... THAT. Here's the situation... Ron Higgins, a stand-up comic from Florida, was brought back to be America's Captain for a day.
Jason: Why?
Chico: He was a studio contestant not too long ago, and, now this is Chris talking, Chris Knight, the host of TPAP... "There has been so much response at our gaming forum over at pogo.com".
Gordon: And who's buying this?
Jason: Not me. My shenanigans detector is on 11. This is wrong.
Chico: Same here. This has been racking my brain for the longest so I decided to go to Pogo.com to see what the hell Chris was talking about.
Gordon: Did you see anything on Pogo that would confirm this?
Chico: ... That's just it... I can't find it.
Jason: Thats what we call in the business.. a BALD FACED LIE.
Chico: So I decided to go to the show's website, tpamericaplays.com
Jason: And?
Chico: To see if I could, you know, find out something THERE.
Gordon: Did you find anything?
Chico: ..... NOTHING! This is about as shady as a sun room in the summertime.
Jason: So G and C...why do you think they did that?
Chico: One word... technicality. Remember that question we fielded a while back? Who wants to bet Ron ran into one of THOSE?
Jason: So why couldn't they be honest about it? Jeopardy does that all the time, Wheel, and Millionaire too.
Chico: I have no idea.
Jason: Dumb policy if you ask me.
Gordon: I think it's their way of being a little shady-or maybe they owed him money. Who knows. But I think it's a despicable practice.
Chico: Very.
Gordon: Ok. Chico hasn't given me anything that makes me happy. Maybe the hamsters will make me happy.
Chico: Maybe... *hamsters deliver cheeses with smileys on them* Aaaaa... how cute.
Gordon: Why is mine green?
Chico: It's moon cheese.
Jason: Ah.
Gordon: Is moon Cheese usually furry with black dots?
Chico: .....uhh.... no.
Jason: Gross!
Gordon: (Takes cheese. Puts it in garbage. Scowls at Chico.)
Chico: I'M TRYING!
Gordon: ...Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Let's try and find some happy in the Business End, shall we?
Jason: Let's try.
Chico: First off...

Slumdog Millionaire, the little movie that could.... did.... EIGHT TIMES.

Jason: Mickey Rourke got hosed.

The two-hour-long "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" ad won eight Oscars last Sunday.

Jason: Congrats to everyone there. Chico?
Chico: Jason?
Jason: I think ABC...might want to think about a summer 10th Anniversary run..just saying.
Chico: Yeah... and how long have you had your Skype anticipating a call from Meredith again? =p
Jason: a long time.
Gordon: Congratulations to Slumdog Millionaire. And congratulations to Roger Storm, who won $250,000 this week on the Syndicated version of Millionaire. Of course, if you were in the NYC area, you had to WAIT to see the end of ROger's game, because the Tuesday show here got PRE-EMPTED. :P Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......
Chico: Okay, moving on to the Green light before Gordon gets pissed.... Remember Thunder Road, the show on CBS that was "Wipeout in a Car"?
Jason: Yes.
Chico: Well....

ABC's doing it one better with "Crash Course", which is like "Thunder Road... on ABC... the home of Wipeout."

Gordon: So we see Networks stealing from each other. Again. That makes me sad.
Chico: Attached to host... Orlando Jones and Dan Cortese.
Jason: AH!
Gordon: This also makes me sad.

NBC is in negotiations to bring back this Summer...I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!

Jason: That makes me sad, too.
Chico: *starts bawling like a baby* Calendar! For the love of all that is good...
Gordon: Here's what on the Datebook this week...

March 4 is America's Next Top Model and Make Me a Supermodel, and Sunday is Sunday Best: Season 2. Also coming up, the season finales of Gone Country & Solitary (both Saturday) and Dance Crew (Thursday)

Chico: Models... there you go.
Gordon: Ok. Still not happy yet.
Chico: Really? After models?
Gordon: They make me sort of happy. But I'm in as deep funk, so I need more happy.
Chico: Okay... Let's get loaded.

GSN's W3Games is about to launch with... Solitaire Rush.

Jason: O....k.

Also, on the other side of the loaded... what happens when a nine-year-old spoofs Gordon Ramsay... and it hits YouTube?

Jason: You get on Hell's Kitchen.

Eventually, the REAL Gordon Ramsay sees it, gets a kick out of it, and invites him to Hell's Kitchen.

Jason: The kid is hilarious. Brutally funny.
Chico: Nine-year-old Felix Light, also known as "Little Gordon", was flown to LA to shoot the episode, which will air next season.
Gordon: That sort of makes me happy. Maybe drinking Haterade will make me happy.
Chico: Hasn't failed so far.
Jason: (sets out the glasses)
Gordon: but first, some blackboards. This is Wheel of Fortune's 5000th episode this week. That makes me happy.
Chico: Nice.
Gordon: Seeing someone solve this puzzle, however, does not.

A M E R I C A N / S A _ O A. Place.

Gordon: Solve the puzzle, please.
Chico/Jason: AMERICAN SAMOA.
Gordon: You are all right, but...

Are You Smarter than...Dave Belkin, who answers 'African' Samoa?

Chico: .... ehh?
Gordon: Ok. A number of wrong things here.
Jason: Ooops.
Gordon: First of all, Samoa has never been, to my knowledge, or is currently, African. 2. It clearly states on the board that they want the 'American' version. 3. Fool just can't read.
Chico: Heh.
Gordon: Now who wants some Haterade?
Chico: Right here.
Gordon: And let's stay with the 5,000th episode of Wheel. Here's your bonus puzzle. It's a thing.

_ _ T / _ A _

Chico: Uhh... Can I phone a friend?
Gordon: Sure.
Chico: *calls Jason*
Jason: Wow...I don't know.
Chico: ...damn (hangs up phone)
Jason: FIT CAP?
Chico: HOT HAM?
Gordon: Well, it could be a Hot Ham, but its Hot Wax.
Chico: At least I was half right.
Gordon: And it cost the contestant ONE HUNDRED THOOOOOOUUUUUUUSSSSAND DOLLARS!
Jason: OUCH. That's 8 this year.
Gordon: but that's not the only problem ABC had on Friday Night.

It seems that Jewel suffered a knee injury and may have to pull out of Dancing With the Stars. Not good when that's your main star in a husband Vs. Wife showdown.

Chico: Oy.
Jason: She says she is keeping on keeping on
Chico: We'll see... but dancing injured.... a week before the premiere?
Gordon: Not a good sign.
Chico: Here's a good sign... *picture of the globe courtesy Google Earth* What does this tell you?
Jason: You have worked on the new version of Amazing race?
Chico: I have, actually... It's at gameshownewsnet.com/prime/ar14. (plug)
Gordon: That Google didn't put in the Greenhouse Effect gases into the picture yet?
Chico: Besides that, this week, we're going to South Africa...

... where they're launching a new sports-oriented teen game show called "Bend the Rules". It starts March 1.

Jason: Cool.
Chico: That's precisely what host Martin Phike calls it. He goes on...

“It involves a variety of sports, such as rollerblading, street hockey, off-the-road quad biking, wall climbing to test physical strength and endurance, skateboarding, skydiving, and much more.”

Gordon: Does it star any Trivial Pursuit contestants?
Chico: no.
Gordon: Aw.
Chico: I could get into that if I was in South Africa. I'm an avid wall-climber. You like?
Jason: Sure.
Gordon: But are you an avid ho-watcher?
Chico: No, that's YOUR department
Gordon: That's Me! Have some Luda
Chico: *plays "Pimpin' All Over the World"*

In this week's Media Ho Report, INXS denies booting JD Fortune, Kathy Griffin lands a 2 million dollar memoir deal, Jennifer Hudson considers performing a form of 'Therapy'... John O'Hurley plays at Spamalot, Bob Barker advocates for Canadian Elephants, Padma Lakshmi does a Hardees Ad...

Chico: or Carl's Jr. if you're out west.

Phil Keoghan bikes across America and Drew Carey and Ed McMahon tries to get over the flu/pneumonia (Feel better, Ed!)

Gordon: ...but none of them are your hoes of the week.
Chico: Who've you got this week?
Gordon: Your hoes are DWTS' Mark Ballas and his new GF...Joanna Pacitti.
Chico:...Ah, them. You know they met while Mark and Kristi were training in Raleigh, right?
Gordon: Yes. And somehow, people deemed that Joanna didn't have any connections? What does Joanna have? A cell phone with pic of them all sleeping together with Corey Clark?
Chico: Oh boy.
Jason: You went there.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes. And here...is a red sofa.
Chico: Fun-sized for models 5'7" and under...

If you're 5'7" and want to be America's Next Top Model, go to their website at cwtv.com.

Chico: Of course, the casting director said that "she'll make exceptions where exceptions need to be made". Meaning, "if you like drama... we like you."
Gordon: Yepperz. Finally, I've got something that will make everyone sad.

Real and Chance are back to give LOVE another chance. 20 new women...

Jason: NO!!!!!!!!!

We are looking for beautiful women with big hearts and big personalities who will give THE STALLIONAIRES the love they are looking for.

Chico: Where's that wall again?

Send email to NYC@RealTalentCasting.com

Gordon: That's right. Real Chance at Love, Part Deux.
Chico: Ah. There it is. *runs into wall*
Gordon: Feel my sadness.
Jason: The cloud is coming over me.
Gordon: You know, Chico running into the wall made me happy
Chico: ... glad to oblige... Ow.
Gordon: And That's Brainvision. Shut it down.
Jason: (shutting down)
Chico: Next, we play with numbers, but first... the good and the bad, and what some people were thinking at the time. This is WLTI. Give us 22 minutes, we'll give you comic sadness.

(Brainvision has been brought to you by "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Off The Unemployment Line'. In this recession, don't forget that even celebrities have to eat, too. When they aren't taking their money and sniffing it up their nose.)

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