Episode 20.4
February 2

Chico: Hey, it's your boy Chico... congratulating both teams on a job well done last night...Well... the Steelers more than the Cardinals, though. :-)
Gordon: What's so congratulating about that? (Takes Superbowl Boxes. Puts them in Hamtaro shredder)
Jason: Add mine. I had 9/8
Chico: I'm the only one that had the Steelers?
Jason: I had the steelers too. Although I knew they wouldn't cover.
Gordon: I had Steelers 6, Cardinals 9 :)
Jason: You would.
Chico: Well, while we focus on March Madness soon, we get ready for February... fun... because from Somewhere in America... WLTI... is... ON!
Gordon: Yay! Gordon Pepper here, aslong with Chico Alexander and Jason Block.
Chico: Wee!
Jason: Glad to be here as always.
Chico: Okay, we've got a lot to go over and not a lot of time, so let's start with this week's bleeping premiere event.
Jason: Hell's ******* Kitchen?
Chico: Hell's (bleeping) Kitchen
Gordon: Gordon Ramsay is back. Along with 16 chefs (the greatest number of competitors in the series)
Chico: And from what we've seen, the most experienced batch ever. So Gordon Ramsay plans on holding nothing back.
Jason: Like he did before?
Chico: Heh.
Gordon: The quality was better, but not good enough for WIl, who becomes the first chef eliminated. Wil did something that you just don't do in a reality show. He nominated...himself for elimination.
Chico: That's just... oy, why do you do that?
Jason: Why in the blue hell did he do that?
Chico: It's not the first time someone on a TV show did that. But still... It's a competition. The point is to win.
Gordon: Usually, when you nominate yourself, bad things happen.
Chico: See "The Bradford Rule"
Gordon: Or The Dustin in Big Brother rule. You just don't do it.
Jason: It's really not smart.
Gordon: The men lose the challenge despite actually getting dishes out to serve, while the women don't.
Chico: Were the dishes THAT bad?
Gordon: The dishes were that bad, and the waiting service was 90% below average in the men, vs. 88% above for the women.
Chico: Yikes.
Jason: Yipe.
Chico: The bar has been set.
Gordon: Meanwhile, we have our favorites. Chico's is probably Lacey, who is from Charlotte, NC
Chico: Sure, play the local card. =p
Gordon: Seth, who almost got booted from NYC, is probably Jason's favorite
Jason: I like my NY Chefs.
Gordon: And Ji-Hyun is in my neck of the woods - Palisades Park, NJ
Jason: Since you are playing the local card.
Gordon: (Deals out the local cards)
Chico: I'm actually more partial to Ben. He's got spunk.
Jason: Thank you Lou Grant.
Chico: Heh. Well, what do we take from this particular instance? Actually... Let's big board it.

Chico: This one's called... "Surviving Hell's Kitchen"
Jason: right.
Chico: 1) Just because you get your dishes out doesn't mean anything unless they're actually good. It's about quality, not quantity. A million dishes do you no good if they all taste like crap.
Jason: Oh yeah. I wouldn't want to be the guinea tasters.
Gordon: Yep. Next?
Chico: 2) Remember: Ramsay pushes because he cares. If you fail, he fails.
Jason: He does have a rep.
Chico: Oh yeah
Gordon: Very true. 3. His selection will also be based on your personality. If you can't work for him, you won't win.
Chico: Oh yeah. you have to have a heart of steel.
Jason: Although he may be abrasive....his restaurants around the world are successful.
Chico: 4) Remember why you're there. This is a competition.
Jason: As all of these shows are.
Chico: You have to be better than the other guy. Just as important, you have to be better than yourself.
Jason: And with the Next Food Network Star/Top Chef you have to want to win this.
Chico: Logically speaking, of course.
Gordon: Finally, 5. You have to survive Hell's Kitchen. If you can take his crap, you'll win. If you fold, you won't. One reason why Petroza didn't win is that he almost quit twice in the series. When he finally flashed his brilliance, it was too late.
Chico: Ramsay seldom forgets.
Jason: Exactly. It's all about the long term.
Gordon: If not, you'll get booted from your game, just like Wil did. Matt Kohlstedt also gets booted from his game, but he leaves with a lot more money than he came in with.
Chico: Oh yeah. A LOT more. The query that did him in...19th Century Poets, the category...Gents... the clue...

He wrote, "the mason singing... the boatman... the hatter... singing what belongs to him or her and to none else"

Jason: (locks in answer)
Gordon: (locks in answer)
Chico: Okay. Whatcha got for me.
Jason: Who is Lewis Carroll?
Chico: Good guess... Gordon?
Gordon: What is the NYC Umemployment Treasury?
Chico: Just once, I want G to have the right answer and J to have the joke answer.
Gordon: And what fun would that be?
Jason: Next time.
Chico: Okay, next time. In this case, you're both wrong. Anyway, we were looking for Walt Whitman.
Jason: Alright.
Chico: As one superchamp falls, another rises. His name... Jack "Cojones de Hierro" Feerick.
Gordon: 3 days. $108,200.
Jason: So far. But he came in Wednesday with style. He had an insurmountable lead with $32,600. He didn't have to bet a thing... He had to answer this:

Musical Inspirations: "The Libretto for Haydn's oratorio "The Creation" was based on this epic English Poem."

Jason: Answers please. Gordon?
Gordon: What is the Paradise Lost.?
Jason: Chico?
Chico: What is Ode to Beans? Beans beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat'em, the more you toot.
Gordon: LLLLLovely
Jason: Gordon got it. It was Milton's Paradise Lost. He got the nickname "Cojones de Hierro" because he bet $16,000 for a one-day total of $48,600. And he has been on fire for the last three days for a total of $108,200. In 3 days. Impressive.
Gordon: Impressive? Lets look at that last bet for a second.
Chico: We can do that.
Gordon: Jack had $32,600 and bet $16.000. Andy has $10,200. Linda has $9,200. That was a...terrible wager.
Chico: Doing a little math here.
Jason: He could have bet $10,000 and been ok.
Gordon: $10,199, to be exact. He could have pulled a Cliff. Hopefully, his math skills will be better this week.
Chico: Brother was trying to be a hero. But hey, he's got big money... It's a little sketchy as to how he did it. But he did it.
Jason: Brother was nuts. But we shall see how things go this week. I see good things for him. He could be a Larissa Kelly
Chico: Nah. Jack's louder. He defends this week. This could be interesting. He could get his ticket to Vegas if he plays it right.
Gordon: That's someone with a lot of money. Now let's talk about someone who has been responsible for taking away money.
Chico: Kyan?
Gordon: Kyan.
Jason: Ah yes. (cue DonD Banker music)
Gordon: Let's talk about Kyan. On Monday, Kyan held $7,500. So it's not too bad.
Chico: Not really.
Gordon: On Tuesday, Kyan had $250,000, which is bad. It's worse that there were only 3 cases left at the time, and the offer dropped by $24,000.
Chico: Yeech
Jason: Yeech indeed.
Gordon: Wednesday, Kyan had...$100,000. Once again, it was the high case at the time, and the poor contestant walked off with $125.
Chico: *raspberries
Jason: Damn man.
Gordon: Thursday, Kyan held...The Big One. $500,000. The contestant went from $35,000 to $13,500, when he walked.
Chico: Good night, chief.
Jason: This could give someone a complex.
Gordon: Friday, Kyan only held $10,000 - but it was part of a safety net that helped wreck the contestant's game. Said player left with $5,000.
Jason: Wow. Just wow.
Gordon: So all in all, Kyan had $867,500 worth of cases this week.
Chico: Just a bad week to be named Kyan. And it ended up costing the players... about that much, right?
Gordon: Something along those lines. If you are a contestant and you're paired with Kyan on a future show, don't select him.
Chico: If DOND has a bad beat week or something. But because it hit a 2.0 this week, it's all but a given that we'll see DOND again.
Jason: That is a pretty much certainty.
Gordon: What else is a certainty? The TV environment changing due to economics.
Chico: Example.
Gordon: We all know that NBC is going to give us 5 nights worth of Jay Leno in the fall on Primetime.
Jason: Unfortunately, yeah. 10pm on 09/09.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: Networks are cost-cutting. The best way to cost cut? Stick in game and reality shows.
Chico: Sounds about right.
Gordon: So with that in mind, who's up to hearing some of the new shows coming our way?
Jason: Sure why not.
Chico: We don't have much of a choice in that matter, do we?
Gordon: Nope. We start with 'Dating in the Dark', which features 6 people living together...in a pitch-black house.
Jason: Uh...ok.
Gordon: What about Undercover Boss, which is just like Secret Millionaire, except the boss goes undercover and then gives out money to his best employees?
Chico: I heard about this. To the surprise of... well, no one, it's based on a European format.
Jason: That one I read about in the NY Post today.
Gordon: Speaking of love shows, we have this week 'For the Love of Ray J'. 3 guesses what that's about.
Chico: It's about a guy named Ray J. And people competing... for his love. And I'm guessing that a sex tape is involved.
Gordon: And RuPaul's Drag Race, a search to find the best Drag Queen. And let's not forget I Love Money 2.
Chico: And the Girls of Hedsor Hall...AND From G's to Gents.
Gordon: What do they almost all have in common? They are dirt cheap to produce.
Chico: Oh yeah. Didn't we have a similar conversation when NBC switched business models?
Jason: Pretty much.
Gordon: In this economy, you are more likely to see a reality show than a more-expensive sitcom or drama. Because you don't need to pay reality contestants $10,000 an episode.
Chico: Or that failing, you import a drama from somewhere else... I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
Gordon: They won't import dramas. They will import game shows, for the same reason.
Chico: K
Gordon: Just like this season, American Idol imported Puerto Ricans.
Chico: And for the most part, they sent them back. There were a few that genuinely entertained, but for the most part, the trip to PR... was a waste.
Gordon: Hey Chico
Chico: Yyyyyyes, Gordon.
Gordon: Did they mention just how many Puerto Ricans auditioned?
Chico: For the record, the number was... 300.
Gordon: Isn't that strange, being that they announced it everywhere else?
Chico: Very much so. Even stranger was that they lumped it with New York City.
Gordon: I have something else strange. You remember Tatiana, the woman with the psychic who came from Puerto Rico?
Chico: Right.
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Her audition was in Puerto Rico...but they showed her auditioning in San Francisco. Now that's real psychic power.
Jason: Ah. Shenanigans.
Chico: Crazy.
Gordon: Was Puerto Rico THAT bad? Wait...Don't answer that one.
Chico: It was... Well, we had a little bonding over Puerto Rico; We had... the human iPod...He was crazy. Then there was the lady whose parents married at the venue some time ago... She was okay...
Jason: Loco.
Chico: Not exactly blowing my mind...
Jason: And the one with the kid brother.
Chico: Again, good, but not great. And... the ultra competitive one. You'd like her, Gordon.
Gordon: :)
Chico: She flew in from Michigan to compete in her 701st contest. And apparently she has never been told no. She... LOST. Not a big loss. She goes through ALL of the motions. It's quite entertaining if you're into that sort of thing.
Jason: Yeah.
Gordon: Are you entertained by Double Overbids?
Chico: No.
Jason: Not me.
Chico: They depress me.
Gordon: Well, this one was particularly entertaining. Big Bored please?

Gordon: This week, Drew was actually very good hosting The Price is Right. We can't say the same thing for the contestants. Showcase #1: Watches, a living room group and a pair of motorcycles. your bids, please?
Jason: $17500
Chico: $15,069. Gordon's hosting. Someone has to.
Jason: There you go.
Chico: It's all about respect.
Gordon: Thanks Chico. Actual price: $20,182. Kathlene bids...$43,353.
Chico: WHAT?!
Jason: Say WHA?
Gordon: Kathlene is only over by $25,000 and change.
Chico: Oh yeah.
Gordon: So you think Charita wins, right? She gets a hot air balloon ride, a trip on a RC plane and a trip to Vegas. Your bids, please?
Jason: $15000
Chico: $15,069... Respect.
Gordon: So close, Chico. Price: $15,609. You have the 6 in the wrong spot. :)
Chico: Ah nuts.
Gordon: Charita's bid: $32,000.
Chico: Yikes. Well, you'd think it gets worse, right?
Gordon: So she's over by $17,000, for a total of $42,000+ worth of overbid-ness.
Chico: But it gets worse.
Gordon: Which means 1 of 2 things. Either 1. Neither woman wanted their showcase, or 2. They suck worse than Paris Hilton on a dress rehearsal for her next porno.
Jason: No...they sucked worse than Michael Phelps on a Bong.
Chico: Allegedly =p But it gets worse. First one bid...a sauna. Bids?
Jason: $3,500
Gordon: $1,969
Chico: The price: $2495. Mary Larry... who eventually wins her way up on stage... bids $12,099.
Gordon: 5 digits on a 4 digit podium. Nice.
Chico: So that's over $50,000 of overbids on Friday alone... You think CBS is made of money?
Jason: lol
Gordon: Blame the economy.
Chico: Well, one place where the economy is not hurting... the Choppler.
Jason: Yeah. Good stuff.
Chico: All our animals are happy and carefree.
Gordon: Next item up for bids...a Scratching Post. It's made by the Catnip Company of Massa...hey Eve! That's up for bids! Don't scratch it!
Jason: Get down from there!
Chico: ...can we get someone to wrangle the cat?
Jason: Come here...Eve...get off the...OW...scratch...claws! That HURTS!
Chico: Gordon?
Gordon: I'll get her. Meanwhile, Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug...First up, let's get the baseball...bat, that is.

As we said before, Deal or No Deal has hit a season high of... 2.0.

Chico: This makes renewal all but certain.
Jason: Pretty much.
Chico: Question here... what does this foretell for 5th Grader, which, in its heyday, scored similarly?
Jason: It may not be even out in Fall 2009.
Chico: Pardon?
Jason: The News out of NATPE was that the Fox Stations offer to the syndicator was not as good as one hoped....hold on...let me show you. According to an article, "Fifth Grader" hasn't announced any stations clearances yet. A source familiar with the situation said Twentieth has received numerous offers from stations regarding "Fifth Grader." The offers, however, are below Twentieth's expectations for the program. The source said Twentieth is still mulling whether to put "Fifth Grader" into syndication in 2009 with the sour market or hold it until 2010 while hoping the market turns around by that point. The distributor will need to make a go/no go decision on "Fifth Grader" in the coming weeks.
Chico: Ah. Gotcha. Gordon.. Got a date?
Gordon: I do as a matter of fact. And here it is.

This weekend is HGTV Showdown, Season 2. Season 1 was an underrated gem. Check this one out.

Chico: Ah, the show where the HGTV stars face off against each other in home improvement challenges.
Jason: Cool.
Chico: Okay, after the HGTV Showdown, everyone can load up.
Jason: (hic.)

Kelly Clarkson's 'My Life Would Suck Without You' is the new #1 song, and it got 280,000 digital downloads.

Chico: It's a catchy song. Almost Pink-like.
Jason: I sense a big 2009 for Ms. Clarkson and maybe an appearance on AI once or twice.
Chico: Maybe. I'm guessing finale. AT LEAST.
Gordon: And who's up to bet that Jennifer Hudson starts the finale off with The National Anthem?
Jason: How cool was that last night?
Chico: That was a wee bit under Whitney Houston back in 1991. That's a compliment, by the way.
Gordon: We'll talk more about that later. Let's talk about people who this week were off-key.

Are YOU Smarter Than...The American Idol Producers, who took 'Be Careful' by a Kentucky auditioner as a threat and not a commonly used saying back there. As a result, the producers have to give an apology in order to avoid a lawsuit of slander.

Chico: Yeah. Good call.
Jason: Pretty much. Not high on the AI scandal list. But good on them just the same.
Gordon: But we're not done yet.

Are YOU Smarter than...The Biggest Loser's David Lee, who tells everyone to send him and his partner Daniel Wright home because he says that they can do the work at home.

Gordon: Meanwhile, Daniel comes in weighing 407 pounds, so if there's ANYONE who needs this, it's Daniel.
Chico: Oh dear.
Gordon: David was right...sort of. Dan so far has lost 107 pounds, but he was well on his way to winning the grand prize before being derailed by David, who has only lost 46 pounds during the same time span.
Chico: That's... not good, I'm guessing.
Jason: Nope.
Gordon: Maybe you need Haterade to lose weight.
Chico: Maybe. You got some?
Jason: I bet he does.
Gordon: I bet he does, too.

Kathy Cox goes belly up. You know that 1 million that should go to her? Because of the default on her company that the money was supposed to go, legally, the money may go back to FOX.

Chico: Yikes.
Jason: Another economic meltdown.
Gordon: So no money to Cox, no money to her production company, and FOX gets an extra million as a Valentine's Day Gift to itself.
Chico: Talk about spreading the love.
Gordon: That would be heavy spreading.
Chico: No joke.
Gordon: Let's span the globe
Chico: Let's go. We're heading to Brazil this week. So get your Carnaval hats...
Gordon: (Puts on Ibiza in the Ipod.)

Brazil's TV Globo is sending four formats to NATPE... "The Spelling Game", "Xtreme Connection", "The Video Game", and "Laugh-o-Meter".

Jason: That's awesome.
Chico: Very much so. It's always good when a new game show rears its head.
Jason: Lets hope we see something from that.
Chico: Like more Media Hoes?
Gordon: And maybe they can all find a red comfy couch.
Chico: Nice.
Gordon: How would you like to be Paris's new BFF?
Jason: No Thanks.
Chico: Ummm.. no. I've seen what she does with her BFFs, no thanks.

She's looking again, after ditching her first bff at the Sundance Film Festival. If you want to apply, go here: http://www.realitywanted.com/call/3927-paris-hilton-bff-2-now-casting

Jason: Yay.
Chico: Whoopee.
Gordon: And now, for your Media Hoes of the Week.
Jason: (applause)
Chico: *plays "Pimpin' All Over the World"*

In this week's Hodometer, Ace Young gets to host 'American Idol Extra', Donny Osmond will not go Dancing With the Stars, Michael Strahan and Jay Glazer team up to host the new season of Pros Vs. Joes...Carmen Rasmussen has a baby ho, Jeff Foxworthy performs in Utah, David Archuleta announces tour dates, and Nick Lachey defends Jessica Simpson looking like she balooned into The Schwab's younger sister.

Jason: Wow.
Chico: Suh-nap.
Gordon: But none of them are your ho of the week. Your ho is, of course, Jennifer Hudson, who gave an amazing rendition of The Star Spangled Banner during this past Sunday's Super Bowl.
Chico: Indeed.
Jason: Yes...and do you know who was the production coordinator of that anthem? One Rickey Minor, who happens to be the musical director of American Idol.
Chico: Heh. And of course you have the detractors who say they're using a backing track. To them I say...... And?
Gordon: Maybe, but she still has to sing the track. And she sounded great.
Jason: You can't do it LIVE LIVE. Too many outside noises...etc.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. Let's shut it down.
Jason: (Shutting down)
Chico: Still to come, we make resolutions, but first... we play spaghetti western.
Gordon: (Plays spaghetti trumpet)
Chico: This is WLTI... give us 22 minutes, we'll give you three touchdowns and two safeties. Or five field goals, one touchdown, and one PAT.
Gordon: What about 2 touchdowns with 2 points conversions and 2 field goals?
Chico: That works, too.
Gordon: It's Countdown. Football-style. Eat your heart out, Carol Vorderman.

(Brainvision is powered by WLTI Pictures release "300: Rise of the Puerto Ricans." When 300 stand and fight... only nine will be left standing. Coming this week to Hollywood)

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