Episode 17.15
April 14

Chico: Bite. My. Shiny. Daffodil. Ass.
Jason: ROFL
Chico: Notice I don't rag on the College of New Jersey's team because a) they're not worth ragging on, and b) I don't know who they are... you probably don't either.
Gordon: They are Division III. They are non-scholarship, so they don't need to break to break rules or have any sort of sweet secret boostership committee to run their athletic program properly.
Jason: Whoa Whoa Whoa. UNC has never had a problem...GW...not so sure :)
Chico: No, they just need to play decently.. which I haven't seen them do untill it's on ESPN Ocho! Home of World Champion Tiddly Winks!
Gordon: Dominoes, too
Chico: Welcome back. It's time for one of us to be hopped up, and the other to be quite nasty indeed. It's... Paulaulaula... Versusususus... Simonimonimon
Gordon: Yayyyyyy
Jason: Oh no.
Chico: You know how this works. We give topics and you give us either the great things about it (Paula) or the bad things (Simon).
Chico: Bells will come without warning.
Jason: Understood.
Chico: First up...

Gordon, you're Simon (easy). Jason, you're Paula (also easy). The subject.... Big Brother 9... now that it's coming down to the wire.

Gordon: ZZZZZZzzzzz...wha? You mean the show is still on?
Jason: This is so much fun...all the beautiful people! I can't wait to see who wins the $500,000!
Gordon: Beautiful People?
Jason: yes. Some of those guys are so hot.
Gordon: Let's see how beautiful they are. We have someone who calle the autistic kids 'retards'
Jason: He misspoke. I dont think he meant it.
Gordon: Someone who is being ordained by the lord to win the cpmpetition
Jason: Everybody has to have faith in something.
Gordon: Someone who is making deals with everone and shrieking her lungs out.
Jason: It's a stress relief. You need some relief.  You need to calm down.
Gordon: And someone who is having sexual relations inside the house - which is, quite frankly, the only reason why I watch the show.
Jason: Learn anything?

(Guitar sting!)

Chico: I think we'll leave it at that.
Gordon: Is that the cue to stop?
Chico: Yeah. Next?
Gordon: Next one...

Chico is Paula, Jason is Simon, and the subject is...

Chico: Chihuahuas?

Michael John's departure on American Idol...and  Chihuahuas

Chico: :-) America got this completely wrong. Michael Johns is a berath of fresh air into my lungs... He's a mature mellowed out contemporary rocker for our generation.
Jason: I am sorry, Paula. America got this right. Michael Johns was being a karaoke version of Steven Tyler and any other rock singer. He wasn't original.  He was just there. Come on, even you can see that
Chico: He wasn't given a fair shake. Everyone tunes in to find the best singer, and he's running in circles about the others... like my chihuahuas. Jason: No...every one finds the one they like the most...and your chihuahuas needed to stay in your dress.
Chico: David Archuleta? No chance. Carly? No chance. ...  can't even remember the next ones.
Jason: Archuleta...no chance? Are you mad?
Chico: David Archuleta's too good. He can't possibly win? Remember Doolittle?
Jason: He is the favorite to win the whole thing...you were hot for Johns weren't you?
Chico: And What if I was?! Don't you like Australians? Aren't they nice and hoppy?
Jason: Yeah, Kylie Minogue.... Midnight Oil...People with Talent.

(Guitar Sting)

Gordon: Let's stop this now befire we upset the Australians. Next?
Chico: Okay, next..

Gordon, you're going to be Paula, Chico's going to be Simon and the subject is...TPIR's Million Dollar Spectaculars.

Gordon: You suck, Chico
Chico: :-D I think I had a harder time making my first million. Didn't have to guess the price on a bloody area rug to do it.
Gordon: I think the TPIR shows are wonderful. I am so happy that we get to give away millions of dollars to those who are truly deserving. This is more heart-warming than Idol Gives Back!
Chico: And since when was $1000 within the price impossible? Since when was 10 seconds on Clock Game impossible? That's... That's child's play.
Gordon: I mean you try living on the streets of Los Angeles. Now THAT takes guts.
Chico: I haven't seen an episode since Leslie Crowther died, and I know it's easy
Gordon: It's hard. Since when is Middle America going to know the price of a high luxury car? That's going to be tough to get within $1,000.
Chico: That's not middle America playing. Those are increasilngly desperate, hopeless fanboys playing; And the three on that GameShowNewsNet site are the worst of the lot.
Gordon: And the clock game., You have to go 70, 80, 90, 91, 92...that takes a lot of time...93, 94, 96, 97, 91, 95...see, it's not that easy.  I don't think I can count that high.

(Guitar sting)

Jason: Hopeless Fanboys? :)
Chico: Hey, I was trying to nasty it up.
Jason: We are not hopeless fanboys :)
Gordon:   What. Ever.  Next one...

Jason is Paula. Chico is Simon. The subject is... Duel, Version 2.

Jason: You suck :)
Chico: Over.
Jason: Over?
Chico: Over.
Jason: How is it over?
Chico: First week, 3.93 million. For a revamped programme that didn't do that well to begin with.
Jason: The people don't know a good game show when they saw it. I love the chips. And the host is dreamy. And I love the betting...it's cool. They are missing out.
Chico: This week, 3.99 million.. That's only 40,000... the amount of people you managed to solicit last night.
Jason: Excuse me? are you calling me a lady of the evening?
Chico: Are you denying it?
Jason: Yes I am.
Chico: I mean, you were a little bit loopy on Wednesday, you couldn't done anything.
Jason: You can't talk about the show, so you are succumbing to name calling.
Chico: Duel, you are better than that performance, but right now.. you're over.
Jason: Dont you like Trivia and betting...and money chains?
Chico: I'm falling asleep just watching you.

(Guitar Sting)

Gordon: Actually, we were hoping to see Leonid the Magnificent, so we could offer Jason as one of the new slaves for his next act.
Chico: AAAAAH!
Gordon: In the Paula Abdul outfit, of course.
Jason: Didn't happen. Praise be :)
Gordon: Next?

Gordon's Paula... Jason's Simon... we're talking about...VH1 Celebreality shows.

Gordon: Actually, this one isn't too bad.
Jason: Yes it is.
Jason: Do you really think Flavor Flav, and Bret Michaels need a TV show to get laid?
Gordon: It started with Flava Flav. Then we had Brigitte Nielsen. Then Bret Michaels and Tiffany Pollard. I'm so glad they get a paycheck so they can eat, feed their families, get their alimony payments straightened out and make those 5 car payments. Besides, I think that Bret Michaels all nekkid is super sexy.
Jason: That shows that their careers and love lives...are pretty much over. He's balder than a cue ball...why do you think he wears the doo-rag?
Gordon: Don't you like Bret Michaels nekkid?
Jason: Not on my worst day, Paula. When I drive my $1.5M Bugatti Veyron, the last thing i think about is Bret Michaels nekkid. In fact...I NEVER think about him naked.
Gordon: I think they should get a new show going about their orgies. They could call themselves Flava & Bret & Tiffany and Brigitte. It would be a hit! We could make millions!   You can make a porn called Breakfast In Tiffany's.
Jason: I need a shower.

(Guitar sting)

Gordon: Last one...and Chico, you're going to looooove this....
Jason: (giggle)
Chico: Oh dear.

Chico is Paula, Gordon is Simon, The topic is...Why Secret Talents of the Stars needs to continue to air.

Chico: I want to see George Takei sing!
Gordon: NO. You. Don't.
Chico: I want to see Sasha Cohen do hand stands.
Gordon: No one needs to see George Takei ever sing. Ever again.
Chico: I want to see all these other people do things that are completely outside their comfort zone!
Gordon: I suggest we take the show, the host, and the judges and give them all to Leonid as their plaything.
Chico: It creates conflict for happy programming.
Gordon: Give them all their own deserted island. In fact, Paula, why don't we make you queen of the island. You can be Lady Marmalout, and you can have George Takei and Sasha Cohen please you. While you're at it, make Danny Bonaduce the drug counselor, Marla Maples in charge of finances and Jo Dee Messina the diplomat.
Chico: At least I'll be queen of something. But come on.. this is classic panic TV.
Gordon: Do you want to bed George as well?
Jason:   NO! (pushes The Moment of Truth Friends and Family Button). I dont want to hear the answer that question.

(Guitar sting)

Chico: I think we have a potential new game. But first, how about a break time?
Gordon: Break time!
Chico: This is the thing. We're back in a few.
Gordon: See you then!

(Brought to you by 10 Minutes, the new song by Madonna and Justin Timberlake.. featuring Dan Miller... Oh yeah, viva referencia obscura!)

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE