Episode 18.10
August 11

Jason: Isn't that starring the Mole?
Chico: Why yes. Yes it is. Finale Monday. Welcome back to the show. We got Don back from a bad thunderstorm.
Jason: You ok?
Don: Yep, I'm alright. It was a rough storm, though.
Chico: I know how those are.
Gordon: It was a Dark and Stormy night...
Jason: And the Captain said to his mate...
Gordon: Jason, bring the masks out from storage.
Jason: *pulls out the theater trunk, blows off dust and opens the lid*
Gordon: while Jason's doing that, Chico, who's your first role for?
Chico: My first role is for... Jason.
Jason: Of course :)

You are the editor of a popular tabloid that claims to have inside info on who'll be on the next edition of Dancing with the Stars.

Jason: Of course I am.

The question... One of your names explicitly stated that they're not interested. My question is... "Will you people EVER learn?" When it comes to Dancing shortlists... Don't. Trust. Anyone.

Jason: Hold up Hold up.
Chico: Defend yourself, good sir.
Jason: Look, it's very simple. Until the list is announced...a denial is never A TRUE DENIAL. I mean look at what happened to John Edwards...one my competitors had the picture of him and his love child, right?
Chico: But we had this last year with another person who explicitly denied being on the show.
Jason: Didn't he admit the truth? I am saying that until we get the announcement from ABC... I am sticking with my story. And besides...people love to play with these lists anyway.
Jason: It's a dream list.
Chico: But to release a dream list as fact... that's just plain irresponsibly.
Jason: Are we damaging their reputations...no. Is it irresponsible? Why?
Chico: Because you're devaluing the product. And the journalistic process at that
Gordon: It would be nice to make credibility a higher priority than the selling of papers or web hits on a story.
Jason: Credibility? (laughs) You guys kill me.
Chico: Don't give me any ideas =p
Jason: The truth is SOMEWHERE OUT THERE.
Gordon: And you'll keep making it up until you find it. Before this gets ugly...hello, Don.
Don: Hello.
Gordon: Don, you are...George Takei.

Youve been on the one and only episode of Secret Talents of the Stars and the first Wanna Bet? Both of these things got panned by Gordon and Chico. Do you have any words for them?

Don: Guys... What's the deal? Do you have something against me? I mean, I tried my best in both of those shows...
Gordon: Chico, I await your rebuttal.
Chico: ... and yet you still managed to suck the life out.
Don: It's not like I have anything better to do, though...
Chico: Star-Trek cons don't pay the bill anymore?
Don: What, so you'd prefer that I be known as "the guy that played Sulu"? I'm trying to expand my horizons!
Jason: And the voice of Howard Stern.
Gordon: Ok, that's enough from George. Next one, Chico?
Chico: Next up... Hey, Gordon!
Gordon: Hey Chico. I don't have a bonus yet.
Chico: Okay! Gordon, you're Mark Walberg.
Gordon: That answer is....True.

Your show is being bumped for Hole in the Wall. Your second job was passed over for a Brady kid and the luckiest sumbitch to marry a top model. Surely you can't be happy.

Gordon: Obviously, I'm not happy, but that's show biz. I mean I'm not going to be able to compete with someone who just broke his arm twice in the span of a few months. And you know what? Maybe its for the better. The last 2 trivia shows to hit syndication this past year have not done too good.
Chico: No joke.
Gordon: I have my own production company. Now I can work on creating shows that will have a shelf life of more than 2 seasons
Chico: Sounds like you don't have much hope for Trivial Pursuit.
Gordon: I wish nothing bad for Trivial Pursuit. I just see the signs. Tell me what happened to Trivial Pursuit on The Family Channel and ESPN? Not good.
Chico: Third time's the charm?
Gordon: It better be better than a Frosted Lucky Charm.
Chico: It's magically delicious. Next?
Gordon: Anyways, I have the next one...and it's for Chico
Chico: Here we go.
Gordon: Chico, you are...Parker Foster Aiken. You are 6 pounds, 2 ounces and 19 inches long.
Jason: ROFL

You are also the son of Clay Aiken and Jaymes Foster. What's going through you're little baby mind?

Chico: Pleaseletthisbeabaddream, Pleaseletthisbeabaddream, Pleaseletthisbeabaddream, Pleaseletthisbeabaddream, Pleaseletthisbeabaddream, Pleaseletthisbeabaddream, Pleaseletthisbeabaddream, Pleaseletthisbeabaddream
Don: LOL
Gordon: Um...it's not. Now what?
Chico: It's not? PUT ME IN! PUT ME BACK IN!
Gordon: Um...that would be a bit hard.
Jason: It's a nice place out here, Parker.
Chico: Yeah, but imagine how grade school's going to go when people learn that my father's Clay Freaking Aiken.
Gordon: you'll get plenty of music love. Besides, if you play it right, you can be liked and promise them Broadway tickets.
Chico: I'd have to wait until high school for that.. Ugh. Zits. Angst. Sexual confusion. And of course the obvious.
Gordon: Like father, like son. Ok Chico - next one?
Chico: Okay, next is an all-in challenge. Jason and Gordon... you're Ant & Dec.
Gordon: You loved World Idol. Just admit it.
Chico: Never.
Jason: We were so good in it.

Wanna Bet... What went wrong?

Jason: Wasn't us. The world loved us. It was the stupid American Celebs who couldn't play the games. I mean Rip Hamilton(snicker). American Basketball player.
Gordon: We are famous and popular and everyone loves us. We are so popular that people create awards and give them to us. The problem couldn't possibly be us.
Jason: Aren't we great?
Gordon: And so what if people call up and aren't real on our shows? They do this because they are enamored with us.
Jason: That is because they want to work with US...Ant...and Dec!
Gordon: Just wait until we host American Idol
Chico: Now it's time for an unbiased opinion... Don, you're the head of ABC. Defend these two jokers.
Don: Well, I certainly can't blame Ant & Dec. They did what they did. I just wish we could have found better celebrities. I mean, George Takei... What were we thinking?
Chico: .... I wish I knew =p
Gordon: You know, if we keep this up, George is going to mail each of us a Tribble.
Jason: We can even make the Tribble more popular...because we are... ANT AND DEC.
Gordon: We can make a show called American Tribble! Everyone will love it!
Chico: I betcha Gordon won't.
Gordon: Wanna Bet?
Don: Hmm, American Tribble... I'll bring that up with the other execs.
Chico: I'll bet everything I have... on FAIL. Gordon?
Gordon: Last one...and we need everyone to play
Jason: Got it.
Don: Alright.
Gordon: Chico...you are the Dizzy Dummy. Don, you are the slippery stairs. Jason, you are Jill Wagner.
Jason: Got it.

We all know the Big Balls will be back for Wipeout, Season 2. Gauge your own chances of joining them.

Chico: You can't have stage 3 without me. Well, you can, but it'd be no fun. I say I'm pretty golden.
Gordon: Well, no. We could have the wrecking ball instead. The wrecking balls seems to love the female contestants
Jason: You can't have the show without ME! I am cute, I am hot. And you need the female presence to gauge the human interest. I get the great reactions don't I?
Gordon: We love your facial impressions. But so does an ostrich.
Don: I think I have a decent chance. I can be a tough obstacle to climb up, thanks to my obvious slipperiness. I caused some pretty good wipeouts during my time there...and I know I can cause a lot more, given the chance.
Gordon: The stairs are cute, but what do you say about the people that just jump over you.
Don: They got lucky.
Chico: Yeah. I've got a high wipeout potential. Dreadmill? Ha. Please.
Jason: Um...hello...cute hottie here!
Gordon: Can you make love to the huge wrecking ball, Jill?
Jason: hmmm... I can try. I am flexible
Gordon: That's what we've heard about you, Jill.
Chico: Look at me! I spin! *spinning* Oh god! It's so awesome!
Jason: You have seen me in between two Mercurys.
Chico: I have, you know.
Jason: I can sell cars...and carnage.
Gordon: I think we'll keep all of you.
Jason: yay!
Don: Whoo!
Gordon: And with that, we go to break.
Chico: Next up, we resolve about stuff.
Gordon: Right after this.

(brought to you by My Family's Got Blood. Sure you may have guts, but America also needs blood donors. If you have the time, please donate.)

Chico: Good call. For more information, hit up redcross.org. Welcome back to the show. Last week, we told you all the things you should know about the summer, but did we learn anything? Time to find out. Resolutions a-comin'. First up, NBC.
Jason: They already broke one for me.

Good shows this summer were few and far between. How can we make next year BETTER?

Jason: Simple.... don't rely on bad reality. AND DON'T SPOIL. You know what I mean, Howie.
Gordon: Telling people that this is the season that someone wins - not too bright
Jason: Where's the damn drama...gone. Spoiled. Ruined. Idiots.
Chico: Who wants drama? We just want ratings! Fools, all of them.
Gordon: Did they learn from Millionaire...I guess not.
Chico: Watch this blow up back in their faces.
Jason: I hope so, I hope their ratings plummet. I really do.
Chico: So...

Resolved: NO MORE SPOILING.

Don: Agreed 100%.
Gordon: Next up... The World Poker Tour.

They are still making money, but 34% less. How do they fix this one?

Chico: (Mike Sexton) Poh-ker. (/MS) Take full advantage of their new home.
Jason: GSN promoted them to a point... Promo the hell out of yourself.
Chico: You can't rely on the network to do everything, you gotta go push yourselves out.
Jason: THE WPT is a great brand name. Don't let it go to pot.
Gordon: I'd like to add something
Chico: Go on.
Gordon: You have to grow your own product. I see Full Tilt Poker doing free rolls to get on Poker After Dark. The WPT needs to make some deals, get Satellite Tournaments with the winners going to their tournaments - or create a poker site for themselves.
Jason: They actually have one at clubwpt.com.
Gordon: It's a pay site. But they need to do more than this. They need to promote through other sites also.
Jason: http://www.clubwpt.com/clubwpt_tv_show.htm And they are promoting seats on FSN.
Don: Good move.
Chico: So...

Resolved... Promo and deal, deal and promo.

Gordon: Keep building - and build the online presence
Chico: Play it as a business.
Jason: May I add one more quick thing?
Chico: go ahead.
Jason: They also need to be in the forefront of the removal of the IGAEA---which made them a star in the first place. The Internet Illegal Gaming Act (or whatever it was called). If you have a united front with the sites and the shows...then you have a presence.
Chico: Strength in numbers...
Gordon: Next one?
Chico: Next up...

TPIR. Season 37's up and running. Soon it'll be on TV. What do they need to do to keep its relevance?

Gordon: Re-hire Roger Dobkowitz :)
Chico: Okay, that failing.
Gordon: Because if he was on staff right now, The Price is Right would have an extra $30,000 in their budget.
Jason: Gordon...that is a load of BS! Stop it. Right. Now.
Gordon: ... I will not. The storyline - The production staff at TPIR rigged up the Plinko Board so that when you slid down, it would always go into the $10,000 space.
Jason: For a commercial.
Gordon: They forget to remove the rigs when the contestant showed up, so her first 3 drops in the Plinko Board - $10,000. The production for the commercials is clearly in the producers realm. I'll guarantee you that they've done ads like this before, and with The Dob there, he'd make sure the rigs were removed. This is a small piece of the inexperience they have with no Dobkowitz.
Jason: Hanging with the Dob fanboys much?
Gordon: Actually, no.
Jason: Sounds like it.
Gordon: Its just the truth.
Chico: "Would" is an uncertainty.
Jason: No it's the syncophanting chatter I have been hearing since the Dob got fired.
Gordon: It sounds like you've been hanging with Fremantle Brass.
Jason: No, I am a realist.
Gordon: You've never heard of any of this stuff going on while Dobkowitz was the Producer.
Jason: Mistakes happen. Deal.
Gordon: A $30,000 mistake never happened when he was at the helm.
Chico: And I suppose those Checkout bags lifted on their own.
Gordon: That's a technical error. The issue with the rigs not being removed is clearly a HUMAN error. And the person who is in charge of that should be the Executive Producer.
Chico: What's done is done. What do they do now?
Gordon: So...

Resolved - If you're not going to hire Roger Dobkowitz, the new EP better be VERY hands on to make sure that they don't make $30,000 errors and so the news about them on TV is bad.

Chico: .... okay, it's a start. Next?
Jason: And also, on another front....

Resolved: Make the changes gradual.

Jason: If at all...so a) the people recognize it and b) the fanboys don't panic.
Gordon: And not affecting the game
Chico: Fanboys panic easily. That's why they're fanBOYs. =p
Gordon: but they will also revolt if you radically change the game...so don't.
Jason: Agreed...and they will blame Drew. Which it isn't his fault.
Gordon: It's not. It's Jason Block's fault.
Chico: Everyone's gotta blame somebody. How about blaming yourselves for not supporting, huh? Man up for a change? Is that asking too much? Okay, next up?
Gordon: Next one... American Idol.

No more Nigel Lythgoe. No more hour dedicated to the Puerto Rican Auditions. What to do?

Jason: Honestly...bring it back to the roots...less crazy...more talent.
Chico: Might as well soldier on and take it as a learning exercise
Jason: Relevant criticism by all judges. Randy needs to step it up this year. When Paula was better than you in judging this year...you know you had an off year.
Gordon: Randy and Paula last year were both...for lack of a better term...stoolie-like. And the notes before the auditions were horrific.
Jason: And I say it every year. REVEAL THE VOTE TOTALS EVERY WEEK. Then you wont get the "it's fixed" contingent every year.
Gordon: I don't think you should reveal the votes. I do think though that the judges need to be better in reviewing the actual performances instead of letting their biases of previous performances affect them.
Jason: And we need to know about the contestants more.
Chico: True
Jason: We WANT to vote for them. Let us know WHY. We don't want "the rocker" or "the phenom" --we want to know David Cook or David Archuleta.
Chico: So...

Resolved: You got a whole lot of improving to do. Even after last season.

Chico: I mean, last season was good... but come on, we know you're better than that.
Gordon: More on the Celebrities. Let's see all 24. More unbiased judging.
Chico: ... wow, that sounds familiar.
Don: It certainly does...
Gordon: Next one?
Chico: Next... Christopher Knight.

He's cutting his teeth on Trivial Pursuit. Any pointers?

Jason: It's NOT ABOUT YOU. It's about the game. Let it flow naturally.
Gordon: You see what Alfonso Ribiero is doing on Catch 21? Don't do that.
Jason: Yeah. He is trying to be "Mr. Game Show Host" instead of Mr. Ribeiro hosting. There is a difference.
Chico: Made Patrick Duffy look good by comparison. And he was, with all due respect, as stiff as a board.
Jason: You can smell a phony a mile away. The best example of the new breed--Howie Mandel...after week 1 of Deal.
Chico: Oh yeah. We're not dumb.
Gordon: So...

Resolved to Mr. Knight. Be a host, not a celebrity trying to host.

Chico: Finally?
Gordon: Last one... Wanna Bet?

ABC isn't yanking it, just moving, so they have faith in the show. So how do you help this?

Jason: By yanking it. There is no help.
Chico: Heh. Well, it's more faith than they have in Duel, but still... There's no helping the show if you can't help the people playing the game. I mean... Rip Hamilton.. Come the hell on.
Gordon: I think you need to upgrade everything. A-Level celebrities. A-Level stunts. A-Level hosts.

Resolved: Upgrade. Upgrade, upgrade, upgrade.

Chico: Six good plans on the table. Let's see if any one of them will follow through. Even one is a victory.
Gordon: This segment has been resolved. Speed Round next!

(Brought to you by I Survived an Antarctican Game Show. 12 Contestants... 8 games... lots and lots of penguins)

Chico: Okay, quick thanks to Jason Block and Don Harpwood for spending some quality time with us. But right now, it's Speed Round time!
Gordon: We asked this before - any changes on The mole prediction?
Chico: Nope. I'm sticking with this one.
Gordon: I'll stay with mine. Craig has the biggest breasts. The contestant with the biggest breast is always The Mole.
Chico: I thought Nicole's breasts were bigger. But that's just me.
Gordon: No. Craig definitely has bigger breasts.
Chico: Okay. Does Wanna Bet moving help it?
Gordon: ...no. not remotely close. Who's the next person leaving the Big Brother house?
Chico: Keesha, really no reason to not keep her, so let's go with Libra this week.
Gordon: Nobody likes Libra. The only people who would keep her in the house she just turned on. No one would miss her, so she's gone. But we do have email in the house. What's the first one?
Chico: That was easy. First one is a continuation from Daniel Benfield's letter...

Today's episode... Wheel of Fortune.

Chico: ... Hello, million dollar wedge...
Gordon: $1,000,000. Enough said.

Gordon: Yes, but why are you going to promote people who are no longer connected to your show?
Chico: No one thinks about promoting legacy these days. It's all about profit.
Gordon: Hooray, profit!

Chico: I doubt that. I honesty do.
Gordon: Friedman would definitely not be abusing the power, as he is the producer
Chico: And Pat... he's just the host. I mean, what would he stand to gain from all of this except... being the host?

Gordon: I'm not. GSN only gets the episodes. They will air all of them.
Chico: Agreed. Don't blame the medium. And THAT's... all of the letter for this week.
Gordon: Or that part of it, anyways.
Chico: Got another?
Gordon: I do, actually. how did you guess?
Chico: I just know these things.
Gordon: This is from Paul Reese. Thanks, Paul!

Chico: Thanks, Paul. First of all, I love trivia shows, too.
Gordon: Me three.
Chico: I can't wait for TP. I'm hoping they treat the baby with all the love in the world. Now the Mole... Well, I can't speak for G, but I think it's one of the smartest, slyest games on the tube today. The thing is... no one likes smart or sly.
Gordon: I love smart and sly. Here's what I have a problem with. Usually, what they come up with for a rationale is lame, dumb clues to the identity, herrings that make much more sense that the real clues the producers come up with and Moles that don't do as good of a job sabotaging as the contestants do. And they pick the person with the biggest boobs as the mole. And unless the Mole is Mark, they will have done it again.
Chico: And on that boobshell, we come to a close. Remember, we're always on at wlti@gameshownewsnet.com or at myspace.com/wltiongsnn.
Gordon: Thanks to Don and Jason for hanging out with us.
Chico: And thanks to you for reading as always. Until next week, when we finally reveal who the Mole is, he's a Pepper, I'm a Chico, and this is game over... and spread the love.