Episode 33.7 - Game Show-Nado
July 29

Chico: No one lives through Sharknado! Mwahahaha!
Gordon: Welcome back. Thanks for being part of our week and allowing us to be part of yours.
Chico: Now... we do what we love to do and what we love to watch people do Tuesday nights on the CW. Make stuff up with Jason Block.
Jason: Yo!
Chico: Hey Jason where did you come from?
Jason: Behind this screen!
Gordon: It's looking sort of green.
Chico: It's a green screen. That's not this kind of show.
Jason: Oh
Chico: This is the real. This is WLTI Theatre.
Jason: (overture and applause)
Chico: Gordon... act 1, if you please.
Gordon: Act 1...

Jason, you are Aaryn. Chico, you are Will' Mega Black Panther' Collins from Big Brother Season 1. THis ought to be fun. Aaaannnnnd...ACTION!

Chico: (As Big Brother) AARYN, PLEASE GO TO THE DIARY ROOM.
Jason: (walks to the diary room) (comes in)
Chico: .. Hello, Aaryn... bet you thought you saw the last of me America... 
Jason: What the heck?
Chico: Yeah. Karma, baby. Karma. Five minutes. In here. With me.
Jason: Why should I be hanging with you? I don't like your kind. Shouldnt you be like picking cotton or something?
Chico: I don't like yours either... White women are the Devil. I think you proved my point precisely.
Jason: I am incredibly tolerant...to the right people. And you ain't right. Shouldnt you be like robbing someone?
Chico: I saw your ass chew everyone out on the TV.
Jason: Deservedly so
Chico: I'm here for one reason and one reason only. Hold that door closed for five minutes. You got something to say you best come with it.
Jason: (closes door) You wanna go, let's go
Chico: Come with it right now. In front of America.

(AIRHORN)

Jason: I need a shower.
Gordon: I don't think America is ready to see you too fight
Jason: I feel ill.
Gordon: I think we are ready for the next scene. Chico?
Chico: For the record folks... Aaryn is a hateful b and Will Mega is a haughty D.
Jason: Not like us.
Chico: Nope. Were nice guys..... Next up.

Gordon, you are the UK's reigning king of quiz Mark Labbett. Your next challenger... Ken Jennings.... played by Jason. And... ACTION

Gordon: (walks In)...you're that American bloke.
Jason: And you are that big English guy
Gordon: I am. You dare to challenge me?
Jason: I dare. I wish you were a challenge.
Gordon: And how exactly have you done in the World Trivia Challenges? Ever beaten me? Nope.
Jason: Have you won over $2M on Game Shows...I think not.
Gordon: but I've taken away more than 2 million...so that counts
Jason: Have you written many NY Times Bestsellers?
Gordon: I don't need to when I have all this money. And I have something you don't have.
Jason: 150 extra pounds?
Gordon: (Brooke Burns comes in) You could say that. Hey baby. (Makes out with Brooke)
Chico: (AIRHORN) You forgot one thing, G... (Drops mic) ... Needed to drop the mic. LIKE A BOSS.
Jason: LOL
Chico: August 6 cant GET here soon enough!
Gordon: Next one...

Jason is a Coral Snake. Gordon is a Mountain Lion. Aaannnnd...Action!

Jason: (slithers around) Hey Leo
Gordon: I want to speak to my lawyer.
Jason: Whats wrong
Chico: Oooh a coral snake! I'm gonna love him and hug him and call him George. Oh sorry.
Gordon: I get no love. I get framed for killing someone when I only wanted a steak, and then I get tranqued up. Where's the justice?
Jason: You think you had it bad. My agent told me I was going to be the main cause of death, BUT NO.... Not only was I not even the victim but I had to be put in the room with 30 other snakes. Bunch of divas. Wanting mice even the *cause.. How long were out for, Leo?
Gordon: I don't remember. I was all hazy.
Jason: Was the steak even good? Oh and I was in a hot saddlebag for HOURS.
Gordon: I don't even know. It fell out of my mouth when I was tranqued. I don't do dirty steaks.

(AIRHORN)

Gordon: Very disappointing. I want my agent.
Jason: We need to call PETA...
Gordon: (Phone rings)...Hello? What do you mean Robert gets more time? Just because he's a herring doesn't mean diddly. And you're going to paint him red? What's up with that?
Chico: I had to stop when I heard Jason talk about his saddlebags.
Jason: ROFLMAO. You have to keep that in C.
Chico: Oh it's staying in.
Jason: What's next? 
Chico: Next....

Gordon is a Hollywood bigshot on Hollywood game night. His complete owning of the room is driving another Hollywood bigshot .. Chico... to drink. Gee that sounds familiar. Aaaaaaaand ENTERTAIN ME.

Chico: I know I said I wouldn't drink, but you said open bar, so...
Gordon: Now THIS is what Im talking about. You go get another drink while I hammer you on Super Password. Again. 
Chico: What's the score, 15 to zero? My civilian partner must hate me right now...
Gordon: no. you're reading the score wrong. I have 1500. You have zero.
Chico: (Takes another drink) I swear I'm going to win this round of TV ID. I have to. I'm a Hollywood big shot, right?
Gordon: Um...We're not playing TV ID. And you're not staring at a TV. You're staring at an aquarium.
Chico: ... and I just lost again. While I was talking, Gordon just beat EVERYONE to the buzzers... (drinks again)
Gordon: Um...Chico. Why are you going towards the womens bathro...(SHREIKS)
Chico: (Looks at "Jane Lynch")... hey you're not Bert Convy...... Where the hell is Bert Convy? (Falls over)
Jason: He's out.
Gordon: Now I have to call Quisla to pick him up. Again. (Dials Phone)

(AIrHORN)

Chico: But seriously... underrated show.
Gordon: It's a fun show. Next one...the first of the 2 all in scenes.
Jason: alright

Jason is Heidi Klum. Chico is the producer of Project RUnway. Gordon is the producer of America's Got Talent. Aaaannnd...Action!

Chico: Heidi, you're wanted on the runway in 15 minutes...
Jason: (starts walking to the runway)
Gordon: I think it is fantastic that you allowed us to do AGT o the Runway this season. We brought all of our favorite acts to be models.
Jason: Like whom?
Gordon: Chico - do you have the list? (Shequida walks out)
Jason: Um....
Chico: Fresh meat here!
Jason: Who...is ...that?
Chico: .. too fresh. It's Aaralyn & Izzy and she's screaming for Dog Poop.
Gordon: (Aaralyn and Izzy walk out) they are styling the finest in zombie skins.
Jason: uh...yeah. That's interesting
Gordon: Next up - we have Boy Britney in Britney Spears latest. (Boy Britney walks out)
Jason: I like the blue dress
Chico: G we have a problem here. TellAVision asked for LGs ... and all we have are Samsungs.
Jason: where did you get these people?
Gordon: Your cousin suggested it.
Chico: One more problem....
Jason: what's up now?
Chico: We have six Spartan suits but seven Spartans... Leonid the Magnificent just joined the group.
Gordon: (Leonid Walks out with the Spartans). Yes your cousin is here!
Jason: Nein! I am out of here. (walks out)

(AIRHORN)

Chico: .... tuchas.
Gordon: Last one, Chico?
Chico: Last one.

Gordon, Jason, and Chico just finished their performance of Loca People on The Winner is... the vote: 98-3. The buyout: $50,000. Chico wants to take the money. The other two don't.

Gordon: Give me the $50,000.
Chico: And... ACTION!
Jason: So we are on our way to $1M. We KILLED IT.
Gordon: Jason, you were fantastic. I've never heard you sing so well. 
Jason: Thank you
Chico: I say we take the money. We look horrible in dresses. We sound horrible. Jason, I don't know what kind of bbooty shaking you were doing... And... our opponent is a BB with BB
Gordon: He was Twerking. That's the biggest thing nowadays
Jason: are you kidding. We could win $1M. You really want to get out with $16K? Are you kidding me?
Chico: I'm happy with the 50 and I'll never have to wear this ridiculous get up again!
Gordon: You told me you liked silver with green paisleys.
Chico: ... I do but that's besides the point.
Gordon: I thought the face pain was divine.
Jason: so it's 2-1. You lose.
Chico: I swear if we got the 3... (Looks at scores) ... we got the 98? How is that possible?
Gordon: Trust me Chico, we got this one.
Jason: Because we rock. Let's go!
Gordon: Well...um....The 98 people in the audience...are all my family.
Chico: Oh!
 
(AIRHORN)

Jason: LOL
Chico: Stay tuned to the finale, we'll be performing "Shake It" by the Outhere Brothers.
Gordon: (PLays the music)
Chico: But right after the break, a new game that cant be started again for 37 hours.
Jason: Ha

(Brought to you by Anaheim Game Night. You think game night in Hollywood is awesome.... wait until you see how the OC gets down. Joe Van Ginkel hosts.)

Chico: Grab a seat. Grab a drink. Grab a Chili dog. Because after game night, we're going to TPIR bitches.
Jason: Hell yeah
Gordon: But first...a sunrise and a crying baby
Jason: Awwww
Chico: Which can only mean one thing.
Jason: New Game.
Chico: WORLD PREMIERE GAME TIME ON WE LOVE TO INTERRUPT. This is called Rangefinder.



Gordon: Now with the explanation of the game, Mr. Chico Alexander
Chico: Present. We're going to give you a subject and a related range. You have to tell us whether it leans from one side of the range or the other. For example...

Aisha Tyler has shown that she can roll with the big boys on Whose Line Is It Anyway?. But how is she on a scale of Drew Carey to Clive Anderson?

Jason: She's a 6
Chico: So closer to Clive Anderson.
Jason: Closer to Drew
Gordon: She's closer to Whose Line Is It Anyway's Drew Carey, rather than the other side of the spectrum, which is Drew Carey's green Screen.
Chico: I'm going to go closer to Clive in her presenting style (staying out of it) but with shades of the snark that we all know and love from scion of Barker. Get it?
Gordon: Got it. Next one...

CBS is replaying the celebrity weeks on The Price is Right. On a scale of The Shower Game to Plinko, where do you put this?

Chico: Well I liked Celebrity Week I more than Celebrity Week II, but its better than the #3s give it credit for, so closer to Plinko.
Gordon: I liked the fact that they picked out savvy celebrities, so I'll put it high up there. By the Clock Game.
Chico: For my money, a solid Golden Road.
Jason: It's more of a Grocery Game myself. Very solid.
Chico: Next...
 
How big of a PR disaster is this year's Big Brother on a scale of New Coke to the Titanic?

Gordon: Pretty Big. I'm putting it right next to Big Brother 9 and Jazinsky's Courier service in terms of a disaster, right next to Titanic Iceberg service.
Jason: This is the Hindenburg. You don't want to be known as "The Racist Hour"
Gordon: And the ratings show they don't want to watch the racist 4.
Chico: This is Disney's The Lone Ranger. Its PRETTY BAD.
Jason: ooooh
Chico: And when you have to have the head of the network defending it? Never mind the fact that, oh, who's Les Moonves married to again?
Jason: The host. Who happens to be American of Asian Descent.
Chico: Your witness. Next?

We all know we want The Chase to be successful, so that's not in question. But what about the host? Put Brooke on a scale from Throut and Neck to Chuck Woolery.

Jason: From what I have seen in the clips...more David Ruprecht...not awesome, but not heinous.
Chico: definitely not Rebecca's Grant if that's what you're asking. Shes not going to be a bad host. Ive got a lot of faith in her, I'm going to go Kennedy on this.
Gordon: I'm not liking the fit on the host. I'm going to go Graham Elwood.
Chico: On that note... next...

How does season 1 of the Chase do? On a scale of Beat the Chefs to The American Bible Challenge?

Jason: This is going to be ABC. I have faith
Gordon: I don't have THAT much faith, but I'll say solid Match Game numbers.
Chico: I've said once upon a time to Quisla, who is a big Jeopardy! fan... J! Wishes it was like this show. Its going to be a solid Baggage
Gordon: Id be happy with Baggage. Last one..

From Much Ado About Nothing to Last Tango in Paris - What really goes on in a Bachelorette Fantasy Suite?

Chico: I'd like to go off the board, G and give that quintessential 80s classic about casual drug use.... "Less Than Zero"
Gordon: Ouch,. Jason?
Jason: I was trying to find a title...and I will say "A Beautiful Mind" (because that's where it all happens)
Gordon: Here's what i think happens...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=AihvuZiDhsg 

Jason: Everyone has an itch to scratch.
Chico: ... Gordon that's horrible.
Jason: Unbearable even.
Gordon: Can you bear to go to a break?
Chico: Yes I can... Speed Round is next after this word from...

(... The Ricky Williams Emporium. This week, show us your student ID, receipts from a car rental shop, and a speeding ticket... HALF OFF! You're going to need all the money you can save after your coach gives you a good scolding... PJ)

Jason: LOL
Chico: I BLEED Carolina blue... but seriously PJ? What the bleep is wrong with you?
Gordon: He's not gettig a home game, is he?
Chico: I think you... and A-Rod... and Ryan Braun need to go into business together because that's the only money you'll ever get. No damn home game for you.
Gordon: So to calm Chico, we'll go with a Home Game....now. Whodunnit - Whodonefor?
Jason: See you Melina
Chico: Buh bye Ronnie.
Gordon: I think she's a potential killer, as is Ronnie. I think they both team up to take out Geno - and I don't mean to dinner. AGT - Give me someone who advances
Chico: Forte. It'll be Forte vs. Branden for the popera vote.
Gordon: I'll go with Forte also.
Jason: Yeah. Forte
Chico: Ninja Warrior enters the city finals phase. Give me one from Venice who advances. Give me David Campbell on his fifth trip to Midoriyama.
Jason: I will take that bet.
Gordon: Ima Nochance. No one's winning in Japan.
Chico: Vegas, G
Gordon: I understand, but it won't matter. What matters to us is email. Do we have any?
Chico: Cant say we have any. But what we do have is an email address... a Twitter... and a Facebook. Use all three! Wlti@gameshownewsnet.com
Jason: @wltiongsnn
Chico: /wlti.gsnn. Next week, FULL LINEUP.
Gordon: Sounds big
Jason: HUGE.
Chico: Two reviews .. week two of AGT... the Whodunnit double murder, the Aaryn reign of terror, and the Fourth Annual Five Questions fall preview kicks off with... WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE. Hope you got all that.
Jason: I did.
Gordon: I did. We'll get to it all next week. For this week, this is Gordon Pepper saying Game Over and Spread the Love.