Episode 23.2 - The Mercury Retrograde
January 11

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and I'd like to start off the show with a definition, if I may.
Chico: Okay Pat Finn.
Jason: (hands Gordon the OED) That's the big dictionary.
Gordon: (Puts on glasses, opens up old book. Plays 'Masterpiece Theater' theme)
Jason: Here's your chair and pipe.
Gordon: The word is 'Retrograde'. Definition: To move backwards, regress from a previous state. Reverting to an earlier or inferior condition.
Jason: Interesting.
Rob: Very interesting.
Chico: Quite.
Gordon: But wait! There's more! If you follow Astrology, this week has been the last week of something called a 'Mercury Retrograde'. In astrology, it's said that you should never deal with contracts or have anything to do with money, as a Mercury Retrograde causes all sorts of mayhem.
Jason: No wonder.
Chico: And we have our fill of that this week, don't we?
Rob: Oh yes.
Gordon: So if you were a game show contestant this week and did badly, it's not your fault. Blame it on the retrograde. And there were a lot of you that could commiserate with that.
Brian: In the words of Sarah Palin, you bet'cha.
Jason: You ain't kidding.
Chico: So from Somewhere in America, the Mercury Retrograde edition of WLTI... is... ON!
Jason: (snaps fingers) Wow man. Cool.
Gordon: YAY! Gordon and Chico here, with some people who won't let the retrograde scare them into appearing with us today. We start with the man who can see the Aurora Borealis in his bedroom. Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: Always good to be here. I am an Aquarian. Proudly so.
Gordon: Next up, He's looking for his Venus. Mr. Rob Seidelman
Rob: HELLLOOOOO, LADIES!
Gordon: And finally, the man who used to see Northstars in Minnesota all the time, Mr. Brian Moore.
Brian: Hello, everyone. Global cooling sucks!
Chico: Got that right. Anyway, we got a lot of stuff to go through, so we're going to get right on it with the big story of the week. This week was the big confab for the Television Critics Association...
Jason: The Winter Press Tour
Chico: And other than a much publicized tiff between Conan O'Brien and Jay Leno... I'm Team Conan, by the way... we get news that this season of American Idol, the season that just started on Tuesday, will be the last for Simon Cowell.
Jason: Excuse me?
Rob: WHA?
Brian: Huh?
Chico: Simon Cowell will be trading his days on American Idol for days on his own property, the X Factor, which will be brought over to the US in Fall of next year. Fox is expected to continue the Idol show without him.
Jason: That makes more sense.
Rob: It does, but that leaves a huge gap to fill. Simon was the essence of the judging panel.
Jason: Agreed. But let me tell you something... Simon WILL judge both shows. Contract be damned.
Chico: I don't think so, Tim.
Jason: I do.
Gordon: I don't. I do think that if Simon leaves, Idol is going to have issues. They certainly won't be #1 in TV land anymore.
Chico: So rather than just spout barb after barb for 19 TV, he's going to not only do that in the fall, he's going to pull mentor duties as well.
Jason: Right. This is the biggest Hail Mary pass in TV.
Rob: And Simon Cowell is the producer equivalent right now of Tom Brady. I think this can work.
Jason: It all depends on HOW they do it.
Rob: And X Factor is Simon's baby, he'll make sure they do it right.
Chico: Indeed. But if you ask me... Simon's making the jump. That's a given. Fox ought to do the right thing and end Idol on a high. Man much wiser than I once said "Better to understay your welcome than overstay it."
Jason: Until he leaves, he isn't gone.
Gordon: Well, here's the problem with Cowell agreeing to judge both shows. It's Cowell saturation. If I'm a viewer and I am only going to watch 1 show, I'll watch the one Simon is on. Simon isn't dumb. Why flip to the X Factor if he's on Idol? The only way to make the show different is for him to not be on it.
Chico: Bingo. To me and millions more, Simon is American Idol. You take him out, you don't have the same show. And not just that, he stands to make more money with X Factor than he does judging Idol.
Rob: But then who do you get to be on that panel to take the "Simon" Seat?
Chico: Those are big shoes to fill.
Jason: We have heard rumors of Piers Morgan, Elton John and others.
Rob: Piers is probably the best fit. He's done Britain's Got Talent with Simon. Chico: I doubt that's going to happen. For one, Piers is a newsman. He's not a music person.
Gordon: I definitely don't think you'll see Piers for the same reason you won't see Simon doing 2 shows. Why is Morgan going to drop America's Got Talent for Idol if that damages AGT?
Jason: But yes, this are MASSIVELY HUGE shoes to fill.
Rob: Definitely not going to be easy to fill.
Chico: Not in a rush either.
Gordon: Here's what you need. You need 1. Someone big. 2. Someone not connected with a current music talent show. 3. Someone who can be massively critical and not worry about the repercussions. 4. Someone who is multi-genred.
Jason: Clive Davis
Chico: Perhaps. I mean, he's very much connected with the Idol franchise.
Gordon: I had someone in mind that fits. Someone who wants to be in the business and be even more main-streamed.
Jason: Who?
Gordon: I don't think Clive has that mean streak nor has that 'mean' reputation. But someone else does. Sean Combs.
Chico: I want to sing for Diddy. I can see the headlines now...
Jason: Maybe.
Gordon: If I'm Idol and I want a megastar who can be the next Simon Cowell, that's who I gun after. Keep in mind that in StarMaker, the person who he selected to win, Liz David, was a country singer.
Rob: Sounds right to me.
Chico: So it's on Fox. And that's down the line.
Jason: Yes.
Chico: Me? I'd go ahead and end on a high. Nine years with the kind of numbers they get is ... just astounding. You don't want to risk diluting the product just for the sake of having a show on. After all, look at Top Model. That was groundbreaking when it started... then it just overstayed its welcome.
Jason: That's your opinion.
Chico: You don't want to be that show that people say "It's not the show it once was".
Jason: I still think "Model" is relevant.
Rob: But not much as it once was.
Jason: But it still is.
Gordon: Model is still one of the CW's big hits. It's very relevant.
Jason: American Idol is the device that saved a lot of the entertainment industry.
Chico: You can't argue that.
Rob: Spawned a lot of shows, and is a pop culture staple now.
Gordon: Going back to the topic and conversation at hand. You can select the next judge. Who are you selecting?
Jason: Hmmmm
Chico: I think Clive Davis would be the "Safe pick". He worked with all of the Idol winners, and he's very much connected with the show, as his company signs the winners. But again, that would be the "Safe pick"
Jason: Right.
Gordon: Clive Davis won't get eyeballs. Sean Combs will. I'll stick with Diddy. Diddy is only a mega-gazillionaire who's been successful in every medium imaginable but who doesn't have the TV exposure. This is the perfect vehicle for him and you can't get much bigger. Clive Davis is definitely not a better pick than Diddy.
Jason: But Davis doesn't have the gun charges/City College stampede baggage with him.
Gordon: That happened years ago and I don't think anyone cares.
Jason: Maybe. You will get SOMEONE who will bring it up.
Gordon: But then again, this is how Republicans think, so why change that process now? :)
Chico: ONE more question before we move on and/or before Gordon and Jason kill each other.
Jason: LOL
Chico: Auditions started. Anything do anything for you, yet?
Jason: No. And the formula still stinks to a point.
Rob: Not really. You hardly get your should be winner on the first week.
Gordon: No. And certainly not Larry Platt, either.
Jason: Did we REALLY need to see the stereotypical violent cursing person and Larry Platt when we could have seen one or two of the GOOD auditions?
Brian: I want to forget that "Pants on the Ground" song out of my head.
Chico: I will say this, though. Let me tell you something... Earlier this week, I asked Gordon what he thought the over/under for the "Pants on the Ground" remix was.
Jason: And?
Chico: Gordon answered with 2 weeks..
Jason: Two hours right?
Chico: One day. They played it on Ace & TJ. Two hours maybe, but definitely one day.
Jason: (shudder)
Chico: Seriously, go to Youtube and search "Pants on the Ground remix" and you'll come across THREE.
Rob: One has quite a few views.
Brian: 1 hour and that's it.
Gordon: Well, when you asked, I meant it as a 'legal' version, not an illegal bootleg produced by some young rug rats who don't have the creative copyright to use that song.
Chico: So two weeks for the legal remix.
Gordon: Right. Now as for the talent this year, keep in mind that last year's winner, Kris Allen, got almost no airplay during this time vs. Adam Lambert, Anoop Desai, Lil Rounds and Danny Gokey.
Jason: And the judges (Mary J and Victoria) brought zero to the table.
Chico: I'm going to agree here. I mean, if you're going to have a guest judge, you gotta have some bite to it.
Jason: They seemed like placeholders for Ellen.
Rob: That's because they are.
Chico: Almost makes me wonder what Ellen's going to do. I mean... That is supposed to be the toughest room in America... and they're doing nothing with it. God help the toughest room in America.
Gordon: As for the judges, I agree. They didn't do anything for me, and they did seem like placeholders for Ellen. If anything, I thought Randy and Kara were very good when Simon wasn't around.
Chico: Heh. The classic axiom "I'd call you a genius except I'm in the room."
Jason: HA.
Gordon: They were very good from a critical perspective, but the bite that Simon has at the end isn't there. And I think people tune into the audition rounds to hear that.
Chico: To hear the bite, yeah.
Gordon: That's another reason why I'd go Diddy over Davis. Puff can give you that bite. Davis can't.
Chico: Listen, we'll get to all of this later, but we've got to move it along.
Gordon: Let's move on to some more shows premiering this week.
Chico: Three shows returned this week, each one better than the last. We start with Gordon's favorite thing to do in a New York library... feeding carrots to Ron Jeremy
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: I actually liked the Cowgirl hogtying up the poor college student, but to each their own.
Chico: Of course. Silent Library returned to the screens... And unless you have it on season pass, you probably didn't know about it.
Jason: The show is lowbrow, stupid and silly.
Chico: and you love it.
Jason: Bingo. I liked it.
Chico: I love it. You can't watch and not love it.
Rob: I just thought it was ok. I mean, it's good for a laugh or two, but it's not something I'd rush to watch.
Chico: Now this season there's two added wrinkles. The first... there may or may not be more than one danger card in play at a time
Gordon: In 2 cases, 5 people got hit with one.
Chico: Yep. And that makes for five times the hilarity. The second wrinkle... celebrities.
Gordon: You have celebrities in both the players and the obstacles they have to face.
Jason: Justin Bieber... Ron Jeremy...
Chico: One game had Ron Jeremy as a final challenge.
Jason: BTW...Did Jeremy swallow the carrots whole? ROFL
Chico: ... can't take you anywhere, Jason.
Jason: LOL
Gordon: You see, these are wrinkles that are GOOD for the game and help promote it. Especially the celebrities in terms of obstacles, because it makes the ability to stay quiet and not laugh that much tougher. You also had Jim Jones (Ballin') in a final challenge.
Chico: On the other side, you had Justin Bieber (One Time) and Asher Roth (I Love College) play the game.
Gordon: And you already had an all-girls episode. This is shaping up to be a better season than Season 1.
Chico: And season 1 was pretty top notch, so the next 16 episodes... good times.
Jason: This is a perfect network/game match
Chico: Staying in New York City, we go to Project Runway.
Jason: Welcome home Runway, we missed you.
Chico: We did.
Gordon: Project Runway comes back to New York City, and welcomes back judges Michael Kors and Nina Garcia.
Chico: This just feels right, you know? Project Runway, New York City... the gang's all here again.
Gordon: Yay, gang.
Chico: It just feels right, doesn't it?
Gordon: It does. Better than last season, where it felt like the show in name only.
Chico: Well, blame the courts for that. Other than that, it's the same show.
Jason: Exactly. And that's cool with me. The formula was great. Everything worked, and the person who left should have gone. And I want that HP computer.
Jason: Badly.
Chico: Sixteen designers, New York City. This week... you have to make a garment that describes who you are. Guest judging: Nicole Richie.
Jason: With fabrics strewn across benches in Central Park. What I LOVE about Tim Gunn is that he gives you JUST enough fabric to hang yourself.
Chico: Funny you would mention that, the fabric came from Mood.
Gordon: So you're saying that Tim is well hung? I didn't think you knew him that well.
Jason: ROFL. No. His fabric is :P
Chico: Wasn't going to go there, so Gordon did. Heh.
Gordon: :D
Chico: Emilio Sosa hangs with the winners, while Christiane King gets hung out to dry.
Gordon: Tim is the good advisor. And since we haven't done this in a while, let's pull out the primer sheets. Big Board please?

Gordon: Subject: Professor Pepper's Guide to Success Down the Runway. 1. Obviously, design well. Create great colors. Use the appropriate fabrics.
Jason: Right. That leather dress was good...until Jesus added a piece that was used horribly.
Gordon: 2. Work with the models. it's a competition for them, too, so you can afford to give them some tough love. Make them sell your ideas.
Chico: True.
Jason: Yup.
Chico: So much so that one of them gets eliminated following this show.
Jason: On "Models of the Runway"
Gordon: 3. NEVER ARGUE WITH THE JUDGES. You can politely agree and take constructive comments, but don't argue. That can get you sent home rather quickly.
Jason: That's the Idol rule.
Gordon: 4. Original Failure > Boring Success. If you go for the brass ring and blow it, it's still better than playing it safe. The judges want brilliance, not retreads. Many times in the show's history, someone got a second chance because they had a history of thinking out of the box.
Chico: That's just a universal truth.
Jason: The winning dress this week was very very good.
Chico: Especially when you're talking about precepts of style. See "The Complex" on that.
Gordon: 5. Plagiarism is BAD. Don't copy or knock off other designer's ideas, because it will get you sent packing. And don't copy off an identical dress. Also, do not bring in style books, magazines, etc. Breaking the rules is bad and you will get called on it.
Chico: This has happened before.
Jason: Yes it has.
Gordon: 6. Finally, be a character. There is a disclaimer that says that the judges AND producers consult together before eliminating a contestant. If it's a close call, and they have to select between the drama queen and the person with the personality of a brick, the brick leaves. That's why you have people that are 'villains' - because barring a disaster, they know they have shelf life.
Chico: Be an over-exaggerated version of yourself.
Gordon: Right.
Jason: Sounds like the game show contestant creed too. #6 anyway
Chico: See, folks... listen to this. So there you go.
Gordon: This can help you out a lot. Unfortunately, we move from our guidelines to the people who don't follow them as we get into the Mercury Retrograde part of our show.
Jason: (snaps fingers) ohmmmmmm
Gordon: You know, we get letters asking if such in such week at so and so was the worst week/episode ever. To answer your question this week on The Price is Right, we can safely say that THIS...is the Worst. Week. Ever.
Jason: This was HORRIBLE.
Chico: Can I give you an insight here? I mean, for weeks now... literally we've been talking up the Perfect Storm of crap. I mean, we have players who look as if they've never seen the game before. or they never talk to anyone on the line. And then we have games being made harder to win. Put the two together, and you have a 3-25-2 week.
Rob: Ouchies.
Jason: I think it was 40% contestants 60% setup.
Chico: Yeah. On one end, you have a Lucky Seven car that ends in a 9.
Rob: Which should never happen.
Chico: On the other hand, you have someone who really REALLY threw Clock Game. She looked cute in a blue wig, but her play was anything but.
Gordon: I will politely disagree here. I'm going to go 70% contestants. I mean some of these errors were unforgivable. And 2 of those wins were almost played as losses.
Chico: Please do explain, G.
Gordon: The Lucky 7 game with the car that ended in a 9 should have been won. If you've been following the show, you know that the producers have been adding in cars with a last number of 9. The contestant had $2 to lose. It's an easy number call there - 7. You cover both the 5 and 9.
Chico: That really should've been won there.
Gordon: Secret X - You had the contestant place their X's this way:

_ ? X
_ ? _
_ ? X

Gordon: Are you kidding me?
Chico: oh yeah. That was just unforgivable.
Jason: That was JUST WRONG.
Rob: I guess she doesn't know the basic rules of Tic Tac Toe.
Gordon: 10 Chances, which is the easiest car game, you had contestants coming up with bizarro guesses.
Rob: That was just a mess.
Chico: She didn't know the trick.
Gordon: I don't blame TPIR. I blame the Mercury Retrograde affecting the contestants. Here's the damage: 1 win on Monday, 0 wins and a bailout on Tuesday, SKUNK on Wednesday, 2 wins and a bailout on Thursday, and a SKUNK on Friday.
Jason: Damn. Wow. THUD.
Rob: Wow.
Gordon: Once again, I blame the contestant coordinators a little bit for keeping the people that know what they are doing in the audience and bringing the loud excitable bubble-headed morons up on stage.
Jason: I have to ask though. Do you think they are purposely picking BONEHEADS?
Chico: I don't think they're purposefully picking boneheads, but it's like Gordon said... You take in the shouters and the jumpers and the touchers... And they're all, you know, being exaggerated versions of themselves.
Gordon: If you want to get on the show and you know what you're doing, you need to scream, shout jump and act like a bubblehead.
Chico: For example.. Who wears a blue wig to a game show? OTHER than LMAD, of course.
Rob: Good Point.
Gordon: When I go over there next time, I'm wearing a silver spandex tank top and a kilt.
Chico: I'm going to shave the TPIR $ on my head.
Gordon: ...you got no hair. So maybe you need to spraypaint it on.
Chico: Maybe I do. Or get it inked on my arm or... something, but it seems ever since "The Bid", you can't get on the show unless you're a jumping shouting screaming touching bubblehead.
Rob: And Chico's right. It seems like the smart players are being phased out. It's a shame.
Gordon: Would you like a penny inked on your arm?
Chico: No thank you.
Gordon: Erica Kilbourne decided that she was going to come into the game and listen to the one piece of advice dad told her - play to the end. And don't take any deals. That advice...bad, very very bad. Because now the woman who wants to open up a foster home for kids now gets Little Orphan Annie's daily salary.
Rob: Making her the 2nd penny winner in the syndicated versions run, if I'm not mistaken.
Chico: Correct, and the third overall
Gordon: That is correct. She sees this board.

PENNY, $25, $200, $400, $1,000, $2,500, $25,000, $500,000
OFFER: $17,000

Jason: Go on
Chico: Play on
Rob: You play on here.
Gordon: You can go either way on this board. She elects to continue and $500,000 goes away.
Chico: Eww.
Gordon: Next Up...

PENNY, $200, $400, $1,000, $2,500, $25,000
OFFER: $4,000

Rob: Get out here. I deal here
Chico: Well, you're giving up $4000 for a shot at $21,000 more.
Rob: But you have to open 2.
Chico: On the other hand, you knock out $25,000... then you're not leaving with that $4000. That's going away forever.
Gordon: Again, a split decision. 1/3rd of a chance you open up $25,000. And that's what she does. So now, it's down to this:

PENNY, $2,500
OFFER: $1,300

Chico: DEAL.
Rob: NO brainer of a deal
Chico: Risk is greater than the payoff.
Jason: DEAL
Gordon: Erica goes all the way...and now she's Little Orphan Erica.
Chico: Here. Have a penny. And a smile.
Jason: (tosses penny)
Chico: :-)
Gordon: So that's what happens to Erica.
Chico: Everyone smiling?
Gordon: I was until I sat down by my TV on Thursday night to review 2 new shows on GSN.
Chico: Yep. Pretty much.
Rob: It made me miss Chain Reaction
Chico: One is a docudrama on the daily goings-on in the world of Carnie Wilson. It seems pretty out of place here.
Rob: It also doesn't help when your profile subject isn't intriguing at all.
Chico: At least when Chuck Woolery did it, it was light hearted. This... not so much.
Gordon: The first show is 'Unstapled', which features Carnie Wilson's attempts to get her life back in order. She's trying to lose weight with Diamond Dallas Page, control her spending habits, and open up a new desert business by establishing herself in a local shop. So let's start with 'The Good'. The producers are doing the best with what they have.
Chico: The bad.. It's NOT MUCH. The REALLY ugly: it's out of place. Seriously. I can see this on an Oxygen or a WeTV... but not on GSN. When I'm watching GSN... I expect to be entertained by the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. And the occasional hot hostess.
Gordon: Here's the problem, and it's 3 fold. 1. Carnie Wilson is a flawed character. She's compelling because she knows what she has to do, but she just doesn't do it. It's almost like she wants to do the wrong thing so we can scream at our TV sets until she does the right thing.
Chico: She likes the drama.
Rob: That really irked me, and it gets worse as the show goes on.
Gordon: 2. Her cast of characters and everyone around her is either cloying or gives you a sense of ennui. Honestly, Dallas Page intrigued me and I'd want to see a reality show of him helping out others more than I want to see Carnie freaking out because only a few people showed up due to her dessert testing only to get bailed out when her gay hairdresser friends show up and sing Italian songs to eat food.
Chico: I'll take Cloying for $200?
Gordon: 3. And this is the most important here. If I'm a game show fan, I don't care about Carnie Wilson's dessert line. I am watching this to see what goes on behind the Newlywed Game.
Rob: This is what made Naturally Stoned somewhat entertaining.  You got behind the scenes of Lingo.
Chico: And again, that's where Chuckles succeeded and this show fails. Because this was just absolutely unwatchable.
Rob: This was pretty bad.
Chico: I mean, it didn't do anything for me. I didn't want to root for anyone and at the same time, I was just waiting for this to end already.
Rob: I was rooting for DDP, and that was it.
Gordon: I want to see Newlywed Game Drama. See, THAT would be a good reason to put the show on GSN. Instead, we get ZERO references on The Newlywed Game. So there's zero reasons for this to be on GSN.
Rob: Carnie came off as very whiny and bitchy on this show. The sooner this ends, the better.
Chico: I'll review this in a moment, but I'm going to make a prediction. Mark it right here, right now. Three words... SIX WEEKS... GONE.
Jason: If that.

	CARNIE WILSON: UNSTAPLED - GSN
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	ROB	BRIAN	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	D	F	NO GRADE	D	NO GRADE	D

Gordon: It's an unlikable character in boring situations on a medium that we don't want to see. D, and I'm being VERY kind here.
Chico: You try and go for a demographic and... well, you remember Temptation. That just screams pigeonholing. That's exhibit A on what not to do if you're a network or a producer that specializes in game shows. I'm going to be the bad guy here... F.
Rob: I am in agreement with Chico. 6 weeks and nobody speaks of this again. Plus, this will probably get Carnie out of GSN.
Chico: I mean, the Bob Eubanks episode of TNG was a case for season 3. This may be a case against it. And I'm really hoping that it doesn't affect that product, because it's been quality as of late. But GSN may have stepped over that line in an effort to court the women.
Gordon: You can't bunch this in with The Newlywed Game, but if you're not going to even talk about The Newlywed Game, there's no reason why this show should be on GSN. I think if we're reviewing this on Lifetime, it would get better grades.
Chico: You are a network specializing in Game shows and game show related programming. Stick with that.
Rob: I don't think if it were on Lifetime, it would be well recieved.
Gordon: Lifetime or WE. It's still a bad, boring show, but at least it would be on the right network.
Rob: Anyways, if DDP wasn't on this show, it would be a Failure. But Carnie's show gets a D
Chico: Same could be said for Hidden Agenda. Which blends hidden cameras, game shows, and comedic group therapy into one big reality mishmash.
Gordon: After watching Hidden Agenda, I realized I can't fail Unstapled because there's something worse out there than Unstapled.
Rob: Michael Davies has lost his touch. This show was abysmally bad.
Brian: Congratulations, GSN, you've reached a new low.
Chico: Again, a good idea, but the wrong network. This was on TLC... it would work.
Gordon: No. If it was on WSUCK, the show would work. Here's the premise: You're at home and you need to have your loved ones do tasks for money on a hidden camera show.
Chico: And every task they do is worth cash money. But it seems that it's out for the women to be the hero and the husbands to be "the marks".
Gordon: And here's how to win on Hidden Agenda. Big Bored please?

Gordon: Subject: Strategic ways to win money on Hidden Agenda.
Chico: I got #1 right here. When in Doubt... Alcohol.
Gordon: 1. Get you, or your partner (or both of you) drunk.
Chico: CALLED IT! HA!
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: 2. Physically drag them around the room and force them to do the task.
Chico: How about acting like a jackass?
Gordon: 3. Act like a jackass and have your partner move along.
Chico: There you go.
Rob: Can we talk about the host?
Gordon: Let's talk about the host.
Rob: Debi Gutierrez, who's a comedienne, and a bad one at that.
Chico: Yeah. Another thing about that... umm., what's the prime directive of game show hosting...
Rob: Be personable and know what you're doing?
Chico: That's the secondary directive. The primary directive. You are a conduit.
Gordon: I didn't think she was that bad. I thought the problem was the material she had to work with, which was none. You also had 'the unknown sidekick' in the background talking about how they never thought 'John' would do tasks, but yet we don't know enough about John to know his personality on why he would or wouldn't do something. John was as active as a bump on a log.
Chico: You are there as a conduit. Your job is to move the game along with as little involvement as possible.
Gordon: Deb didn't move the game along at all.
Chico: Now you could argue that Debi breaking in with play-by-play is a consequence of there not being any entertainment value in and of the contestants. And that's a fault of the format.
Rob: Plus her commentary isn't even that good.
Chico: Nope.
Rob: I don't think she knew what the heck she was doing.
Chico: She was just being herself. And that... frankly is scary.
Rob: Very scary. But as a whole, this is a retread of Game Show IN My Head, and that is the scariest thing of all.
Chico: It's a retread of a lot of things. I'll still say this... Oblivious still has them all beat down.
Rob: Anything for Money, You're On. Oblivious was the best way to do this format. Quickie games for cash & It was enjoyable.
Gordon: I'm not going to grade a show because it's not as good as another show. I'm grading this show on it's merits, which is bad.
Rob: Plus, Regan really got into the show.
Chico: But back to this show. The good... well... there really wasn't any.
Rob: None at all.
Chico: Actually, that's not fair. Everyone did the best that they could with the material. That's good. The bad... It WASN'T MUCH to begin with.
Gordon: Debi wasn't terrible. She tried.
Chico: And I'll say about this what I said about unstapled... SIX WEEKS... GONE.
Rob: No, I'll go further. 3 weeks, gone. This, bar none is Michael Davies WORST show.
Chico: It'll make The Money List look inspired by comparison.
Gordon: There just wasn't substance here. And I don't get much joy from seeing other people getting drunk and dressing up in oversized gloves and singing like a chicken.
Chico: Bawk.
Gordon: This may also be the first show that Chico watched for 15 minutes, then forced me to recap the rest of the way.
Chico: I will take the rest of the run all the way.
Gordon: I bet you won't.
Chico: I bet you I will.
Gordon: Quisla will probably duct tape you to the seat so you can't get out while recapping it.
Chico: Ha! Okay, grades up.

	HIDDEN AGENDA - GSN
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	ROB	BRIAN	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	D-	F	NO GRADE	F	NO GRADE	F

Rob: Show was dismal, Debi Gutierrez is awful, games were horrid. This show gets an F from me. I hate this show and I just wish it would go away.
Chico: GSN... stick to game shows. F.
Brian: F, I also didn't like this show at all.
Gordon: D-. Debi was decent. She stops me from Failing the show outright. For me, giving out an F is hard. I only give those out when absolutely nothing about the show works.
Chico: We've seen this before. GSN tries something different. It fails. They go back to game shows that work. They succeed, and then gamble it on something different. Cycle continues.
Gordon: True. And then I have hidden footage of Eve the cat getting a shoulder massage from drew the bookworm, who dipped himself in chocolate first. Kinky.
Jason: Oh boy.
Rob: I think I'm gonna throw up.
Chico: And then I point to Gordon, and he says...
Gordon: We need more bath oil and chocolate sauce!
Jason: NO!
Brian: I'm about to lose my breakfast!
Rob: I just did.
Chico: I just threw up a little.
Gordon: ...oh. Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage?
Jason: That's better.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. First up... Let's talk business... I have a white and purple bat with the word "Hub" on it. Pay attention, this is relevant.

Going back to the TCA tour, we get the announcement of "The Hub", the new kids/family network from Discovery and Hasbro that will take Discovery Kids' slot this fall. Game shows will feature on the new network.

Chico: So keep an eye out for that.
Jason: Bob Boden is involved with this network I believe.
Chico: Yep. Our friend Bob Boden. He's one of the higher ups.
Rob: He'll produce some quality programming there.
Chico: Agreed.
Brian: Indeed.
Rob: Plus, didn't they register Catch Phrase as well in those talks?
Chico: I'm not sure. They might've.

ALSO... We get the announcement that "Minute to Win It" will drop on NBC March 14.

Chico: That, formerly titled "Perfect 10"
Jason: That title is LAME with a capital L.
Brian: Why the title change?
Rob: Better than Perfect 10
Brian: or change
Chico: I... don't know. So that's basically what we're looking at for midseason. Right after Jay Leno Show goes bye bye. Did I mention I was Team Conan?
Gordon: And here's what we're looking for next week...

No new game shows, but watch Friday as Team Conan goes South for the Winter, hibernating for a few months.

Chico: Yeah... And we may have a change of programming...This from the New York Times

George Clooney has spearheaded the creation of a telethon for the victims of the massive earthquake that hit Haiti last week. And it is going to air Friday on CNN, the major broadcast nets, the Viacom family of networks, and NatGeo, which means that Shark Tank and the Singing Bee may be preempted.

Chico: Keep an eye on the schedule for that.
Jason: And donate.
Chico: And if you want to help, you can go to redcross.org
Gordon: Can we donate Jay Leno to Haiti?
Chico: And I wish we could, Gordon... I wish we could. He needs to do a decent day's work rebuilding something for a change.
Gordon: His chin could be used for a blueprint on restructuring.
Chico: I could go for that. But back to happy fun. We go from Haiti to Uganda..

... the latest country to get their own version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire"

Jason: Cool.
Rob: Right On.
Chico: The top prize is equivalent to $12,500. And the show will follow the UK format.
Rob: Sounds fun.
Chico: three lifelines... 50/50, ATA and the recently departed from the US version PAD. Sorry, PAF.
Gordon: PAD. Could that be Phone-A-Dumbass?
Brian: LOL
Chico: *points to self*
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: We got a lot to choose from this week, but here's your winner...er...loser...

Are YOU Smarter than....Jamal Trulove, who goes on trial this week and who had been on the run since July of 2007 but was caught in 2008 thanks to someone recognizing him as a suitor on Season 2 of 'I Love New York'

Jason: ROFL No way? That's funny.
Chico: Woops.
Brian: Unbelievable.
Jason: Reality's most Wanted
Gordon: He was known as 'Miliown' and got thrown off the show by Tiffany 'New York' Pollard due to excessive fighting.
Chico: Gee. I wonder why.
Gordon: He's currently on trial for the murder of Seu Kuka
Brian: Miliown...more like MiliownED.
Chico: Ooooh... Point, Brian.
Gordon: Now who wants some Haterade?
Rob: Yummy.
Jason: I do.
Brian: Sure.

Since we didn't chat about it last week, Rozlyn Papa gets booted from The Bachelor due to 'improprieties' between her and a producer. According to Papa, it was because they wouldn't let her talk about her son. According to some of the Bachelorettes who claimed to see Papa canoodling with said producer, it's much more than that.

Chico: You know, Rozlyn can say this or that about him or her... but there were witnesses. You can't dispute witnesses. And when the only person to come to your case is Wes Hayden... yeah, you see where I'm going with this.
Rob: Nope.
Jason: Not just canoodling,
Chico: And in the end, you can talk whatever about your son, but the decision to do what you allegedly did... was yours.
Gordon: If you are trying to be in love with a Bachelor, you don't go making moves on a producer's leg
Chico: I'm not bitter... I'm just saying.
Gordon: Chico's bitter because he hasn't been selected to be the next Bachelor yet.
Chico: Ha.
Gordon: So...hey, look!



Rob: GAHHHH!
Jason: AH!
Chico: Iiiiiiiiii loooooooove the deeeeeeead..

Bob Guiney, who was on The Bachelor and GSN's Bingo Blitz, may soon be a bachelor. His marriage to Rebecca Budig is supposedly as toasted as David Hasselhoff when he orders a cheeseburger while naked on the floor.

Chico: There's your Bingo Blitz right there.
Jason: Whoops.
Rob: I wonder who the other person was.
Gordon: I know that Chico must be overjoyed that we're spending so much time discussing his faaaaaaavorite show.
Chico: Hey! Let's talk about something else!
Gordon: Ok! Let's get Fully Loaded!
Jason: HIC

GSN is now streaming full episodes on its site. Included in the list: 20Q, The Money List, Catch 21, and Lingo.

Jason: Joy.
Rob: Sounds like good online watching.
Chico: Oh yeah. Good. If you have an hour to kill. And hey, you can fast forward through the boring bits. And Gordon jokes.... HERE!
Gordon: When do we get full episodes of Big Saturday night?
Brian: Never!
Jason: ROFL
Rob: Hopefully NEVER!
Chico: 30th of February! Okay, let's round it out with a Casting Couch.

The Online Test is back, and this time, EVERYONE's in on it!

Jason: For Jeopardy that is :)

Registration is now open for kids, Teen Tournament, College Championship, and adults. Go to Jeopardy.com to qualify.

Chico: I did. Now I'm in the pool. They still didn't call, though.
Gordon: Aw.
Rob: Maybe next time, Chico.
Chico: Maybe. For more on the ho... here's G. *plays "Pimpin' All Over the World"
Gordon: Who wants the low down on the hoe-down?
Rob: Fine by me.
Jason: I do.

Here's the low-down on the Hoe Down: Gail Simmons it the new judge for Season 2 of Top Chef: Masters, Mel B is the host for season 2 of Dance Your Ass Off, Howie Mandel is the new judge of Season 5 of America's Got Talent... Peter Marshall sings for the 2010 Champagne Pops Series, Heidi Klum says that Project Runway may move BACK to CA, and Brooke Burke hosts season 3 of She's Got the Look.

Gordon: But none of them are your Ho of the Week.
Chico: Who would that be, my brother from another mother?
Gordon: It would be Larry Platt and his pants
Chico: Ah.
Jason: oh boy.
Gordon: They are making the round, starting with The View on Monday.
Rob: Fun times to be had I'm sure.
Chico: And of course... making the rounds on YouTube.
Gordon: of course. And those...are your hoes. And that's Brainvision. Shut it down.
Jason: Shutting down
Chico: Still to come, one more round with the porcelain throne, but first... everything you need to know about American Idol in six easy bits. This is WLTI... You give us 22 minutes, we'll give you 22 pairs of pants on the ground.
Gordon: and 2 co-anchors begging for them to be put back on.

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