Episode 23.16 - Baggage Claim
April 26
Chico: Hey gang, I'm Chico Alexander... and my
baggage says "rooms with my sister", and "works at night", and "hangs around
with Gordon Pepper." I've been told that the last one was a deal breaker.
Gordon: If the last one was a deal breaker, then you're setting your sights
really, really low. :P
Chico: Not THAT low. =p
Gordon: Anyway, this is Gordon Pepper, and from somewhere in Chico Alexander's
closet, this week's edition of We Love To Interrupt...is...on!
Chico: We've got a lot to cover, so we'll start with the punchline of the joke
"What do you get when you cross Deal or No Deal with The Dating Game?
Gordon: Howie Mandel making out with Jim Lange in the back.
Chico: Ew. =p OR...GSN's newest series, "Baggage". The premise is simple. One
person prescreens three prospective dates based on the emotional hangups in
their suitcases, or, as they are called in game, "their baggage". Whoever's left
at the end of the show will win a date IF they can accept the central subject's
own baggage. Now "baggage" can come in all shapes and sizes. We have had a woman
whose boobs were two different sizes, giggity.
Gordon: Let's talk about The Good. Jerry Springer is the PERFECT host for this
show. Now if you know Springer, he's had a lot of experience hosting game shows
in the UK.
Chico: VERY. His delivery is spot on. The format... ALSO spot on. Nothing is
sacred in here, and the show doesn't take itself seriously.
Gordon: It doesn't, and that's a charm, It's being played for laughs and it's a
light show with not much at stake except a date and a chance to know people.
Chico: It's good stuff. And truth be told, it leads RIGHT out of TNG. So... GSN
did good for once? =p
Gordon: Well...not completely good. The Bad: You've seen this before.
Chico: Let me guess. Studs? =p
Gordon: Yep. Done in a semi-different format, but it's the same premise. It's
not a clone of Studs, but it's also something I'm not sure the people who are
Jeopardy and Match Game enthusiasts are going to get behind.
Chico: No. I mean, you know guys like us, we take things as they come,
abandoning any preconceived notions and what not.
Gordon: It's obvious that this got greenlighted because of the ratings for The
Newlywed Game and then coming up with a companion piece for it.
Chico: But if you're longing for the GSN of 10 years ago, you've probably formed
your own opinion of this without having seen a single episode. You're probably
having relapses of Burt Luddin's Love Buffet and saying "no me gusta" while
huddled in the fetal position.
|
BAGGAGE
GSN |
CHICO |
GORDON |
AVERAGE |
A- |
B |
B+ |
Gordon: Petty much. But unlike Love Buffet, this
show succeeds in the execution. It's not going to win any Emmys, but this is
solid entertainment, and based on GSN's resume, you could do worse. A lot worse.
B.
Chico: This isn't the second coming of Love Connection or the Dating Game or
hell, even Singled Out, but the show succeeds in lighthearted foibles and
execution, and it doesn't pretend to be anything it isn't. And truth be told,
I'm depraved enough to like it. I'm going A-. It's the dating show for people
who hate dating shows. At least I think so :-)
Gordon: Well, I do hate dating shows, but I like this. Does that make me
depraved?
Chico: No, not exclusively. And bonus, if you missed the show on your DVR
(raises hand)... the day's reruns are available the next day at GSNTV.com. I
believe that's a first for a daily GSN original.
Gordon: I think so. And good for GSN to start promoting their shows.
Chico: It only took them... well, never mind how long it took them.
Gordon: The same amount of time it took America to finally get rid of Tim Urban?
Chico: About right, yeah.
Gordon: This week was Idol Gives Back. They raised around 45 million for charity
(the least given out in the series, but still a nice number). They also give
back Tim Urban to society.
Chico: I'd like to give the 2.5 hours spent on Idol Gives Back back.
Gordon: Yeah, it was lack luster, just like most of American Idol's result
shows. And like the performance shows, the performances by the Idolists (save
for Crystal Bowersox and Lee DeWyze) were also lackluster. Is this crops of
singers bad, or is it that Crystal is that much better than everyone else?
Chico: YES? Okay, let me elaborate. Right now, it's a two horse race: Crystal
and Lee; Crystal for people who honestly believe this is a singing competition,
and Lee for people who don't really like Crystal. I can't imagine anyone out
there not liking Crystal, but there you are.
Chico: Coming up the curve is Siobhan and Mike, who aren't in the same league as
the two, but they're in the rearview mirror... Tiny, but existent.
Gordon: Well, Crystal does have an air of arrogance around here, and she's being
pimped by Simon, who would probably go out and strangle America if Crystal
doesn't win.
Chico: She's being groomed as it were? Or she's just buying into her own press?
Gordon: I think both for Crystal. I think Siobhan has a chance at the upset. I
don't think Mike has a shot, because he's picking ridiculously bad songs. I
actually think Casey also has a shot to win. I think Aaron may be leaving next.
Chico: Possibly, yes. I mean, I can reserve a place in the bottom for Aaron
right now. And I believe we called Aaron choking on "I Believe I Can Fly" That
is a BIG song. You save that in your arsenal for when you need votes for the
final, AND you have the voice for it. We're not near the final yet. And Aaron's
not the singer he thinks he is.
Gordon: Not just that, but he didn't perform it well. The Casey James fans will
be voting to save him. But here's where it gets tricky. What genre is Casey
James?
Chico: Guitar-driven rock
Gordon: What genre is Crystal Bowersox?
Chico: acoustic rock.
Gordon: What genre is Lee DeWyze?
Chico: A little of column A and a little of column B. One of them is going to be
in the bottom. Perhaps two.
Gordon: What genre is Michael Lynche?
Chico: MAYBE even all three. Confused. :-) He wants to be a rocker, but he's
really an R&B singer.
Gordon: As I said, he's picking the wrong songs. Are you going to have 4 rockers
in the Top 5?
Chico: NO. You'll be lucky if you have three.
Gordon: I agree. I don't think you will. I think Tim's vote goes directly to
Aaron. He'll be safe, Siobhan (who now carries the R&B Vote) will be safe, and
we lose a rocker. Casey's fans will be voting to save him, so it could be
Michael leaving. If it isn't...hoo boy.
Chico: There's going to be a riot somewhere. Trust me on this. Someone's going
to have their heart broken... and perhaps Crystal may get the drag down to earth
that she needs. And yes, she needs one.
Gordon: She could. Because I can see a Crystal/Lee/Michael bottom 3 next week.
Chico: All depends on who can perform... country. Michael may need to channel
Darius Rucker or something.
Gordon: Or maybe Russell to manipulate America to vote for him.
Chico: Let's get something out of the way first. JT is gone. Duh. We know it was
going to happen. We went over why.
Gordon: We did. Though this week we see how, and it was very entertaining.
Chico: Oh yeah.
Gordon: The seeds of JT's destruction were sown on the episode prior, when he
tosses Russell his immunity idol.
Chico: Russell in turn tosses it to Parvati. Why? No idea.
Gordon: Russell then uses it against him, as he gives it to Parvati, who gives
it to Jerri, who was the target of the heroes votes.
Chico: Parvati ALSO has a pocket idol. And she uses it to save Sandra.
Gordon: And since the heroes think that Parvati will use her idol on her (and
they won't target Russell because they want to flip him), and Danielle won
immunity, (so they can't vote her out), that leaves the heroes out of options to
eliminate.
Chico: Now the big question... What happens now? Because if I'm one of those
three, I see Russell as a threat.
Gordon: So the Villains have their choice of targets. Who do you vote out? The
one hero left who's already won Survivor, hence the biggest threat.
Chico: A big one. So who's next? Amanda?
Gordon: I think she has to be next. If I'm Russell, I target her to leave
because she does have ties to Parvati. However, I think that since Amanda
blatantly lied to Parvati, I don't think Parvati will have the same qualms about
getting rid of her that she did in season 16. What if Russell and Parvati
targeted each other, thinking that neither one of them would see the other
coming?
Gordon: Not a chance. The villains aren't dumb.
Chico: Just throwing it out there.
Gordon: If I'm the Villains, it's a no-brainer that Amanda has to go next.
Chico: And if I'm the heroes... I think it's time to get into the game and start
playing dirty.
Gordon: The person to work on would be Sandra. since she warned Rupert what
would happen and she was right.
Chico: Because Sandra will swing. This is a fact. It's what got her the win in
the first place.
Gordon: Yes. but will she swing now? I don't think so.
Chico: Not with her in the power position she thinks she's in. I can see where
swinging would put her in deep doo-doo with the villains. Let's swing over to
the Donald's boardroom.
Gordon: Speaking of deep doo doo...bye Goldberg.
Chico: Awww. From what I hear, it was the most one-sided beat down since...
well, ever.
Gordon: Well it was bad, but in Trace Adkins words, The Donald fired the wrong
person. Yes, Goldberg was the Project Manager, but Bret Michaels did everything,
and he should have been the one bounced.
Chico: Question, was Goldberg the one that told Bret to do everything?
Gordon: Yes and no. Goldberg gave Bret the ball. The decisions were made by
Bret.
Chico: The task was, by the way, makeover an aspiring country singer.
Gordon: Right. Which should have been Michael's forte.
Chico: Right. So honestly he should've taken the ball and run with it. He was
just in the wrong position. So it's not so much that Bret dictated what went on,
but he let Goldberg be the fall guy for it.
Gordon: Right. So let's go to last Sunday's episode. Now you know that we
considered Sharon Osbourne the 'Golden Child' as The Donald kept her on despite
her not being around for 2 of the episodes.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: So this week, she's the project manager of the losing team and The
Donald decides....NO ONE is to be fired because they all did a good job, raising
the highest amount of any non-finale episode. Now you knew there would be a
non-elimination episode somewhere, since you had Michael Johnson quit, but did
they really do a good job, or was it a way to protect Osbourne?
Chico: Now here's the thing. Sharon was directly responsible for the team's
loss. She handled the money. She stepped up in that role. The Donald has been
known to do far worse to entire teams that didn't step up and maintain the money
flow. But here's Sharon... and she's saying "I handle the money, it's my job,
you just do whatever"... that is going to create a loss!
Gordon: So you think she should have been fired? Or do you think we're in star
protection mode and everyone did a 'good job'?
Chico: Well, I'm not going to discount performance, because again.. a lot of
money came in... But a game is a game, and you have to play the game to the end.
So I can see where the Donald is rewarding a job well done, but at the same
time, I can see where the Donald is not going to slaughter his golden goose any
time soon. So yes, Sharon should've been fired.
Gordon: If she wins the series, is it a legitimate win?
Chico: It's a HUGE ASS...terisk. I still don't think it's going to happen,
though.
Gordon: We'll see if she does. Now this week, we celebrated Earth Day. So did
game shows; specifically, The Price s Right and Let's Make a Deal.
Chico: Yep. WE had all green prizes on the CBS dynamic duo.
Gordon: Do tell.
Chico: The greenest of which was also the hottest... a Tesla Roadster. It was on
"The Green Road" on TPIR... which is usually golden, but went green for this
time only.
Gordon: Over $110,000 worth of green.
Chico: That's a lot of hotness. Here's the board:
$112,_45
Chico: You're using the price of a spa: $5368
Gordon: OK. It won't be a 5 (no repeat numbers) and $112,345 is too easy. That
leaves the 6 and 8. Since I know you're not going to give me a new Tesla if I
get it right, I'll say 6.
Chico: It's 8. I thought it was 6 too, if it makes you feel any better
Gordon: Would you have given me a tesla if I got it right?
Chico: No. :-) So a $112K Tesla Roadster... and a refurbished Bentley the show
prior... Good-NESS. As for Let's Make a Deal... we have a lot of green, but not
a lot of it going out the doors.
Gordon: TPIR also give out $11,500 on Plinko, an electric ATV and recycled
items, including cell phones and natural things like flowers for a year. Now
Chico, how much would you bid on a solarium, a patio set, an electric grill and
a Mercury Milan Hybrid?
Chico: $51,515. That hybrid's a monster.
Chico: Now you tell me... How would you bid on an electric motorcycle, a trip to
Costa Rica, and a sailboat?
Gordon: I wouldn't. I'm passing it to Jay...
Chico: Sowwee. J's not here.
Gordon: Grrr. $16,969.
Chico: Your Showcase is... $32,950. My Showcase is... $51,897! I WIN!
Gordon: Pbbt. What about Let's Make a Deal?
Chico: The priciest prize offered: the $26,000-plus Big Deal of the Day, a home
green makeover. Going back to TPIR, you didn't want a motorcycle, anyway. But I
bet the hamsters do.
Gordon: I can see that now. And Eve in the side car with a megaphone.
Chico: Because she likes attention.
Gordon: She does. I bet she also likes BrainVision,. Roll that beautiful Brain
Footage.
(Doug:
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your
frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico
Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thank you, Mr. Doug Morris.
Gordon: Let's start with a date book.
Chico: K
We
have Soccer Aces. That shows up on April 27th. And on April 29, see who crosses
the finish line first on the season finale of Bullrun
Gordon: I'm guessing that that we have ideas springing up to take over the
departed shows?
Chico: I can think of a few.
Chico: What would you say about puppets?
Gordon: ...puppets?
Chico: I'll get to puppets in a bit, but first...
Destroy
Build Destroy is cleared for a second season later this year. Food Network has
lined up no less than SIX cooking competition series.
Gordon: Good for Destroy Build Destroy. What cooking competition series do we
get?
Chico: We get "Cupcake Wars", "24 hour Restaurant Battle", "Food Trucks", and
new seasons of Next Iron Chef, Worst Cooks in America, and Next Food Network
star. We'll get to the Food shows later. Finally... Puppets.
GSN is lining up "Late Night Liars", which features a panel of Jim Henson's
Muppets that may or may not be telling you the truth about something.
Chico: I know you're looking forward to that already, if only for the Muppets.
Because if you out there don't know... Gordon LOVES the Muppets.
Gordon: I do love the Muppets. HOWEVER...4 Muppets on a To Tell The Truth Style
show?
Chico: Five.
Gordon: 5. You know what I would like about the show?
Chico: What would you like about the show?
Gordon: And I'm being serious here. If they did a new version of The Liar's Club
with Muppets, that would be cool to see.
Chico: I think we may be seeing some Liar's Club elements at work. We'll find
out in due time. And as soon as we find out, you find out. Now i need a bat.
Hand me a golden one.
Gordon: (Hands Chico the Golden Bat)
The
Daytime Emmys are in Vegas this year! Even better... they're back on CBS!
Gordon: WHoo hoo!
Chico: Any favorites going in? If I had to choose three for the big two
categories of importtance, I'd go Cash Cab, Jeopardy!, and in a shock, Let's
Make a Deal, and their corresponding hosts for the hosts nod.
Gordon: I'd remove let's Make a deal and put in Wheel of Fortune. What about
nominations for dumb people of the week?
Chico: I always have a few, but go on.
Nomination
#1: Are YOU Smarter than...Big Brother Season 9 player 9 Matt, who was arrested
for assault and battery after allegedly attacking his pregnant fiancé?
Chico: Seriously, though... that was a dumb move
Nomination #2: Are YOU Smarter than...Jon Gosselin, who first sends his
lawyer to verbally attack Dancing With the Star's Kate Gosselin, then fires him
and wants to iron things out.
Chico: Will you two get off my TV?
Nomination #3: Are YOU Smarter than...Russell Hantz, who is also arrested for
assault after allegedly pushing someone to the ground.
Gordon: Joker...Joker....and a Triple.
Chico: So we have three pushes.
Gordon: Who wins?
Chico: Nobody =p
Gordon: Nice.
Chico: Actually. I'll go off the board and say Ben Roethlisberger. :-)
Gordon: If he was in a game show, I would have added him.
Chico: Give him a couple of years, he'll be Dancing with the Stars. It's the new
rehab.
Gordon: And here's the person presenting the award.
Bret
Michael's Rock of Love gets stoned (Get better soon, Bret), while Next Food
Network Contestant's Adam Gertler's 'Will Work For Food' gets worked off the
schedule.
Chico: Awww.
Gordon: So it's a nice post-awards feast for Augustus, our resident Game Show
Zombie stripper. Adam may want to get Fully Loaded.
Chico: *hic* I don't really brush on online videos... but this was killer funny.
If
you saw SNL last Saturday, you saw one of the best game show parodies the show's
done in a while. They lampooned Steve Harvey's stint on Who Wants to Be a
Millionaire... and Kenan Thompson was dead on.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/144713/saturday-night-live-who-wants-to-be-a-millionaire#s-p1-sr-i1
Chico: The host that night, Gabourey Sidibe of "Precious"... and she was pretty
good, too.
Gordon: Yes she was. It was a pretty good skit.
Chico: Imagine choosing "The Great Gassy", "Elisis," "Angels and Dominicans",
and "Last of the Moeshas."
Gordon: Nice.
Chico: Good stuff.
Gordon: Also good stuff this week - we have a BIG Casting Couch.
Chico: Cast away.
Gordon: Starting with this:
Are
You Smarter than a 5th Grader and want to win $250,000? If so, go here:
http://www.realitywanted.com/call/7212-now-casting-are-you-smarter-than-a-5th-grader-win-up-to-250000
Chico: Alrighty.
Gordon: In that same vein...
Want to be on Minute to Win it? Go here:
http://www.realitywanted.com/call/7021-nbcs-newest-game-show-minute-to-win-it
Chico: And... *takes notes*
Let's say you want to marry into money instead. The Millionaire Matchmaker
wants you! Go here:
http://www.realitywanted.com/call/7005-casting-bravos-the-millionaire-matchmaker-season-4-new-york
Chico: ... yeah, that's not happening.
Gordon: You're bald and sexy. Go get her, Tiger.
Chico: ... naah. The last thing I want is to be on that show. It's not even a
game show. Even by the loosest definition.
Gordon: Well if you prefer music instead and want to be the next songwriter/hitmaker...
go here:
http://www.realitywanted.com/call/7204-bravo-is-now-casting-for-their-next-breakout-series-hitmakers-the-ultimate-music-competition
Chico: Now I can do that.
Gordon: Are you a music writer and player?
Chico: I am actually. Have been since I was 12.
Gordon: Nice. Then go for it.
Chico: Alright. I'm also terribly boring =p
Gordon: And finally, and I know you'll be going for this one, Chico...
Chico: Which means I probably won't. :-)
Who wants to be on Jersey Shore? You know you do. Go here!
http://www.realitywanted.com/call/7202-mtvs-jersey-shore-now-casting
Chico: And... I'd be right.
Gordon: I know media hoes that would though.
Chico: Ah, right. (plays "Pimpin' All Over the World")
In this week's Media Ho Report, Steve Harvey gives an entrepreneurial lecture
in Atlanta, Derek Hough does Strictly Come Dancing on the UK, Simon Cowell is
chosen as the man that women 'shouldn't but would' want to have sex with...Betty
White goes naked for Pinks, Ali Fedotowski ran into the erupting volcano,
Crystal Bowersox thought about quitting Idol...Rod Blagojevich talks to Elvis'
stepbrother, Seth Aaron Henderson wins Project Runway, and Bob Guiney and his
soon to be ex-wife meets him...
Chico: I imagine that he's going to be more Richard Dawsonesque on the GSN Live
set.
Gordon: Probably. Maybe he can find true love that way. But none of them are the
hoes of the week.
Chico: Tell me about the Hoes of the Week.
Gordon: They are the following: Stephen "tWitch" Boss, Comfort Fedoke, Courtney
Galiano, Anya Garnis, Lauren Gottlieb, Neil Haskell, Allison Holker, Mark
Kanemura, Pasha Kovalev, Kathryn McCormick, Ade Obayomi and Dominic "D-trix"
Sandoval. Those are your 12 'All-Stars' that will be paired with contestants for
next season's 'So You Think You Can Dance.'
Chico: ... Nice choices amongst those that didn't defect to that other dance
show. Could use a little Hok, though.
Gordon: Nice choices, but once again, I'm concerned that the audience will be
voting for their favorite all-=stars and not the contestabnts. And those...are
your hoes.
Chico: And finally, let's cross the pond. We have a baby and a zombie.
Gordon: Baby Zombie?
Chico: No, separate.
Gordon: ok
Chico: Coincidentally, they both hail from Japan.
Premiering this week on Channel 4... Iron Chef UK.
Gordon: Yay!
Chico: Who wants to bet THAT comes to BBC America?
Gordon: I bet it will. Now who's the Zombie?
Chico: The Zombie...
... is Hole in the Wall, which BBC axes this week as well.
Gordon: Aw. Since it jut did so well here in the states.
Chico: Ain't that the truth?
Gordon: I don't know about that, but the truth is that Brainvision is over. Shut
it Down.
Chico: Done.
(Shuts Down)
Chico: Still to come, the always fun heads on a stick. But first... baby food!
Gordon: You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22
recyclable products that you can use to create your own game show.
(BrainVision has been brought to you by Cash Volcano. Forget a skyscraper.
We'll take your money to Iceland and drop it in the mouth of a hungry volcano.
Also works for old computers, cash for klunkers and crooked politicians.)
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