Episode 26.13 - Season's Reamings
April 18

Gordon: So I'm Charlie Sheen, but I'm funny?
Chico: Yes.
Jason: Yes.
Chico: And you don't partake.
Gordon: Well then, let's get to where Charlie may be in a few weeks. The WLTI Court is NOW in session! The less-than-honorable Gordon Pepper residing.
Chico: ... wait for it..
Jason: Here comes da judge.
Chico: ... wait for it..
Gordon: Order in my court!
Chico: 50/50 BURGER WITH SWEET POTATO FRIES, BEEYATCH! :-)
Jason: Burger and Fries.
Chico: .... Seriously, that's a great burger.
Jason: What's a a 50/50 burger
Chico: half beef half bacon. Joe Van Ginkel introduced me to it.
Gordon: I'm glad you ordered the burgers. We have some meaty cases on the docket this week.
Chico: Present, sir.
Gordon: We start with...

CHARGED: GSN
ACCUSED OF: Attempted Murder through Ennui.

Gordon: Is Love Triangle so bad that someone needs to lose a job?
Chico: Yes.
Jason: GUILTY. Who brought this mess on should be fired...it's not a game show.
Gordon: While I agree that the show is an awful incoherent mess, I will say that GSN has been on the right direction as of late.
Chico: REALLY...
Jason: Yes. Gordon is right.
Gordon: Baggage, Catch 21, Newlywed Game, Improv-a-ganza, while not my cup of tea, will do well, 1 Vs. 100 (which I hear may be getting renewed) and possibly a Power of 10 Revival. And let's not forget Lingo
Chico: Of course. But someone has to pay for foisting Love Triangle. And someone has to remember that it's the game, not the people hosting. I mean... you turn on a game show network. It's cause you want to watch a game show.
Jason: I do want blood. This is crap.
Chico: I'll settle for a drop. Someone needs to pay for this.
Gordon: So GUILTY Then. Sentence?
Jason: a 6 month unpaid internship with Bob Boden to see how it's done.
Chico: JUSTICE!
Gordon: Very well. Next case?
Chico: Next case...

ACCUSED: Donald Trump
CHARGE: Excessive media ho-ing.

Jason: The "presidential" run?
Chico: Yup. Is he? Isn't he? He says he'll say something on the finale, even as he's not supposed to. NEVER MIND THAT, look at the ratings!
Jason: May I get legitimately serious for a second?
Gordon: Please do
Jason: Trump is trying to run as a Republican nominee. His views and politics are starting to come out and getting the media anal probe and he is not liking it. We all know that Trump likes to be in CONTROL of everything he does. And how his image is presented.
Gordon: Of course
Jason: Some of the things (like an eminent domain case in Atlantic City) and his support of former Speaker Nancy Pelosi and some Democratic candidates are ticking off people.
Gordon: Now Like Jason, I also follow politics. This may or may not be a joke, but e thing is serious - in public polls, Donald Trump has been linked as one of the MAJOR positive responses. Meaning that he is considered a front-runner and people may vote for him should he get to the primaries.
Jason: He won't. That's the thing.
Chico: He's not even going to get on the pot.
Jason: This ends on the Season Finale of the Apprentice.
Gordon: I think if he runs, he'll do better than what you guys think. That being said, I agree with both of you and I don't think he runs.
Chico: He's just doing this for the attention. Because he knows if he doesn't get it, his show (and his fortunes) are done for.
Jason: And to answer the charge. GUILTY.
Gordon: The ratings for his show, since he has started, however, have gone up. So it's NOT excessive media hoing, because he has accomplished his purpose. NOT GUILTY. This may have saved his show.
Jason: So not Guilty, huh?
Chico: Maybe... but who's going to take him seriously?
Jason: No one.
Gordon: I don't think he intends to run.
Jason: I don't either.
Gordon: I think he intended to get ratings for his show, and he succeeded in spades.
Chico: I remember when the show sold itself. So that said... guilty.
Jason: Can I change my ballot?
Gordon: We have a waffler in the jury box!
Jason: Yeah because I get what you mean. It isn't EXCESSIVE. It's TRUMP.
Chico: I ORDER A MISTRIAL! WE HAVE A WAFFLER!


JURY

Chico: HUNG JURY. She bangs!
Jason: LOL
Gordon: Next one...

Accused: Interscope Records
Charge: Breach of Contract

Chico: Can't wait for this one.
Jason: Me too.
Gordon: As we all know Pia Toscano got the boot from American Idol. Interscope Records (who is part of Project 19 entertainment) has already gotten in contact with her and is planning on releasing an album to be released right after Idol ends. Now legally, they CAN do this, but should you be doing it when you have 7 more singers on your show?
Jason: NOT GUILTY. Strike while the iron is hot and do it.
Chico: Legal, yes. Highly unethical, though. And Jimmy has to put his stamp on it before he does, which he's in no hurry to do... so NOT GUILTY on a technicality.
Gordon: What's the shelf life on losing Idol contestants?
Chico: Not named Clay or Jennifer?
Gordon: or Daughtry
Chico: Not long
Gordon: Not long at all. Pia Toscano is not going to be hotter than she is now. The only other time will be the Idol finale. If I'm Interscope, I almost HAVE to do this because if she fades out for 6 months, no one's going to remember her. Not Guilty.
Jason: Jimmy and Interscope can go
Chico: Right. Next case...

ACCUSED: The Nielsen Company
CHARGE: Cooking the books.

Jason: uh oh
Chico: A new calculus to take DVR and repeat viewing into account has gone into effect this week, and as a result, Family Feud has jumped to tie Millionaire with a 2.5 last week. Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader and Don't Forget the Lyrics!, both of which will end mercifully in May, are tied at 1.0. This from B&C
Jason: NOT GUILTY. You have to do this. The DVR and repeat viewing are important enough statistics. Why this wasn't done sooner, I don't know.
Chico: The change was made to prepare for the inclusion of online viewing, but most syndicators probably welcome it since they sell advertising based on gross average audience ratings. Media outlets, such as B&C, had stuck with the AA ratings when reporting show performances because evaluating shows based on single-viewing numbers was viewed as a fairer way to compare shows when some had strong double-runs and others did not.
Gordon: I actually like this change. If you're watching shows as a repeat or online, they should still count as being watched. Not Guilty.
Chico: Agreed. Not Guilty. Next case!
Gordon: Next one...

Accused: Davina McCall
Charge: Stalking

Chico: I heard about this one.
Gordon: Davina admits that she spies on her husband's Facebook to see what's going on. Is this excessive?
Chico: Hell yeah, it's excessive. Guilty.
Jason: Way GUILTY. Bad Davina
Gordon: This is an invasion of privacy. GUILTY!
Jason: Sentence: Someone posts her entire Facebook History for everyone to see...UNFILTERED.
Chico: Including the naughty bits?
Jason: OF COURSE THE NAUGHTY BITS
Gordon: Oooh. Naughty bits. Last one?
Chico: Last one...

ACCUSED: Nigel Lythgoe
CHARGE: two counts of..

Chico: ... Gentlemen?
Everyone: MAKING COPAAAAYS!
Chico: The first is for Secret Fortune, which is basically Deal or No Deal with envelopes. Based on the UK format.
Gordon: GUILTY!
Rob the Cash Cow: MOOOOO
Jason: The 2nd?
Chico: The second count.. for suggesting that maybe the elimination mode of SYTYCD should be implemented into the American Idol
Gordon: It shouldn't. because that takes away the impetus to vote. GUILTY!
Jason: GUILTY
Chico: Sentences?
Gordon: He should have to watch the WHOLE season of Love Triangle.
Chico: TWICE
Jason: In HD
Chico: on multiple screens.
Gordon: And with that., the session is closed. Coming up next - a NEW game.
Chico: Oohhh
Jason: OOOH :)

(Brought to you by Million Dollar Cram. We'll keep you up for 24 hours but now you have to stay awake through events. Can you get through a golf match for $10,000? Can you get through a Barack Obama speech for $50,000? The Vice President of the US has been foiled by this challenge. And for the million...can you get through a 30 minute newscast from Pat Kiernan?)

Gordon: I can't. ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz
Chico: .... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......
Jason: ZZZZZZZZZZ

(Baby cries in the distance)

Gordon: Saved by the new game (yawn)
Chico: Umm.. Welcome back to WLTI... more slams than Derrick Rose on a particularly good night. Where were we?
Gordon: We were awoken by a crying baby. and a new sunrise...
Chico: Yep. Must be time for a new game...
Chico: This one's called...



Chico: It's close to Passover, isn't it?
Gordon: It is. Monday to be exact.
Chico: So why not give out cards for people who look like they need it? We'll give you a subject, you write a fitting greeting card for it.
Gordon: Its your game, Chico, so start it up.
Chico: Technically, it's Quisla's. Credit where credit is due. Our first card goes to...

Lee DeWyze & Crystal Bowersox.

Jason: To the couple who....(inside card) lost their marbles....
Chico: To new friendships.... Because it takes two to choke.
Gordon: Lee and Crystal: I miss you. Haven't seen you in a while. Keep in touch when you guys show up. Love, your fans (all 4 of them)
Jason: That's Cold.
Gordon: Such nice sweet cards. Let me come up with another one.

This goes to Darren McMullen, who gets his first US break...hosting Love in the Wild.

Chico: Opportunities (Let's Make Lots of Money) ..... At least you didn't host a love letter to Paula Abdul FROM Paula Abdul.
Jason: Card: Who are you again? Hope you do better than I did. Signed Johnny Vaughn
Gordon: You may find Love in the Wild ... (Inside) but the search for a second season could be harder. Good luck though.
Chico: Ha! Okay, next is...

Jill Wagner

Jason: CARD: It takes big balls (opens card) to go off on your own. Good luck!
Gordon: Card: If you Wipe Out, we will still love you (Opens Card) We need someone to clean up the mess. Much love, the cast and crew.
Chico: Here's a motivator for you... Big roles and bigger checks! Good luck! Signed, the guys at GSNN. (PS. State still sucks!)
Gordon: Next one...

Nick Cannon's unborn kids

Chico: If you think you're lucky now... Wait until you see how Will & Jada's kids turned out! Welcome to the world!
Jason: CONGRATULATIONS On the birth of those beautiful twins...and the babies too! (Signed Playtex)
Chico: OH!
Gordon: Nick was Wild (opens card) and now you're out! Love, GSNN!
Jason: VERY GOOD
Chico: Nice.
Jason: I like that one
Gordon: Next one?
Chico: Next one..

Jennifer Lopez. The most beautiful girl in the world...

Jason: Dear Jennifer - Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...please don't look like Steven Tyler when you get older! (LOve, GSNN)
Chico: Jennifer... I just want you to know... from the bottom of my heart... with every fiber of my being...you're no Simon Cowell.
Gordon: J-Lo: You've gone from Jenny on the Block (opens card) to Jenny judging Rock. Love ya. GSNN.
Chico: Cute. Last one...

David Hasselhoff, the new judge on Britain's Got Talent

Chico: It's not nice to hassle the Hoff... Can I hassle a has-been instead?
Jason: Let's hope your talent in Britain...doesn't include cheeseburgers and beer.....Love GSNN
Gordon: I love the fact that we wanted someone classy visiting us to run our show...(Opens Card) but we wanted Sharon Osbourne.
Chico: and that's Seasons' Greetings. Thoughts?
Gordon: I like it.
Jason: Me too!
Chico: Good! How about a Speed Round. That's coming up next!

(Brought to you by Love Parallelogram. When your love triangle has a triangle of its own... Joey Greco hosts)

Chico: And you thought triangles were bad.
Gordon: Is that shown in Utah?
Jason: I was thinking Love Rhombus
Chico: ... Rhombus looks like a diamond... And you know what they say about love diamonds...
Gordon: Before we go into 'Things Jason Elliott will yank off the air' territory, let's go to a Speed Round. Yes?
Jason: Yes.
Chico: Got it. Survivor. Pagonging of Zapatera continues?
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: For one more round. Then it gets interesting. Idol: who leaves?
Chico: I think Stefano shouts his last
Jason: Stefano continues the males leaving Then Casey next week
Gordon: It's a 3 way pop dance between Stefano, Haley and Casey. I think Paul's vote goes to Casey and Stefano gets booted.
Chico: Unless Stefano snipes some of Jacob's R&B vote.
Jason: Won't happen.
Gordon: Don't see that, unless Jacob gives us a vanity chest full of mirrors.
Chico: Crazy. Ron & Christina finally eat it. Who follows them?
Jason: Jen & KIsha
Gordon: I'l lgo with that. DWTS: Who's next?
Chico: I think Kendra bows out.
Jason: Yup. Kendra
Gordon: Miss 'Oh I think she makes the Top 4' Kendra?
Chico: Yeah her
Jason: Yes
Gordon: I agree. Kendra it is. Do we have any email?
Chico: This is from James Craven. Thanks, James!

VIEWER MAIL

“

James Craven So what was the dealio with TPiR's 10,000 April 1st? The 10,000th product placement plug?

”

Chico: the 10,000th... Ah, I remember that. Great times If you missed it.. You missed a milestone. I still remember when it happened the first 9999 times. The point being the 10,000th means nothing. That was the joke. Seriously.
Jason: Exactly.
Gordon: Well I agree with James in this way - I liked the other April Fools episodes better. This one was flat.
Chico: What did you think, Jay?
Jason: This one made NO sense. But it was still funny. Not as good as Boss Mimi or the fanboy one
Chico: Okay, kids... now it's time to get to the wall...the question...

“

WLTI'S BIG FACEBOOK QUESTION You've seen Dancing With the Stars for a month now. Be a prognosticator: Who wins?

”

Chico: The answer... no answers yet. So the question will remain until someone answers it.
Jason: I have one...and I hate to say this...Gordon is one hundred percent right. Chris Jericho WILL win this.
Gordon: I have Romeo, but I still think he takes it and I think Jericho will place in the Top 4.
Jason: He COULD become the biggest crossover star since Dwayne Johnson
Chico: I still like Ralph Macchio. He's making noise. Do not discount the karate kid.
Jason: The best dancers are still in this. And the season is getting better
Gordon: Very true. No major upsets. Let's keep the Facebook question up there one more week. So with that done, we end the show. Special thanks for Jason Block showing up this week.
Jason: Thank you!
Chico: Next week, the honeymoon's over...And we couldn't be happier. For Jason, Gordon, and everyone at GSNN, I'm Chico Alexander. Game over... and spread the love. :-)