DAY 16: WE GOT TO PRAY JUST TO MAKE IT TODAY

Nothing of deep significance ever happens to our tribe. We make fire, we fish, we win Rewards, we lose Immunity, we vote someone out begrudgingly... y'know, same old hack.

Now that it's down to three - Ibrehem, Bobby Jon and James - our confidence at Camp Ulong is at an all-time low for this series. Steph tries to keep hopes up, saying that maybe Koror will find sympathy. Ibrehem feels they've become friends more than tribemates now that it's down to a select few. And Bobby Jon is glad that Steph stuck with him instead of James.

And what is Koror up to? Opening giant clams and SPEARING SHARKS! I guess you can do that when you're beaten a defenseless team within an inch of its life and feel ten feet tall about it!

Nothing ever happens to our tribe. :(

DAY 17 - REWARD CHALLENGE: HELP! WE NEED SOMEBODY!

Mean Uncle Jeff hopes someone gets their message in a bottle in Stump-Mail:

Ah, the old "SOS" Challenge. Stephenie suggests the Waco treatment: burn down the entire camp! But Bobby Jon decides on a better plan: knock down the piss-poor bathroom they have and use that and other wood to make the signal.

(At least MVP Tom won't play this time!)

DE PLANE!!! DE PLANE!!!

On board is Mean Uncle Jeff and his cousin Bob, a certified "drop master". Bob's job is to judge which of the two signals is most visible. We're first.... and we have set up a burning, smoking "ULONG" set up. And we put our arms and palms in the air and are waving them around as if there were no reprecussions. Bobby Jon goes NUTS in waving. We don't hear that Bob says it's big and visible... though could've been FURTHER up the beach and away from the forest. All WE see is the plane flying away. We hope the three chosen for Koror screws up... and that the fires they make suck.

No such luck. Their "GOT FOOD?" message is creative and off the beach. So we wait... and wait... and wait... and, as the plane flies by again and doesn't drop a damn thing, we KNOW we just lost Reward! We'll never know that the package had wine, MREs and fishing equipment.

Nothing EVER happens to our tribe! *SIGH!*

At least we clam and a small fish to munch on until we lose again.

DAY 18 - IMMUNITY CHALLENGE: CAPTURE THE FLAG

Ho hum... more damned hate mail from dear Uncle Jeff. Doesn't he EVER get bored of giving us more and more ways to watch us lose?!?!?

Hmmm... guess not. It's a sliding puzzle deal... and we're given a practice puzzle. "We're ready," says Steph. "We're full."

Full of WHAT, though.

Challenge Cove awaits us yet again. The Koror tribe brings in their nine members (including the Immunity Idol) and lets Uncle Jeff borrow it for a little while as they gaze at us sans James. After talking about how fishing is going (and Koror bragging about MVP Tom becoming the "Captain Flint" of Koror), we get to the Challenge.

The Challenge, as expected, is a floating sliding puzzle. One person will be a spotter, the other two will move the pieces (be it from above or below the water). The first tribe to make their puzzle (without lifting the tiles up out of the water, gets to... oh, c'mon, like we have a chance in HELL in a cerebral Challenge against Koror? RIGHT!

With Bobby Jon as our spotter and Coby as theirs, we start the Challenge. Coby has a plan and is utilizing it well. Bobby Jon... not so much. Steph is directing more than BJ is. Coby is doing very well... Bobby Jopn is sucking eggs.

After ten minutes, Bobby Jon has HAD it with Steph's constant yaking and essentially says, "You think you can do better? YOU get up here!" ANd she does, trading places with him. This is EXACTLY what we need as Steph starts to hustle. Koror starts to slow down, thanks to Janu the high-kicker. We're getting closer and closer.

It's been 75 minutes now and we and Koror are BOTH close to finishing the puzzle. But Koror, unfortunately, is closer. Two tile moves later... and, for the first time ever in Survivor history, one tribe has won EACH and EVERY Immunity Challenge pre-merge! (That's assuming, of course, that the merge happens after the next Tribal Council.)

AFTERNOON 18: SAME OLD STORY, SAME OLD SONG AND DANCE

Much like me, Ulong is getting SICK and @#$%ing TIRED of losing!!! This is, by and far, the worst-case scenario EVER! Bobby Jon is confused as to whom to pick, since he wants BOTH Ibrehem and Steph to go far in this game while wanting to go far himself.

The boys canoe out to "fish" and to plot... and Steph thinks she's dead meat because she's the outcast amid the tribe of male Alabamans. She confronts Bobby Jon about it, and he admits that he's still flip-flopping about who to vote out. This doesn't sit well with Steph in the least. She is NOT about to go out without a fight... and tries to talk Ibrehem into her AND him voting for the John Kerry impersonator. Ibrehem says he and Steph don't see eye-to-eye. It looks like ANYTHING can happen at...

TRIBAL COUNCIL: HERE WE GO AGAIN!

Mean Uncle Jeff doesn't mince words with us as we enter the Ulong Memorial Supply Dump o' Doom... and apologizes. Not for anything HE'S done to us but for his scratchy throat and voice.

Bobby Jon says they all agreed that he were the 'eyes' for today's Challenge and that he screwed up BIG time. Steph is frustrated as all hell. Bobby Jon says this just isn't fun and how fast they became so close. but she's confident that her hard work will pull her through.

Why would Bobby Jon vote Steph? She can go all the way. Ibrehem is very loyal and is very honest. Steph will vote on how it'll help her in the long run...and is 90% worried for herself. Bobby Jon thinks just as vulnerable, he says.

It is time to vote one more time. Steph, Ibrehem and Bobby Jon march that all too familiar road to the alcove and scratch down names. Will it be a third straight tie?

Mean Uncle Jeff tallies the votes and reads them:

Ibrehem...

Stephenie...

...and Ibrehem!

After hugs, the first-ever Muslim contestant gets his torch snuffed and he departs.

Uncle Jeff says there's good news. We think it's a clue that a merge will take place real soon. But it's only that Bobby Jon and Steph STILL believe themselves a tribe... even though they've been "decimated". Gee... fat lot of good THAT does us!

(Wolviegram: Mark my words, Chico; if Ulong is disintegrated in the next two shows, you're doing the rest of these recaps solo, dude!)