|"This Has Never Happened Before!: Days 1-2" -
"Jeff is a son of a (^_^)." The words of one of 20 people who are sailing to
Pulau in order to take Mark Burnett for $1 million. The box is locked, the
lights are on. It's Survivor Time! Now, the twist here isn't that two of the
players are going home the first day. Simply put, the 20, who are profiled in
detail over at GSNN's Tribal Council, will be responsible for their actions
throughout the entire game, not just at Tribal Council. You'll see what I mean
later. But now, sit right back and you'll hear a tale...
Day 1: Lost...
Somewhere in the pristine waters of the South Pacific Ocean... a game show is
about to begin... again. But not in the way that you'd expect. As the 20 make
their way to the island nation of Palau, Probst arrives in the Probst-Boat
(apparently the Probstwing was still in the shop, and the Probstmobile isn't
equipped for water travel). The usual spiel aside, there are two machetes and
two maps to water waiting for the castaways on the island. Also, there are two
Immunity Necklaces for the first man and the first woman ashore.
Okay, the game has already begun, but technically, Stephenie is the only
person in the lead, by virtue of being at the head of the boat.
Then, after the tribespeople got over the initial shock, they started
paddling to land. Not content with having a little lead (and never mind that
Caryn is noting that people were jockeying for position and trying to change
places), and certainly not content with Wanda standing up and singing
Survivor-themed songs to the tune of "Heart & Soul"... poorly (Willard: "I
wanted to knock her off the boat"), Stephenie and Jonathan break away from the
pack and start swimming. Take into effect that they're still at least half a
mile away from land. Good luck. See that boat over there? Yeah, that boat? The
one that just passed you. You just lost immunity. Fools. Katie even goes so far
as to say that they've painted giant bullseyes on their foreheads.
No, I don't think Target is sponsoring this season.
As the boat lands ashore, Ian singlehandedly grabs himself some instant
security in the form of an Immunity Necklace. Jen and Kimberly fight for the
lead, but in the end, it's the long arm of Jolanda who gets Immunity for
herself. "There was no way I'm letting some young girl beat me." I have a
feeling that she was going to say something else, but anyway...
Willard notices the flag just has the show's logo, which, if you forgot
already, looks like this...
Quoth Gregg: "We're not a tribe. We don't have our buffs. We're just getting
to know everyone's name. We don't have a clue what's happening next."
Now the surviving time begins. One group heads out to search for water. One
stays to make the fire. And one does a little barn-raising. Soon, the men are
hacking the holy heck out of nearby trees while others try to decipher the water
map. And within all this, Wanda finds some time to annoy further with her vocal
Simon: Absolutely terrible.
Sorry, wrong page. Tom is just glad he didn't pick the "loser job" of making
fire. As for those who did... well, the dad-blasted thing broke off. Meanwhile,
it's an Extreme Makeover as the clothes get a good old-fashioned tearing into a
la Pearl Islands. The water group (Caryn, Coby, Willard, and Angie) find their
well... and an added surprise... SHOES!
On the way back, Coby begins scheming with the others. The young ones can't be
allowed to have all the power. As Angie said, "Me and Coby pretty much knew,
when we saw each other, that we were going to be kindred to one another because
we understood being different." That's understandable, as Angie's a little bit
tattooed punk metal rock-and-roll, and Coby's a little... shall we say...
eurotrash discotheque gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
In an impressive move, Janu uses her rock climbing skills to scale a tree and
aid in the construction of the shelter. Tom, Stephanie and Ian plot. Tom is sure
the tribe will be re-shuffled soon enough. But then again, you can't be sure of
anything with this lot, as Gregg said that with this abandonment comes a sense
of lost security. But you can be sure of this.. Jolanda came prepared. She just
downed her first grasshopper. Jungle woman.
Meanwhile Coby (yes the same one who allied with Angie), Caryn, Tom and Gregg
talk strategy. Coby is pushing for Jonathan to be voted out. Greg claims he is
not learning towards anyone at the present time.
Day 2: Found...
The next day, Jeff arrives with news. The Immunity Necklace's power is good
for one night... but one night only. As recipients, Ian and Jo are guaranteed to
stay in the game for... "another 10 minutes." They will be choosing this
season's tribes. The catch: there is only room for 18. Two people will be left
in the cold and out of the game before they've ever started. Ian & Jo will
choose their tribemates, their tribemates will choose THEIR tribemates, and so
The tribes they choose are...
Ian's tribe: Ian, Katie, Tom, Janu, Gregg, Jen, Coby, (in a stunner with
Angie remaining) Caryn, and (with Jonathan and Willard remaining...) Willard.
Jonathan is out of the game and the Ian's Tribe Alliance is intact.
Jo's tribe: Jo, Bobby Jon, Stephenie, Jeff, Kimberly, James, Ashlee, Ibrehem,
and (with Angie and freaky song lady remaining...) Angie. Angie's no longer
Coby's concern as she ousts Wanda... who sings on the way back home. Which is
nice... if only for the fact that we will no longer get to hear her.. ever...
After that, the game begins in earnest as Jeff passes out tribal names and
Ian's tribe, the Koror, which I will be covering, will be clad in brown,
while Jolanda's tribe, the Ulong (mmmmm... ulong), which Wolvie will be
covering, will be clad in blue. And until further notice, both tribes will be
living on the same beach.
Koror have a meeting. Ian is glad they ended up with a wise tribe consisting of both young and older people. Gregg thinks they are weaker than Ulong but they will prevail if they work hard.
R/I-CHALLENGE: Obstacle Scavenge (for various
Players must make their way through an obstacle course involving a net maze,
a jungle race, and a tire run. After that, they must choose what to gather, if
anything, from a supply heap - jugs, flint, flour, and rice. The trick is to
make the load as navigable as possible while yielding the greatest reward. The
next obstacle afterwards, is a 10-foot wall to scale leading to a swamp, and
then an outrigger race to the tribal flag. First team to cross the finish.. oh,
sorry. TRIBE to cross the finish wins immunity and whatever supplies they
Welcome to flavor country. It's a neck and neck race when Koror decides only
to take flint, taking the "fire = life" imagery to new heights. Meanwhile, Jolanda believes they should go with water and food
The others listen, and watch as Koror paddles off to certain victory, while Ulong
"is looking for another island."
That leaves Koror with
flint and immunity... and a choice. They can either go
back to the original beach, or take a map and go to a
new beach. Tom wants to go to the new beach... because
it's there. And would you really blame him? New
adventure awaits at the new beach.
Post-challenge: Lost again...
While paddling to their new camp, Koror catch a
wave that capsizes their outrigger and, as if to say, "Ha ha!", the flint is
overboard. The tribes begin a frantic search, but to no avail.
Tom: "We were so elated. We were just loving life. We couldn't wait to see the
new beach. And all this to happen. We're just crushed right now. We
don't have the water, we don't have the fire to purify it. We lost everything we
Except at least another round in Pulau.