at Sea: Days 9-11" - March 10
NIGHT 8: WHAT RELATIONSHIP?!
We cannot believe we're down to six against NINE! And Kim
cannot believe that her cuddle-buddy is gone. Oh, she TRIES to
justify it: "He was great for the team... he was a great
friend." Yeah, right! James is pissed off and promises that,
whoever comes in last at the next Immunity Challenged, he will
personally "stomp on" him or her! Bobby Jon translates this into
Ulong having no unity.
DAY 9 - REWARD CHALLENGE: TOILET TRAINING
Today. you must send one and only one
"Tribal representative" to make some
importatnt choices. The Tribe will then
have to live with those decisions.
Ut oh. Player swap? Merge? (Nah, too
early). Whatever, James immediate elects Steph.. but Steph wants
Kim to go. They think about drawing straws... but nobody's that
gung-ho about it. Finally we decide to see what the Challenge is
BEFORE picking someone... the HELL with what mean Uncle Jeff
PRODUCT PLACEMENT ALERT!! PRODUCT PLACEMENT ALERT!!
So we paddle out in our outriggers for fish. And in speeds Uncle
Jeff... with a large box on his boat with the logo of the Home
Depot(TM) on it. He meets us on our beach and asks for a
representative. We flat out tell Jeff that we want to hear the
Challenge first. But Jeff says it ain't gonna happen until a
"leader" is chosen. James is immediately "elected" by Bobby
Jon... and mean Uncle Jeff takes that as the decision.
It turns out that James is merely the "supervisor" for our
Reward Challenge. We are to build a bathroom with toilet and
shower rooms, using the timber and tools provided by Jeff. In
addition, James needs to choose six tools out of the Home
Depot(TM) Tool Chest (which we get to keep) to help. Tomorrow,
Jeff will return with a judge... who just so happens to be the
one who built all the crazy Challenges on the show. The tribe
who builds the better bathroom wins Reward.
And WHAT a Reward! Jeff will return WITH the judge AND his
entire construction crew and build a great shelter of us!!
Well, it's a good thing we DID "elect" James, having built
houses and all. He KNOWS what tools are needed. He KNOWS how to
build sturdy structures. And he KNOWS that this'll get EVERYONE
(including Kim) off their asses and working hard!
One person who does NOT like the prospect of James as a leader
is Steph. "Too fatherly," she claims. Kim opts out of the
Challenge, claiming "weakness" (that's actually strategy). Bobby
Jon is a lumberjack (and he's OK)... but chopping trees down is
not as easy as having buttered scones for tea. Everyone is
starting to "freak out", much to Kim's enjoyment. But James does
his best to be the calm center of this john-building universe.
DAY 10 : GIMME SHELTER!
After visiting Koror (who, I'll admit, looks impressive), mean
Uncle Jeff artrives with Jesse Jensen, who has been with
Survivor since back when Richard Hatch first stepped foot
on the island not too far from there. We are putting the
'finishing touches' on our shower when they show up. The stall
looks like one from Penn Station, complete with "For a Good
Time, Call Jeff Probst" scrawled on the seat. The shower and
stall were right next to each other, rather than far apart like
Koror's. But we have a drain, we have a basin and toothbrush
holder... and, more importantly to us, we had a sense of humor.
The construction was a LITTLE shoddy... but it's not too bad.
James is confident, saying that Jeff'll be back to build their
shelter in "2...3 hours tops."
NIGHT 10: TOOK A DUMP, TOOK A DUMP, TOOK A
Two hours pass... three hours pass... six hours... TEN
hours... and the sun sets. And no boat arrives. Obviously, we
lost our first Reward Challenge. (And, obviously, we'll be
moving to Koror Beach after the merge.) James was optimistic
till the end... but the rest of the tribe... they say, "Sucks to
be us." And we are MAD! The Immunity Challenge, it is OURS! And,
hey, at least we have a shower now.
DAY 11 - IMMUNITY CHALLENGE: PUSH COMES TO SHOVE!
Square off in a circle
Against your opponents
Balance and strength:
The two crucial components.
David beat Goliath
Using brains over brawn.
Be the one to lose this one
You could be the next gone.
We're also given this odd pillow-like thing to practice with. We
guess this'll be what's used for the Challenge. Bobby Jon says,
"We're gonna be like wolverines!" (*kisses Bobby Jon's dirty
feet* My hero!)
To Challenge Cove we go, where Koror FINALLY sees us sans Jeff.
Mean Uncle Jeff tells us that this is a sumo-like Challenge.
One-by-one, tribe members will get onto an octogonal platform in
the cove (which looks like a mini-helipad) and attempt to knock
each other off using the pillows. We cannot use our feet as a
weapon and we must hold the pillow with two hands. First tribe
to knock six people off wins Immunity.
Round 1: Bobby Jon vs. MVP Tom... FIGHT! Tom is knocked down and
Bobby Jon tries to roll Tom off. But Tom gets back on the
vertical base and shoves Bobby Jon off. TOM WINS!
Round 2: Steph vs. Jenn... FIGHT! Jenn comes on strong at the
start... but Steph just shoves the hyper Jenn off. STEPHENIE
WINS! FLAWLESS VICTORY!
Round 3: Ibrehem vs. Gregg... FIGHT! Ibrehem is the
stronger of the two... but he can't seem to hang on to the
pillow. As such, Gregg knocks it out of his hand and shoves
Ibrehem in. GREGG WINS!
Round 4: Angie vs. Karen... FIGHT! Uh... I said FIGHT!
C'mon, girls, MOVE! Angie suddenly charges and Karen loses her
balance. She gets a swipe or two in... but the "Braless Wonder"
evens the score. ANGIE WINS!
Round 5: James vs. Coby... FIGHT! Coby charges and James
tries to sidestep him... but Coby isn't buying it and shoves
James in. COBY WINS! FLAWLESS VICTORY!
Round 6: Kim vs. Janu (ohhhhhh, this does NOT look good for
us)... FIGHT! Kim SCREAMS as she rushes Janu... but the showgirl
shows the lazy girl that she ain't even IN her league! JANU
WINS! FLAWLESS VICTORY! Koror leads 4-2.
Round 7: Bobby Jon vs. MVP Tom again... FIGHT! Both
gladiators charge and pound the heck out of each other... but
Tom, as ALWAYS, is the better man. TOM WINS!
Round 8: Steph vs. Jenn. If Steph loses, James will stomp on
her. And... FIGHT! It is, by far, the most brutal match of the
Challenge. Just when one girl is about to take a dive, she spins
and recovers. Jenn gets knocked down several times... and
scraping her knees is enough for her. Steph rolls her off and
keeps Ulong alive! STEPHENIE WINS!
Round 9: Ibrehem vs. Gregg... FIGHT! This time Ibrehem just
PLOWS into Gregg and pushes him right off! IBREHEM WINS!
FLAWLESS VICTORY! Ibrehem says, "GIT YO ASS UP OFF HERE!"
Round 10: Angie vs. Karen... FIGHT! Again, the Braless Wonder
proves to be the dominant female, shoving Karen off in record
time. ANGIE WINS! FLAWLESS VICTORY!
FINAL ROUND: James vs. Coby! Whoever wins gets to stay a while
longer. Ready... FIGHT! James' first blow is right to the head!
But Coby keeps his balance and shoves back, James keeps to the
head and face and shoves at Coby. They go
shoulder-to-shoulder... Coby lunges... James sidesteps and
pushes back. But Coby knocks James down near the edge and tries
to roll him off. But James holds his ground and rolls, jabbing
the pillow into Coby's cheek! In turns into a wrestling match on
the pad, both players essentially trying to smother the other
into submission. Tom eggs Coby on as James nears the edge...
FINISH HIM! ...and Coby uses his shoulder to shove James
off! KOROR WINS! IMMUNITY!
AFTERNOON 11: ALONE AGAIN, NATURALLY
What in the living, breathing, psychotic
HELL are we doing WRONG?!?! James is
EMBARRASSED having lost to a "homosexual" (please, James, use
"inter-genrderly challenged"). Steph is so SICK of losing... as
is Angie. James tells Kim that they're going to kick Kim out for
her lack of usage. But Kim proposes something to the others: it
CANNOT be three men and two women on this tribe! Angie wonders
which is the lesser of two evils: Kim going and the testosterone
taking over the tribe... or Kim staying and they end up losing
TRIBAL COUNCIL: PETE AND RE-PETE GO TO TRIBAL. PETE IS VOTED
OFF... WHO'S LEFT?
You get the feeling mean ol' Uncle Jeff is
getting TIRED of seeing us in his Supply Dump O' Doom? 'Cause
we're sure tired of seeing HIM! Steph tells that she's never
lost in her life... and this is getting upsetting. Angie is
already thinking for the NEXT Challenge. Bobby Jon thinks he's
not pulling his weight.
Uncle Jeff says, "It's time to get to the bottom of what is
wrong with this tribe!" Kim says Bobby Jon and James do most of
the work... and Jeff gets her to essentially admit that she
hasn't done squat in the tribe. Steph thinks the women rely on
the men... but they COULD be self-sufficient if they had to be.
Angie is TIRED of the men "helping" her with tasks. Bobby Jon
agrees and says Kim could kill them a bear if she really sets
her mind to it. And, James, you got beaten by an "inter-genrderly
challenged" man... TWICE! How do you feel? "Damn!" says it all.
Jeff reminds them that 5 of the 6 wins by Koror in the last
Challenge... came from beating the men! The one woman who
lost... was Kim.
It's time to vote. We fight our writer's cramp and march to the
alcove to write down names: Ibrehem, James ("Kim,... you're not
putting enough effort into the tribe"), Steph, Kim ("James,
beware of dictating"), Bobby Jon and Angie vote to make their
tribe the smallest in a LONG time.
The votes are tallied: Kim,... James,... Kim,... Kim... and the
last two... Kim!
It's unanimous this time. Kim can lounge around all she damn
well pleases now... but she ain't getting the million! If she
hurries, she MIGHT just catch up to her snuggle-buddy!
What can we do to change the outcome after 11 demoralizing days?
If you have any ideas, PLEASE send them through a time-space
wormhole to Ulong so they can keep SOMEBODY!