August 6, 2005

Chico: Hello, America, I'm Chico Alexander. Pat Kiernan moves from Studio 7 to Best Week Ever. Possibly the best career move he made. Your thoughts, Gordon?
Gordon: I'd rather see him replace the Schwab. That would be part of my best week ever.
Joe: Of course it would.
Jason: My best week ever would include whipped cream, Rachael Ray and me.
Chico: You'd rather see a blind albino cavebat replace the Schwab.
Gordon: And what do you have against blind albino cavebats?
Joe: My best week would also include a few rounds with...well...you know who.
Jason: Chuck Liddell?
Joe: Her initials are AJJ, Jason. Pay attention.
Gordon: Andrue J. Jones?
Joe: Sigh. It's going to be one of THOSE episodes.
Jason: LOL
Chico: And your best week ever begins with one phrase... Gordon?
Gordon: GSN just signed on for episodes of Strip Ultra Vixe....oh...sorry...from Somewhere in America, WLTI is...ON!
Jason: 2 weeks and counting.
Chico: Had to think about that, didn't you?
Gordon: This seems like an extra-silly edition of our show today. Joining us is the co-host of the Game Show Tournament. Joe Van GInkel!
Joe: SALUTE! Looking forward to two weeks from now, gents.
Chico: Also joining us is America's next big Canadian TV star, Ryan Vickers.
Ryan: *bows* January 2006, baby!
Gordon: Are you and Chico going to team up for the Game Show Tournament?
Ryan: If he'll take me!
Chico: Let's do it.
Gordon: Chico, will you take Ryan....
Ryan: Enough, Gordon! lol
Jason: That's legal in Canada.
Joe: ROFLMAO
Gordon: Well, both of you may have a tall order, because also joining us is a member of the championship team - Mr. Jason Block!
Jason: I am here to defend my title...and make more money at the casinos. Super Pan 9 here I come.
Chico: Blackjack here, baby.
Ryan: Me too.
Joe: I'll tell you guys this...after 3 months of sitting at that game...if I ever go there to play with my own money, I am NEVER playing Super Pan 9. I'm a poker man til the day I die.
Jason: Poker is good too. I am going to do that as well...a nice 4/8 table.
Joe: They've got wall-to-wall poker at work, man.
Chico: Coolie. Well, we'll talk teams and casinos and counting systems later. Right now, we have an ending to discuss...
Joe: Ending to what, Chico?
Jason: Hell's Kitchen I believe.
Chico: That f(^_^)ing show, "Hell's Kitchen," yes.
Joe: Blaaaah.
Chico: We have an ending that was simply too good to believe. a) The upstart Michael beats out the more seasoned Ralph... And b) Gordon makes Michael an offer he can't refuse... The offer, of course, being to come back to London to apprentice under Gordon Ramsay, thus forsaking his own... dream... rest'raunt. How weird is that?
Gordon: You can look at this in 2 ways - You can say that Fox, once again, doesn't put up what it offered (ie., the restaurant) as a prize.
Chico: Glass half empty. The second way?
Gordon: This may shock you, Chico, but I am actually going to go the other way. I think that Ramsey completely did the right thing here. There was no way that Michael was prepared to currently have his own restaurant, and I think deep down inside, that both Ramsey and Michael knew it. Michael played the game to win and he played strategically, and although he was the best PLAYER in the game, he was NOT the best CANDIDATE to win.
Chico: I agree 100 percent.
Joe: Or you can go with the third option: none of the above, because you, like me, thought the show was crap, didn't watch and didn't give a rat's arse.
Chico: Down, Joe :-)
Gordon: Punchy today, aren't we?
Joe: :D
Chico: Michael was basically playing reality competition rule #1. When in doubt, think in Machiavellian terms. Outdo the opponent before he gets a chance to outdo you.
Jason: Did it do well enough for a season 2?
Gordon: The ratings more than warranted a season 2.
Chico: It did well enough for itself, but would you really want to see a season 2? If you ask me, this is the sort of thing that you can probably pull off once with Gordon Ramsay at the helm. You may want to look at a new chef for next season. Then again, I may be full of it.
Gordon: The game was good enough and the people were fascinating enough to warrant it. It just needs to not have any of the over-the-top antics that Fox is used for. I also don't think that the show works without Ramsey.
Chico: So it could have a second season, but without Ramsay, who would want it?
Gordon: Without Ramsey, the show turns into another Apprentice clone.
Jason: Guys...when we rated this for the summer? Did we push or flush this?
Gordon: Everyone pushed it except for Joe (who wasn't there) and Mr. Block, who flushed it.
Jason: Eep.
Joe: I would've flushed it. In fact, I would've poured on the Drano.
Chico: Well, we go to something Joe likes...
Jason: UF2...August 22
Joe: WHOOOOO!
Gordon: I don't think Joe wants to see the show.
Chico: Gonna be killer, ain't it?
Joe: Welterweights and heavyweights this time. RIch Franklin, the guy who beat Ken Shamrock at the UF1 finale, and Welterweight Matt Hughes are the coaches this time.
Gordon: Doesn't reality shows = teh suck, Joe?
Joe: There are always exceptions. :-D
Chico: Yeah, but he's more than likely to give an exception to this, especially if Willa Ford returns.
Gordon: Ahh-haaaa...So reality shows = teh suck - unless you want to see it.
Joe: Catches on quick, doesn't he?
Ryan: I don't know... "All American Girl" was great wasn't it???
Chico: For the first seven seconds, maybe...
Gordon: What would the Canadian know about All-American women?
Jason: (Takes out a dowel) WRONG!
Joe: Okay, enough with the dowels.
Gordon: Excuse me. (Confiscates all dowels and BANS them from WLTI)
Jason: Sorry.
Joe: Thank you, Gordon. That joke died a long time ago.
Gordon: The joke only works the first 85,000 times.
Ryan: Not Eleventy Billion times? By the way, one of Lan's ToC eps aired the other day on GSn...
Chico: Actually, that brings up another sticky point...While we're on the subject of game shows moving to cable...Rock Star INXS continues its long strange trip down the crapper, moving to Sundays from Mondays, to VH1 from CBS.
Joe: I thought it was already IN the crapper, Chico.
Chico: I never said it left the crapper, but it's pretty much a deep crapper, considering the source;
Gordon: ROCK STAR - Everyone pushed. Oops.
Joe: :D
Jason: I thought it would work. The execution is bad...see "The Cut".
Chico: One of the few times we were wrong. Instead of getting quality sound, we get "Apprentice Idol."
Jason: Although personally as I am liking the show, no one else is.
Chico: And now you have to wonder what's going through Mark Burnett's mind. The so-called king of the genre is spinning out another failure. What could he possibly be thinking?
Ryan: EW had an article about all the Trump knock offs a couple of weeks ago... the only one they really liked was Kitchen.
Chico: Understandably so.
Jason: That was TV Guide I believe.
Chico: Jason's right. I have the issue.
Gordon: The problem is that the first shows that Burnett had on the U.S. shores - Survivor and The Apprentice - were original. Everything else has been a spin-off of either an earlier idea Burnett has had or a spin-off of a show that's here. Burnett, for a new show, really needs to go back to the watering shed and give us something that's unique - and we know he is capable of that.
Jason: There was also a show on the BBC called Survivor, but it was much different. But it was very good.
Ryan: Are you talking about Castaway 2000 Jason?
Jason: To explain, I believe 6-8 families lived on a northern Scottish Island for one year. That's it. No backstabbing, no prizes...nothing.
Chico: Yep. Aired on BBCA for a time.
Ryan: Yeah, that was a good show... I have the whole run on tape somewhere...
Jason: They HAD to bring the kids if I am not mistaken as well.
Chico: That's right. Pretty interesting show that was. Well, how about we talk about a new show that involves little backbiting and politics? Just... five letter words. :-)
Joe: LINGO!
Jason: Now there's a show most people can agree on.
Chico: I take it everyone has seen the new season?
Joe: Some of it.
Jason: I haven't...
Ryan: A little bit. Same verse, same as the erm... third?
Joe: I mean what's WITH Big Chuck Dogg's new hair-do?
Chico: It's new? I didn't notice.
Joe: Very modern, with blonde highlights. Makes him look a little younger.
Gordon: Did anyone see Friday night's episode? For the first time in it's American run, a set of non-celebrity contestants got blanked.
Joe: Ouch.
Chico: Damn.
Joe: That's PAIN.
Gordon: The final score - 525-0 The winners were no slouches, as they got 9 Bonus Lingo words and easily won the $5,000. The losers, however....yick.
Chico: Would've been interesting if they took 10 Gs.
Joe: Heh. Shades of the Two Marks/Marcs.
Ryan: Didn't that happen in the host ep?
Joe: But they got 25 points less. ROFL
Gordon: We had such fantastic words from the losing team. Here's one that Ryan the Canadian would love - Qubec
Ryan: QUBEC??? WHAT?
Chico: I'd like to see Shandi try and define that one.
Gordon: At the end of the episode, Shandi served the losing teams donuts. Nice to ask insult to injury, Shandi.
Chico: And speaking of which, what are your impressions of the new sidekick? Personally, I think she's channeling Susan Stafford. Not a bad thing, if you ask me.
Joe: Perhaps.
Gordon: Well, I like her...uhh...assets. I know she's new, but her speech is making me want to see Stacey Hayes return to the show.
Chico: Her speech?
Gordon: She sounds like a dead fish. Not her voice, per se. She has a nice voice. There's just no emotion out of it. She sounds like she's there to talk, collect her paycheck and leave.
Joe: I'd rather have it just be Chuck myself. I think the co-hostess does absolutely nothing for the show.
Chico: At least she's not as robotic as say, Brooke Burke.
Joe: But Brooke Burke is REALLLLLLLLY hot.
Gordon: I just mute the TV when Brooke comes on. I don't have to deal with her voice and I can just gaze at her natural beauty.
Chico: Good calls. Well, unfortunately this week wasn't all stars and sunshine. We had a premiere of a new game on NBC... and like most anything on NBC over the summer (or maybe the year), Meet Mr. Mom failed to generate ANY interest.
Jason: Who wants to see men change diapers?
Chico: I smell a Big Broad coming... BOARD!
Ryan: BOARD. B-O-A-R-D.
Chico: boop x 5
Joe: (cue lingo win music)
Ryan: Look! I'm smarter than 75% of the lingo players already!! Cause I actually made a word!
Chico: Today's topic: NBC = Nothin' But Crap.
 

- Meet Mr. Mom
- I Wants to Be a Hilton
- The Law Firm
- Hit Me Baby 1 More Time?
- Average Joe: The Joes Strike Back
 

Joe: ROFL
Chico: Can you name one show on NBC that didn't totally suck this summer? And no, Law & Order reruns don't count.
Jason: The answer is no. I can't.
Ryan: You mean new shows/series?
Chico: yep.
(crickets)
Ryan: I liked Fresh Prince.
Chico: That was 15 years ago, Ryan :-)
Ryan: No! It has "fresh" in the name so it MUST BE NEW!
Chico: Wow... 15. I'm old =p Okay, new challenge, name any show on NBC this summer that really sucked.
Jason: I want to be a Hilton.
(ding)
Ryan: The Law Firm
(ding)
Joe: Hit Me Baby, One More Time.
(ding)
Chico: ... actually, that would be the ONLY show that anyone here liked. Save for the host, it was probably the best NBC had to offer. Average Joe 4... I liked it, but I didn't buy it. Not for a second.
(ding)
Joe: I didn't care for Hit Me Baby. If I want a talent contest, I'll wait for the next American Idol, or watch my tape with reruns of the Gong Show.
Gordon: You needed a good host - someone nostalgic - and you could have gotten a hit from the show.
Chico: In any event, we're now pining for the premiere of Deal or No Deal to turn this ship around.
Joe: Agreed.
Jason: Yup.
Chico: Please please please :-)
Gordon: It couldn't possibly be worse than anything else this Summer...could it?
Chico: Well, you could wind up in the pretty people... errr, Big Brother house this season.
Joe: ROFL
Chico: How many power shifts have their been already?
Jason: The summer of secrets and safes
Chico: We had the one resulting in Michael's eviction... Then the one resulting in Eric's eviction... And now the one resulting in Kaysar's eviction. And now the power shifts again.. to the American people, who can vote one of these losers back into the house. Doing my best Brooke Burns here... "It's time to choose... the loser." Your take on this twist?
Gordon: I like the twist. It's fun because everyone who's been evicted has been a lightning rod in the house.
Ryan: Hello I'm Julie Chen. Time to reveal another secret in the "summer of secrets"... NOBODY CAN PLAY THIS GAME WELL.
Chico: That ain't no secret.
Gordon: I completely disagree, Ryan - you have some VERY good players in the house. You are only picking on the people because you don't have a grasp on the game. This game isn't Survivor. The game play is completely different.
Chico: And they're all one-upping each other, you notice.
Gordon: The good players are the ones that are not getting involved in the action. Every year, the people at the end are the ones who make sure that they aren't going to get involved.
Ryan: Fair enough I guess... this is the first time in a long time that I've sat down and watched the game... I still pain for Chicken George and Britney :-)
Gordon: I will guarantee you that Howie, who has the HOH, will target James, the person who has betrayed both sides against each other.
Chico: Why not, he's been a target for everyone, and his GF keeps saving him EVERY TIME.
Gordon: That's very smart, because that way, Howie makes no enemies. The problem for the audience is that the only person who has a chance if he gets back in the house is Eric.
Chico: The smart thing to do would be to put both of James and Sarah on the block.
Gordon: I bet he will do just that.
Ryan: Do we know if everyone knows who other secret partner is?
Gordon: Yes they do, Ryan.
Ryan: *sigh* I was enjoying the mole-like twist.
Gordon: If Kaysar or Michael get back in, they will be booted out almost immediately - especially Michael.
Ryan: And Cappy wouldn't?
Gordon: No - Cappy has too many allies, and after this week, 2 of his enemies (since he left the house) will be gone.
Chico: Well, I remember when this happened on BB3, and immediately Amy (the returnee) got the boot. So long story short, returnee doesn't have a hope in hell, everyone knows who everyone's partner is, and if Howie had a modicum of sense, he'd put up both James AND Sarah next nomination.
Gordon: Which makes the twist very interesting when it boils down to the end. I bet you he will, Chico.
Chico: He'd be a fool not to. Then again, this is a man who "likes boobies", so you never know.
Joe: ROFLMAo
Chico: Okay. Now last week, we mourned the loss of our beloved Doppler... Can we roll the tape?

(VTR: 7/30/05)

**EXPLOSION**
Chico: ... I ain't cleaning this up...
Travis: There's Doppler everywhere!
Gordon: Ok - who forgot to feed it the weekly rodent supply?
Travis: My baby! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Gordon: I blame Jason Block for this.
Travis: New device next week, gentlemen.

(End of VTR)

Jason: Now why did you blame me?
Chico: Because you weren't there :-)
Jason: Is it part of my job to feed them the white mice?
Gordon: First of all, as the WLTI Production Assistant, it's part of your job to feed it the white mice. Second of all, you weren't there, which means the computer never got fed.
Jason: And that's why I got a bill for $46,000?
Ryan: No Jason, this is a game show chat - it has to be $64,000.
Chico: And $516.32 for cleaning expenses. Anyway, we do have that new device, Travis shipped it earlier this week.
Jason: That's good.
Joe: Actually...I noticed on the way in, the new Doppler was busted, too. Looks like someone took a sledgehammer to it.
Jason: Wasn't me.
Chico: Yeah... I wonder who... Joe.
Joe: Nope. I didn't do it.
Jason: Triple H? He is always seen with one.
Gordon: Me neither. Ryan?
Chico: Not me.
Gordon: RYAN?
Ryan: umm... *runs*
Joe: ROFLMAO
Jason: GET HIM!
Gordon: Sigh.
Ryan: *runs away*
Joe: *holds Jason back* Relax, man.
Chico: And one of our award-winning Brainvision News Team has just left for parts unknown. Oh well.
Gordon: I'll let Travis deal with both of you next week.
Chico: Okay, so while everyone's chasing Ryan, Gordon, prep us for Brain mode.
Gordon: I happen to have an old TSR80 on stand-by.
Jason: Oh my goodness...geek trash :P
Gordon: (Sets it up)
TSR80: Boop bop beep boop boing
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage, Chico.

("Move Closer" plays: From the four corners of your globe to your frontal lobe, this is Brainvision News, with Chico Alexander, Jason Block, Gordon Pepper, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Jason: What's the first news story?
Chico: I got it right here.
TSR80: Boing

Long time "Newlywed Game" host and three time Emmy winner Bob Eubanks will be the 2005 recipient of the prestigious Los Angeles Area Governor's Award.

Jason: Way to go Bob.
Gordon: Nice job, Bob
Joe: Wonderful.
Chico: Indeed, this is akin to a lifetime achievement here.
Joe: But not the GSC's Lifetime Acheivement Award, though.
Jason: Which is what we are giving to Jack Narz and Tom Kennedy in 2 weeks at GSC4.
Joe: Indeed.
Chico: Meanwhile, Bob will get his hardware on August 27 at the Leonard Goldstein theatre, if you want to cheer him on , Joe.
Joe: Maybe I will.
Chico: Maybe you should :-)
Joe: BTW, I liked Bob better on Card Sharks than on Newlywed Game.
Chico: Me too. Which is weird.
Gordon: Next article...
TSR80: Boing

Bob's not the only emcee with an achievement. Wink Martindale will now be getting his very own Slot Machine! Coming to a casino near you.

Joe: WHOO WINKER!
Jason: What's it called?
Joe: Tic Tac Dough, I hope... :D
Jason: http://www.sunherald.com/mld/sunherald/news/local/12267225.htm Wink's Survey of America
Joe: Oh.
Chico: That's an interesting title... What's it about?
Gordon: It's actually a game show in a slot machine. There are questions and bonus rounds as well in the machine.
Chico: Hmm... That'd be pretty cool to waste a few rolls on.
Jason: If you get the bonus round, you get to answer survey questions for bonus credits.
Chico: BTW GSNN does not endorse reckless gambling. As we like to point out in times like this.
Jason: Bet with your head, not over it.
Chico: But hey... Great on Wink.
Gordon: Absolutely. You have your part of the $500,000 stash we're using for Super Pan 9?
Joe: ROFLMAO.
Jason: I have my cut.
Chico: Best move on before we get into some trouble or something...
Joe: Agreed.
Gordon: Next?
TSR80: Boing

ABC is reconsidering its stance on "Welcome to the Neighborhood" not long after Fox Reality wanted a cut of it.

Joe: Hmm.
Jason: I said it last time...they buckled under the pressure of the left and the right...and they should show it.
Chico: I want to hear what insight Gordon has on this. Because I agree with Jason, I just don't think it has ratings muster.
Gordon: I think it's damaged goods. I think ABC should have sold it to Fox and both groups would benefit. Holding it doesn't do anyone any good.
Jason: That I agree with you. That being said...if ABC has it, they should show it.
Gordon: I don't think that it would get the ratings on a major network; it could get something on Fox Reality and ABC could get some sort of money for it.
Chico: Okay. Now with this week's Media Ho Report, here's Gordon. (plays Ludacris' "Ho")
Gordon: Who wants hoes?
Jason: HO!
Joe: Dennis Hof does, Gordon. :D
Jason: Nice Cathouse Reference
Joe: That's one messed up show. I'd like to work there, just for the humor factor. I'd probably be laughing my arse off half the time.
Chico: Heh.
Gordon: In this week's all-Idol Media Ho report...
TSR80: Boing

Clay Aiken has a gig with All My Children, Constantine Maroulis has a TV deal with Kelsey Grammer, Bo Bice breaks his leg during a concert, and Paula Abdul cancels her appearances on So you Think You Can Dance.

Gordon: Special thanks to Jason Block on the last item.
Chico: He's in Cary for the weekend, Clay is. Interestingly enough, he didn't sell out the venue.
Jason: tick tick tick....:
Chico: 14:30 and counting. Typical popstar formula... Monday: Become a star. Tuesday: Blow up. Wednesday: Get rich. Thursday: Fall off. Friday: File for Bankruptcy.
Jason: Sat: Get on Beyond the Music
Chico: Sun: "Hit Me Baby" taping.
Joe: ROFL Mon: Go get a real job. :D
Gordon: Tuesday - Have Joe Van Ginkel say that you are Teh Suck
Joe: ROFLMAO
Chico: Okay, next brainwave...
TSR80: Boing

Thanks to Gordon and our friends at Buzzer: The Game Show Blog, we know that Distraction has been renewed.

Jason: Wow.
Chico: The Jimmy Carr-hosted romp still has yet to land a premiere date, but contestants are now being sought. Must be over 21. That would include... all of us.
Jason: I am NOT drinking urine.
Gordon: Would you stick your hand in a mousetrap for a shot at a damaged car?
Chico: I imagine that Comedy Central needs something to replace Chappelle's Show, which is, allegedly, done.
Joe: Done?
Chico: Allegedly.
Gordon: Done. According to Eddie Murphy's older brother Charlie Murphy, who happens to be a regular on Chappelle's Show.
Joe: Wow. Do I want to know why?
Chico: I wanna know why.
Gordon: I don't - lol
Chico: Okay, finally...
TSR80: Boing

Anyone for a Game Show Tour? The Jeopardy Brain Bus will be in Wyoming this week. Meanwhile, My Kind of Town will debut on August 14th. One of the cities that will be featured could include Hopedale, MA.

Jason: My Kind of Town is something I will watch.
Chico: Agreed.
Joe: Indeed. That looks nifty.
Gordon: I just hope they do it the right way. If it comes off as mean-spirited, we won't see many towns being profiled.
Chico: I'd like to see what happens when these people are put Johnny on the Spot, you know?
Jason: from the clips...I dont think so
Gordon: That seems to be all.
Chico: Seems to be.
Gordon: I'm shutting down and TAKING WITH ME my TSR80.
TSR80: Beep bop boo boooooop BOOOOOOOooooooo (Sung to the same theme as the Price is Right Losing Horns)
Gordon: I'm not leaving it for you barbarians to take pot shots at.
Jason: Travis is REALLY going to be mad about the new Doppler.
Chico: Next week, something a bit more spiffy and less damaged.
Jason: That is a geek antique.
Gordon: (cuddles TSR80). My precccciouuuuusssssss....
Chico: But right now, we're going to break... and to wit, the original NES is a geek antique :-)
Joe: WHOO NES!
Gordon: Actually - I have the original Atari Pong set.
Joe: I have one of those T-shirts with the NES controller that says "Know Your Roots."
Chico: Presents and Daddies after the break. This is the We Love to Interrupt. I have that shirt, too.. You also have the Classically Trained shirt?
Joe: Not yet. I have the Mega Man "Say Hello To My Little Friend" shirt, too.
Gordon: No - the roots is my Atari pong set, the 2600, the 5200, the Intellivision and the Colecovision. THAT'S your roots.

(Brainvision News is presented by "Paperboy U". The legacy of the American paperboy continues as the Daily Sun, America's most throwable paper, gives $25,000 to its all-American Paperboy.)

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