Chico: The breakfast of champions. Okay, someone cue up the earth footage again
while Gordon and I get on our red blazers...
*Earth footage with giant throbbing brain in the middle, BGM:
"Move Closer To Your World"*
Chico: From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, We Love to
Interrupt presents Brainvision News...
Jason: And here are our anchors - Chico Alexander and Gordon Pepper.
Chico: Thank you, Jason. Your check is in the mail.
Jason: It's not like the rubber one I got last time is it?
Chico: Nope. This one's an actual Czech. First item...
Just when you thought
you've seen the last of the Average Joes, they return in full force for Average
Joe 4: The Joes Strike Back.
Gordon: Mommy, make the show go away. It's Icky.
Chico: The object of desire: a 26-year-old model named Anna.
Jason: Ok...I know NBC is running this end of days show Revelations...but this
is the TRUE sign of the Apocalypse.
Chico: Question: does anyone expect the outcome of a show like this to be any
different from the first two?
Gordon: The real question is - do we care?
Jason: Don't care.
Chico: Me neither. Lost me after chapter 3, NBC. Gordon, you're up.
Gordon: Next up...
The Newest Reality Show...The Miss America Pageant?? It looks
like it could go the way of American Idol. where you vote on 2 people in each
region, and then the top 10 are eliminated, Idol Style. Would this make you
Jason: No Do it old school. Go back to the way it was. No tweaking.
Gordon: Three words. All. American. Girl.
Jason: You are making my brain bleed.
Chico: Then we'd better switch items real quick. We still need Jason for the
Gordon: I actually think that it would be cool to maybe to 5 or 6 shows before
hand highlighting the contestants - but don't change the format to have us vote.
We'd have NY Vs. CA Vs . TX every year.
Chico: And who wants that, really?
Gordon: Well, as a born NYer, I DO =)
Jason: I don't.
Gordon: Seriously, maybe you need to stretch the show out, but don't change the
format - next!
ABC has set a launch date for its adaptation of the BBC hit "Strictly
Come Dancing". "Dancing with the Stars" will launch June 1. Celebs dancing with
pro dancers? Enough to make you watch?
Gordon: We're batting a thousand here. No.
Jason: Enough with C-level reality. This stinks.
Gordon: Maybe we should retitle this the David Spade Segment.
Chico: You're right, we need some B-level here. Gordon?
Coming from Bravo - Battle of the Network Reality Stars! In this update,
reality favorites like Survivors Richard Hatch and The Apprentices Omarosa
will compete against each other in various tournament events. Is that B level?
Jason: 0 for 4....NEXT!
Gordon: I'd actually watch this one - if just to escape from the other 3
Chico: That and it has people we like!...Relatively.
Chico: Sort of.
Gordon: Can we go 0 for 5 with...what do we have Chico?
Chico: A bit of sad news.
This week we said goodbye to Balderdash and On the
Cover, as both were replaced with a rerun of Bonanza.
Gordon: (sniff, sniff)
Chico: I don't know about you, but I miss Elayne Boosler already.
Gordon: Well, that's less opportunities for Reality Star comedians to find work,
Chico: And Jimmy Pardo. Can't forget the Shooter.
Gordon: I'm sure the shooter will find work elsewhere
Chico: Just like Mark Walberg. He won't go away.
Gordon: I thought he was your game show hussy?
Chico: No, you're thinking of Kennedy. Again.
Gordon: No, thats MY game show hussy.
Chico: Ergo my point. You're thinking of Kennedy again.
Gordon: And is there anything wrong with that?
Chico: Hell no. You see her on Poker Royale lately?
Gordon: Chico will like this one...
Top Chef: Also premiering in first quarter,
this 10-episode series searches for the worlds next culinary master. This is
something you'd watch, Chico... isn't it?
Chico: I don't know.. It's no Iron Chef...
Jason: I will watch.
Gordon: We got a winner! DING! You can't watch it anyways, Chico - it's going to
be on Bravo.
Chico: Yeah. Stupid TWC in stupid Fayetteville..
Gordon: Awww =(. Next article, Chico?
Back to Poker Royale, which premieres its Celebs Vs. Pros series
this Friday. Takers?
Gordon: It's poker - of course I'll watch.
Chico: Because you, sir, are an addict.
Gordon: Yes I am.
Gordon: Do we have a list of who's involved?
Chico: We have info from our friends at Buzzer! The Game Show Blog... We've got
Scott Fischman, Kathy Liebert, Cyndy Violette,Roxanne Rhodes, Paul Darden, and
Kenna James...Those are some A-listers right there... and now, the B-list...Mimi
Rogers, Lance Bass, Morris Chestnut, Patrick Warburton, Jennifer Tilly, and
Jason: Mimi and Jennifer are not B List.
Chico: Hosts this season: Mighty Ducks play-by-play announcer John Ahlers and
from "Smush" and "Best Damn Sports Show Period", Lisa Dergan.
Gordon: No Ben Affleck?
Jason: That would be C-list.
Chico: No Kennedy. Sorry, Gordon.
Gordon: I can accept a previous Playboy poser in the form of Miss Dergan =)
Chico: We have a new hussy! :)
Jason: She's been nekkid?
Chico: She's been nekkid.
Gordon: Nekkid as a Jaybird.
Chico: Okay, one more, Gordon?
Gordon: Last one...
We have...intellectual reality shows? The Scholar on ABC
promises to pay for a kid's tuition. Is this really going to be intellect or are
we going to be sorely disappointed?
Chico: Steve Martin's involved, so I'm hoping for the best.
Jason: This could be a hit. I will read and maybe watch.
Chico: Cool. More previews and reviews in a Push or Flush in a future episode
of WLTI. One more going to break...
Bob Barker to miss the Daytime Emmys with a
cancerous lesion on his back. We all wish him a speedy recovery.
Gordon: Same here. When we come back, we bring back an oldie...but a goodie.
(MCTYW plays out, Brainvision News has been presented by Average Joe
Millionaire... They're rich. They're single. They're butt ugly. But this chick
says "two out of three ain't bad.")