Episode 23.19 - Champions'
League: The Revenge
May 17
Chico:
Apparently when they heard "Drill baby drill," they weren't thinking of the good
kind.
Josh: No Joke here. I'm part of an effort to collect hair to send down there to
make mats to sop up the oil.
Chico: It's a good cause, and I'd love to help, but...
Josh: Buuuuuuut.
Chico: ... Bald.
Josh: Ah. Well, start a drive in your own area.
Chico: There you are.: Welcome back. This is WLTI... Giving love to the game
show genre for... oh, 299 episodes now.
Josh: Hey, this means I gotta be here for next week's show!
Chico: You do. Everyone does. Right now, though... a bit of highbrow culture.
Josh: Wait, isn't that a bit out of our league?
Gordon: (Plays Brandenburg's Concerto)
Chico: Courtesy the king of highbrow culture....... *points at G*... Him.
Gordon: Yes, me the purveyor of wrong. It's time for another trip into WLTI's
Game Show Theater.
Josh: Rules?
Gordon: You act. For example.
Josh,
you are Carnie Wilson. Chico is an enraged Meredith Vieira. The nominees just
came out. And....action!
Josh: (Motherly) Hi Merideth!
Chico: ... Hey, something's wrong here... I just got the list of nominees.. and
I'm not on it.
Josh: Oh, that's what I wanted to tell you. I made the nominees list for the
Emmys!
Chico: ... But you haven't hosted a game show for more than two years.
Josh: Aretha Proud of me?
Chico: ... You work for GSN. ... You don't have the experience.
Josh: Well I am in the third season of one of our networks most successful
shows.
Chico: you haven't earned what I've earned, missy. I've been hashing it out
playing Regis for eight years now. Where's my name?
Josh: You? You're more of a journalist. You've had your chances...I believe you
do have one or two Emmys don't you?
Chico: AND I'm rushing across town to host this show.. Doesn't that count for
anything?
Josh: Not really.
Chico: I have one for Millionaire and one for the View thank you. How many do
you have?
Josh: I mean, you're taking breaks left and right, getting guest hosts. Hey, I
never thought I'd do good.
Chico: That hasn't got a thing to do with anything. I want my name on this (^_^)ing
list! You've had six nominees before? ... or go on and get rid of Sajak, he
hasn't done (^_^)!
Josh: I'm A beach boy baby and an award-winning musician.
Chico: But you don't have MY EMMY! This is MINE, DAMNNT!
Josh: Oh come off it Meredith. I look up to you.
(Airhorn)
Gordon: That is the worst Carnie Wilson imitation. Ever.
Josh: Jeez. It's tough being motherly when you're a guy.
Chico: I was about to do a whole soppy looking face of self-realization there.
Gordon: I'm switching in for Josh.
Josh: I know. Go ahead. I don't know Carnie that well. I didn't watch Unstapled.
Chico: Okay, Gordon...
Gordon: Annnd...continue scene!
Josh: Action!
Chico: Me eight years, you one. I don't know who you (^_^) to get your name on
that list, but I want it off now!
Gordon: Listen you hussy! You've seen my inner demons! I can crush you with all
the fat I lost! And quite frankly, I'm an interesting person and you have the
personality of Casey James's pony tail. You're a cougar. Go bed Casey James.
Apparently Kara isn't interested anymore.
Chico: I'LLSHOWYOUTHEPERSONALITYOFCASEYJAMES'PONYTAIL! (beats Carnie over the
head with one of her two Emmys)
Gordon: Hey! (Calls Diamond Dallas Page) You'll be sorry, Blonde Bimbo!
*AIRHORN!*
Chico: Now THAT was acting!
Josh: Don't we have a TV-G rating?
Chico: Okay, next...
Josh: *steps back on the stage*
Chico: Josh, today's your day. You get to be the Banker. Gordon... today's your
day... you get to be a senator.
Gordon: Excellent!
Josh: Ok
The
scene.... The Banker is begging Sen. Gordon Pepper (D-NJ) for a bailout.
And..... entertain me.
Josh: *ring ring ring ring*
Gordon: Pepper National Bailouts. You ship it, we laugh at you. How can I help
you?
Josh: Gordon, This is the Banker. I've had a lot of schleps on my program win
some serious cash. We've given away over 2 million.... We've tried to help out
this nation, but now we need the help! Can you send over about...25 million?
Gordon: Are you willing to bring in 26 different people each week?
Josh: We've been doing that for the past few weeks. In fact, we've been doing
that for the past two seasons? Don't you watch TV?
Gordon: Here's the problem. For the past month, I've seen the SAME 20 or so
people every day for the past month. Patsy, Mahran and TImothy have been on my
TV so long that I know what cases they are behind - 15, 19 and 17, respectively.
This is a country of spreading the wealth - not letting the same people play for
a month.
Josh: Let's just say I like seeing the same three suffer. It's good to see the
faces of those miserable wretches as they suffer up there under the hot lights.
Chico: Oh my...
Gordon: Yes, there's someone I don't want to see suffer. Me. No Deal. At least
Wayne Brady brings in 8-11 people each day and Drew Carey allows 6 people to
win.
Josh: Here I am, trying to make sure we have enough to go round, but I have
several people winning large sums.
Gordon: Bringing in 1 person to pander for 30 minutes and then play like a moron
is not helping the national economy.
Josh: It's not my fault if they're idiotic.
Gordon: Explain to me why Johnny Vons on Friday gave back $22,700 of good
American money.
Josh: He was an idiot that's why.
Gordon: Explain to me why Jen Coughlin gave back $88,000 on Monday
Josh: Cause she's an idiot too. None of them can see that winning the top prizes
is a SIGNIFICANT GAMBLE.
Gordon: Explain to me why Vince Jordan lost $26,000. That's not the way the
economy should work.
Josh: No, but we're giving all the suckers an even break. And even THAT is
breaking a basic business rule.
Gordon: And don't get me started on Quan Tillman's $1,000 win. THAT was painful.
Chico: Okay, Sen. Pepper... I need a decision...
Gordon: The only people making money are the producers. NO DEAL (Hangs up phone)
However, if you do see Patricia and Tameka, tell them that I can give them some
lessons in...um...oral communication...in the oval office. :)
*airhorn*
Chico: NEXT!
Gordon: Next one...
Chico
is Drew Carey. Gordon is John O'Hurley. Neither of them will be getting an Emmy
either. Time to lament. ACTION!
Chico: Let me get my glasses on... See, there's no lens here.
Gordon: We asked 100 game show fans Who is the most underappreciated host on TV.
Chico: And the actual retail price is... one Emmy. Winner... not me. *drinks
beer* I don't get it, John, what are we doing wrong? I mean... Carnie Wilson for
cryin' out loud. Apparently I have to be adopted by a beach boy and marry a
total prat.
Gordon: Simple. We are mawgs, my friend.
Chico: Middle Aged White Guys?
Gordon: Middle Aged White Guys
Chico: ... So is Alex. So is Pat. Alex more than Pat. Granted they've been in
the game more than we have... but still.
Gordon: They aren't mawgs. They are more like relics that can crumble like dust.
We still have years ahead of us.
Chico: I really feel bad for you, because you have next year to get nominated...
and then what... Then I chance my name to Susan and you change your name to
Lucci.
*AIRHORN*
Josh: I think the scene went as far as it could.
Chico: You missed the big song and dance number!
Josh: Um....
Chico: "I've got tears in my beer..." and then Gordon dances.
Josh: I've seen Gepetto.
Chico: ... oh.
Josh: John OHurley, I wouldn't mind. But Drew? *shudder*
Gordon: Let's not go there. next one?
Chico: Next one..
Gordon,
you're going to be Bill Rancic. Josh, you're going to be Joan Rivers... The two
of you are prepping to interview Celebrity Apprentices for the Final 2. And.....
ACTION!
Josh: Can we tawk?
Gordon: I don't understand any of these Apprentice's qualifications.
Josh: I agree, none of them have been any good. Do you think we could throw them
out and get a bunch of civillians?
Gordon: You have 2 people who have missed tasks, and someone else who can't do
anything non musical.
Josh: This season has been absolutely rubbish.
Gordon: I agree. If Piers was here, he'd be pissed.
Josh: If Piers was here, I'd have him take on the tasks. He'd be more
entertaining. But I'd still want to wring his neck
Gordon: True. I'd even take Randall. But yes, we need civilians.
Josh: I think the Donald is right in hiring civilians for his next season. But
heck, I have my job to deal with. If you'll pardon me, I gotta stroke the ego of
a rich person.
Gordon: I agree. I want drama. No more 'Everyone's doing too good' crap.
*AIRHORN*
Chico: I had to stop before Josh stroked the ego of a rich person.
Josh: That's what she does on her TV Land series.
Chico: Ayup.
Gordon: Next one... The All In Challenge Part 1.
Chico
is Lee DeWyze, Gordon is Casey James and Josh is Crystal Bowersox. It's the
American Idol Press Conference - the first time they've had to do that because
the ratings are flatter than a pancake. Annnd...Action!
Gordon: I am Casey James, and I will flatten the first person who makes fun of
my pony tail.
Chico: Hey, guys. I just want to thank you for coming to my coming out party.
And I want to apologize for sucking last week.
Gordon: Why don't you apologize for the other 10 weeks?
Chico: Why don't YOU apologize for the last 10 weeks?
Josh: Now you see why you should vote for me, folks?
Chico: ... no I don't!
Josh: I'll take any questions now.
Chico: That's the thing.
Gordon: Crystal meanwhile likes to argue with the judges about her music. Speak
up!
Chico: I mean... you've just been mailing it in for the last three or four
weeks. then you speak up. Then Casey acts like Jason Castro at his worst.
Josh: (refuses to even acknowledge the others existence)
Chico: Me... I just want to make some music. Can a guy make some music?
Josh: Can you two guys make music? No. I mean, I've been told my music is
reminicent of Tracy Chapman. I mean, THAT'S talent.
Chico: And your hair as well. And your piercings.
Gordon: Was that before or after her fade into obscurity?
Chico: And your duet with Falling Slowly... with me. See? We work together. The
last person Casey sang to... WITH... is gone.
Josh: You ruined that duet.
Gordon: It doesn't matter. I'll just take off my shirt and the ladies will vote
for me (Takes off shirt)
Josh: Oh how gross.
*AIRHORN*
Josh: YUCK! I need to take a shower after that!
Chico: Me too. Last one...ALL IN CHALLENGE #2...
Gordon
is Wink. I'm Monty. Josh can be Peter Marshall.... Right before the Newlywed
Game, we're sizing up wives. ACTION!
Josh: That's what I said, ya fool. Ahem... So she said, "Honey, I think nine
celebrities will be a fun thing."
Gordon: I don't know if our wives will remember anything we did. I don't even
know if I'll remember the question 5 minutes after Carnie asks it.
Chico: Hey Wink.. I'll trade you my wife for your box.
Josh: Don't do it Wink. Heck you don't know if that's wink's wife or if this is
a setup for...what is it again?
Gordon: My show. It was Hidden Recall I think. Or maybe Total Agenda.
Chico: Instant Recall. It was Instant Recall. They took MY show off the schedule
and decided to air that crap. Wink, what were you thinking?
Josh: At least a version of my show still airs.
Chico: That's my show, Peter. My show still airs.
Josh: No that's my show. Saturday and Sunday 9:00 AM
Gordon: I think that next to you is a Dragon. and I am the Dragon Slayer!
Josh: And Hosting for Tom on Game Show Week was fun.
Chico: I actually hosted that show. Wayne Brady's really nice. I hope he doesn't
leave. Oh, you're talking about GSN. I'm sorry. I'm busy looking at your wife...
Josh: Watch it there. She is not going to be anyone's Carol Merrill.
Chico: She'll be my Carol Merrill maybe. ... Sure you don't want to trade for
what's in her box?
Josh: Nope.
Gordon: I'll exchange her for Cloris Leachman. I hear she still has a big box,
if you know what I mean.
(AIRHORN)
Josh: (starts singing a swing-time love song)
Chico: *snaps in time to Josh* And while Josh sings us to break, we're going
to... yeah. More happy fun after this. Seriously... it's all in good fun. We
have nothing but respect for these guys.
Josh: Yes, Nothing but respect. Much love to them.
(Brought to you by Ice Cream Soup. It's the new, exciting way to eat your ice
cream. Because frozen just doesn't do it for you anymore.)
Josh:
TRIVIA!: Which game show host made Ice Cream Soup on his first Television
"adventure"? Answer: Paul Reubens (Who hosted as Troy Stevens on "You Don't Know
Jack!")
Chico: Nice.
Josh: He did so as his kiddie alter ego, Pee-Wee Herman
Chico: See, we don't just act like grumpy old men. There's also learning
Josh: So what's next on the ol' docket?
Chico: Next up, we provide the news, you provide the punch line in a game we
call "What's My Zinger." It goes .... a-THUSLY. I say something like...
Betty
White's episode of SNL was the highest-rated episode this season.
Josh: That's cause everyone who tuned in were those who joined her facebook
group, or.....And everyone who tuned in realized that the current SNL Crop is
more like SNL Crap.
Chico: (except for Kenan Thompson)
Josh: Except for Keenan, yes. Always liked him.
Gordon: They figure if they can resurrect Betty White's career, then maybe they
can resurrect the comedy careers of the writers on the show.
Josh: (Rimshot)
Chico: ... Nope. Ever since Tina Fey left, it's been one stream of crap after
another, and I'm being kind.
Gordon: Next one...
Oprah
Winfrey is offering a chance for people to create their own show on her network.
Chico: And in 13 weeks, it'll be replaced by yet another half hour of Oprah.
Because that's how O makes the money.
Josh: Hey, anything's better than American Idol right now, so bring on the
pilots! Or.... Now we know why her production company is HARPO....She is doing
things backwards!
Gordon: No word if Bonnie Hunt is going to be hosting Burt Luddin's Love Cafe
with Joe Rogan.
Chico: And Alison Fiori as "your friend and mine, Crystal".
Josh: OGPU!
Chico; Next one...
Top
Chef is going to Washington this season.
Josh: This was part of an agreement between the Government and NBC/Universal
to get any bailout money.
Chico: Join us next year when we have equal time from the Iron Chefs.
Gordon: The losing chefs get to create new weapons to use in the Middle East as
toxins.
Chico: That's the first challenge, isn't it?
Josh: I can see the winner of Top Chef going on Meet The Press. That's not much
of a prize, is it?
Chico: Tell David Gregory I said what up.
Josh: Honestly, DC is becoming a foodie hotspot.
Chico: Totally.
Gordon: Next one...
Erin
Andrews joins the cast for ABC/ESPN's coverage of the Scripps Spelling Bee.
Josh: And Tom Bergeron is spelling curse words.
Chico: One person who won't be watching... H-A-S-S-L... no, wait...
H-A-Z-L-E...no, wait... can you use that in a sentence?
Josh: *Ding* Hasslehoff
Gordon: Erin, spell Hasslebeck. B...i...t...c...NO! BAD ERIN!
Josh: *ding* That's wrong.
Chico: HA! Spelling's HARD.
Josh: Chico, Gordon, Spell Humiliation.
Chico: F-A-R-T.
Gordon: N..e...x....t...O...n...e...
Josh: *ding* Wrong. The Answer is A-B-C.
Chico: Next one..
Family
Feud moves to Orlando with Steve Harvey commuting from Atlanta to host.
Josh: Which means an increase in the wardrobe budget for Steve's Flashy Suits
and to make sure the contestants don't look like tourists we just pulled from
the park!
Gordon: It also is known that Family Feud episodes have been extended from two
30 minute shows to one hour show because Steve
Harvey....can't....get....done...one...episode....in....time.
Chico: We asked 100 people to name a county in the Metro Atlanta area. ...
anyone? ... no one?
Gordon: Calaveras!
Josh: *BUZZ* X
Gordon: Madison?
Chico: "Finally! Words I can PRO-nounce."
Josh: LOL
Chico: *toothy grin*
Josh: "You can forget about the WB and these (CENSORED) Suits. My (CENSORED) Is
from the PRA-Jects!
Chico: Forgot the toothy grin,.
Josh: Do we really want that sailor's mouth on a family show?
Gordon: um...no. Last one...
We
have 25 latest male suitors for Chico's faaaaaaaavorite show, The Bachelorette.
Josh: One word, Two syllables....HIM-BOS!
Chico: You know what that means.... MAN WHORES FOR EVVVVVVVVVVVVVERYBODY!
Gordon: That's 25 people that have an opportunity to advance their professional
careers when Ali leaves in the middle of the season to go back to her job. Then
the guys can start dating each other as Rupaul shows up as the new bachelor.
Josh: *SHUDDER* That's gross
Chico: Talk about a twist ending.
Gordon: You can't have a good reality show without a shocking twist.
Chico: And that's about as shocking as it gets.
Gordon: We'll shock the world with a Speed Round, but first this!
(Sponsored by the Real Game Show Housewives. What do these women do after the
Newlywed Game is over? We'll see their lives. heck, we did one on Carnie Wilson
and she got an Emmy Nomination. Just imagine if we showcase a gaggle of them!)
Josh: We'll get...a load of crud from the reviewers at GSNN.
Chico: Well, I'd watch one episode. It'd be a hell of a lot classier than what
Bravo's given us.
Gordon: Let's stay classy and go to The Speed Round...NOW! Survivor - Who wins?
Josh: Russell
Chico: ... Jerri.
Gordon: I'll say Sandra. DWTS - who loses?
Chico: I finally get to say it. Chad Sesentaynueve.
Josh: Chad. He should've been gone a LONG TIME AGO.... Like WEEK ONE!
Gordon: I think Erin Andrews's storyline comes to an end.
Chico: Nah, that episode with Elisabeth has galvanized her fanbase. Okay... Big
question. Idol. the final two. Go.
Gordon: Crystal/Lee
Chico: Good answer. Newlywed Legends... Watching?
Gordon: Of course.
Josh: Yes!
Gordon: I like watching our mailbox. Especially when it has mail in it. Do we
have any mail?
Chico: Bob Hagh sent us stuff. Thanks, Bob!
TO: WLTI
FROM: Bob Hagh
Hi guys,
In your Heads or Tails segment of your show, you had a section titled "A
guaranteed millionaire on the next "Minute to Win It." You all gave a
massive TAILS for it. The problem with this is that the show said a
contestant is guaranteed a chance to play for the $1,000,000 prize, not
necessarily win it. In the defense you gave about DoND and 1 Vs.100 and
their cancellations, I felt this decision was a little misleading. Does it
stray away from the basic gameplay? Yes. Is it a gimmick? Yes. But a gimmick
here and there shouldn't hurt a show like "Minute" dramatically. The Last
Man Standing show was still exciting and interesting to see. Luckily, they
are going back to the 10-level, single player structure.
Oh, and have a great day!!! Keep up the good work!
|
Josh: Guys, that was your call, not mine.
Chico: That was ours. I'll wear the dunce cap this week. *does* But still... it
was exciting to watch... Would I do it on a regular basis? Even a SEMI regular
basis... Not for a shot at a mill.
Gordon: No no no. The press says that 'They never gave out the Million...until
now...' What does that make you think? They give it out.
Chico: So that's shoddy PR.
Gordon: I don't blame Chico. I blame the very misleading PR.
Chico: *takes off dunce cap*
Gordon: The show only had a handful of episodes out. Now is NOT the time to be
doing all the special shows. Holy burnout, Batman.
Chico: And we did say "they're getting all the mistakes out early"
Josh: That's certainly true.
Chico: They were renewed. They could've done this LATER.
Gordon: The best way to keep this fresh - add more stunts. Make twists. Don't
completely change the format of the show.
Chico: Especially not this soon.
Josh: Yah. The charity play was also a bit premature if ya ask me.
Gordon: Yep. Don't need charity now. It would be nice to see the celebrity work
together WITH a civilian. THAT would be fun.
Josh: To me, Celebs on a game show means RATINGS HELP!
Chico: And that's a bad thing to have THIS EARLY.
Gordon: Agreed. Thanks for the email though. Any more letters?
Chico: Not from me. You?
Gordon: Nope, but if you want to write up anything for episode #300, where do
they send it to?
Chico: WLTI@gameshownewsnet.com Or find us on Facebook. Or Myspace. Or GSNN's
Video Wall. Next week is WLTI's 300th episode... and I have no idea what we're
doing, but it's going to be SPECTACULAR.
Gordon: YAY!
Josh: HOORAH! I'll bring the cake.
Chico: Please join us for that.
Gordon: We done?
Chico: We're done. Agent Josh, glad to have you back.
Gordon: ok. Time to get dressed and do an AIDS walk.
Josh: An honor and a pleasure, and thanks again for your kind words.
Gordon: Any time, Josh :)
Chico: Remember.. 300. NEXT WEEK! For Gordon and everyone at GSNN, I'm Chico
Alexander... Game over.. and spread the love. :-)
|