Episode 17.12
March 24

Jason: That was pretty bad. However...the last session was a lot better. Like I said...that machine gave the three of us...$1000.00.
Chico: Big money.
Gordon: Big Money - and I hope that you used it to get acting lessons.
Jason: I slept today...but I think I am ready for it.
Chico: Same here.
Gordon: I didn't , but let's see what I can do. Wheeeee.
Don: I hope I'm ready...
Gordon: We start With Chico and Don
Chico: k
Don: Alright.

Don is Meredith Vieira, Chico is Dave Price, trying to get more screen time. Aaaaannd...Action!

Chico: But Meredith, I'm sure I can emote if you and Michael gave me another week. How was I supposed to know this was going to be hard. I thought itwaws going to be like TPIR all over again.
Don: Dave, I think 1 week was enough. So I'm going to politely ask for my seat back.
Chico: .... You can't have it, back... I let Drew Carey run all over me, I'm not going to let some two-bit NBC reporter do the same thing... Uh.. I mean... PLEASE?!
Don: *Sigh* How would you feel if I decided to call security?
Chico: ... please?
Don: No. Now, I'm going to ask one more time. Please get out of my seat.
Chico: You can't do this to me! I'm Dave Motherf'ing price! I belong here!!! *sobs like a baby*
Don: *Sigh* SECURITY!
Jason: You called Ms. Vieira? Time to go, now Mr, Price. Let's go! (grabs Price) NOW! Up you go!
Chico: You can't do this... I know Julie Chen for pete's sake...

CUT!!!!

Chico: Geez, took you long enough.
Gordon: I liked how the scene was going. Next casting call?
Chico: Next up...

Gordon, you're Kristy Lee Cook, and Jason, you're a reporter for a small but veritable game show news site... Try and break her. and.... ACTION!

Jason: How's it going Kristi?
Gordon: I'm doing good, Chico, How are you doing?
Jason: Been a tough couple of weeks for you, but how you holding up?
Gordon: I'm doing ok. It's been tough to deal with all of the stress going on, but I've been a practicing Buddhist and I've been following your philosophy of calmness and zen, which has gotten me through this. I only scheduled the interview with you because I know you've always been nice and caring and you'd never be mean to someone like little old me.
Gordon: So I'm ready for your first question.
Jason: Don't you think you have been lucky than good. I mean you have been in the bottom three for last two weeks...don't you feel very lucky that you are on the tour instead of Amanda, who might have deserved it more than you? I mean what was up with that country version of Eight Days A Week?
Gordon: I actually dedicated it to Jason Block, since I know he's a big country fan. Don't you think he would have liked that rendition?
Jason: Well, I know Jason likes Country music...but more authentic than that. But don't you feel that you are destined to go home this week.... I mean everyone knows you are in deep deep trouble.
Gordon: Authentic? It's as authentic as you can get. It had that West Chester County Fair feel to it, along with Hoe Down music.
Jason: It's going to be a rough week for you. It's wasn't authentic...it was bad country karaoke....skewering a classic Beatles song.
Gordon: It won't because the power of Chico will protect me. I know you will vote for me 5,000 times on your phone, so you will save me from going home. Besides, it doesn't matter now what position I finish. I'm going on the Idol Tour... and I'll be singing to Chico and you. you'll be going to the Idol Concert, right? For me?
Jason: I am going to see Archuleta.

CUT...

Chico: Jason... watch and learn..
Jason: Ok.
Don: This should be good.
Chico: "Kristy Lee Cook. You've failed the industry as a singer and yourself as a woman."
Jason: lol
Gordon: ...Sniff...sniff....
Chico: See? That's how you break someone.
Jason: Right.
Chico: Okay, next?
Gordon: Jason, I'm hurt. Chico would never treat me like this. I'm going to have to change my name to Kristin and start singing to New York Politicians.
Chico: NEXT!
Gordon: See Chico, look what you've done.
Chico: NEXT!
Gordon: Next one...

Jason, since you like the female roles, you are The Price Is Right's Gwendolyn Osbourne

Jason: Ok.

Chico, you are her unborn child. What's on your mind? Annnnnd...Action!

Chico: Oh man.. So many questions. So little time left. Who am I? What am I? What will I be? Where am I going? What will I see? Is my mom hot?
Jason: Hello little one, how are you? This is your mommy Gwendolyn
Chico: I WANT OUT!
Jason: OW!!!!!!!! Stop kicking!
Chico: ATTICA! ATTICA!
Jason: Stop kicking! Not during taping!
Chico: I want to see the world out there!
Jason: Don't break water on the Corvette! Please don't break water on the Corvette!
Chico: I want to be on the big stage with Bob and Rod and Johnny and Anitra and ... wait a minute...
Jason: Drew! Rich! Get me out!
Chico: Drew... and Rich... you know what... I'm good here.
Jason: (breathes) I'm good.

Cut!!!

Jason: When is she due?
Chico: Any day now.
Jason: Healthy baby, Gwen!
Gordon: Next one?
Chico: Next...

Jason, you're Corbin Bernsen.

Jason: Ok.

Don... you're David Goldhill, president of GSN.

Don: Okay.
Jason: Scene?

Mr. Goldhill, you just cut back the airings for How Much Is Enough? to weekends. Aaaaaaaaand take me there.

Jason: Hello, Mr. Goldhill...whats the call about?
Don: Well, Mr. Bernsen, I have some bad news for you. Your show has been relegated to weekends. We need to make room on weekdays for more programming.
Jason: Like what? Bingo America? GSN Live?
Don: Well, yeah. We're also starting to finally re-air some other shows, like Russian Roulette.
Jason: Oh please...you are only doing it because Mark Walberg is whoring himself out on Fox. Mark Walberg will host anything. Have you watched GSN Live....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... I want the show back on in primetime. I am Corbin Bernsen. That show was a darn good show. Everyone likes numbers and tension.
Don: It's nothing against you, Mr. Bernsen. I think you're a good host. It's just that the game you're hosting... There's just not much game to it. Each round is just guessing when to push a button.
Jason: And? That was great...couldn't you see the tension in that?
Don: Honestly... Not really, no.
Jason: Come on.. Patrick Duffy...I am better looking than him!
Don: But hey, at least I didn't cut the show from the schedule altogether.
Jason: Who watches the show on the weekends...more people want to see Monty Hall from 1970...than me.
Don: Granted, I did consider that, but I figured I'd show some mercy, know what I mean?
Jason: Mercy? I am Arnie friggin Becker...I could sue your ass for breach of contract. You remember LA LAW right?
Don: Oh, I remember. Let me put it this way... Did we air all the episodes that have been taped?
Jason: Yes.
Don: Well, then, there you go. We've aired them all, so it's just reruns now.
Jason: Do me a favor...take your bingo balls and shove them up your...(hangs up cell)

And cut...

Jason: LOL
Don: Heh...
Chico: Next?
Gordon: Next one...

Don is Alex Trebek, Gordon is Hugh Downs. The scene - this is the 35th anniversary of Concentration Going off the air. You are both auditioning to be the new host. Chico is the NBC executive., Aaaaand....Action!

Chico: Okay, we're looking for a person to take Concentration to the next level in primetime... Alex... tell me why you should host.
Don: Well, in addition to having hosted the show before, I have been hosting Jeopardy! for 24 seasons now. I also hosted Double Dare... no, not the kids' show with the messy stuff... I mean an earlier show with booths and spoilers. So, as you can see, I have plenty of hosting experience. And hey, if Drew Carey could handle hosting 2 shows at the same time, I'm sure I can handle it, too.
Chico: Okay... How about you, Hugh?
Gordon: I am retired - but I would come out of retirement to host of the show. You want to talk catchphrases? What about 'No Match, the Board Goes Back'. I was the king of Catchphrases.
Chico: Funny, I though that was Art James
Gordon: No, it was me. I have the second most number of hours on tv (only second to Regis Philbin)
Chico: Wow. This is going to be hard. You both have great backgrounds...
Gordon: Art was ther announcer, I was the brains behind it.
Jason: (bursts through door) YOU NEED ME...DAVE PRICE...I WAS SO GREAT ON MILLIONAIRE...pick me! You have to pick me....
Chico: Dave Price, for the last time NO!
Jason: Come on...I need a job! oh god, I need I this job! I can't work with Julie Chen forever! PLEASE PICK ME!
Chico: Alex... come by tomorrow. We'll finalize the deal.
Don: Alright.
Chico: Hugh... you can do anything on this show as well... just get Dave Price out of here!
Gordon: No Match. The Price goes back.
Chico: You heard him.
Jason: Come on Downs.. I can take you!
Gordon: Here Dave. I hear there's this show out that features Bingo Balls and trivia questions. I bet you'd love it.
Jason: Really? You sure?
Gordon: Yes. It's on GSN. It stands for Go Dave Price Show Network. You'll Love it.
Jason: Alright
Chico: Oh yeah. In fact, I think you should do some research on the matter... *throws bingo balls at him*
Jason: Hey! Those balls are pretty big...(THUD)
Chico: ... This enough research for ya?
Don: What is "That must hurt"?
Gordon: CUT!
Chico: Okay, the final scene.
Jason: That worked for me.

Gordon, you're Matt Grant, the newest Bachelor.

Jason: Oh no...

Chico is Charlie O'Connell, trying to give Matt every reason why you shouldn't go through with this show. Don, you're doing the opposite as a guy from ABC. It's the angel and the devil.

Don: Oh, boy...

And... ACTION!

Gordon: ok. I wonder if I should be globetrotting to the states to do the latest episode of The Bachelor.
Chico: Matt, you're about to throw away 30 days of your life here. Trust me,, I've done this before, it's not as fun as I remember it while I was sober for that week.
Gordon: ...but you told me that I was better off doing the show drunk, than sober
Don: Come on, Matt... You know you want to be on TV. You know you want to meet plenty of ladies. How can it get any better?
Gordon: Booze! That's how it can be better! I want the ladies to get drunk, so they throw their panties at me!
Chico: Are you looking for love... or are you looking for sex, man? You're British, right.. so you're supposed to be all classy and stuff.
Don: Well, there will be plenty of booze as well!
Gordon: Booze is fun.
Chico: .. Yeah. I likey booze.
Gordon: I'm looking for booze and money. If I get enough ratings, maybe ABC will let me be on another show.
Chico: Nah. Not going to happen. I tried that too. You're just going to end up old and alone after this. Unless you know Byron Velvick.. Then you're going to be left old, alone, and assaulted by psycho bitch.
Gordon: Well David Beckham got on a show, so maybe there's hope.
Jason: (bursts in the door) HI I'm Dave Price! And I will be the best for the Bachelor!
Gordon: Is this the psycho bitch you were referring to?
Don: Come on, Matt... We need another good show to continue. Danc- HEY! What is he doing here?
Jason: Come on...booze, women...I need it...I have to deal with Julie Chen every day! Help me! PLEASE help me! She keeps calling... Please help!
Chico: Gentlemen? Let's do it.. *beats up on Dave Price*
Jason: Hey! Watch that!
Don: *Smacks Dave*
Jason: Not there! Ow! That hurts!
Gordon: I will not do anything like that. I am too classy of a person. Instead (calls up Stacey Elza, who beats Dave with her panties)
Don: LOL
Jason: Not the umbrella. Not there! OW!

CUT!

Jason: Rocking.
Chico: Before we get into Ultimate Fighter territory, let's get into the break. Big Finish coming up...

(Brought to you by Stacey Elza's panties... the ultimate in home defense. One throw, and watch thieves go.)

Jason: Oh boy.
Chico: Results may vary... Offer only legal in 49 states. Sorry Tennessee.
Gordon: Waa Waaaa...With that we go to The Big Finish!
Chico: Idol... Will Kristy go away this week?
Jason: yes. Yes, A thousand time yes.
Don: I think so.
Gordon: Yes. DWTS - Who goes first?
Jason: Dont know.
Don: Not sure.
Chico: Adam Carolla. Not enough hotties this year to help him out.
Gordon: I'll say Marissa Jaret Winkour. WPT on Monday - you watching?
Chico: Yep.
Don: Yes.
Chico: Layla Kayleigh.... arrrrr.
Jason: If I wasn't going to the WML premiere...yes.
Gordon: Do we have any mail?
Chico: Got some from Rob Hoffmann, as a matter of fact. Thanks, Rob!

Chico: To address your concerns, Rob... Yes, yes, and yes. Yes, it seems like Ryan and Simon are forgetting that it's about the singers and not themselves.
Jason: Agreed.
Chico: Yes Eight Days a Week was vicious and not in the good way. And yes, David Cook may have a career after this
Jason: He will. He is the only guy right now who can challenge Archuleta right now. He MAY have peaked too early. But Archuleta can read the phonebook on MP3 and he will sell a million copies.
Gordon: I think Archuleta is still the person to beat, if he can grab something quick tempo and nail it
Chico: Might I suggest something by Earth Wind & Fire.
Jason: He needs to show a little more flavor than vanilla teen pop.
Chico: He needs... some soul. And we need to hear from you... if you have any e-mail, send it on over to wlti@gameshownewsnet.com OR go over to myspace.com/wltiongsnn. Either way... don't be afraid to speak your mind.
Gordon: We're never afraid to speak ours. That ends this week's show. Special thanks to Jason Block and Don Harpwood for joining us.
Jason: Always a pleasure. And Chico, great to see you this weekend. A blast.
Chico: I know. We should do this again sometime.
Jason: Profit is good.
Gordon: 900+ reasons to do it again
Chico: That's the show for this week. Until next week, for Gordon and everyone at GSNN, I'm Chico. Game over... and spread the profit... and the love