Episode 4.16 (Couples 1) - January 5
"I don't remember who won second, but I remember who
won last year's million."
That is said by Roberto as we start the new year with
the second annual one million dollar tourney. You know
the deal - 8 couples, 7 weeks, 1 million - and a lot of
prizes to match. Will we get a repeat of another Las
Vegas wedding (as what happened last year with Jackson
and Monica)? Maybe we will - but we will probably also
get a lot of break-ups, like Adam and Meg. Either way,
it should be fun.
Let's see who gets to participate in all this fun...
Ashley and Dean - They've been there for the
longest (4 years) so they feel that they have the edge.
They look like a buffed up Barbie and Ken.
Richard and Tara - They are the only engages
couple, and they say they will win it all and use it to
pay for their wedding. Think Barbie and Ken if they were
going part grungy, part hillbilly.
Maria and Craig - They have been in a
long-distance relationship for two years, and if they
win, the Midwestern Maria will be moving to Arizona to
be with the bandanna-wearing Craig.
Leah and Roberto
- They admit that their relationship is on the rocks,
but the Latino couple will still be going for the cash.
Tina and Randy - Randy complains about Tina
scratching him - ouch. The Asian/Hispanic couple do say
that they will channel their anger towards winning the
Lisa Marie and Scott - Lisa Marie is another
blonde, while Scott is dark-haired. They say that they
are the most competitive group there, and if they work
as a team, then they are unstoppable.
Bobby and Amy - Bobby looks like Lex from
Survivor Africa, while Amy looks like a matured Goth
Girl from the Greek Games. Both of them look like
tattooed hippied from the 70's - but maybe their plan is
to intimidate all of the teams. Bobby has an 'Amy'
tattoo on his armpit. Now if that ain't love...
Andre and Amirah - The lone African-American
group can't wait to get it on with everyone else. "We
were born to this."
CHALLENGE 1: Joe welcomes them all as we hear the
traditional spiel and pep rally. He rallies the troops
for the first stunt - the man will be dangling by their
ankles on a helicopter. They will be grabbing on to a
rope. On the bottom of their rope is their female
counterpart as they try to hold on to the rope for as
long as possible. The couple that does this the longest
wins a Capital One credit card worth anywhere from
$10,000-$50,000. Well, that's a nice way to start.
The first two pairs will be Dean/Ashley and Maria/Craig.
They both last awhile, but Maria falls at the 50 second
mark. Dean and Ashley are trying to set the bar, but at
a 1:02.5 bar, I'm not sure if it's going to be enough.
The second squad is Leah/Roberto and Tia/Randy. The
couples think that Leah wears the pants in their
relationship - and that Roberto will drop the rope. They
are....right, as he does drop the rope - at 1:01. Tina,
at 1:08.8, becomes the new leaders. After seeing their
time beaten, Dean starts going after Ashley, who shrugs
it off. Leah goes after Roberto, who just has to shut up
and take it like a man - though he seems to be more of
the womanly type.
Bobby and Amy and Lisa Marie/Scott are next. The teams
are already complaining about the fact that Bobby and
Amy don't wear deodorant. 'They make Right Guard turn
left.' says Randy. Heh. Scott says that they will hold
on for 2 minutes - but they are a good 1:30 short of
that. The lack of deodorant doesn't wilt the rope, as
Bobby and Amy are the new leaders at 1:18.4. 'The
Stinkies have done it!' says Joe in glee. Way to be
Finally, it's Richard/Tara and Andre/Amirah. Tara falls
out, so it's up to Amirah to hold it for the team. She
drops at...1:08. The tattooers win the first challenge
and get to pick a card. They select the card worth....
$10,000. It's the minimum, but at least they will be
walking off with something.
CHALLENGE 2: The problem is that someone is
walking out of the next stunt with nothing. They will be
leaving with full bellies though, as we get the Fear
Factor lunch! What's in the lunch today? Glad you asked,
as we have...
Cod Egg Sac
Before they get to the food, the couples first have to
transfer four 200 pound tunas in a pool of fish parts
and seaweed. They then have to get a canister that's
filled with one of the four fish parts mentioned and eat
all of it.
The team that does it the quickest wins $10,000. The
team that does it the second slowest can not participate
in the prize stunt on the next episode. The team that
does it the slowest will be the first team eliminated.
By winning the last challenge, Bobby and Amy select the
order. They choose their toughest competition to go
first - which is Andre/Amirah and Dean/Ashley. They all
think it's a compliment and promise to set the bar high.
On the tuna transferring part of the race, Dean and
Ashley are blowing out Andre and Amirah. Andre is
letting Amirah carry the 200 pound fish and dropping it
over the side by herself - not smart. Dean/Ashley select
the cod egg sac, which is really tough to eat, while
Andre and Amirah are munching down those much easier to
pop in your mouth sea snails. Thee food makes the
difference, as Andre and Amirah actually get the win in
6:00 even. Dean and Ashley, and to the throng of
everyone else making vomiting noises, do finish - but in
a very slow 9:55.
Next up - Randy/Tina and Tara/Richard. Richard says that
he is hungry, which is good, because there's plenty to
eat. In a neck and neck battle, Randy gets the fish
stomach, while Richard finds the fish eyeballs. Joe
warns them that if one of them throws up, they will be
eliminated - but if one of them can't eat it, the other
person can eat all of it. Randy says that the fish
stomach is by far the worst thing to eat, and he and
Dean will be debating it. I say that because Dean will
be around next week - because Richard's eyeballs takes
them 10:58 to eat. I say Richard's eyeballs, because
Tara refuses to eat anymore after two of them (for fear
of vomiting), which leaves Richard to eats almost the
entire portion. Richard may have something to say about
it, but he can't join in the conversation if the other 4
teams beat his time.
Bobby and Amy select themselves next - and Roberto and
Leah, who says that Bobby and Amy are making a huge
mistake. Based on Roberto's lack of effort on the first
stunt, I think that they haven't. They actually lose the
tuna (now how do you misplace a 200 pound tuna?) as
Bobby and Amy easily get to chow down first. They get
the...eyeballs, which Amy wanted to eat - but she
changes her mind quickly. That may give Richard and Leah
the break that they need - but they also pick the
eyeballs and it's an all gag-fest. Believe it or not,
Richard and Leah do get the stunt done first, but Bobby
and Amy's 10:18 time also keeps them in.
Finally, it's Lisa Marie/Scott and Craig/Maria. Both
teams complete the stunt in under 3 minutes... but they
both get eyeballs and Andre is stoked about it - until
they see Scott eating the eyeballs like candy. They
munch them in 5:30, which gives them the $10,000. Maria
and Craig have another strategy - she crushes the
eyeballs and spits them in Craig's mouth (ewwwwww) - but
they get it done in 7:11. They are safe. Randy and Tina
had the second slowest time, so they can't participate
in the first stunt next week - but they are safe. Tara's
lack of eating costs them, as she and Richard are
eliminated. Tara hugs Richard, who looks down and can't
make eye contact with her.
Andre and Amirah are sad - but they also know that it
could have been them. Joe reminds Tara that she cost
them the match as they leave them behind. Richard's
response "That's alright - you're worth more than a
million dollars." AwwwwBarf.
As usual, we have a fun first episode of the tournament.
We'll have fun with cow stomachs and....concoctions...in