"5 Continents, 25
Cities and More Than 40,000 Miles - Leg 12"
PIT STOP: ROUND HILL
PLANTATION, MONTEGO BAY, JAMAICA
12 hours...eat...sleep...blah blah blah... and, at 2:37am EST,
Rob & Kelly depart on the final leg:
Head for the city of Lucea (25 miles away).
There, a marker will lead you to a shack where you must pick
up a bag of 50 onions. Take it to a nearby kitchen shack and
chop them up for use in a restaurants cooking. Once the
onions are sufficiently chopped and dumped into a pot, the
chef will hand you your next clue. Two teams have $445 for
this final leg of the Race... but one team has $0.
The gloves are, apparently, off
as Team American Beauties ask the desk clerk to call them a
cab... and to not, under ANY circumstances, get one for any
other team. Of course, the clerk will have none of it. When Team
Survivor departs one minute later, they easily trail their foes
towards the street. When Rob suggests they split the fare, Kelly
flat-out says "NO!" As they get in, Rob tries to talk the driver
into calling ANOTHER cab for them... and Ron tries to talk him
OUT of doing that.
Ten minutes behind Rob & Amber, Uchenna & Joyce depart the final
PIT STOP. Broke that they are, they, of course, must beg for
money. But the desk clerk can't help them. They ask a nearby
ambulance for a ride to Lucea, confident they can beg for bread
at the airport... but the hospital vehicle isn't going anywhere.
OK, Team American Beauties have a cabbie without clue
one where this onion shack is. As such, it's Team Survivor who
arrives there first and grabs their onions. While Ron & Kelly
tail a cop to the place, Team Will Race For Food finally gets a
ride by a friendly local. But... they head for the airport
first, not wanting to start on their tasks until they know they
can afford life back in the U.S. of A.
Rob & Amber haul their sack to the kitchen shack and start the
tear-jerking process of chopping them up. Right behind them are
Ron & Kelly. Meanwhile, at the airport, Uchenna & Joyce start
what they hope they won't HAVE to do to make a living: begging.
But... they're getting nowhere. Joyce is starting to cry and get
majorly discouraged... but, as the sun starts to rise, they
start finding more generous suckers... er, tourists to give them
enough money to at LEAST hail a cab to Lucea.
Chop, chop, chop, o/~ the teams are ma-a-a-arching o/~ But, as
you may expect, it's Rob & Amber that skins the onions faster.
Ron & Kelly aren't that far behind, so Team Survivor quickly get
their next clue:
Travel by taxi to Rose Hall, a former
plantation house (about 60 miles away) to receive your next
They take off... but Team American Beauties are right behind
them, having been all cried out in the LAST leg. As they leave,
Uchenna & Joyce... well, they're having troubles finding the
onion shack. But I'm sure they'll soon be on they're way to...
ROSE HALL, JAMAICA
Once again, it's a tie as the front two teams arrive at
the plantation. They hurry to the Route Marker and discover the
DETOUR - Pony
Up or Tee It Up?
PONY UP - Participate in the
local sport of horseback swimming. Make your way down to the
beach nearby and each of you must ride a horse into the
ocean. Once the horse starts to swim, slide off the back and
hang on to its tail as it swims around buoy and back to the
shore. Once both horses are back on the beach, you will
receive your next clue.
TEE IT UP - Jamaica has wonderful golf courses. Head for a
nearby course, dress up in appropriate attire and head to
the driving range. You will alternate hitting off a tee
towards a marked circle 16 feet in diameter 140 yards away.
Once ANY ball EITHER of you hit stops in that circle, you
will receive your next clue.
Well, who really has time to
horse around? Both teams decide to TEE IT UP. As they go in to
dress up in tacky clothes even Al Czervik would shy away from,
Team Will Race For Food has NOT given up yet. They grab their
onions and get down to slicing and dicing them.
And, speaking of "slicing", that's exactly what our four Vijay
Singh wannabes are doing. That is, when they can actually HIT
the ball! Kelly is the worst; Annika Sorenstam she AIN'T! Ball
after ball after ball go sailing iin the wrong direction.
Then, like Roy "Tin Cup" MacAvoy, Rob wails on it again...
and... IT'S IN DA HOLE! IT'S IN DA... well, actually, it's in
the circle. But that's close enough for jazz. Team Survivor once
again leaves a task in first... and gets THIS clue:
head back to the USA... sort
of. Fly to San Juan, Puerto Rico (which is a "commonwealth"
of the U.S. 800 miles away). Once there, find a marked car
and drive yourselves to Castillo de San Felipe del Morro
Fort. In front of the gates of the fort, you will find your
After getting out of the tacky
clothing, Rob & Amber hop into a cab for the airport. Now, Rob,
being the resourceful lad, thought to bring a timetable from Air
Jamaica WITH him so that he & Amber can look up the next
available flight. As they haul for the airport, Kelly finally
channels Michelle Wie and gets one in the right area. They head
out for the airport as well.
At the airport, Team Survivor get some ugly news. They can't get
on the plane they chose unless they go to the ticket counter.
The WORSE news is that the ticket counter won't sell them
tickets. Quickly, they scramble to find another airline... and
they FIND an American Airlines flight to San Juan that has been
delayed. They quickly get booked for it... just as Ron & Kelly
arrive. They spy Rob & Amber and try to get on the same flight.
No dice. Team American Beauties are stuck watching Team
Survivor's plane disappear into the eastern skies.
Oh, right... there's another team.
Well, Uchenna & Joyce make easy work of the onions and head for
the plantation, still not wanting to quit. They decide to TEE IT
UP as well at the last DETOUR and they start to swing... while
Ron & Kelly try to book a 12:40pm flight on American to...
SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO
o/~ Puerto Rico, you lovely island... land of tropic
Team Survivor hopes to get off the island in a hurry (and not
necessarily by being voted off, either). They find their vehicle
and take a drive through Old San Juan towards the fort. Upon
arriving there, there retrieve this:
to the town of Aguadilla (87
miles away). Once there, find an abandoned sugar refinery
and follow the marked path to find your next clue.
Sounds simple enough. Well,...
except that, just like every other developed city in the world,
San Juan has its traffic problems. So, as they sit in traffic...
...Ron & Kelly board their OWN flight to the P.R...
...and Uchenna does a "Tiger Woods" and finishes the DETOUR in
record time. They quickly head for the airport to find that
they're the only team there. The next flight out is at just
before 5pm. PLENTY of time to beg for more money.
AGUADILLA, PUERTO RICO
The traffic is brutal, and Rob & Amber are getting a TOUCH
annoyed. It takes most of the afternoon to get to the refinery.
And, when they show up, they find it closed. And the sign out
"HOURS OF OPERATION: 7:30am to 5pm"
DAMMIT! They lost there lead! And they are NOT happy! Still,
they decide that, if they don't have their health, they don't
have anything. So they check into a hotel for a proper night's
As they settle in, Ron & Kelly set down in San Juan. They drive
to Aguadilla and find out the same thing: it's a three-way tie
again. Unlike Team Survivor, though, they decide to sleep in the
car so that they can be first in line.
A distraught but still determined Team Will Race For Food lands
late. They likewise hit the fort, then head for the refinery. Of
all three teams, they are the most ELATED that the place is
closed! They had been behind all leg... and, now, they're back
As 7:30 fast approached, six Americans - having already traveled
in a wide loop around the world - ready themselves for the final
push. This would, most likely, be the last day of the Race...
and they wanted to get through it quickly.
The gates are open, the lights are on... it's Racer-fighting
At the clue box, all three find out it's the last:
ROAD BLOCK (Who's ready to
take a plunge?)
team member must follow the marked path and climb out to a
nearby bridge 30 feet above the water. They must then leap
off the bridge and swim 90 yards to retrieve the next clue
from a buoy. They will then be transferred by boat to the
shore to join his/her partner.
Amber HAS to do it, and
Ron and Uchenna decide to take the Nestea(TM) Plunge as well.
But... well, Rob & Amber must not have gotten enough sleep
because they head in the ENTIRELY wrong way! Uchenna and Ron,
however, have no problem finding the bridge. Ron is the first to
jump (guess that military training paid off), but Uchenna isn't
too far behind as he takes the leap. Ron & Amber finally
re-orient themselves and get Amber out on the bridge.
But Ron is the first to the buoy and the first to be carried
back to Kelly. The clue Ron has says this:
Drive yourselves back to San Juan
International Airport (90 miles away) and then fly to your
city: Miami, Florida, USA (about 1000 miles away). Travel by
taxi to the Rickenbacker Causeway and look for your next
clue along the side of the road.
(W-wait... the Amazing Race was
practically in my backyard...AND I MISSED SEEING IT?!?!?
Right behind the POW is the married baldie, doing his best to
keep pace with them. Amber finally leaps... but despite her
months on islands, she's not that good a swimmer. In fact, she's
exhausted when she gets to the shoreline and Rob has to CARRY
her to the car. By this time, the other two teams are long
gone... and Kelly is doing some piss-poor back-seat driving.
Team Survivor arrive back where they landed less than 20 hours
ago. The 10am flight to Miami is booked so they get tickets for
a slightly later flight leaving at 11:15am.
But, being smart, they look to see if they can get on the 10am
flight. They are placed on the stand-by list... and,
lo-and-behold, they make it! They get on board and sigh in
relief as the plane door closes...
...just as Team Will Race For Food arrive. They try to get on
the flight, but the ticket agent is not having it. And, when
they find out that Rob & Amber are on board, they start to beg
and plead even MORE than when they were doing it for money! And,
after talking it over with the pilot, they move the boarding
platform back into position and let them on board. As they see
the married couple passing by, all Rob can say is, "This sucks!"
Meanwhile, Team American Beauties finally stop bickering long
enough to get to the airport and book their flight on the 11:15
MIAMI, FLORIDA, USA
At the home of Gloria Estefan, Sonny Crockett and David
Caruso, the first plane touches down at Miami International,
over 2300 miles from where they took their FIRST flight out of
the US a few weeks ago. Rob & Amber and Uchenna & Joyce run
right out to the cabs (Team Survivor actually left their
backpacks on the plane as not to be weighed down) and head for
the Rickenbacker. As Ron & Kelly board THEIR flight, Rob & Amber
arrives at the clue box first, roughly nine miles from the
airport. Their next clue:
Travel to Little Havana (a Cuban section of
downtown Miami 2 1/2 miles away)
and look for a cigar store called "King of the Havanas".
Once you find the shop, the proprietor will give you your
(What they DON'T know is
that almost every cigar store in Little Havana has a Spanish
name. "King of the Havanas" translates into Spanish as "El Rey
De Los Habanos", which is what the store is really called.)
As they head off, Uchenna & Joyce arrive, grab the clue and head
for the Cuban neighborhood. Both teams have trouble finding the
place. Both teams get directions from locals. Both take the cabs
to where they were told.
Rob & Amber's info was wrong.
Uchenna & Joyce's... was right on! And the proprietor hands the
couple their final clue of the Race:
ROUTE INFO -
Make your way to Fort Lauderdale, Florida
(roughly 30 miles north of Miami) and find the Bonnet House,
an art museum and gardens. Follow the marked path to the
FINISH LINE! First team to the mat wins ONE MILLION
The GOOD news is that
they're in prime position to win this Race! The BAD news... they
may not have enough money for the cab ride up I-95. Meanwhile,
Team Survivor temporarily lose their cab and try to find the
place on foot. As Team Will Race For Food gets closer to Ft.
Lauderdale (and to bankrupcy), Rob & Amber DO find the right
shop and take off towards...
BONNET HOUSE GARDENS, FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA, USA
The couple can just TASTE their chances of having a child one
way or another. However, the cabbie says they're not going
ANYWHERE because they still owe $25 for the ride. They
frantically ask passer-bys for funds...
...while Rob & Amber close in...
...and Ron & Kelly arrive in Miami and get their clue to Little
Phil Keoghan stands at the most claustrophobic (and, yet, most
beautiful) FINISH LINE yet: the lush gardens in the Bonnet
House. Sixteen Americans that had to bow out of the Race during
its length line the one and only trail to the huge red-and-black
Suddenly, a rustling is heard down the path...
...and a twosome emerges and jogs towards Phil, big smiles on
The other teams - Ryan & Chuck (Team Dukes Of Landrum, 11th),
Megan & Heidi (Team Cali Roomies, 10th), Debbie & Bianca (Team
Well-Travelled Babes, 9th), Susan & Patrick (Team First Mom-Son,
8th), Ray & Deana (Team On-Again-Off-Again, 7th), Brian & Greg
(Team Barroom Bros, 6th), Lynn & Alex (Team Fab Two, 5th) and
Meredith & Gretchen (Team Socially Secure, 4th) - applaud the
couple towards the mat. They hit the platform and jump for joy,
hugging Phil and starting to cry... and looking a bit shocked,
to say the least.
Phil then says those wonderful words:
"Five continents,... 25 cities and more than 40,000 miles...
Uchenna & Joyce, you are the official winners of The Amazing
Race! Congratulations! You have won one million dollars!!"
Team Will Race For Food, the ones I said were the sentimental
faves to win, have, indeed, won! What are they going to do next?
Why, they're going to... have a baby! Whether through in vitro
fertilization or adoption, they WILL have a child of their own
A few minutes later, Team Survivor comes jogging in. They worked
so hard to sneak their way to the top spot... but it was too
little, too late. Phil proclaims them the silver medalists of
this Race. But Rob & Amber have no antipathy towards Uchenna &
Joyce as they raced one helluva Race.
It's some time before Ron & Kelly arrive. Team American Beauties
are proclaimed Team # 3. But, of course, the end of the Race
essentially means the end of the relationship between them. As
was stated before, she's ready for marriage... and he's not.
They may still be friends, but the prisoner of war refuses -
right now, anyway - to be a prisoner of love.
Yeah, you know the rest: hugs and hand-pounds all around, final
words from the winners, gather round the platform and clap...
fade to black.
And, remember, the NEXT Amazing Race is supposed to be a FAMILY
version. I swear... if even ONE kid whines, "Are we there yet?!"
during the duration...