We Have An Elephant!
STOP: MAKGADIKGADI PANS,
America to South Africa, the Racers sped. Some search through
tunnels (and got bloody in the process) while others gave tokens
to tribes... and Ray & Deana (Team On-Again-Off-Again) came in
first after tight-roping a FAST FORWARD. Meredith & Gretchen
(Team Socially Secure) were the ones who got bloodied and, as
such, came in last. However, they were not "Philiminated"; they
just had to give up everything but their passports and the
clothes on their backs as they trailed the pack into Botswana.
There, the Racers speared defenseless bags, ground corn into
flour and sucked water through reeds to make it to their beds on
a salt plain at the end of the Kalahari Desert. Ron & Kelly
(Team American Beauties) won a foot race against Rob & Amber
(Team Survivor) to land themselves in first... and, though Brian
& Greg (Team Barroom Bros) overturned their Hummer, they beat
Team On-Again-Off to the finish line... and the arguing couple
(who gave Jonathan & Victoria a run for the Most Dysfunctional
Couple Award) WERE eliminated!
As the sun
starts to peek over the horizon at 5:29am local time, Team
American Beauties rip open the first clue of the seventh leg:
Drive yourselves in your Humvees past the
town of Maun (141 miles away) and then another 48 miles to
Sankuyo Village, following the Route Markers. Head for the
principal water tower to find your next clue.
You have $85
for this leg of the Race.
leaves with Biblical words of wisdom... while Rob wonders why
they're not on each other's nerves right about now. 14 minutes
later (must've been a goof in editing or a small penalty last
time), Team Survivor departs, HAPPY that they get along and
ready to take on everybody. Not too far behind them is Uchenna &
Joyce (Team Will Race For Food) who are glad to be on "native
soil". On THEIR heels is Lynn & Alex (Team Fab Two), calling
themselves good, honest (if not SNEAKY) players. It's about ten
minutes before Team Socially Secure leaves, still with no
clothes but at LEAST with some money. Finally, with a little nod
to a former money-making game show on CBS ("Big bucks, big
buucks, no Whammiiiies...<RIP!>), Team Barroom Bros leave...
probably driving a LITTLE more cautiously than before.
Ron & Kelly argue about which direction to go in... Rob & Amber
run into an "ostrich crossing"... Uchenna & Joyce are passed by
Lynn & Alex as cows block the road... Meredith & Gretchen arrive
at A water tower, but not THE one they need to be at (they
haven't even got to Maun yet)... Brian & Greg LIKEWISE go to the
wrong tower... but, one way or another, they're being led to...
Ron & Kelly are, of course, first to arrive at the RIGHT
tower... and to have to deal with another:
DETOUR - Carry It or Milk It?
(two common village chores)
|CARRY IT -
The Botswanan women around the village transport goods in an
unusual way: they balance them on their heads. You must each
transport three items - a bucket of water, a basket of corn
and a bundle of sticks - in the same method to a cooking
area 70 yards away. You may NOT use your hands; should you
touch any item with your hands, you must stop in your tracks
and re-balance before continuing. Once all three items are
transported, the cooking lady will give you your next clue.
MILK IT- Botswanans have cows for milk, but they also have
goats to milk. Head for the corral and round up a goat. Tie
her up and then milk from her (and any others) enough milk
to fill a 10-ounce cup to the black line. When you have done
this, the tribesman nearby will hand you your next clue.
Team American Beauties decide to MILK IT... at first. But, after
seeing some of the women, Ron convinces Kelly to try CARRY IT
instead. But it isn't as easy as Ron thinks, even WITH the towel
ring for help. The locals laugh at him as he fumbles with the
bucket of water... and he tells Kelly that SHE should be able to
do it, being from a ballet background. Finally, they decide to
chuck it and do MILK IT instead.
As they head to the goats, Team Survivor arrives and decides to
MILK IT as well. As Team Barroom Bros gets lost at ANOTHER
tower, the two couples head for the goat pen. Ron & Kelly drag
two goats to the hitching post... though Ron almost loses one
when Kelly lets go of it to tie the other up. After grabbing two
more goats, Rob & Amber arrive to get THEIR goats (Rob & Amber's
LITERAL goats, not Ron & Kelly's FIGURATIVE "goats"). But Rob &
Amber likewise see the natives' balancing act and decides to try
it out. Amber does well with the sticks... but Rob... not so
much with the corn. Rob ALSO decides that milking goats would be
easier than BEING a goat, so... it's back to the pens where Ron
& Kelly are on their way... though not without Ron b*tching the
whole way that Kelly COULD have done CARRY IT.
As the other teams search for the tower (some enjoying the view
more than others), Team Survivor catches up to Team American
Beauties. As they work side-by-side, Team Fab Two, Team Socially
Secure and Team Will Race For Food all arrive at the tower at
just about the same time. While the gay lovers and the elderly
couple choose to milk, the bankrupt couple decide to see if they
can live up to their ancestral heritage. As Ron & Kelly argue
some more, Rob coax Amber into completing the task slowly and
carefully. When Lynn & Alex realize how LONG the two teams have
been milking, they decide (of course) to try the balancing act.
Meredith & Gretchen, however, do NOT change their minds and look
for goats to squeeze. Uchenna & Joyce, also, won't change their
Team Fab Two and Team Will Race For Food compete at the same
time. Sure enough, Uchenna & Joyce seem to be NATURALS at this
balancing act... while Lynn & Alex, despite convincing each
other that it's like runway modeling, obviously have mistaken
The Amazing Race for Africa's Next Top Model
and don't seem to be getting anywhere. As one couple gets the
corn across, the other RE-changes their minds and gets to
Soon, four teams are milking goats at the same time (though I'm
sure Lynn & Alex and trying DESPERATELY not to do something
ELSE) while Uchenna & Joyce continue their star balancing act.
Uchenna has the water bucket down to a science... while Joyce is
a little more cautious. As Kelly stays back from Ron as he
works, Rob & Amber ask for a measurement... but it's a LITTLE
short of the line. As such, Ron finishes the task first and
keeps him & Kelly in the lead with this clue:
Drive yourselves along the marked road to the
banks of the Khwai River (about 21 miles away).
You'll find your next clue at the end of the bush-laden
As they split, they argue about the
task... though not very loudly or heartedly. As they head down
the path, Team Survivor gets another measuring and THIS time
succeeds, staying in second. As the other two teams yank the
goat-teats for all they're worth, Joyce all but crawls towards
the end with the bucket and she and Uchenna go back for the
sticks. This is MUCH easier for Joyce and the couple jumps into
third. As Stuart Scott would say, "They made they kinfolk proud:
Pookie, Ray-Ray, Konesha, Baby-Daddy..." As they haul for the
river, Team Socially Secure finish THEIR cup in fourth... and
openly argue about where the hell the Khwai River is. This gives
Team Fab Two some confidence that they'll get lost... but the
elders ask for directions before heading out. Lynn & Alex
FINALLY finish their cup in fifth and head off after them.
And... what about Brian & Greg? Well, they FINALLY arrive at the
RIGHT tower and decide to MILK IT. They rush in, grab and tie
the goats and start to yank at their udders with abandon.
Meanwhile, miles ahead of them, the other five teams are TRULY
on a safari through the bush. There are antelope, there are
zebra... and, HOUSTON, WE HAVE AN ELEPHANT! Or so says Uchenna
as they drive VERY CLOSE to one. But... not everyone is enjoying
this ride. Meredith & Gretchen were given lousy directions and
look like they're going the wrong way. And Lynn & Alex... well,
their Hummer springs a leak and they must wait for a
replacement. Remember, the Rules of the Race say they can either
fix it themselves (yeah, right!) or wait for a replacement.
Either way, they cannot make up the lost time. Fortunately,
their replacement car isn't TOO far away. Plus, as mentioned,
they're not in last yet.
KHWAI RIVER, BOTSWANA
Ron & Kelly and Rob & Amber stop at the clue box nearly together
and find a:
ROAD BLOCK (Who's ready for a
REAL 'road block'?)
member must navigate their team's vehicle though a
crocodile-infested river crossing. Afterwards, you must
drive through the bush until you get to a six-way path.
Choose a path with a Route Marker post and remove said post
on that path so that no one may take the same path. Along
the way, you'll arrive at two trees that were knocked over
by elephants blocking the road. You must clear THIS road
block to complete the ride on this ROAD BLOCK and pick up
your next clue. Whoever is not driving may ride in the
vehicle but must NOT help in any way in clearing the logs.
Rob and Ron choose to do it... and they PLOW through the
river. Rob's vehicle actually has water coming through the
dashboard! As they move on, Uchenna & Joyce arrive at the ROAD
BLOCK and Uchenna chooses to drive... though Joyce is a
back-seat driver. And, when they're half-way across the river,
they stall. It's not for long, though, as they continue down the
Meanwhile, it turns out that Meredith & Gretchen were going the
right way after all. They actually MAKE it to the ROAD BLOCK,
Meredith deciding to drive. As they likewise get a cab full of
water, Lynn & Alex arrive and Alex decides to do it... though,
after reading the FULL clue, he wonders WHY he's doing it.
Still, he can't change his mind and plans to plod through it.
Back at the goats, Team Barroom Bros - who are WAY in last -
finally get their cup running over and heads on the road to the
The battle of the two teams in front continues as they reach
their roads and head for their logs. Rob is first out of the car
and to hook up his first tree to the Hummer grill, though Ron is
not far behind. They both clear their first logs and move on.
Team Will Race For Food arrives at the multi-fork and drive
straight up to the log before realizing they have to take out
the path. Uchenna takes the route marker... but not the post.
Hmmm... wonder if that'll cost them? (FORESHADOWING) He
clears his first log as Rob clears his second.
Meanwhile, back behind the river, there's a REASON Alex doesn't
like the idea: he never learned to drive a stick-shift... which
is what these Hummers are. But Lynn walks him through it and
they plow through the river.
Rob finishes his task and goes forward to find the next clue
hanging on a branch:
ROUTE INFO - PIT STOP:
yourselves to the next PIT STOP: Khwai River Lodge (9 miles
away). It is set on the edge of the game reserve you've just
driven across. WARNING: the last team to check-in may be
Team Survivor take off for the PIT STOP as Ron finishes HIS
task... but Kelly is not happy with him after he told her to
"just chill a minute". But... it's a misunderstanding, since
Kelly though Ron had said "Shut the f*** up." They head for the
PIT STOP as Uchenna is almost right behind them in third.
Meredith gets to the fork, takes a post and starts his task. And
Lynn & Alex... they run into MORE trouble; they have a flat
tire. (Something tells me this is ONE Hummer they DIDN'T need.)
Again, they can fix it themselves or wait for ANOTHER
replacement. Three guesses as to which one THEY choose (and the
first two don't count). As Meredith completes his first log,
Team Fab Two get a new ride.
PIT STOP: KHWAI RIVER LODGE,
On the edge of this preserve in northern Botswana, a Hummer
pulls up at the lodge... followed by another. It's another foot
race (and THIS time it really LOOKS like one) between Team
American Beauties and Team Survivor. And the two to hit the mat
in front of Phil Keoghan and the native greeter first is...
"Rob & Amber, you're TEAM NUMBER ONE!" For the THIRD time, Team
Survivor has won a leg. And, for the third time, they've one a
Travelocity vacation, THIS time to Monte Carlo on the French
Riviera! Right behind them is Ron & Kelly as Team # 2... though
Ron is a little RELIEVED that they've finally started getting
under each other's skin.
Team Will Race For Food arrives and Phil says to them, "You are
the third team to arrive." You would think two people who worked
for big-time companies would've gotten the subtle hint that
they're not "Team # 3", but they don't... until Phil adds,
"However... you did not finish the ROAD BLOCK correctly." So...
they have to haul back and find out what they did wrong. As they
drive back, Joyce re-reads the clue... and they realize their
Back at the ROAD BLOCK, Meredith gets to his second log while
Alex removes the next-to-last post, moving on to HIS first tree.
Lynn doesn't help; he just provides positive reinforcement.
Well, well, well... look who's joined the party? It's Brian &
Greg aftet nearly running into an elephant (which is no easy
task, mind you). They get to the ROAD BLOCK and it's Greg's turn
so he gets behind the wheel. Meanwhile, Uchenna finds and grabs
the post and hauls back... just as Meredith finishes HIS task.
But... he drives RIGHT PAST the PIT STOP clue while reading the
ROAD BLOCK clue (let this be a lesson; NEVER read and drive).
Don't have to tell you that THIS could be trouble.
Uchenna & Joyce are NOW checked-in as Team # 3. And Meredith &
Gretchen arrive at the PIT STOP as the fourth team to arrive.
But the Rules of the Race state that ALL CLUES on a leg must be
collected before checking in... and they missed one... and Phil
wonders how they founf out how to get there. Ut-oh... back to
the ROAD BLOCK...
...where Alex completes the second log and to the PIT STOP clue.
Lynn gets back behind the wheel and cheers for Alex. As they
head for the lodge (with Alex worried that they'll be eliminated
or, worse, stripped), Greg gets his first log out of the way. As
Team Fab Two gets checked-in as Team # 4 (with Alex wearing
almost their entire combined wardrobe in case it was a
non-elimination leg), all they can say is, "What?!"
Meredith drive back and finds his last clue... just as Greg
finishes the ROAD BLOCK and head on to the same clue. But, while
Team Socially Secure drive off to the PIT STOP, Team Barroom
Bros put on their swimsuits only, ready to DARE Phil to say it's
a non-elimination leg!
A team hits the mat and Phil proclaims:
"Meredith & Gretchen, you're Team # 5!"
And, sure enough, Team Barroom Bros march in in nothing but
swimsuits, scarves and ski caps. Phil can't help but smile.
But... the bad news is that they've been eliminated. Or... is
that GOOD news, since they won't be trekking through cold
mountains that way? Well, whatever, they went out in style!