PIT STOP: CERRO SANTA LUCIA, SANTIAGO, CHILE

After traveling from the highlands of Peru to the lowlands of Chile - shining shoes, moving books and buying groceries along the way - the Racers find their way to the "Hill of St. Lucie" and the statue of Neptune, God of the Water. When all was said and done, Rob & Amber (Team Survivor) arrived in first after hauling all their books at once. Ron & Kelly (Team American Beauties) walked into second, Brian & Greg (Team Barroom Bros) are currently in last... and the girls they were just STARTING to fall for - Megan & Heidi (Team Cali Roomies) were kicked out.

After 12 hours of munching, snoozing and strategizing, Rob & Amber rip open the clue at 12:34am local time, starting leg numero tres:

They find a local citizen who is more than happy to lead them in the right direction. Almost an hour later, Ron & Kelly splits from the PIT STOP, followed almost an hour behind THEM by Ray & Deanna (Team On-Again-Off-Again)... who argue no less than two minutes after leaving. Uchenna & Joyce (Team Will Race For Food) are next out of the blocks, close behind in fourth. Then follows Lynn & Alex (Team Fab Two) - who SO want Team Survivor behind them - and then Debbie & Bianca (Team Well Travelled-Babes), Meredith & Gretchen (Team Socially Secure), Susan & Patrick (Team First Mom/Son) and, lastly, a nowhere-near-somber Team Barroom Bros (over three hours behind the leaders) announcing themselves like an NBA PA announcer would.

At the carpark, Team Survivor gets some bad news. You guessed it... the place is closed until 5am! Well, they decide to go find a hotel and sleep a few more hours rather than camp out. All the other teams arrive and find out the same thing, deciding between hotel or camping out. It's going to be another "Cannonball Run" once the sun comes up over Santa Anita Boulevard.

As 5am fast approaches, Team Well-Travelled Babes go to the hotel to get directions in the bridge. And who should walk by but Rob & Amber. And Rob, as he's been doing ALL RACE LONG, flashes more money than the girls had promised... and get into the taxi that was waiting for Debbie & Bianca! Rob claims it's bullypayback for them calling him a liar back in Peru. The Babes are not happy as they grab another cab.

0500 hours and all is well. The 18 AMericans sprint into the carpark, find the row of marked cars, start 'em up and head on out. Rob asks directions from a local policeman to the main highway (Al Norte), trailed by most of the other teams. I say MOST because Team First Mom/Son and Team Well-Travelled Babes are doing circles around Santiago. Debbie & Bianca eventually find their way in the dark of night, leaving Susan & Patrick behind.

Now comes the HARD part. On the road is an exit called "Los Andes Portillo". According to directions, teams should turn off HERE to drive their way up the Andes and towards the bridge. Team Survivor has no problem with it. Lynn & Alex have no problem. Meredith & Gretchen... no problem. Brian & Greg, Ron & Kelly, Uchenna & Joyce, Ray & Deana... no problem. Debbie & Bianca... PROBLEM! They go STRAIGHT past the exit and keep driving!

The sun comes up and the seven SUVs zig-zag up a highway that would make Lombard Street look like a downhill run in comparison. Team Socially Secure have problems with the altitude and the bumpiness of the road. Everybody else has problems with Rob & Amber. And they hope that they can BEAT Team Survivor to the first YIELD and hold them back.

Meanwhile, back in Santiago, Team First Mom/Son are really, REALLY lost! The sun is up and they're not even out of the CITY! After two hours of driving aimlessly, they FINALLY get on the "Al Norte" - both a long ways behind the leaders and, yet, not necessarily in last (though THEY don't know it yet). That's because Team Well-Travelled Babes are a) still travelling on the "Al Norte" and b) running into people who haven't clue uno where or what Puente Viejo is.

PUENTE VIEJO, ARGENTINA

After enjoying the mountain view, the teams focus on finding the bridge. Rob & Amber as the firt to locate it off the side of the road. They park their car and run for the clue. But, first, something they HAD been "caution"ed about:

Team Survivor opts not to YIELD anyone and goes straight to:

As they head off the bridge, Lynn & Alex arrive. Their golden opportunity gone for now, they choose not to YIELD either (in fact, NO ONE chooses to YIELD on this leg). Both teams decide to PADDLE and run down to the river bank. Soon, vested and protected, they head on their way. But while Team Survivor's arms are getting tired, Team Fab Two do a "lean forward, lean back" stroke.

Brian & Greg pass Meredith & Gretchen on the road to the bridge and deicde to PEDAL instead. The seniors decide to PADDLE on the river... where Amber is getting tired and Lynn & Alex are quickly catching up to them. So sick are Team Fab Two of Team Survivor being in front of them that they push... and push... and eventually PASS them near the end of the course.

As such, the gay lovers reach the mutual Route Marker for the end of both tracks first and discover a:

As they head off, Rob & Amber get the clue second. Amber is glad for the exercise because, hey, she DOES have a wedding dress to fit into.

Meanwhile, Team American Beauties arrive at the bridge and also choose PADDLE. As they jog down to where Team Socially Secure is just heading out, Team Off-Again-On-Again and Team Will Race For Food arrive, both choosing to roll on the river.

Team First Mom/Son, a fair clip behind the others, are making up ground as they head through the Andes. And Team Well-Travelled Babes... well, they're wondering how they can drive through a mountain range with an ocean to their left! And when they FINALLY pull over and find someone competent enough to know what Puente Viejo is, they get the bad news: they've been driving two hours in the WRONG DIRECTION!

Now, by mere defenition, MOUNTAIN bikes are SUPPOSED to be rugged enough to handle any MOUNTAINOUS terrain... such as the rocky road of a railroad track in the Andes mountains. The TIRES, however, must not be MOUNTAIN tires... because Greg's tire has gone flat half-way down the course. As they try to pump the tire back up, Meredith & Gretchen paddle past them on the river. Finally, Greg decides to heft the bike up and wlak towards the finish (nothing in the rules state that he couldn't walk; just that the bike had to be brought back).

Team Socially Secure and Team American Beauties beat the brothers to the clue and head off for Mendoza. Meanwhile, the race between Uchenna & Joyce and Ray & Deana has just started as they're both neck-and-neck into the rapids. The married couple passes both them AND Team Barroom Bros to get the clue in 5th. The bros finish the DETOUR in sixth while Team On-Again-Off-Again depart in seventh.

At last, Susan & Patrick arrive at the DETOUR. They, of course, choose to PADDLE, confident that they are not in last. Susan's a LITTLE clueless about how to operate a paddle... but gets the hang of it after a while.

CAMPING SUIZO OUTSIDE MENDOZA, ARGENTINA

Team Fab Two arrives at the BBQ first and run straight into a:

Alex chooses to chow down on the mess of meat. As he's handed the board of food, Rob & Amber arrive. Rob decides to go to town on the meal, saying, "At least I'm hungry." Slowly, the two men from different worlds (one from Survivor, the other from Queer Eye For the Straight Guy) chomp down this manly meal.

Back at the river, Susan & Patrick have a little trouble navigating the rapids but, sore arms and all, they reach the shore and leave in eighth... JUST as Team Well-Travelled Babes had successfully retraced their steps and found the bridge. They choose the PADDLE as well, KNOWING they're in last... and despite Debbie having serious aquaphobia (at least it isn't ACROPHOBIA).

Back at the feast, Alex and Rob literally choke down their meal. They are soon joined by Meredith and Greg and they dug into the meal with gusto. Rob, however, had his resolve starting to weaken (oh, sure, he can eat bugs and fish but not four pounds of MEAT?!) Finally, after Alex horks into a bucket and Uchenna sits down to join them, Rob, clutching his stomach, proclaims, "I'm done!"

Now, as you remember from the LAST Race, the refusal to complete a ROAD BLOCK or a DETOUR results in a four-hour penalty that starts when the next team arrives at said BLOCK. Rob is willing to do this... and has a plan. As Deana sits down, the clock starts for Team Survivor's penalty... and Deana feels like she's gonna vomit IMMEDIATELY. Rob & Amber casually stroll over to the eaters and tells Ray that, if HE couldn't do it, Deana sure as hell couldn't. At it WORKED; Deana gives up the task and she and Ray have to wait four hours... starting with when the next team arrives. Rob is happy... since he KNOWS he and Amber won't be last no matter WHAT! Gretchen talks to Meredith about likewise giving up... and Meredith finally agrees.

But it appears that Uchenna's stomach is bigger than his eyes. With very little upchucking, he finishes his plate first... and the other teams have to watch as he and Joyce open the next clue:

They take off (with Joyce asking Uchenna if he wants a mint) while Alex chokes the last of the cow down and takes off in second with Lynn in tow. Uchenna & Joyce get lost and follow a cop... to the WRONG house! This gives Team Fab Two a boost of confidence going to...

PIT STOP: ESTANCIA SAN ISIDRO: ARGENTINA

The editing makes it look much closer than it really is. Needless to say that host Phil Keoghan and the local senorita welcome Lynn & Alex as "Team # 1"! And they win... absolutely nothing! Well, actually, just the fact that they beat Rob & Amber is enough of a reward for them! Oh, and Uchenna & Joyce arrive as Team # 2... disappointed at losing first place, but glad to still be in it.

Back at the BBQ, Greg manages to get the last piece down and he and Brian get the PIT STOP clue. Ron & Kelly are right behind them. As they leave, Team First Mom/Son arrive. Since Susan already ate en route, Patrick heads into the BBQ circle to start to chow down. This is when Team On-Again-Off-Again and Team Socially Secure start their penalty time... about 90 minutes behind Rob & Amber. As Patrick starts... Debbie & Bianca finish their rafting tour and drive towards the ROAD BLOCK.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (I've always wanted to say that), Team Barroom Bros and Team American Beauties arrive at the same time and are proclaimed Teams # 3 and # 4 respectively.

Patrick is already prepared to quit and his yelling at his mother to keep quiet while he eats. Susan tries to convince him that she'd vomit constantly if she had been asked to do it... and she doesn't want Patrick to give up. And just as he's about to take the four-hour penalty,... Team Well-Traveled Babes arrives. As Debbie sits down to munch away, Patrick has no choice but to keep eating or risk elimination.

At last, the four-hour penalty for Team Survivor expires and they receive their PIT STOP clue. They saunter towards the ranch with the sun sinking low. After proclaiming them Team # 5, a laughing Phil exclaims how well his Survivor manipulation skills actually WORKED on THIS show. Rob claims to be so shrewd that he even amazes himself sometimes.

It's a chomping contest between Patrick and Debbie... and Debbie is catching up thanks to Bianca's cheering her on. As Patrick pukes, Debbie shuts her ears. Gretchen feels so bad for the two... but she gets over it as the penalty time expires for her and Meredith, as well as for Ray & Deana. Both teams take off for the ranch... and it's not even close. Team On-Again-Off-Again is Team # 6 and Team Socially Secure is Team # 7.

But... who is eliminated?

The BBQ fires still rage, as they have all day. Patrick and Debbie continue to down their food... and, in some cases, UP their food into nearby buckets. Bianca eggs Debbie on... and Susan give a running total as if to tell Patrick to "make it 'all gone'".

Well,... he does.

As Team First Mom/Son depart... Team Well-Travelled Babes look less optimistic about their chances of being the first two-girl Race winners. Debbie DOES finish her meal and they take off, in the hopes that their rivals make a wrong turn.

The good news is... they do.

The BAD news is... it didn't hinder them much. As the moon rises, Susan & Patrick are proclaimed Team # 8!

Two lifetime friends have been VERY well-travelled today... and it cost them. They hit the mat with Phil saying that a) they're last and b) they're out. Phil thought they'd be in the Final Three for sure... but it looks like we'll have to wait for AR9 (since the eighth is supposed to be the "family edition") to see if two girls can find the right combination to win an Amazing Race.