"Do You Need Some
Mouth-to-Mouth Resuscitation? - Leg
PIT STOP: CERRO
SANTA LUCIA, SANTIAGO, CHILE
traveling from the highlands of Peru to the lowlands of Chile -
shining shoes, moving books and buying groceries along the way -
find their way to the "Hill of St. Lucie" and the statue of
Neptune, God of the Water. When all was said and done, Rob &
Amber (Team Survivor) arrived in first
after hauling all their books at once.
Ron & Kelly (Team American
& Greg (Team Barroom Bros) are currently in last... and the
girls they were just STARTING to fall for - Megan & Heidi (Team
Cali Roomies) were kicked out.
12 hours of munching,
snoozing and strategizing, Rob &
Amber rip open the clue at 12:34am
local time, starting leg numero
Make your way to the Paseo ("Carpark") Bulnes.
marked car and drive yourselves through the
Andes mountains into Argentina (150 miles away) and the
bridge called Puente Viejo. On the bridge
is your next clue.
You have $80 for this leg of the Race.
CAUTION! YIELD ahead!
They find a local citizen
who is more than happy to lead them in the right direction.
Almost an hour later,
Ron & Kelly splits from the PIT STOP, followed
almost an hour behind THEM by Ray & Deanna (Team
On-Again-Off-Again)... who argue no less than two minutes after
leaving. Uchenna & Joyce (Team Will Race For Food) are next out
of the blocks, close behind in fourth. Then follows Lynn & Alex
(Team Fab Two) - who SO want Team Survivor behind them -
and then Debbie &
Bianca (Team Well Travelled-Babes), Meredith & Gretchen (Team
Socially Secure), Susan & Patrick (Team First
lastly, a nowhere-near-somber Team Barroom Bros (over three
hours behind the
leaders) announcing themselves like an NBA PA
At the carpark,
Team Survivor gets some bad news. You guessed it... the place is
closed until 5am! Well, they decide to go find a hotel and sleep
a few more hours rather than camp out. All the other teams
arrive and find out the same thing, deciding between hotel or
camping out. It's going to be another "Cannonball Run" once the
sun comes up over Santa Anita Boulevard.
As 5am fast
approaches, Team Well-Travelled Babes go to the hotel to get
directions in the bridge. And who should walk by but Rob &
Amber. And Rob, as he's been doing ALL RACE LONG, flashes more
money than the girls had promised... and get into the taxi that
for Debbie & Bianca! Rob
claims it's bullypayback for them calling him a liar back in
Peru. The Babes are not happy as they grab another cab.
0500 hours and all is well. The 18 AMericans sprint into the
carpark, find the row
of marked cars, start 'em up and head on out. Rob asks
directions from a local policeman to the main highway (Al
by most of the other teams.
I say MOST because Team First Mom/Son and Team Well-Travelled
Babes are doing circles around Santiago. Debbie & Bianca
eventually find their
way in the dark of night, leaving Susan & Patrick
Now comes the
HARD part. On the road is an exit called "Los Andes Portillo".
According to directions, teams should turn off HERE to drive
their way up the Andes and towards the bridge. Team Survivor has
no problem with it. Lynn & Alex have no problem. Meredith &
Gretchen... no problem. Brian & Greg, Ron & Kelly, Uchenna &
Joyce, Ray & Deana... no problem. Debbie & Bianca... PROBLEM!
They go STRAIGHT past the exit and keep driving!
The sun comes up and the seven SUVs zig-zag up a highway that
would make Lombard Street look like a downhill run in
comparison. Team Socially Secure have problems with the altitude
and the bumpiness of the road. Everybody else has problems with
Rob & Amber. And they hope that they can BEAT Team Survivor to
the first YIELD and hold them back.
Meanwhile, back in Santiago, Team First Mom/Son are really,
REALLY lost! The sun is up and they're not even out of the CITY!
After two hours of driving aimlessly, they FINALLY get on the
"Al Norte" - both a long ways behind the leaders and, yet, not
necessarily in last (though THEY don't know it yet). That's
because Team Well-Travelled Babes are a) still travelling on the
"Al Norte" and b) running into people who haven't clue uno
where or what Puente Viejo is.
After enjoying the mountain view, the teams focus on
bridge. Rob & Amber as the firt to locate it off the side of the
road. They park their car and run for the clue. But, first,
something they HAD been "caution"ed about:
YIELD # 1
This is the first of three YIELDs on the
entire Race. A team may use this to make another team stop
for a pre-determined amount of time (denoted by an
hourglass) before they can continue. Any team can be YIELDed
any number of times, but a team may only utilize a YIELD
once during the course of the Race.
Team Survivor opts not to
YIELD anyone and goes straight to:
DETOUR - Paddle or Pedal?
Head down the river in an inflatable raft down a seven-mile
course. You will be helped by three professional rowers.
Once you get to the end and pull the raft to shore, you can
receive your next clue.
PEDAL - Take a pair of mountain bikes and ride through a
seven-mile course, denoted by railroad tracks. Once you
reach the end and park your bikes, you can receive the next
As they head off the
bridge, Lynn & Alex arrive. Their golden opportunity gone for
now, they choose not to YIELD either (in fact, NO ONE chooses to
YIELD on this leg).
Both teams decide to PADDLE and run down to the river bank.
Soon, vested and protected, they head on their way. But while
Team Survivor's arms are getting tired, Team Fab Two do a "lean
forward, lean back" stroke.
Brian & Greg pass Meredith & Gretchen on the road to the bridge
and deicde to PEDAL instead. The seniors decide to PADDLE on the
river... where Amber is getting tired and Lynn & Alex are
quickly catching up to them. So sick are Team Fab Two of Team
Survivor being in front of them that they push... and push...
and eventually PASS them near the end of the course.
As such, the gay lovers reach the mutual Route Marker for the
end of both tracks first and discover a:
yourselves towards the city of Mendoza (about 70 miles away)
and head for Camping Suizo. At the entrance to the
traditional Argentine barbecue, you'll find your next clue.
As they head off, Rob &
Amber get the clue second. Amber
is glad for the exercise because, hey, she DOES have a wedding
dress to fit into.
Meanwhile, Team American Beauties arrive at the bridge and also
choose PADDLE. As they jog down to where Team Socially Secure is
just heading out, Team
Off-Again-On-Again and Team Will Race For Food
arrive, both choosing to roll on the river.
Team First Mom/Son, a fair clip behind the others, are making up
ground as they head through the Andes. And Team Well-Travelled
Babes... well, they're wondering how they can drive through a
mountain range with an ocean to their left! And when they
FINALLY pull over and find someone competent enough to know what
Puente Viejo is, they get the bad news: they've been driving two
hours in the WRONG DIRECTION!
Now, by mere defenition, MOUNTAIN bikes are SUPPOSED to be
rugged enough to handle any MOUNTAINOUS terrain... such as the
rocky road of a railroad track in the Andes mountains. The
TIRES, however, must not be MOUNTAIN tires... because Greg's
tire has gone flat half-way down the course. As they try to pump
the tire back up, Meredith & Gretchen paddle past them on the
river. Finally, Greg decides to heft the bike up and wlak
towards the finish (nothing in the rules state that he couldn't
walk; just that the bike had to be brought back).
Team Socially Secure and Team American Beauties beat the
brothers to the clue and head off for Mendoza. Meanwhile, the
race between Uchenna & Joyce and Ray & Deana has just started as
they're both neck-and-neck into the rapids. The married couple
passes both them AND Team Barroom Bros to get the clue in 5th.
The bros finish the DETOUR in sixth while Team
On-Again-Off-Again depart in seventh.
At last, Susan & Patrick arrive at the DETOUR. They, of course,
choose to PADDLE, confident that they are not in last. Susan's a
LITTLE clueless about how to operate a paddle... but gets the
hang of it after a while.
CAMPING SUIZO OUTSIDE MENDOZA, ARGENTINA
Team Fab Two arrives at the BBQ first and run straight
ROAD BLOCK (Who's
not a vegetarian?)
One team member must
eat a traditional
Argentine barbecued meal: cow ribs, pork sausage, blood
sausage, cow udder, cow
intestine, an entire cow kidney and part of a
cow's saliva gland. Each portion weighs about four pounds.
plate and the next clue is yours.
Alex chooses to chow down
on the mess of meat. As he's handed the board of food, Rob &
Amber arrive. Rob decides to go to town on the meal, saying, "At
least I'm hungry." Slowly, the two men from different worlds
(one from Survivor, the other from Queer Eye For
the Straight Guy) chomp down this manly meal.
Back at the
river, Susan & Patrick have a little trouble navigating the
sore arms and all, they
reach the shore and leave in eighth... JUST as Team Well-Travelled
Babes had successfully retraced their steps and found the
bridge. They choose the PADDLE as well, KNOWING they're in
last... and despite Debbie having serious aquaphobia (at least
it isn't ACROPHOBIA).
Back at the feast, Alex and Rob literally choke down their meal.
They are soon joined by Meredith and Greg and they dug into the
meal with gusto. Rob, however, had his resolve starting to
weaken (oh, sure, he can eat bugs and fish but not four pounds
of MEAT?!) Finally, after Alex horks into a bucket and Uchenna
sits down to join them, Rob, clutching his stomach, proclaims,
Now, as you remember from the LAST Race, the refusal to complete
a ROAD BLOCK or a DETOUR results in a four-hour penalty that
starts when the next team arrives at said BLOCK. Rob
willing to do this... and has
a plan. As Deana
sits down, the clock starts for Team Survivor's penalty... and
Deana feels like she's gonna vomit IMMEDIATELY. Rob & Amber
casually stroll over to the eaters and tells Ray that, if HE
couldn't do it, Deana sure as hell couldn't. At it WORKED;
Deana gives up
the task and she and Ray have to wait four hours... starting
with when the next team arrives. Rob is happy... since he KNOWS
he and Amber won't
be last no matter WHAT! Gretchen talks to Meredith about
likewise giving up... and Meredith finally agrees.
But it appears that Uchenna's stomach is bigger than his eyes.
With very little upchucking, he finishes his plate first... and
the other teams have to watch as he and Joyce open the next
ROUTE INFO - PIT STOP:
way to the next PIT STOP: Estancia San Isidro, a traditional
Argentine ranch in the shadow of the Andes (about 8 miles
away). WARNING: the last team to check-in may be ELIMINATED!
They take off (with Joyce
asking Uchenna if he wants a mint) while Alex chokes the last of
the cow down and takes off in second with Lynn in tow. Uchenna &
Joyce get lost and follow a cop... to the WRONG house! This
gives Team Fab Two a boost of confidence going to...
PIT STOP: ESTANCIA SAN ISIDRO: ARGENTINA
The editing makes it look much closer than it really is.
Needless to say that host Phil Keoghan and the local
senorita welcome Lynn & Alex as "Team # 1"! And they win...
absolutely nothing! Well, actually, just the fact that they beat
Rob & Amber is enough of a reward for them! Oh, and Uchenna &
Joyce arrive as Team # 2... disappointed at losing first place,
but glad to still be in it.
Back at the BBQ, Greg manages to get the last piece down and he
and Brian get the PIT STOP clue. Ron & Kelly are right behind
them. As they leave, Team First Mom/Son arrive. Since Susan
already ate en route, Patrick heads into the BBQ circle to start
to chow down. This is when Team On-Again-Off-Again and Team
Socially Secure start their penalty time... about 90 minutes
behind Rob & Amber. As Patrick starts... Debbie & Bianca finish
their rafting tour and drive towards the ROAD BLOCK.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch (I've always wanted to say that),
Team Barroom Bros and Team American Beauties arrive at the same
time and are proclaimed Teams # 3 and # 4 respectively.
Patrick is already prepared to quit and his yelling at his
mother to keep quiet while he eats. Susan tries to convince him
that she'd vomit constantly if she had been asked to do it...
and she doesn't want Patrick to give up. And just as he's about
to take the four-hour penalty,... Team Well-Traveled Babes
arrives. As Debbie sits down to munch away, Patrick has no
choice but to keep eating or risk elimination.
At last, the four-hour penalty for Team Survivor expires and
they receive their PIT STOP clue. They saunter towards the ranch
with the sun sinking low. After proclaiming them Team # 5, a
laughing Phil exclaims how well his Survivor
manipulation skills actually WORKED on THIS show. Rob claims to
be so shrewd that he even amazes himself sometimes.
It's a chomping contest between Patrick and Debbie... and
Debbie is catching up thanks to Bianca's cheering her on.
As Patrick pukes, Debbie shuts her ears. Gretchen feels so bad
for the two... but she gets over it as the penalty time expires
for her and Meredith, as well as for Ray & Deana. Both teams
take off for the ranch... and it's not even close. Team
On-Again-Off-Again is Team # 6 and Team Socially Secure is Team
But... who is eliminated?
The BBQ fires still rage, as they have all day. Patrick and
Debbie continue to down their food... and, in some cases, UP
their food into nearby buckets. Bianca eggs Debbie on... and
Susan give a running total as if to tell Patrick to "make it
Well,... he does.
As Team First Mom/Son depart... Team Well-Travelled Babes look
less optimistic about their chances of being the first two-girl
Race winners. Debbie DOES finish her meal and they take off, in
the hopes that their rivals make a wrong turn.
The good news is... they do.
The BAD news is... it didn't hinder them much. As the moon
rises, Susan & Patrick are proclaimed Team # 8!
Two lifetime friends have been VERY well-travelled today... and
it cost them. They hit the mat with Phil saying that a) they're
last and b) they're out. Phil thought they'd be in the Final
Three for sure... but it looks like we'll have to wait for AR9
(since the eighth is supposed to be the "family edition") to see
if two girls can find the right combination to win an Amazing