November 1, 2004
Ryan: Finally!!!! My own show!!!! Thanks guys :)
Gordon: Do you think Canadians would watch, Ryan?
Chico: It's no Vingt-et-Un, but it's goooooood
Ryan: We have a show up here called "the Last
Cull", its sorta like a fishing game show, Ethan Zohn hosts. Still
waiting to hear from Vingt-et-Un... :)
Gordon: ok - yay. So this past Tuesday was my birthday
Ryan: what did you do to celebrate?
Joe: Probably got drunk. ;-)
Gordon: I went out and bowled in a league with my
buddies - moved into first, too.
Chico: Okay, we're back from the great beyond here, and
we brought back a mad doctor. It's time for Ask Dr....
Gordon: For my birthday present, we get people tossing
questions at me as I don the papaya hat. Do we have the
first question, Chico?
Chico: Yes we do. It's from a disgruntled AOL user...
"Dear Dr.... I can't keep up with my Millionairebot. I
try and talk to it, but it says nothing. Please help!"
Disgruntled AOL User
Gordon: Well, disgruntled AOL user, the Millionairebot
is best used when the show is actually on, but for the
sweep contest, it will come on at random times. The best
way to deal with this, of course, is to answer the
question, but thanks to technology, the bots sometimes
go too fast, too slow, or they don't give you the
answer. Since AOL did this, you would expect this not to
work. So what do I do? Talk nice to it, but if that
doesn't work, then TOS AOL on it, and if worse come to
worse, stick a hamster in the hard drive slot and offer
it as a tribute.
Gordon: Next question?
Ryan: I have one...
Gordon: Go for it Ryan.
"Dear Dr. Gordon, I was on a reality show and my
performance on it lead to me being released from my
job... any thoughts?"
Trump Trash Talker
Chico: Get him to get you back onto the show!
Gordon: Well, TTT, I think you need to evaluate your
position in life, and you need to figure out if this is
the right position for you. Maybe you need to figure out
where you want to go on next. But in the meantime...sue.
Sue everyone. Sue NBC for editing you that way. Sue the
Donald for trashing you on national TV and for libel.
Sue Stacy for libel and for talking too much. Sue the
old job for false firing. SUE EVERYONE AND GET RICH
DOING IT!!! THAT'S HOW THE REAL BUSINESS WORLD WORKS!!!
HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!!!
Chico: Lawsuits. It's why they hate us. Next question,
"Dear Dr....I desperately want to try to get my favorite
game show back on the air. Any suggestions?"
Gordon: Well, RR, or can I call you Marky. I will. Well,
Marky, you have to first convince a certain Game Show
network that studio game shows are workable. Good luck
there. Another idea is to pitch it to TBS, have people
dress up as their favorite TV characters and let them
drop through the holes. What fun! Wouldn't it be fun to
see people who look like Arnold and WIllis from
Different Strikes or Oliver from the Brady Bunch fall
down a hole? The ratings people would love it! That and
transvestites. The public eats that stuff up.
Chico: Ugh. I'm trying to forget that.
Gordon: Remember when Danny Bonnaduce fell through the
Gordon: They let him out - why did they do that?
Chico: So he could help host the search for the
Partridge Family with Todd Newton!
Ryan: (shrugs shoulders)
Gordon: Can we stuff the whole Partridge Show down a
Ryan: Go Todd-o!
Ryan: Marc Summers doing Ed Sullivan: "Really big
Gordon: While I dream of Danny falling through a
Chico: Okay, I've got a question...
"Dear Dr., My show just came back, and I'm afraid no one
is watching it after everyone was watching the first
season. What can I do to get my groove back?"
Amanda from Ireland (and Nely)
Gordon: Well, I'm afraid that you have something called
the FOX Second Season Syndrome (FSSS). This happens when
the first season was such a hit that they either neglect
to do advertising for the second season or they don't do
anything new to lure the people back to the show. Shows
that have a fatal case of FSSS include Joe Millionaire
and Forever Eden (the sequel to Paradise Hotel). As for
the cure, you can do either one of two things - either
actually opening up the pocketbook and spend more to
advertise (especially on the football broadcasts), or
promise nudity and special challenges - like the women,
while waiting to see their new body, can trade their
clothing for peanut butter and chocolate. It worked on
Survivor, it could work here, too. Next letter, Ryan?
"Dear Dr. Gordon, I'm really into word games and a cable
game network has been really good to me... but now all
they're interested in is B-rate stars playing to 21. How
can I get them to give me another season?"
Chico: Can we call him Marky, too?
Ryan: Call him naturally stoned if you want...
Gordon: I think he would prefer to be called Chucky, as
it is the Halloween season.
Ryan: Didn't even think of that, Dr. Gordon :)
Gordon: Well, that's why I'm Dr. Gordon. Hello,
Scrabbler.. Well, as you know, I am a thinking sort of
guy as well, and I do regret that they are disrespecting
the word shows. Lingo does score very well on GSN and
they were going to renew it - but between that or
Celebrity Blackjack, and with the budget only go after
one show, they went with the celebrities. My suggestion
is that they get a sponsor for the show so that they can
pay for it, like Ford did with it's No Boundaries show.
You had PIzza Hut sponsor Family Feud, so why not
Webster's or Roget's sponsor Lingo? Then they could get
the show on GSN without worrying about a budget.
Ryan: Thanks, that's great!
Gordon: You could also have an interesting spin on it -
like if Playboy (who needs new ideas desperately) have
their own show? Playboy's Lingo - The words come on,
Stacy's clothes come off?
Ryan: well, Stacy might have fun...
Chico: And so will we. One more question, Joe.
"Dear Dr. Gordon...I can't stand the current WOF set. Is
there anyway you can get them to tone it down?"
Chico: I can't. I'm too blind? Doc?
Gordon: That's a good question, Wheel Watcher. We did
some research led by Jeff Suchard to see if it can
actually cause eye damage. The results were
inconclusive, but our media department actually
uncovered a horrible secret...
Chico: *dun dun duuuuuuuun!!!*
Gordon: They are using SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES on the wheel!
Ryan: I protest!!! As a former contestant I deny!!!!
Gordon: During Trick or Treat week, they were thinking
or the most terrifying
images possible. Did you feel la little scared during
Chico: A little shivery...
Gordon: That's because on alternating wedges on the
wheel, they subliminally put in the wedges of...JOHN
KERRY AND GEORGE BUSH - THE TWO SCARIEST FIGURES TO COME
THIS HALLOWEEN!!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
Chico: And with that... we head to break!
Gordon: Run for your lives! Head for the hills!!!!!!
(Brought to you by the
committee of reality contestants to get out the vote...
Who'll be the ultimate Survivor? That's for you to
Chico: Methinks that the studio is haunted.
Ryan: My alter ego, Stewie, is scared... NOT!
Gordon: oooooohhhhhh - We hauntingly go to THE BIG
Chico: Survivor merge, six women, four men. Who gets the
Gordon: I think the men know that a women has to go.
Julie will hauntingly join the CBS morning crew staff on
Friday. Who scares them up in the Apprentice?
Chico: Stacie, who we all know is a schizo.
Gordon: True - does she go, or does someone else?
Chico: I think someone else. Although at the moment, who
is beyond me. Kevin's a hothead, and Maria's annoying.
Gordon: I think Maria could be the target of both Stacie
and Jen, while the ghosts of the past could materialize
into the players of the present. Will the players
actually have a shot of staying in the game or is this a
one time haunting?
Chico: I think it's a one-time haunting. Speaking of
scary thoughts. What do you think of the new wrinkle on
Balderdash? The opening stumper is now part of the game.
Does it do anything?
Ryan: Please explain to the lowly Canadian who has a
dish but no PAX...
Chico: The opening stumper as delivered by the three
panelists is now worth 100 points to whoever can find it
- looking for truth.
Ryan: Ah bon.
Chico: It's a nice little addition, but it's just
that... Little. The game's good, though, but still, it's
only a little addition.
Gordon: Anything that adds interactivity is good.
Chico: And speaking of interactivity... we have Viewer
Ryan: Go on...
Chico: This one comes from Michele Rivers-Gillard.
dreamed of being a supermodel. I am a licensed
cosmetologist/barber and I love what I do. I just wanted
to know how can I go about trying out to be America's
Next Top Model. I have one son who always have dreamed
of seeing his mother on TV and I would like to fulfill
his dream. So will you please e-mail me some info on how
I can make this possible. Thank You!
Chico: First off, thanks for writing, Michele. Second,
we regret to inform you that season 4 of Top Model is
already in the can, BUT season 5 should be in its
planning stages if returns for season 3 are any
indication. Your best bet is to check UPN.com for
Ryan: Very well said.
Gordon: And to all companies looking for contestants,
we'd be more than happy to run your announcements for
people needed to be contestants. Just send it all to...
Joe: Is that REAL viewer mail?!?!
Chico: That's REAL.
Gordon: We have another e-mail.
Chico: We do? Let's hear it.
Ryan: Go on!
Gordon: From James Dinan, head of the TRASH Regional
Competition. TRASH stands for Total Recall About Strange
Happenings Trivia Tournament.
Joe: James was at the GSC with us.
Gordon: He wants us to tell everyone about the Regionals
this weekend, happening at the following places...
NEW ENGLAND -- Brandeis University (Dan Passner --
MID-ATLANTIC -- Rutgers University (New Brunswick)
(Jason Keller -- firstname.lastname@example.org)
GREAT LAKES -- Case Western Reserve University (Jeffrey
Hanson -- email@example.com)
UPPER MIDWEST -- University of Iowa (Andrew Juhl --
MIDWEST -- Washington University-St. Louis (Sean
Philipps -- firstname.lastname@example.org)
SOUTH -- University of Georgia (Robin Richards --
SOUTHWEST -- University of Texas-Austin (Eric Kwartler
ROCKY MOUNTAIN -- University of Colorado (Paul Bailey --
WEST -- California Institute of Technology (email@example.com)
PACIFIC NORTHWEST -- Simon Fraser University (Brock
Stephenson -- firstname.lastname@example.org)
Gordon: The event is this weekend - Sunday, November 7
- at all of these places. If you want to participate or
help out, please e-mail the people with the e-mail
addresses next to them. By the way, myself and
Millionaire/Jeopardy guru Jason Block will be at Rutgers
for their regional, So if you want to meet us, feel free
to come and say hi.
Chico: And with that, I think it's time to head. Gordon,
take us out...
Joe: Happy Halloween, all you bunts!
Ryan: Yes, agreed!
Chico: Give me the candy and no one gets hurt.
Joe: And Ryan, go get me that I'm Telling game!
Chico: Don't forget to vote! Or P. Diddy will kill you!
Joe: Vote Republican!
Gordon: Vote Democrat!
Chico: Vote your conscience!
Gordon: Just don't forget to vote - unless you're
Canadian and you can't legally vote here.
Ryan: Like me - I can't vote :(
Gordon: Don't forget to Trick Or Treat Safely - and
watch out for those goblins. For Joe Van Ginkel, Ryan
Vickers, Chico Alexander, and everyone here at Game
Show Newsnet, this is Gordon Pepper, wishing you all a
pleasant Game Over.