September 27, 2004
Gordon: Hello all, and this
is Ryan Vickers. Go Canada! Our Canadian Idols
can kick your American Idol's asses!
Ryan: You know... you think you're special, Ryan, just
because you have your
little show about "Canadian Idols"???
Chico: Damn it, Ryan. I'm going to have to pull the plug
on this show again.
Gordon: You didn't see the Ask Dr. Gordon segment yet,
Ryan: Where's your version of millionaire? Dead after
two episodes. Your
version of Supermarket Sweep? That's right, it's SO
Gordon: At least we don't have J.D. Roberto running
around in OUR malls.
Chico: Okay, this is getting us nowhere. Someone deliver
Ryan: When all else fails play dead?
Gordon: From somewhere out there in Colorado, We Love To
on... After all this silliness, I am actually Gordon, we
have Chico, as usual. We
also have Ryan Vickers and Joe van Ginkel with us.
Joe: Here I am, big as life and twice as ugly.
Chico: Yep. And that's not all. We also have the grand
poobah of GSNN, Jason
Ryan: ((bows down in admiration))
Chico: *also bows*
Jason: Well, I guess that settles it... .bowing to a
grand poobah is
Chico: So what've you been up to recently?
Jason: Avoiding the wrath of Gordon at all costs. :)
Gordon: Damn skippy. Seriously, though, did you ever
expect GSNN to last for
5 years? Or WLTI to enter it's third year in 2 weeks?
Jason: No on both cases. Actually, I would've figured
some internet cop
would've pulled the plug on WLTI ages ago. But since
they didn't... I figured I
better join in.
Ryan: To think... this all started with a terminator and
the need for greed
Chico: Yep. Now look.
Gordon: Last month - over 7,000 people. Over 25,000 hits.
Chico: It's a beautiful thing, isn't it?
Ryan: Each receiving a Chuck Woolery bobblehead.
Jason: Never would've imagined any of it back in
'99...seems so long ago... I
was just a child...Oh...wrong show...can't do flashbacks
Chico: Me too. Hell, I'm STiLL a child!
Gordon: Sure we can do flashbacks.... Back from the
Chico: Uh oh.
Ryan: Cue "Wayne's World" trippy music...
Jason: No...that tape was destroyed... :: gulp :: wasn't
Chico: But back to Millionaire. markets will air Beyond
with some unknown
I've never heard about, but no Millionaire. Why?
Gordon: What's Beyond? Oh the James Van Baaarf thing?
Chico: With two a's, buddy.
Gordon: I just felt like being Praaghmatic about it.
Chico: That was horrible.
Jason: No Gordon Pepper segment is complete without a "baaaaarf"...
Ryan: agreed on the awwwwwwwwww barf.
Chico: As you can see, some of us grew over the past few
years and some...
Jason: ...are still Gordon.
Gordon: And then there's this from Episode 5...
Chico: We still have one more for Dr. Chico?
Gordon: Yes we do Chico - last one - Dear Dr. Chico. I
am a perverted Game
Show TV Fan. Can you tell me which of these game shows -
or any show - would I
be most likely to see nudity during sweeps week? - Jason
Chico: Fear Factor, but I could be wrong. Let's check in
with resident stat
guy and perverted game show fan, Jason!
Chico: That kid's gonna make it!
Gordon: THAT little segment cause us to get our show
yanked - and on one has
yet to see how it ended.
Chico: And strangely enough, every time our show gets
yanked, it's your fault.
Gordon: (staring Around) little old me?
Chico: Little nothing =p
Jason: I'm not touching that one with a 300 yard pole.
Gordon: Chico said that last night too.
Jason: Chico tells you that EVERY night. Why, oh why,
won't you listen?
Gordon: I guess I need to get a bigger ..er...uh...pole
Ryan: Are we going to have to slap a TV-M on this?
Jason: We passed that point a long time ago, Ryan. -
Gordon just wants to see
if I'll censor it again :)
Ryan: Soon to be released on DVD then?
Gordon: Already archived - let me know when we can air
Chico: Nope. That's MY job now. Anyway, we'll start off
with winners and
losers. First winner: Drew. First loser: Cowboy. Anyone
want to explain the logic
here? I mean where's the science?
Jason: This is reality TV... there's supposed to be
Joe: Who? Hunh? What?
Ryan: It's big brother. It's not science, me thinks...
Gordon: I am glad that Drew won BB5. He played the game
as it should be
played and he did a masterful job. Michael just rode on
Drew's coattails all the way to the end and the group rewarded gameplay over
Chico: True. But this wasn't even a landslide. This was
very close. Who was
Gordon: I'm not sure there was one. I think if anything
the swing was Nakomis
who voted for Mike. If you look at it, you would think
that everyone would
have voted the way that they did. Adria and Natalie
would not vote for the
person who got rid of them, so Michael got their votes.
Nakomis would vote for
Michael due to familial bonds, while Karen, Diane,
Marvin and Will, who didn't
like Michael when we was with Scott and Jase, would cast
their votes for Drew,
the person who helped to disband that alliance. I
thought there was a shot that
Nakomis would have voted for Drew - so she could be
considered the vote.
Ryan: She was pretty much peeved off at the person that
*should* have been
the family connection...
Chico: Getting to another point... She said she doesn't
hold a grudge, but
clearly she has a chip on her shoulder so big you could
easily sell it to
Pringles. What's up with that?
Ryan: are they the new Pringles chips with the Trivial
Pursuit questions on
Chico: Might be. She's got the tats for it.
Jason: I think we call that "settling it in Daddy's
Gordon: I'm not sure about it. If she did hold a grudge,
she would have voted
for Drew. I agree with Jason - I think that the vote was
to show that blood
is thicker than water - just like the twins both voted
in the same way.
Chico: But at the same time, she was only voting
for Michael for one reason.
Hmm... What do you suppose that one reason is... Gee. I
Gordon: It was a strong enough reason - though if you
read the subsequent
interviews, you'll see that they aren't really talking
Chico: "A cool guy outside the game" indeed. Just goes
to show you... Jaded
youth is served.
Ryan: ah... money. Bringing families together since...
Gordon: Well, you have the alliances inside the house
not speak to each other
after the game. See - Scott and Jase
Gordon: Though Jase supposedly is close to a TV deal
Ryan: Right after Josh from BB1 appears on our screens,
Chico: Ah. The New Newlyweds... Just in case Britney and
Kevin are indeed
Ryan: This one's for Mr. Pepper... Awwwww (BLANK)
Gordon: Why do these people get so much airtime?
Chico: Because they can afford it. At least they think
Ryan: Because Les Moonves is in cahoots with Julie Chen?
Chico: If by "cahoots" you mean... mm-hmm... You know.
Gordon: Listen, kids, the key to getting the most out of
your fame is to milk
it RIGHT AFTER you are on the show, not 5 years later.
Then the only thing
you will be on is The Surreal Life.
Chico: Next up: Second winners: Chip & Kim McAllister.
Second losers: Well...
everyone else. This was just a fit of well-deserved,
Ryan: Nice to see them win. I agree with Chico.
Gordon: Chip and Kim deserve to win that race, and they
played great strategy
as to tilt the other two teams at the end
Jason: No, no... the big losers are Colin and Christie as
they are now
engaged. The Early Show proved that.
Gordon: Not losers as much as wondering what CBS spiked
in their Early Show
Ryan: Did you notice that Chip and Kim rarely if ever
flew off the handle?
Chico: Yep. See, when you're married, you know you don't
have time for
squabbles. You focus..
Jason: They played the game the right way and were
contestants in that they were *sane*.
Gordon: Chip and Kim played a nice smooth calm even-keeled game, Anyone who
wants to be on the show should be taking notes on what
Ryan: It shows that you don't have to be over the top.
Jason: And they didn't cry when they couldn't ride a
freakin' bike. Give me a
Ryan: They really seemed to be enjoying themselves, and
I would imagine
that's hard to do near the end.
Gordon: If you play a game and have fun, then good
things will happen.
Chico: You gotta enjoy it, you know? That's what Charla
and Mirna taught us.
And God bless 'em for it.
Ryan: Did you see they're stretching out their fame on
MadTV last week?
Ryan: Good times there.
Ryan: And as an aside... AR is a Winner this week, what
with its Emmy win.
Chico: Yep. Although many people would see it as a loser
because of its
delay. But I think it's a good thing, you know?
Gordon: Charla has done the VH1 circuit as well - that
makes her a winner,
and AR will be a winner - good enough so that CBS will
retool it for a nice
Jason: Better on Wednesdays in November than Saturdays
Chico: Bide your time... until Center of the
Universe goes under.
Jason: Not that!
Ryan: So Wednesdays it is then, kids?
Jason: I think so.
Ryan: As long as it's earlier than 10 pm.
Chico: Someone's gotta go.
Ryan: They won't move CSI, right?
Chico: Not after it beating L&O. Bonafide hit on their
Jason: I think we're either looking at Wednesdays at 8
(who needs 60 Minutes
after the last couple of weeks, anyway?), or Tuesdays at
Gordon: They can't put it against Lost, which is drawing
Gordon: Tuesday at 9 - or even at 8 - is pretty soft
Ryan: Of course if it was "Conan O'Brien's presents
Lost: The original" we
Chico: Tuesday at 9 is your best bet, I think.
Ryan: I would enjoy my Tuesday AR fix again.
Jason: Don't want Tuesday at 8... it'll get gobbled up by
AI in January
Ryan: So if someone can just memo Les, than we can work
Jason: I'll get right on that.
Chico: Word. Now, for group #3: Winners: 15 champions.
Losers (or should we
say, lost): 2.2 million closet Jeopardy! fans.
Jason: Hey, I'll admit... I've been fast-forwarding
through more of Jeopardy!
Chico: During the Jennings run, we were seeing numbers
in the 9 range for the
quiz. Now with the TOC, when we get the hardest
material, we only see 7s.
Ryan: It's a doubled edged sword... do you wait until he
loses then? I figure
that he'll probably lose before I retire in 40 years...
sorry, it came out
Chico: Ah. Right. Well, so what of the 2.2 million
people who are ducking
out? Are they just coming out of the woodwork for this
one guy? I mean what
happened to the sheer competition of it?
Gordon: I definitely think its a Jennings's Syndrome -
and until next year's
tournament of champions (which he'll be in, unless he is
still the champion at
that time) those ratings will be what the show will be
Chico: But then again, $250,000 is chump change when you
have $1.6 million.
Jason: They weren't watching when these people were on
-- so why do they care
Ryan: But isn't it about the fact that you have J!
bragging rights for the
Gordon: I am thinking the contestants are roadkill for
Senor Ken when they do
the next tournament of the ages tourney
Chico: At least.
Ryan: Ah yes, but doesn't Merv fly you down?
Jason: Oh, you mean Pepsi's Jeopardy! Play for a
Ryan: Are you comparing Ken to the chimp?
Gordon: It could be - I mean face it, why would a
million be exciting for Ken
when he is on the Verge of making double that?
Chico: We'll see when it all comes down.
Jason: No... I'm comparing Ken to the process used to
determine the 'closest
Gordon: I mean, of course he'll do it, but if you won
$25,000 on a game show,
what's the excitement for you if the tournament is only
Chico: Will he live for the fight and nothing else... or
will he go Hollywood?
Ryan: But wouldn't you want to prove again that you're
the king of quizzing?
Gordon: The fight -- I don't want to watch on my movie
screen Ken Jennings,
Ryan: Well he's been parodied on MadTV... so he is going
Chico: I say wait 25 years - Then get Chad Michael
Murray on the line.
Gordon: if Bill Murray wants to do a movie based on
Press Your Luck, why not
Chad Michael Murray doing a movie on Jennings?
Chico: He'd have to get a haircut, though
Ryan: Well, if GSN ever when back to old school...
Jason: They might have to do a lot of digging to get
"Press Your Button: The
Ken Jennings Scandal" out...
Gordon: Who would play Ken Jennings? Ed Begley Jr.?
Chico: Too old, I think.
Ryan: Ha ha ha.
Gordon: Who would you want to see play him?
Ryan: Ralph Fiennes. I understand he has some good
Chico: Let's see... Knew all the answers on another
I'd say so.
Joe: In terms of Fiennes: he played Charles Van Doren in
Gordon: Not to mention that he did win on one of those
Jeopardy All Celebrity
Chico: Perhaps a better question would be who would play
Trebek? Will Ferrell?
Ryan: Only if you have the Sean Connery impressions.
Gordon: I got it - Justin Guarini!
Ryan: Oh dear me.
Gordon: He's got the curly hair - then again, so does
Dustin Diamond. Can you
imagine Screech as Alex Trebek?
Chico: Okay, Gordon... Hand it over.
Gordon: (Hands over Stacie's Magic 8 Ball). Sorry. That
got me...all weirded
out, for some reason.
Chico: Has the facial hair for it.
Gordon: Speaking of which - did Donald Trump do the
right thing in firing
Stacie and Bradford?
Jason: No doubt about it.
Gordon: What do you say to the people who accuse Trump
of doing it for the
Chico: Yep. you know, it's one of those things you have
to analyze looking
Jason: I say they aren't Donald Trump :)
Chico: Decision's easy for them.
Jason: It's like Trumpy said... you can't have loose
cannons. And they both
were (at the very least).
Gordon: One of which was an ego-head, the other one was
just off tilt.
Chico: I couldn't manage egos or crazy people.
Jason: Um... Chico... I hate to break it to you... but you
work with us. :)
Gordon: I am the best damn recapper EVER! Excuse me
while I shave my duck.
Chico: Okay, point taken - and Gordon, for the 1145th
time, that WASN'T a
Ryan: Kids! You're all getting a time out in a minute
Jason: :: points at Gordon ::
Gordon: What? What did I do?
Jason: Nothing out of the ordinary. :)
Chico: I guess this means we're going to break now...
Gordon: (quack quack quack) Hey, stop it, Larry!
Jason: oh my... definitely break time... gotta reel Gordon
back in from 8-ball
Joe: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk
Chico: While Ryan and Gordon work out their personal
problems, we'll go to
break. When we come back, we have a battle of the
billionaires and the Big
Five... This is WLTI, half arsed since 2002.
Gordon: And then Larry said, Put it on my Bill! Bwa ha
ha ha ha!
Jason: :: suspends Gordon's GSNN card ::
Ryan: You really need to work on a Match Game pilot or
something Gordon... :-)
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