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October 20, 2005
 Chico: You're a sick man. Welcome back to WLTI. You've got Haterade and the
Chairman with you.
Gordon: Chairman want a cookie?
Chico: Haterade want a sock in the mouth? So he have to wear his crunk all day?
Gordon: Maybe - what's up now?
Chico: Right now, the doctor is in, taking all your questions about life, the
universe, and everything.
Gordon: Is that Dr. Chico?
Chico: Yes it is. Your first letter?
Gordon: I got one right here, as a matter of fact. How did you know?
Chico: Because I'm Dr. Chico?
Gordon: Fair enough.
Dear Dr. Chico
I don't understand why people don't watch my show. I'm funny.
I'm talented. I have STARS! Why am I getting Yanked?
Signed,
The Reality Show.
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Chico: Well, would it help that you're not just yanking one show, you're
yanking 10?
Gordon: Are they twinkling stars or shooting stars?
Chico: They're falling stars.
Gordon: Ahhhh.
Chico: The truth is, unless you're a name with a reality show, no one cares.
The Osbournes. Chuck Woolery. Anna Nicole. Rev. Run...Who wants to hear about a
former beauty queen or a teenage talent agent? Anyway...
Gordon: Next Letter.
Dear Dr. Chico...
I'm bored. When will someone come up
and play with me?
Signed,
Mr. $500,000 Space from the USA's Millionaire
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Chico: When someone learns how to use their lifelines properly and is smart
enough. Meanwhile, enjoy The Aussie Millionaire's Coach's company. I hear he's
quite nice.
Gordon: Next letter?
Chico: Next letter.
Dear Dr. Chico...
I am always the last person
picked on the wheel. I am not selected at all on some shows. I don't
understand why people don't want me. Should I sue for Letter
Discrimination?
Signed,
Mrs. Q.
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Chico: If I were you, I'd lose Mr. U...
Gordon: That would be a little tough, don't you think? Not much left for Q to do
with no U.
Chico: Unless you're in a Scrabble game. Then you can get into a QAT, a QANAT,
or a QAID. I hear QAIDs are pretty cool.
Gordon: I somehow don't think that Qanat will be a Wheel of Fortune or even a
Lingo word any time soon.
Chico: Their loss. You're the (^_^), Q! Next?
Gordon: Next letter...
Dear Dr. Chico...
I don't understand why people
don't like me. All I do is dance around and try to cause amusement, but
people seem to be unhappy. Why is this?
Signed,
Super Pollo Chasco
(The Super Chicken Chasco)
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Chico: Because you're a Chasco! No one likes a Chasco!
Gordon: Oh come on. Someone has to like a Chasco.
Chico: You ever see a Chasco with money?
Gordon: Jason Hernandez likes a Chasco.
Chico: You ever see a chasco with a car?
Gordon: A Chasco needs to be loved, too.
Chico: Chasco, you need to be worth money. Then people will like you.
Gordon: Poor little Chasco.
Chico: Any more?
Gordon: I have another one. Dear Dr. Chasco...I mean Chico
Chico: Heh.
Dear Dr. Chico...
I want to play with the humans,
but I don't know how to without them running away from me. They know I'm
not going to eat them, but they still look annoyed, Any ideas?
Signed,
The Howler Monkey from Survivor 11
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Chico: Perhaps you mean "Annoying."
Gordon: We'll always have a spot for you on Deserted Island. The people will
love to play with you there.
Chico: Very true. We'll save a spot for you. Any more?
Gordon: One last letter
Chico: Alright, one last one.
Dear Dr. Chico...
Last week, someone named Jason
said that they were going to build a temple and dedicate it to me. I'm a
little scared. Should I be?
Signed,
Maddie
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Chico: Since this is Jason we're talking about... Yes. You should be very very
scared. Kidding, Jason. Kidding, Maddie. Much love, y'all.
Gordon: Love for all. Next up - Infiltration in the house.
(Brought to you by Bait Blake, coming soon to GSN, the Network for Games)
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