Episode 25.13 - You Can't Spell NaOnka Without "NO!"
December 6

Chico: Hey there, Chico Alexander here... and I don't quit for nobody.
Gordon: If at first you don't succeed, quit.
Jason: I quit a job...ONCE. But it was needed. I am honest.
Chico: But when it counts... I don't quit.
Jason: Agreed.
Gordon: Quitting makes the brain go wander.
Chico: Or quit randomly. Then you make the show.
Jason: Yes, this made me angry. Very angry.
Chico: Speaking of the show... from the Palisades Center in West Nyack, NY... WLTI... IS... ON!
Gordon: We doing the mall tour on this holiday season?
Chico: Keeping up the mall joke from last week :-)
Gordon: 'Cause it's never too early to go Holiday Shopping!
Chico: I'm already done with my Mother's Day shopping... I MISS YOU, MOM!
Jason: Can't you see my Kiss Me I'm Irish hat?
Chico: Yes. Please cover your shame, man. Now the question.. What do you get for TWO survivors that quit in the same round?
Gordon: Two stupid players.
Jason: A spine. A backbone. A pair. How's that.
Chico: I think one player already has one of those...
Jason: No they don't.
Chico: It's debatable. Anyway, NaOnka and Purple Kelly are a pair of...



Chico: And yes, we mean it this time. Here's the thing. NaOnka, right after winning a Reward Challenge, and a nice one at that, decided that 28 days was enough for her.
Gordon: She quits, and Kelly Shinn quits right after her. This with 11 days left until the end and with both of them in the majority alliance.
Chico: That and she didn't want to see Jack Black in Gulliver's Travels.
Gordon: I'd quit if I was forced to watch Jack Black in Gulliver's Travels.
Jason: ROFL
Gordon: Seriously...Thoughts?
Jason: This makes me volcanically mad. Do you want to know why?
Chico: I am DYING to know why.
Jason: Simple and easy. It's the same philosophy as Jeff Kirby, who cheated Jeopardy. These two people took a spot away from a person who wants it more. These people should be ASHAMED of themselves. I blame them and the casting directors equally.
Chico: I have to side with Jason.
Gordon: This is one of those rare times that I agree with Jason.
Jason: Because here's the deal. These people go through a rigorous process.
Chico: I mean, and Jeff Probst said this in his blog... I have the Probst quote for ew.com http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/12/02/jeff-probst-blogs-survivor-nicaragua-episode-12/.. It's almost like a breach of conduct and a breach of contract to quit the game.
Gordon: There's enough blame here to go around. The casting directors should know better than to cast people who have physical issues and who may not be able to take it, physically and mentally. And at the same time, the contestants have seen the show. They should know exactly what they are getting themselves into.
Chico: It's been on for 10 YEARS. Not 2, not 5. It's the most popular show of its kind, or at least among the most. And it's been on for 21 seasons. This isn't daddy day care, this is SURVIVOR.
Gordon: You think it's going to be a picnic to win a million bucks? not a chance.
Chico: You see the show. You apply. You KNOW what you're getting into. And if you DON'T know what you're getting into, you shouldn't be on the damned show! I remember Osten's little thing... from a long time ago... Pretty Boy Probst put it VERY pointedly. "With all due respect, people work too damn hard to get on the show and play the game. If you want to lay your torch down, so be it."
Jason: Look, I know I wouldnt be able to do it. So I DON'T APPLY.
Chico: You know you can't do it, you stay away. It's SIMPLE. If you even have ONE DOUBT, you stay away.
Jason: I seriously want to throttle them. And these people get to be on the jury, you know?
Gordon: They shouldn't be allowed on the jury.
Chico: That's one of the next two points. That is, NaOnka and Purple Kelly are on the jury, and I'll tell you why. A long time ago in Palau, Janu quit the game after being exiled on an island by herself. That particular TC took a long chunk of non-televised time, like "How are we going to rectify this?" The precedent set was, she is out of the game, BUT she will remain on the jury. THAT was the precedent from that day. In this particular case, you want to say, no, you don't get to be on the jury, you don't get to be in the reunion, you go back home and stay there... but there's a precedent.
Gordon: Here's the solution: eliminate them both, have a final 2 and have a jury of 7 instead of 9.
Chico: But for these two to quit like they did... and then have them turn around and decide who should win the game? I'm all for precedent but I have to call BS.
Jason: Exactly.
Chico: But that's the first point. Now for the slightly less sour point. All of a sudden, the game is wide open. Used to be "Hey, I take NaOnka to the final with me, and that's an easy in for the win." Now, it's ANYONE'S game.
Gordon: Well, no it's not ANYONE's game. It's anyone EXCEPT Chase and Sash's game. So what you really want is to take Sash and Chase to the finals with you. So it's not Chase or Sash's game.
Chico: Or Dan's.
Gordon: No. It can be Dan's also, if his finalists are Chase and Sash.
Chico: How are they faring alliance-wise?
Gordon: Well right now, we don't know what the new alliance is going to be, but I'm guessing it will be Sash/Chase/Holly/Jane Vs Dan/Fabio/Benry. If that's the case, then Dan, Fabio and Benry are in a world of hurt.
Chico: Again, Dan has less of a chance than Sash and Chase. And Benry... he's still in danger.
Gordon: But they have a better chance of winning. All they have to do is get there and sit next to Sash and Chase.
Chico: And Fabio... I'm surprised he made it THIS long.
Gordon: Do either of you think either Chase or Sash can win?
Chico: Well, right now the only vote that have for CERTAIN is Brenda's. and MAYBE Alina's.
Gordon: That's 2. You need much more than that to win.
Chico: You need more than that, and if a Pagonging of the minority alliance ensues, you're not going to get those votes. So two votes and that's IT. And that's if you're lucky.
Gordon: If anyone in the small alliance gets to the finals, they win. If not, it's Holly or Jane's to lose. So what NoOnka and Kelly did, in essence is almost make certain that Chase or Sash will NOT win.
Jason: Pretty much. Idiots. Quitters.
Chico: Quitters never win. EVER.
Gordon: What about people who quit and take 6 hour penalties?
Jason: They won't win either.
Chico: In fact, the best they can do is hope that it's one of those Gordon Pepper moments of "some times the best move is to not play"



Gordon: The best they can hope for is another mammoth equalizer.
Chico: Will they get it? They better hope so. Give us the rundown, G.
Gordon: And by 'they', we mean Vicky and Nick, as Nick forces Vicky to quit a Detour, which leads them to take a 6 hour penalty during a non-elimination lap.
Jason: Gordon called the NE Leg.
Chico: Yeah, well, we all knew it was coming. Now it's so close that Nick & Vicky had better hope that the tasks don't get easier. And in this stage... they don't.
Gordon: Not that hard to figure out. 2 episodes left and 4 teams. What they really need is a great equalizer - like a blizzard coming down and suspending all flights. Because if the plane leaves and they are not on it, they are done.
Jason: Pretty much
Chico: That said... They're done. The next leg is pretty much putting off the inevitable. Remember the final leg in the first Race? That's Nick & Vicki right now.
Gordon: If they get lapped, it's 60 minutes of garbage time. My money is on that.
Chico: I'll go in with you on that as well. 60 minutes, your final three teams are already booked. Call it right now.
Jason: Agreed.
Gordon: We'll get to that next week. This week, we play it forward with people who won't quit.
Chico: Unless they run into a question that's too hard. But that's the rule. It's Play It Forward Week on Millionaire, with news anchors from all over the country playing for charity. It's a beautiful thing.
Gordon: You know what would be more beautiful?
Chico: Tell me what would be more beautiful.
Jason: Them going back to the original formula?
Chico: ASIDE from that.
Gordon: If any of them got out of the first round. Do they?
Chico: ACTUALLY, Funny you should mention that. You remember Maureen O'Boyle, right?
Jason: NYC anchor right?
Chico: She used to anchor A Current Affair after Maury Povich left for his own show?
Jason: Yes
Chico: Well, she's the anchor over in Charlotte now, and she and Paul Cameron of WBTV3 on Your Side in Charlotte DO indeed get out of round 1 alive, fancy that. But then comes THIS question for $100,000.
Gordon: That makes this our...



Gordon: (Divided by 10)

[$100,000]
What philosopher famously said, "If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him"?
A: John Locke
B: Voltaire
C: René Descartes
D: Aristotle

Gordon: I know this one. So I'm letting Block go first
Chico: Gordon knows this one. I have to give it to Jay first.
Jason: I am guessing C.
Chico: Gordon, The CORRECT answer, please?
Gordon: It's from one of his most famous works and it's by Voltaire. B. Final Answer.
Jason: Of course. (facepalm) I just put Descartes before the horse :)
Chico: BOOOO! :-)
Jason: I'll be here all week
Chico: For the bonus points, what's the work, G?
Gordon: Candide. Specifically, when he was presenting Candide. Not in the work itself, but that quote put him on the map.
Chico: Very good!
Jason: I am impressed.
Chico: Paul thought it was A... But Maureen convinced him to quit. GOOD CALL.
Gordon: So where's my $100,000?
Chico: Ask J.
Gordon: Jay?
Jason: Not here. lol (pulls out $100,000 bar and eats it)
Gordon: Sigh.
Jason: Sorry. I was hungry.
Gordon: Well, I'm, hungry. Let's eat.



Chico: ... All-Star edition.
Gordon: Welcome to Top Chef: All Stars. We gave you the cast a few weeks ago. And with that volatile cast, comes volatile drama.
Chico: Bravo brought back the best players that ever played the Top Chef game, or at least the ones they could remember off hand, for one more go at it.
Gordon: All the ones who didn't win. The first elimination challenge is a dandy - you get a second chance to work on the dish that eliminated you.
Jason: WHOOO
Chico: And Elia Aboumrad couldn't even get THAT one right. I mean, you remember the dish, you'd think that you would have a better time at it the second go-round. WRONG.
Gordon: Well the problem is that she just recreated it and she didn't enhance it or make changes to it. That means, of course, that the same flaws in the dish last time were still there this time.
Chico: The dish, by the way, was a Red Snapper steamed in Tea Leaf with Snapper Jus.
Jason: Huh?
Gordon: May as well have been a Red Snapple tea with scrappie.
Chico: Exactly. She did nothing, so the dish did nothing for the judges. On the other hand, Angelo Sosa, who ALMOST won it back in season 7, redid his homemade ramen with pork belly and watermelon. Wowed the judges all around.
Jason: Nice.
Chico: He expanded and enhanced. That's what you had to do in this challenge.
Gordon: The chefs are all going to have to raise their game, because it's obvious that the producers raised theirs. However, the ratings were a 1.7, which is a 40% plunge from last season.
Jason: Why do you think the ratings weren't so hot?
Chico: My guess? They didn't know what to make of it. I mean, when a foodie watches Top Chef, they have an expectation of food. When your typical Bravo viewer watches Top chef, they too have an expectation. Isn't that right, Mr. Typical Bravo Viewer Gordon?
Gordon: I think it's a few things, and I can relate to all of them. Big Bored please?

Gordon: The Subject: Please sir, I don't want any more.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: #1. The 'All-Stars' are people who have already played the game. We have already seen them fail. We don't need to see them fail again and their personalities aren't enough to warrent a second helping. #2. These are the wrong All-Stars. Seeing people who fail and get another shot doesn't intrigue me. What I want to see are the people who finished FIRST and see who the uber Top Chef is.
Chico: Agreed. This is a tournament of champions. WHERE ARE THE CHAMPIONS?
Jason: Grand Slam Cookoff
Gordon: That's why The Amazing Race All-Stars first time around excited me, and this second group doesn't. Same with Survivor. I want the best of the best playing, not the mediocre almosts.
Chico: Right on.
Gordon: #3. Overexposure. Survivor, American Idol, Amazing Race, et al. take time off before seasons. Top Chef hasn't, and that can lead to fatigue.
Chico: Not to mention the numerous spinoffs.
Jason: There is a ton of fatigue here.
Chico: Tell me about it. Between last Top Chef and Just Desserts, I mean, I like Padma and Gail as much as the next guy, but I'm all Top-cheffed out.
Gordon: Finally #4. The best chef doesn't win.
Chico: Example, G.
Gordon: The last 3 Top Chefs who have won were not the best chefs during the history of the show. Stefan losing to Hosea, etc. A villain winning his season because he was the best (like Hung in Season 3) is good. A hero winning despite not being the best is bad and the audience will call you out on it.
Chico: And it looks like they did.
Gordon: It does. So I will watch the show because I love the franchise, but I can see where it's losing steam.
Jason: Exactly. Breaks refresh the show and have the audience wanting more---see Idol.
Chico: You can see where the holes are and unless they patch'em, expect more of the same.
Gordon: Unlike the next segment, where I will guarantee that you won't see anything like this - ever. It's Bridalplasty, and it's our new show to review this week.
Jason: Um...what?
Chico: Mind if I? Brides competing for a dream wedding and plastic surgery.
Jason: *THUD*
Chico: The only way to win your surgery is to complete wedding-themed challenges, and the player who outlasts the others wins the wedding of their dreams and ALL of their surgeries.
Gordon: How did this make the air?
Jason: And what channel was this?
Chico: E!
Gordon: E! for Excruciating. Chico made me watch this.
Chico: Let's paint by numbers here. It's on E!, executive produced by Giuliana Rancic, who anchors this. You know... If I can have a "You know..." moment... There's something to be said where there's an entire show based around the premise of not being perfect enough for your wedding AND competing so that you CAN be perfect enough. Basically, you're a sad individual. These 12 players are strange, sad individuals, and I pity each and every one of them.
Gordon: It's a twisted concept that is just painful to watch on TV. This is schadenfreude to the nth level.
Chico: I mean, we're all for schadenfreude here, especially Gordon, But there's a limit. And I'm thinking to myself, 'this supersedes every limit of good taste imaginable'.
Jason: This is "the Swan" on steroids. I feel ill.
Chico: On the one hand, it's excruciating to watch. On the other hand, you want to feel sorry for these ladies, because they're not gonna learn anything from this, AND you just know that they're going to be miserable after this. Gordon, I need a word to describe this. It's not reality, and it's not entertainment.
Jason: Immoral? Disgusting? Tasteless? Vulgar?
Chico: As a medical professional... This SPITS in the face of ethics.
Gordon: Self-Analysis, because they don't really need surgery. What they really need is a trip to the psychiatrist so they can be programmed to go back to reality.
Chico: THANK YOU.
Jason: (APPLAUSE)
Gordon: I mean these people are fine as they are. There's no one case I saw that showed me they really needed surgery.
Chico: And what are WE to take from this? You're only perfect if you fit a predescribed mold?

	BRIDALPLASTY E! - 9p ET Sundays
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	F-	ZERO	F-	EPIC FAIL

Gordon: The show needs a lobotomy. F-
Jason: I am with this. F-
Chico: If only they made a grade lower than that. Oh wait. THEY DO. ZERO.
Jason: EPIC FAIL.
Chico: This is perhaps the WORST REALITY COMPETITION .... EVER.
Jason: Very close.
Gordon: Really close.
Chico: I have been covering shows on GSNN for 12 years. This is the WORST show I've ever seen in that time. BY. A. MILE.
Jason: That is SAYING SOMETHING.
Chico: E!... WHAT THE TWOPENNY (^_^) WERE YOU THINKING?!
Gordon: You know, I was originally not going to come near this. now I just may have to recap it so I can puncture it.
Jason: That's insane.
Chico: We've already punctured it enough. Anything else is academic.
Gordon: And now, since we've irked you all enough, let's irk you some more with our latest show to enter...The Moron Zone.



Chico: *plays the first few bars of the theme music* Gordon, our resident mob mentalist, saw something this week, and it kinda got him thinking about the worst possible instance on 1 vs. 100. Couldn't top what he saw this week.
Gordon: The Mob made on Wednesday...a whopping $33.
Jason: Per person?
Gordon: Ya
Jason: Lower budget, lower mob :)
Gordon: We start with Michelle Schwartz who goes down with this question.

Which of the following is an appropriate dress for a flightless bird?
A. Peacocktail Dress B. Cockatoo-tu C. Emu-Muu

Jason: C. Emu-Muu
Chico: C. With matching kiwi-colored Crocs.
Gordon: That is right. Michelle believes that peacocks can't fly, so she says A.
Jason: Woops
Chico: Where's the clip of WKRP with Les saying "as god is my witness, I swear they could fly!"
Gordon: Michelle loses, so 50 people split her $1,000, which is $20 a pop.
Jason: Ok.
Gordon: Next up - Unemployed Italian Hippie Vinny Angelo, who takes a toke on this question:

Two fried chicken filets act as a bun with two pieces of bacon and teo pieces of cheese in what new KFC sandwich?
A. Double Crunch B. Double Down C. Double Bypass

Chico: My head says B. But my heart says C. *rimshot*
Jason: Its B.
Gordon: It IS B. Vinny decides that he wants his food as A. So it's his wallet that gets double crunched instead. 55 people split $750 for a total of...$13 a person. $20 + $13 = $33, and that's the Mob's take for the episode.
Chico: More that what the average person would get for jury duty for a day
Jason: Pretty much.
Gordon: Mob Duty. Now the hamsters are in the mob for this question:

What was the first hamster discovered called?
A. Fluffy Hamster B. Syrian Hamster C. Cheesey Hamster

Gordon: The mob has locked in their answer.
Chico: I'm going to go with A.
Gordon: Jason?
Jason: C.
Gordon: The hamster was first found and discovered in 1839 by Israel Aharoni in Syria. Hence the name SYRIAN Hamsters. The right answer is B.
Chico: Oh shootfire.
Gordon: You BOTH lose and the Mob splits your 1,000 pellets.
Chico: Oh. Well, they can have 'em. Call it the wages of war.
Gordon: While they party, I'll say Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thank you, Doug. Now for a week loaded with premieres, here's G with the datebook
Gordon: We got them - no surgery is involved.
Jason: Praise be.
Chico: Ha.

Monday has The Next Great Baker and The Sing-Off. Tuesday has Cupcake Wars, Minute To Win it and Ramsay's Best Restaurant. Wednesday has some Ninjas - American Ninja Warrior.

Chico: It's going to be a busy week at the 'net.
Jason: I never thought Cupcake Wars would get a season 2.
Chico: Did we mention that there are going to be three hour-long eps of Ninja Warrior?
Jason: But good for them.
Gordon: It is. Do they need Bats on the Ninja Obstacle Course?
Chico: Perhaps. I never thought of it.
Jason: (hands Chico the Bat)
Chico: I don't know which bat to swing at ... Actually, yes I do.

"Cash Cab" is coming back in 2011.... and it's SPAWNING. There is actually going to be a SECOND Cash Cab, this time in Chicago.

Chico: The Second City. The Loop... DA Bears.... Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me. THE CUBBIES!
Jason: Deep Dish Pizza
Chico: A little bit of New York on the shore of Lake Michigan. A driver/host has not been chosen, but it will not be Ben Bailey, who is busy with the NYC edition
Gordon: Are there green lights in Chicago?
Chico: TONS.

The CW is looking at a fashion-centered quiz show to be developed by Hilary Swank. Now it's not the first game show she helped develop... But ... it's high profile.

Jason: Interesting.
Chico: Now I'm all for high-profile, but the last time a game show was this pigeonholed, we got "Temptation: The New-But-Not-Necessarily-Improved Sale of the Century" Right?
Jason: Right.
Chico: Would a game like this work? Yes. Would I, a straight male all of 30 years old, watch it? No.
Gordon: Well keep in mind that you're not the target for the CW. Teenage girls are. And this is a good show for them.
Chico: Well, it fits with ANTM. Then again, so did Stylista. Burn.
Gordon: Well the show needs to executer well, etc.
Jason: As they all do, but yes.
Gordon: Here's something that didn't execute so well. (Wheels out Blackboard)
Chico: Can't wait for this.

Are YOU Smarter than...any of the 250 costumers who picked up 'The Kardashian Kard', a new debit card that charged over $100 in annual fees, plus additional fees for ATM Withdrawals, cancellations and even talking with a phone operator to complain about the card.

Chico: Yes. NEXT question. :-)
Gordon: After Connecticut and Minnesota went after the card due to the 'predatory Fees', the sisters killed the kard.
Chico: Good.
Gordon: Do we not like money. If you don't like your money, i'll gladly relieve you of it.
Chico: Yea, let me hold a couple of bills for ya.
Jason: You have got to be kidding. ROFL
Gordon: and we can give some to Jason. He won't mind grabbing a Washington or a Lincoln.
Jason: I am more of a Jackson, Grant and Franklin guy :)
Gordon: Well apparently the general population is spending their money on Debit Cards. We also where they are NOT spending their money on. Here's your Haterade.
Jason: (puts down cup)

Lee DeWyze should be happy that the money is getting is based on the contract and not so much on CD sales. His album comes out and only 39,000 buy it. That's not only the worst of any winner of Idol (easily), but... It's ALSO the worst of any person coming in first OR second. And yes, that includes Justin Guarini AND William Hung.

Jason: Well when you BARELY promote the album. No one knows its out there. And it's in competition with Kanye, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber, Black Eyed Peas, etc. You are going to get nailed.
Chico: There's nailed, and then there's NAILED.
Gordon: To the wall.
Jason: And when he was the third HOT guy with the guitar in a row who won.
Gordon: And to defend Lee and Jason, I had no idea the album was coming out.
Chico: Me neither.
Gordon: No ads for it on Fox whatsoever.
Chico: I had an idea. Then again, the music industry sucks nowadays, so...
Gordon: If you spend all this money on Idol, it MAY help to spend some money promoting your winner.
Chico: No, they're spending all the money promoting the next season. I believe Eminem had a whole verse about that on "Lose Yourself"
Gordon: I think Lee may want to get Fully Loaded this weekend.
Chico: This week, it's GSN helping out for the holidays...

For the third year in a row, GSN teams with Toys for Tots. Every game you play, you're not just earning Oodles, you're also helping making the season brighter for those less fortunate, and that is always a good thing.

Gordon: Sure is.
Chico: just go to GSN.com and play. If it was any simpler, it'd be criminal.
Jason: Amen.
Gordon: I don't have any criminals. However, I have media hoes.
Chico: That works.

In this week's Media Ho report, Ryan Seacrest and Kim Kardashian 'Die' for World AIDS Day, Nina Garcia (Project Runway) gives birth, Kara Dioguardi writes a book on Idol... CBS Early Show gets reshuffles after Julie Chen moves on, Jodie Sweetin has a baby. Leslie Nielsen and Al Masini Pass...

Chico: Pause for silence...

(Silence)

Chico: Thank you.

Brandy defends Bristol Palin, Criss Angel goes to Rules of Engagement and Jennifer Grey will undergo back surgery.

Gordon: but none of them are your hoes of the week. Any guesses?
Chico: NONE WHATSOEVER.
Jason: Hmmmm....nothing coming to me.
Gordon: The hoes are Al Roker and Shaun Robinson, who will be hosting the Tournament of Roses parade.
Jason: Ok then :)
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And finally, let's go global.
Jason: We went global this week on wheel. Global hotties :)
Chico: True. But that wasn't all. I mean, we all love Wheel Around the World week... but it didn't have the Italian version, so I was deprived. We're going to Asia for two different reasons.

1) Fox Look is shopping Pictureka! and Family Game Night there.. and 2) the inevitable question was asked on 5th Grader...

"True or False: Asia is a country."

Chico: Everyone...
Everyone: ASIA IS NOT A COUNTRY!
Gordon: Nope.
Jason: NO!
Chico: Now that we got THAT out of the way, let's close up Brainvision. Jason, please..
Jason: (flicks switches and hits buttons)
Chico: Still to come, a legal pad, some subjects, and five good reasons for each, but first, what's next, G?
Gordon: Next up - we give out one word answers to your thoughts.
Chico: This is WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, we'll give you 22 injections where the sun don't shine... and they hurt like hell.

(Brainvision is powered by Troople Threat. A team of three generations of Storm Troopers take on a team of three generations of Koopa Troopas to see who knows more about the music that rocks their world. Sarah Joy Brown (former VR Trooper) hosts.)

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