Episode 25.12 - Leftover Turkey
Chico: Hey, everyone, it's Chico Alexander. We
hope you had a great Thanksgiving weekend. If you went shopping, we hope you
Gordon: (Walks in, on crutches with an eye patch and bandages around his head)
Chico: Dude... what happened?
Gordon: I got caught in the Running of the Bull-ova watch sale.
Jason: Yo! What the heck!
Gordon: I wound up going to the mall on one of the other 364 days a year that
we're not supposed to be kind to your fellow man.
Chico: Dude, put some gauze on, i think you're starting to bleed.
Jason: He will be ok. We hope.
Gordon: Gimme a second while I say from somewhere in the Garden State Plaza in
beautiful Paramus, New Jersey, this week's edition of WLTI...is...on!
Jason: WHOO HOO! Deck the Halls!
Gordon: But we start not with shopping, but with Dancing.
Chico: ... the final chapter.
Jason: And the world is "Saved"
Chico: Because we reach a save point. :-) Seriously, all three dancers are to be
commended for giving it their best shot, but if we're going on ability, we have
to give it to the lady that Gordon rode all season.
Gordon: And we find out that no one put Baby in a corner. Jennifer Gray wins
Dancing With the Stars over Kyle Massey. Bristol Palin, which everyone thought
could have won it, comes in third.
Jason: Yes. Gordon gets it right. Again.
Chico: Once again... he nails it.
Gordon: Also called Massey to do well also. Only person to do so.
Chico: True. How, we have no idea.
Gordon: I'll tell you how. Jennifer Grey has the dancing chops. She's an actress
right out of the era that people know (and vote) for, and the whole Bristol
Palin thing helped her here. A lot.
Chico: And Kyle?
Gordon: As I said, and I'll flashback here. Kids and families watch the show.
Kyle is a Disney kid. You knew he was going to do well. But again, it comes down
to dancing, and Jennifer did that very very well.
Chico: She came out guns blazing. She was ready to win this.
Jason: Of course she did. She got 60
Chico: Not to dig on Bristol too much, but she just coasted by and was content
to let the voting public do the work. Sorry, but that only counts for half.
Gordon: I'll disagree there. She was definitely trying. The problem is when
youre trying your best and someone else is doing a lot better, which makes you
look amateurish. Like Kelli Pickler vs. Carrie Underwood. Kelli has a really
good voice, but she is outclassed by Underwood. Same concept here.
Chico: Now that you put it that way, I can't argue with that. And Bristol was
actually decent on Finale Night.
Jason: Bristol was NOT the worst dancer in the history of the show by a long
Gordon: Not at all. But Grey was better.
Chico: She gets the mirrorball and anyone who argues against that is deluded.
Gordon: She also gets this...
Gordon: Now does Skating With The Stars get a yay?
Chico: Umm... sorta? Here's the deal, it was Skating with Celebrities FIVE YEARS
AGO. Now it's Skating with the Stars.
Gordon: And now with the synopsis, Mr. Alexander, please.
Chico: Which is more or less the same show, only with a lot of unknowns and
Vernon Kay and some actual THOUGHT behind it. It's what it says on the box...
"Skating... with the Stars". Six B-list celebs, Six no-name pros who are in it
for the competition. And refereeing it all - Vernon Kay, who actually learned a
thing or two from his first assignment. First, he got rid of the daft haircut.
Second, he toned it down a bit. Third, he wasn't as stiff as a board. And he had
a great palate to work with on the show - three interesting judges, six
Gordon: Oh Chico.
Chico: Yes, Gordon?
Gordon: I think the tryptophan from the turkey clouded your brain when you were
watching the show.
Jason: Uh oh :)
Chico: This is where it gets interesting. GORDON? REBUTTAL?
Gordon: First of all, Vernon Kay being better this time around is the equivalent
of saying that the turkey was better because it was burnt to a crisp instead of
being too raw to give us aslmonella poisoning. It's still inedible.
Gordon: The hosting was still over the top. The judges are clichéd and
card-board cutter enough to activate the tryptophan and put you to sleep, and
the celebrities will not cure the inevitable insomnia that's soon to grab your
Chico: But you don't doubt he wasn't better.
Gordon: Sure. Would you like the maggot crusted drumstick over the toxic sludge
Jason: ROFL! My sides hurt.
Gordon: Better does not necessarily mean good.
Chico: Maybe not, but it looks like actual thought was put into this show
besides the whole "okay, how can we clone Dancing with the Stars". But still, I
will give you "better is not good. Better is just comparative." The show is
better than the Fox attempt. It's still bad, though. The problem is... the
format just doesn't work. I know this because it didn't work THE LAST TIME
people tried it.
Gordon: The problem, and you're right on this, is the concept. People are going
to tune in to either see 1. Excellent performances or b. Ice Skating Fail. Since
they are celebrities who actually know how to somewhat do this, you'll get
neither and instead get boring performances, and that is not going to sustain a
Jason: Middle of the road is not good.
Chico: Nope. You have to be really good... or really BAD. We were hoping for
really bad, especially after the color commentary.
SKATING WITH THE STARS
ABC - 8p ET Mondays
Gordon: No A-Level attraction stars + No good
performances + no personality from the judges or Vernon Kay = No hope for a
second season. The set is pretty...and that's about it. D-.
Chico: I'm going to go D... only because it's a little better than what I was
expecting. Still bad, but could've been worse.
Gordon: How? If you had ice skating Whopperettes?
Gordon: Even a collision would have been fun because it would have had SOME sort
of excitement to it. I've yelled at Idol for this, and now I'll yell at DWTS.
You do NOT need to extend your brand all year around. Rest is good. break is
Gordon: Now if we saw Chad and Stephanie on ice skates, that would also be good.
however, we won't be seeing them on anything except the final episode welcoming
Chico: At least they have each other. We'll get to that, but tell us what
Gordon: Now us on the evil side last week talked about this. I'll let you 2 good
guys put in your 2 cents worth.
Chico: Something truly evil... a DOUBLE U-Turn. That always does it for a team,
especially one in the back.
Gordon: I do like the 'Double' aspect of it, because it doesn't necessarily doom
the one team hit with it, as 2 teams have to do it.
Jason: And those were both nasty challenges
Chico: Let's see, there was carrying food for carrying bricks... on your head.
That HAS to be one big headache.
Jason: Chad and Stephanie lost their lead and their spot.
Chico: And the Race. But still, she got a ring out of the deal, so it's not a
Jason: Final Four...who is the fave to you?
Chico: I'd have to go Jill & Thomas, they're running a consistent race, and
aside from one penalty, they may just go all the way if thye keep pushing each
Jason: I like the hosts. They have that luck with them that you need to win
Chico: Thoughts, G?
Gordon: I'll say Jill and Thomas, just because of the potential huge gap they
have and the possibility they could lap the racers if they can be lucky enough
to get past an equalizer. If you remember on Season 1, 2 teams did just that.
Chico: That's right. Tail end. It was a two-man Race. That was a defining moment
in the young show.
Gordon: 'Cause right now, there's a more than 12 hour difference between 1st and
Jason: That's a huge differential
Chico: Oh yeah.
Gordon: There better be one heck of an equalizer coming up.
Chico: Well, ever since they varied up the breaks, we've been seeing less and
less of them. Makes for a more interesting Race.
Gordon: Sure does. However, if there's one show that usually never has
interesting holiday wins, it's The Price is Right
Chico: Yep, and this week is no exception.
Jason: Ah yes, Turkey Day TPIR with Guy Fieri
Gordon: I believe the record is 2-4 this time around?
Chico: Yes. I blame the beancounters. =p
Gordon: And we had our share of Turkeys. We did give away an $18,724 car, BUT we
should have given out a second one,
Chico: Let's go to Lucky Seven.
Chico: Kevin Warner has $3. The car is a 2011 Mazda 3. Very sweet looking. Now,
the sensible thing to do... down the middle, 5, can't go wrong. Because when
you're playing for a foreign car, it's more likely that you're going to see a
Chico: Aw geez, am I wrong?
Gordon: You are wrong.
Chico: Really wrong?
Gordon: Wrong, wrong, wrongity, wrong wrong wrong, turkey boy.
Chico: Why am I wrong?
Gordon: Where do the producers like putting that last number, if it's not the 5?
Chico: The 9
Chico: But that 5 usually pops up on domestics.
Gordon: It doesn't matter here, because if you have $3, and can miss it by $2,
where is the ONLY right number to call here?
Chico: Lucky 7.
Gordon: 7. You cover the 9 AND the 5.
Chico: Kevin says 5. It was 8, that last number.
Gordon: Would 7 have been a winner?
Chico: 7 would've been a winner
Gordon: You think and think logically. Where's my new 2011 Mazda 3?
Chico: (looks) ...it's not in the lot.
Gordon: I suppose the turkeys are taking it out for a test drive?
Chico: ... and there it goes.
Gordon: Stupid turkeys.
Chico: Meanwhile, some TPIR fans feel that the turkey this year is Mike
Richards. Flashback to earlier this year, he had a vision for TPIR, and Rich
Fields wasn't a part of it. Never mind that Rich had no problems performing his
prescribed duties as announcer and voice of TPIR.
Chico: He had no problem going to the next job.
Jason: Then Charlie O'Donnell passed away and he gets the VO role for Wheel of
Fortune for now.
Chico: And he gets weeks added onto his tenure.
Jason: But after hearing him this week...I got a big problem with his
performance this week.
Chico: You have a problem?
Jason: I do. Rich Fields has a specific style and tone. From what I heard of
him, he still is in "Price is Right" mode. He needs to notch it back about 5
notches. He needs to find a better balance
Gordon: I agree with Jason here. If you consider these shows nightclub settings
Wheel of Fortune is like The Cotton Club. Nice and cool and comfortable. Rich is
treating the show like he's in the Palladium.
Chico: I think he's alright. he's not too bad. I mean Rich Fields is Rich
Fields. There's no changing that. We get it. He can adjust should he feel the
Jason: It's a little jarring. Remember not BAD...different.
Chico: Rich was a little jarring when he started on TPIR. That said, he'll get
there. He wasn't as bad as all that now.
Jason: In the same way I thought Johnny Gilbert wasnt the right fit either for
Chico: Johny Gilbert... THAT was an ill-fit. Nothing against him, but... yeah
Gordon: I think Rich needs to convert to Wheel of Fortune, not the opposite way
Chico: I think we're just attuned to Charlie O, or Jack Clark i fyou're old
Gordon: It's Vernon Kay behind the announcers podium
Gordon: If you listen to the Wheel of Fortune background music, it's nice and
easy and loungy. The announcer's voice and energy has to match it.
Jason: And this is not a knock against Rich at all. :) Its just that he should
and can WILL fit into it.
Gordon: I like Rich. But if I comment like I like him and am not being factual,
then I'm not doing my job.
Jason: Agreed. And thats why I was a little surprised at the tone of it. But he
has a lot of time to get into it.
Chico: Well, obviously he's doing something right. Otherwise, they wouldn't have
asked him to stay a few more shows.
Gordon: We like Rich. We know he can do it. That's why we demand better, because
he's capable of it.
Chico: I'm not worried. He'll grow into it. He's got nothing if he hasn't gotten
Gordon: And we end this segment with a little fun with 1 vs. 100. This is for
$25,000. And it makes this our...
Gordon: (Divided by 40)
While playing Bingo with some pharmacist, the caller shouts out 'Riboflavin!'
Which spot do you mark on your card?
A. B-2 B. B-6 C. B-12
Chico: B-4... I give you a guess... Block?
Jason: C. B-12
Chico: That was rather B9 of you.
Chico: The correct answer B... B-2.
Gordon: And Chico the medic should know. It IS B-2.
Chico: I B-right, yeah?
Gordon: Yes. You b-right
Gordon: Jason's answer of b-12 is un-b-lievably wrong.
Chico: He was B-wildered.
Gordon: Unfortunately, James Marshall b-lieved Jason and also said C.
Chico: Which means C you later.
Gordon: There were 13 Mobsters playing that question. 12 of them got it wrong,
which means that if James got it right, he's up to $25,000 and it's 1 Vs. 1 for
$50,000. One person, ironically a Doctor, gets it right and wins 10 Grand. He b-littles
James as a result.
Chico: This is why I love this game. Literally anything can happen.
Gordon: Yes...and Drew the Bookworm has come up to give us all a talking to. He
can't believe how grammatically incorrect we were on that last segment.
Chico: He B-jealous.
Chico: And we b-rolling to the news.
Gordon: Roll that B-utiful Brain Footage
(Drew smacks the ruler on the table)
Gordon: Sorry, Drew.
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your
frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico
Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thanks B-2 Doug on that one.
Gordon: Hey Chico - I'll give you a turkey bat if you lay off the puns. Else,
Drew is going to smack you with the ruler.
Gordon: (Gives Chico a Turkey Drumstick)
Chico: This is one of them state fair drumsticks. This is no joke.
two weeks off of the job, "The Biggest Loser" staffers are back at work after an
agreement is mad between Reveille, 3Ball, 257 and IATSE. That in essence
unionizes production of the show.
Jason: Which COULD be the start of something really big down the road, if you
Chico: Gordon, you're the expert, what does this mean?
Gordon: It means the show is Unionized. Good news for staffers, but bad news for
the future of the show, as it becomes more expensive to produce. When shows are
on the fence, what do the networks look at in terms of renewal choices?
Chico: Two things. How much and if the network produces it in house.
Gordon: Right. Now The Biggest Loser has NOT had a good year, ratings-wise.
However, they do sell a lot of merchandise, and that will help them. (wields his
own turkey leg) And so will this...
American Idol will no longer be Tuesdays and Wednesdays. It will NOW be
Wednesdays and Thursdays.
Chico: Effectively avoiding the Dancing bullet. Because as we've seen, Dancing
with the Stars is now TV's top draw. No sign of stoppage.
Gordon: It avoids Dancing and it's good news for TBL, as it avoids Idol.
Chico: Fox is hedging their bets. They know they're going to take a hit on Idol,
but they don't want to speculate on how much of a hit just yet.
Gordon: However, it now wanders into Thursdays nights, where it's going up
against CSI, Grays Anatomy, etc. pending on when the results show is. If I'm
Fox, I put it at 8pm, which is much softer than 9pm.
Chico: EVEN in the absence of Survivor.
Gordon: Cause I don't think people will tune out of CSI to see who gets booted
and watch 55 minutes of filler to get there.
Chico: Try 25. I believe they shortened the result show to 30 minutes. Another
red flag, if you ask me. It's one of those cases where "Full circle" is code for
Jason: There are more red flags on Idol than the chinese palace in Beijing.
Gordon: Agreed. This feels less like 'NEW NEW NEW' and more like 'Let's try to
stop the bleeding'. I have a tourniquet made from the pages of this Datebook.
1 shows up with Top Chef All-Stars. Another All-Star show. Meh.
Chico: The stuff gets better next week, folks.
Gordon: Can we get fully loaded with something better than Meh?
Jason: Lets hope
week, Fox releases the first commercial of "The X Factor".
Chico: I said... "Meh."
Gordon: I thought you said it gets better.
Jason: It didnt. Not a good ad
Chico: Nope. I said "Next week gets better." Speaking of, I have a greenlight to
go with the loaded. BTW, Greenlights and alcohol should NEVER mix...
is looking at a show called "The Catch" involving... catch. Basically what
"Wipeout" did to the obstacle course. What could possibly go wrong?
Gordon: It was also something Evil touched on last week, so I'll take a step
back and let you vent.
Chico: Venting time! The network that brought us America's Got Talent is going
for... catch? There's only one way catch works on TV... is if a major sporting
league is involved somehow. Millions of ideas for viable summer stock
programming... and CATCH is the first thing that comes to mind. You fail so
Gordon: This will be interesting for all of 5 minutes.
Chico: You're giving it more credit than I would. You won't give Celebrity Feud
another go, but you'll greenlight catch. REALLY, NBC?
Gordon: Not a smart move. We have someone else who wasn't so bright this week.
Chico: Oh here we go.. *wheels in chalkboard*
Gordon: Now first of all, I would like to congratulate The Miz for winning the
WWE title this week.
Jason: He won it at last Monday's Raw, cashing in his Money in the Bank
Gordon: Right. So I'm glad he has something to be thankful for. As you know The
Miz won Tough Enough and has been on a number of game shows, including Family
Feud and Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?
Gordon: And now he can host a new game show, called 'Who wants to be my new
Chico: Wait, what?
YOU Smarter than...Alex Riley, who got busted for DUI right before the
Jason: Very much so
Gordon: Kids, drinking and getting behind the wheel is BAD.
Chico: You know what you should be doing when you're driving? DRIVING.
Gordon: We'll send Drew over with a ruler to smack you into submission.
Chico: You know what you should be doing when you're drinking? NOT DRIVING.
Gordon: Same goes for Texting, being on the cell phone, picking lint out of your
belly button or listening to 'Like a G6'
Chico: Actually, NO ONE should be doing ANYTHING and listening to "Like a G6"
Gordon: Your brain could go kablooey. Maybe you can do it and have some Haterade.
Chico: Speaking of kablooey with your Haterade. SERVE UP, SIR.
Jason: Here's my mug
a good week for Gordon Ramsay. First he has to cough up a cash prize to one of
his Hell's Kitchen winners, who can't get a visa to work in the UK. Then he has
to cough up another $25,000 to a trash worker who's suing for unpaid back wages.
And finally, Gordon had to fire his father in-law for being a little too type-A
for his liking. Then he took out a letter to his mother-in-law apologizing
profusely. Not a good week.
Jason: Nope. Not at all.
Chico: Now we go global... and visit an old friend.
Gordon: Let's do some travelling
Chico: British food is lousy.
Jason: Augustus's English Cousin
Steady Cook", after a long run, gets the axe after ratings go sour.
Jason: Poor Ainsley Harriott
Chico: Poor Ainsley Harriott indeed.
Jason: Remember him?
Chico: Totally. He hosted ONE season, the last season, of the US version of the
show before Food Network became known as "that channel with Iron Chef on it"
Jason: And he hosted a one season US talk show
Chico: Where he cooked. He was Rachael Ray before Rachael Ray was Rachael Ray.
Jason: Who knew?
Chico: Only he was a fellow bald-and-sexy
Gordon: They are all media hoes. And I got some more right here.
Jason: Lets see it.
Chico: (Plays "Pimpin' All Over the World")
this week's Media Ho Report, Kelly Osbourne plays on The Cube, Merv Griffin gets
honored on CNBC with 'Titans', Chad and Stephanie announce that she's 3 months
pregnant...and their wedding was this past week. Do the math, folks...
Chico: Giving new meaning to the term "Elimination Station."
Gordon: More like Conception Station
Jason: Or Pit stop :)
Chico: Good night everybody!
Drew Carey gets a show on GSN, Mia Michaels leaves So You Think You Can Dance
only to be replaced by Mary Murphy, and Heidi Klum says you need 'meat on your
bones' for fantastic plastic surgery.
Gordon: But none of them are your Hoes of the Week.
Chico: Who you got?
Gordon: I got your 11 teams on the 'All-Star edition of Season 18's Amazing Race
Chico: Big Board?
Gordon: Big Board.
All Stars 2: Yet Another All-Star
season - "Father/Daughter" Gary Ervin and Mallory Ervin
Sixteenth season - "Cowboys" Jet McCoy and his brother Cord McCoy;
Fifteenth season - "Harlem Globetrotters" Nathaniel "The Big Easy" Lofton
and Herbert "Flight Time" Lang
Fifteenth Season - "Friends" Zev Glassenberg and Justin Kanew
Fourteenth season - "Former NFL Cheerleaders" Cara Rosenthal and Jaime
Fourteenth season - "Dating Couple" Amanda Blackledge and Kris Klicka
Fourteenth season - "Sisters" Jennifer Hoffman and LaKisha Hoffman
Fourteenth season - "Mother and Son" Margie Adams and Luke Adams
Fourteenth season - "Father and Son" Mel White and Mike White
Twelfth season - "Dating Goths" Kynt Cothron and Vyxsin Fiala
Twelfth season - "Father/Daughter" Ronald Hsu and Christina Hsu
Gordon: All Stars 2. Yet ANOTHER All-Star Season
Jason: Not Meh. Because its the show. There are a lot of good players here. This
could be VERY fun to watch.
Chico: Oh yeah. Lots of fun to watch. another ToC of TAR.
Gordon: Some comments.
Gordon: #1: No one from Season #13 got invited. That was the season where Nick
and Starr pummeled everyone into submission.
Chico: I imagine they'd do the same were they invited.
Gordon: #2. No winners got invited back this time.
Jason: That's good.
Gordon: No it's not. I want to see a winners only season.
Chico: We could... but that would probably be down the line. You know, when we
have a lot of winners that are interesting.
Gordon: True, but that's what I want to see. I don't want to see 'All-Stars'. I
want to see uber-champs. That's what made Survivor interesting last season, when
Sandra won it for the second time.
Jason: But even so, you have a lot of "close but no cigar teams" here. Which
will make it fun to watch
Gordon: #3. The highest placed team invited back is second (a couple of teams).
The lowest team invited back is 9th: Zev and Justin
Jason: And I say whoops :)
Chico: Because they're "memorable".
Gordon: And probably first ones out the door.
Chico: Perhaps. Especially if they didn't learn from their mistakes. That's
probably the theme of the Race.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes. And that's BrainVision. Shut it down.
Jason: (Shutting down)
Chico: Still to come...remember that Facebook question we asked a while ago? The
dumbest game show ever? We're turning it into a game.
Gordon: And Just a reminder that it's never too early to go holiday shopping.
Chico: .... well, not anymore.
Gordon: But it is. You'll see later. But right now, you're reading WLTI. you
give us 22 minutes, and we'll give you 22 uses for leftover Turkey.
Jason: Turkey Pie
Chico: Sandwiches... salads.. Turkey a la king...
Gordon: Donald Trump Hairpieces, Earplugs for the 83rd time 'We No Speak
Americano' hits the airwaves...
Jason: You should hear British Radio...yipes
(Brainvision is presented by the new release from Chrome Circle and the
Digital Mob, "Like a B-6". This jam'll shoot your riboflavin up. Not available
on DJ Hero now... or ever.)
HERE TO CONTINUE