Episode 29.12 - The Escape Clause
April 9

Chico: Just be sure you know when to quit.
Gordon: Welcome back to WLTI. Now I hear that because we won Best Game Show website for the second straight year, the mails have been pouring in.
Chico: Instead of one bag... we've got.... .... THREE1
Gordon: Nice. Who who has the first email?
Chico: I got it.

Dr. Gordon.

I got a bunch of books to make myself look smart... want a chimpanzee for a pet... and cheated on my boyfriend for half a million that I didn't even win. Will I ever find love?

signed, Bagged Big Brother.

 

Gordon: Dear Bagged Big Brother - I think you're well on the right path. but stay off the love shows. What you really need is a spiritually cleansing experience, like Survivor or Fear Factor. Even the Amazing Race you can find your true love on your team - or on someone else's team. And if all else fails - there's always Bachelor Pad. Signed, Dr. Gordon.
Jason: Nice one. I have one.

 

Dear Dr. Gordon:

I hope our audition went well these past two weeks. We spruced up our colors in ruby, emerald and sapphire and made a guy named Jorge really rich. Will we be brought back? We really hope so.

Signed, Hoping to be super again.
 

Gordon: Dear Good as 50K, there was more sequins than a 1980's Dicotech. i'm not sure it was necessary, but I'm sure it will be brought back, because 1. you always have to go big on the sweeps and 2. you only had one winner, so it didn't dent the budget. The only think missing is Neil Patrick Harris reading the winners - but give it time. Signed, Dr. Gordon
Chico: Ha ha HA ha HA. Next letter.

 

Hello, gentlemen.

I am a wordly genius looking for a worldly competitor to challenge my power. Will I find it in America?

Signed, the Chaser.
 

Gordon: Dear Chaser....No. I love your show, but as it's going to get butchered along the way in the good ol' U.S.A., you're better off trying to catch football players on HGH. Signed, Dr. Gordon
Chico: Not giving an inch, are we
Gordon: ...and what good would that do?
Chico: Not much. Just pointing out the fact. Next, Jason?
Jason: Next...

 

Dear Dr. Gordon:

I know I am doing the best I can at what I can do, but the history of where I am says I won't win...what can I do to change the outcome?

Signed J.S. from California
 

Gordon: Dear Ms J.S. - You're not only stuck in California, but in Los Angeles, the most apathetic city in the U.S. So as your natural singing won't help you, you need to resort to bribery.
Jason: Really?
Gordon: Pledge to help buy the Dodgers from Frank McCourt. Pledge to sing at every L.A. Laker game. Heck, pledge to take over the governorship from Jerry Brown or be the new hostess of iCarly.
Chico: Carly would like a word.
Jason: Yeah
Gordon: But whatever you do, do something. Signed, Dr. Gordon.
Chico: I got a letter. Dear Dr Pepper... it has a can of Dr Pepper. Cute.

 

Dear Dr. Pepper... I have big ideas for my enterprise, but since I revealed them, I've become an industry joke to the point where no agency worth its salt will pitch to me. My only bright spot came at a recent acquisition to a booming property helmed by Steve Harvey. How do I regain my post in this Dog-Eat-Dog world?

-Signed, Amy from Culver city.

 

Gordon: Dear Amy - Look to the fanboys. They have fun ideas that will help you. Aside from that, look to remake the shows that worked - and remake them PROPERLY. No weird Press Your Luck Boards. No non-sensical Play Your Cards right bonus games. Bring back the shows that people like and DON'T CHANGE THEM. Family Feud is good, but I think you aso need to get the rights to Hip Hop Squares when that comes out. That failing, get Michael Davies (who you have over a barrel) to help run your ship. Keep it simple and build the fan base from there. Don't be afrraid to use your social media the right way. Signed, Dr. Gordon.
Jason: I have the last one.

Dear Dr. Gordon -

I hate Ben...marry me!

- Signed Courtney!

Gordon: Dear Courtney - Unlike my co-worker Chico, who's a snob, I love my fans. However, do you know what Chico really likes? He secretly likes Carnie Wilson. LOVES her. So I'll gladly have one date with you if you can land me her number. Signed, Dr. Gordon.
Chico: Gordon... you dead.
Jason: I have no more advice
Gordon: See Chico? I'm helping you out. And her new show premieres on Sunday.
Chico: DEAD!
Gordon: While Chico finds a way to plot my demise, please enjoy this break.

(Brought to you by Thomas Kinkade's Work of Art: the Next Great Landscape Artist.... We miss you Thomas...)

(Silence)

Chico: Thank you. Welcome back. What's next?
Gordon: Next up - well, we have all these holidays, so I figure the best we could do is celebrate them for Season's Greetings. I'll start it. We start with...

Ryan Seacrest and his Comcast Job Promotiom

Jason: Simple...lots of Coke and driving around in a Ford.
Chico: With an Apple iPhone on AT&T Followed by the words, "Congratulations, sellout."
Jason: And a bouquet from Matt Lauer saying..."Not Yours, Yet."
Chico: WIN.
Gordon: A picture of him walking from Fox, and 'Seacrest...Out', with him walking to Comcast 'Comcast....in'. Ryan Seacrest as the Commercial Pyramid host?
Chico: It's Comcastic.
Jason: WOW that would be good.
Gordon: Next one?

Jeopardy!... on its Peabody Award.

Chico: ANSWER: With its Peabody Award win, this is now the only award that Jeopardy! hasn't won. RESPONSE: What is the Kennedy Center Honors?
Gordon: We welcome our new Game Show Overlords...to the Peabody and Game Show Community. Congratulations!
Jason: With an email from Watson saying...where's my cut? :-)
Gordon: Next...

It's a congratulations on your engagement card sent to Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. you know it'll happen, so why fight it?

Jason: A video of Kris Humphries pointing and laughing
Chico: A loop of "Gold Digger" playing on repeat. You know greeting cards can do that now.
Gordon: Kim thinks you're worth all the gold in Fort Knox...just make sure you havea nuptual on it. Congratulations!
Jason: Amber Rose and Wiz Khalifa send their regards :-)
Chico: ooh OOOOO
Jason: Just sayin
Chico: Next..

Sherri Shepherd. She still lives in DWTS, she has a new season of TNG to tape... and she got a call from President Clinton supporting her on Dancing.

Jason: Keep doing what you are doing. You are getting your name out there and doing it positively. And the View will welcome you back with open arms.
Gordon: Dear Sherri - Unlike the Newlywed Game, this is a situation where multiple partners are not only accepted, but encouraged. Good luck! Signed, GSNN
Chico: *applause*
Jason: WIN
Chico: I think we're done with her. Next?
Gordon: Next one...

We welcome After Top Chef, where we see the contestants hit milestones on their careers.

Jason: Simple...an invite to the James Beard awards
Chico: ____________ is cordially invited to compete in Kitchen Stadium as a contestant on "Iron Chef america". signed, The Chairman. Co-Signed, Alton Brown.
Gordon: Dear contestants - none of you have the balls to work in my (bleep)ing kitchen. Signed, Gordon Ramsay.
Chico: Heh. And finally...

Any contestant on "Take Me Out".

Jason: If you are on a show like this...you are going to need these...Signed Trojan and KY
Chico: Dear contestant.... Don't get too sure of yourself, I'm just here looking for a (^_^). Signed, the central subject.
Gordon: To all people who wish to have a relationship - abandon all hope here. Signed, the producers.
Chico: And that's Season's Greetings.
Gordon: And with that, lets go to break
Jason: Let's.

(Brought to you by The Amazing Matzoh Bunny. The bunny wants me to tell you that whatever holiday you celebrate, we're all human and should be celebrating our differences as well as our similarities.)

Jason: Amen to that.
Chico: Love it. And we do hope you're having a great holiday weekend and sharing it with your friends and loved ones. Just like I'm sharing it with these two clowns. :-)
Gordon: AwwwwwBarf. And we'll be celebrating with our own after THE BIG FINISH!
Chico: Survivor! Who's going home next?
Jason: I see Christine as the Men may finally get a clue
Gordon: The men get a clue, but it's too late and we say bye bye to Tarzan
Chico: I'm going to go with... Gordon. Idol. Who reaps the rewards of Deandre's exit, and who... doesn't?
Jason: Joshua reaps, and Elise or Hollie says bye bye
Gordon: Bye bye Hollie
Chico: Agreed.
Gordon: DWTS - who's going bye bye?
Jason: I still say Melissa is on borrowed time
Chico: Agreed.
Gordon: Me too - but with the judges making the decisions this time, I think she'll be ok. If I'm Gavin I do not want to be in the bottom 2.
Jason: Nope.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: The Amazing Race is returning this week. Who won't be returning after this episode?
Jason: I call non elimination leg
Chico: I'm going with Vanessa & Ralph.
Gordon: Sounds about right in either cases - I'll go with non-elimination lap, but if someone gets knocked out, it will be Vanessa and Ralph. Any mail?
Chico: Nope. But hey, you can send us some love. Our Twitter is @wltiongsnn. I'm on it all the time.
Gordon: And that ends the show. Special thanks to Jason Block for joining us this week.
Jason: Always good.
Chico: Next week, will someone hit the Super Plinko? We'll answer that question, plus we'll have another...

*thunder*...

Chico: ... That'll NEVER get old...
Jason: Nope.
Gordon: Nope. We'll get to that and more next week. As for this week, this is Gordon pepper saying Game Over and spread the love.