Week 7 - December 2
Welcome to another week of Dodgeball. After a week of
Thanksgiving Break, the Ballers are back, and they want
to stuff something else besides turkey.
Match #1 - Delta
Force (3-3) Vs. Ink Inc. (3-3)
Paul 'Rambo' Green - A former player in the NFL -
6'3, 215, 60 MPH - and he can turn his eyeballs inside
out. Plus he has 22 kills and 3 catches.
Bobby Roe - A former college baseball player.
6'5", 235, 48MPH. He's another big boy, with 16 kills
and 2 catches..
Geoff Meed - A former professional jujitsu
martial artist. 5'10", 177, 44 MPH, Not as scary as
Green with only 2 kills and 1 catch - but still scary.
Lisa Marshall - She's not 6', but at 5'10, 170
and 36MPH, she's another built player. She has 4 kills
and 1 catch.
Linda Overheu - 5'9", 130, 38MPH. At last,
someone who I can't accuse of bulking up - but she has 3
Ben 'Psycho' Toth - 5'11", 150, 48 MPH - He's the
captain, and he has 10 Kills and 5 catches so far
Strati Hovartez - 6'0", 180, 59MPH - Leads the
team with 13 kills (5 game winners) while getting 6
catches - maybe a rookie of the year candidate?
Shaun 'Hitman' Hauser - 5'1"0, 215, 45MPH - He is
up to 12 kills, 4 of those game-winners.
Kim Estrada - 5'9". 125. 37MPH - She was on the
Curves of Steel. She's no longer there, but she does
have... curves - and 3 kill and 5 catches. Heh heh heh...
'Scary' Kari Richardson - 5'8", 135, 31 MPH - She
finally gets on the board with 3 catches. Still scary,
Round 1 - Hovartez and Richardson go out quickly, and
Toth and Hauser's throw is caught. Estrada catches a
shot which brings Hovartez back, but Hovartez gets
tagged and Estrada is again on the clock. She survives
the 20 seconds and the Inksters regenerate. After an
exchange of catches, there are 5 Inksters Vs. 1 Delta
(Green). He doesn't survive the 20 seconds as Hovartez
gets in the successful suicide kill - which kills off
the Force (Inksters lead, 1-0).
Round 2 - Toth foot faults out and Hovartez is out - but
they are both back in as Estrada and Hauser pick up
catches. They pick off Deltas until Marshall is left -
but she regens the team and it's the Inksters that get
picked off. Estrada, the last Inkster, is finally gets
eliminated as her throw is caught by Roe as the Force
tie up the match (1-1).
Round 3 - The forces want to send 'the tattooed freaks
back to the music store to pick up some Limp Biscuit
CDs', and the DMW's are Toth and Marshall. Hauser and
Green are both out first, the people who are guarding
Marshall get picked off one by one until Marshall is
left. Can she regen the team? Yes she can, and it's back
to 5 on 5. Hauser and Hovartez are gone, and Richardson
takes one in the pierced septum. Ouch. She is out next,
and Estrada gets out on a delay of game. Toth is left -
now can he regen the team? Yes he can, and it's 5 on 5
all over again. Hauser takes out Roe, Hovartez catches a
shot from Green, but both Inkster ladies are out. Hauser
takes off the last man from Delta Force, and that leaves
Marshall completely open for a Hauser shot, which is the
winner. (Ink Inc wins, 2-1). The Inksters go back over
.500, while the Force go back under .500.
Next up - the Response need the win to force the CPA's
win or there will be a tie for first. The sharks need
the win so they can stay in the playoff hunt. Which team
wants it more?
Match #2 - Armed Response (4-2) Vs. Reef Sharks (2-4)
Armed Response -
David Benedetto - 48MPH - 24 Kills, 0 Catches,
Still a Swamp Donkey
Kel Watrin - 61 MPH - Fastest in the league, and
deadly with 23 kills (4 game winners) and 4 catches
David Rice - 44 MPH - 12 Kills, 4 Catches, and
finally has woken up
Nicole Zingale - 38 MPH - 1 Kill, 3 Catches. But
hey she's better than...
Tanya Fenderbosch - 34MPH - 0 Kills, 1 Catch.
Reef Sharks -
Mark Pontius - He's been sharking around with 12
kills and 3 catches with a 50 mph shot.
Mark Long - He's 6'3", 205 and throws up to 50
mph. He had 22 kills - 2 of them for game winners this
Chris Bullis - Another new guy (6'2", 200, 43
MPH) - with 11 kills and 5 catches to boot.
Amy Wiseman - 5'6", 125, 36 MPH She has 12 kills
as well with Pontius. Sweet.
Melanie Thomas - 5'4", 125, 26 MPH - 1 catch, 1
regen, 1 surfboard.
Round 1 - Long's throw is caught. Pontius and Bullis get
hit. Thomas's throw is caught. All looks lost for the
Sharks, but Wiseman regens and we are back to even
strength. Pontius takes care of all of the Armed
Response men and Zingale's throw is caught. All looks
lost for the Response - and it is as Pontius nails
Fenderbosch. (Sharks lead, 1-0)
Round 2 - Watrin gets bopped by the Big Ball - but comes
back in thanks to a Rice catch on Thomas. Wiseman is
next, thanks to the Swamp Donkey, and Bullis and Long go
out. The Response neglect Pontius and instead aim for
the returning Sharks. The strategy fails miserably as
the returning Sharks pick off the Response until Zingale
is only person remaining. The Sharks don't wait for the
Response to regen, as Long tags out Zingale with only
one second left on the regen clock. Another strategy by
Benedetto turns out to go horribly wrong. (Sharks win,
Next up - the league leaders go against each other,
which means that the teams in one league will have a
shot to move one game closer to their respective
Match #3 - CPA's (6-1) Vs. The Bling (5-2)
Certified Public Assassins -
Tobias McKinney (6'5, 130, 51 MPH) - 12 kills and
5 catches on the season - but only 2 in the last 3
Michael 'Handsome' Costanza - He's up to 24 kills
(and 6 game winners) - but he may want some help from
Art 'Artful Dodger' Spigel - 5'9", 175, 46 MPH.
He has plenty of help from Spigel, who has 11 kills, 3
catches and 3 regens
Mandy Sommers - Last year, the 5'5" player had 12
catches. This year - 1. She has to step it up.
Natasha Pospich - She's 5'7", 135 and a former
tennis pro, but she has no kills, 1 catch, and a wrist
The Bling -
Portis Hershey - 48MPH - The Chinchilla has been
a little crazy with 2 Catches, 9 Kills, and one regen.
Frank Frisoli - 59MPH - He's been the main guy
with 22 Kills, 3 Game Winners and 2 catches
Adam Ullberg - 50MPH - He's been the true
sidekick with 13 Kills, 3 Catches.
Mia Parlor - 7 Kills, 1 Catch, 1 regeneration -
She calls herself the female Kobe Bryant...
Alvina Carroll - 33 MPH ...which makes her the
female Dennis Rodman, though she does have 1 kill and 3
Round 1 - Could this be a preview of the championship
match? Bling is 2-0 against the Classic Division, and
they are looking to extend it to 3-0. It looks like it
early as Costanza is out, but Ullberg and Hershey gets
taken out next. McKinney is out, Sommers foot faults out
and Spigel takes out Frisoli. Caroll is out, but she
regens the team and it's now Bling vs. Spigel and
Pospich. Frisoli catches Spigel's throw, and then tags
Pospich as the Blingers take first blood (Bling leads,
Round 2 - Spigel calls Frisoli a Communist - and a
Republican - and he wants Frisoli to be gone first. It
is Costanza who is gone first, and Sommers and Parlor is
next. Frisoli the Communist takes down McKinney, and
Spigel and Pospich are left. Spigel evades a suicide
kill from Hershey and the CPA's come back. McKinney is
tagged out, but Sommers catches two shots - one from
Frisoli and the game winner from Ullberg. (Tied, 1-1)
Round 3 - The DMW are Spigel and Carroll. Somers gets
another catch and Parlor and Frisoli quickly exit.
Hershey is next, and Parler's shot is caught, leaving
Carroll all alone. She regens and the returning Blingers
take out Pospich and Costanza. McKinney and Sommers is
next, and Spigel has to regen for 20 seconds. He does
and the CPAS take out Frisoli. McKinney goes out - again
and the turning point of the game is when Ulberg catches
Costanza's shot. That leaves it to be 5 on 1 with the
Blingers against Spigel, and it's only a matter of time
until Spigel gets eliminated. (Bling wins, 2-1). They
are both tied, but the CPA's flaws are clearly
exploited. The team is not nearly as good this year as
they were last year, and unless McKinney and Sommers
both step it up, they will be making a very quick exit
in the playoffs.
We go Beyond the Ball to Portis Hershey, who says that
his hair is there because... he's lazy. He gets his
strength from his hair - and makes him underestimated,
adding that it can help block the ball because if you
get hit on the hair, you are not out. interesting
The next game may not be interesting, but it's crucial
to both teams. The Mafia MUST win this game to even have
a shot at the Post-Season, while M.A.D. MUST win this
game to stay tied for the last playoff spot. Well, this
does look like an entry round playoff game...
Match #4 - Barbell Mafia (1-5) Vs. M.A.D. (2-4)
Barbell Mafia -
Jeramy Freeman - 6'0", 290, 47 MPH - He can
benchpress a car - but has only benchpressed 2 kills.
Tyrone Rush - 6'0", 200, 55 MPH - has 18 kills.
He has 2 catches, too.
Alan Grimes - 5'10, 360, 45 MPH - 5 kills, no
catches, leads the league in foot faults.
Melissa Coates - The blonde bodybuilder is 5'5",
150 and 37 MPH. She has yet to register a stat this
Vanessa 'Scorpion' Altman -At 5'9", 155 and a 31
MPH shot, she also has no stats. Where's Amazon Beard
when you need her?
Mutually Assured Destruction -
Gary 'Spaz' Davis - 5'11", 165, 43MPH - The
captain has 13 kills and 2 catches, not good numbers for
a team leader.
Tarone Cathcart - 6'1", 180, 41MPH - has 8 kills
and 3 catches - none of which happened after week #1.
Marie Philman - 5'10", 180, 48MPH - She hash 2
kills and 4 catches, but only 1 catch since week #1.
Mark Vannorden - 5'10", 167, 39 MPH - The stats
say it all - 8 Kills, 1 Catch, 1 virus
Anna Bartsch - 5'4", 160, 35MPH - she has 6
kills, 2 catches and 2 regenerations. Now if only she
can find a real team...
Round 1 - Davis and Philbin both fault out while trying
to hit Rush. Freeman catches Vannorden's shot and Rush
catches Bartsch. Cathcart regens, but Rush takes out the
returning Cathcart, Davis and Vannorden. Philman and
Bartsch both get simulthrown out and we see that the
Mafia has finally woken up - a little. (Mafia lead, 1-0)
Round 2 - Here comes Rush. Down goes Cathcart. Davis
hits Grimes, and Altman's throw is caught, but Philman
and Bartsch are both taken off by Grimes and Rush
catches a big ball throw by Davis. Rush goes for a
suicide-kill....and hits Cathcart for the match-ender.
(Mafia win, 2-0).
Tyrone calls himself the Rush Factor, and he is one of
the top 3 people. Frisoli and Pontius are the other two
people up for player of the week. The results are
that... Frisoli gets 100% of the vote. Wha? That's
confusing, and so are the standings...
Certified Public Assassins
Mutually Assured Destruction
The Blingers are the
only team that has cemented their position in first...or
have they? They still have to finish the season against
the opposition, and every other position is up for
grabs. We'll see in 7 days if things get clearer - or