Week 4 - November 4
Last week, we got to see what the Expansion Division
could do - and with a 1-3 record against the classics,
they didn't do much. This week, we go back to interplay,
as the teams that haven't seen themselves in their own
division yet now get to do so - and we get to watch...
Match #1 - CPA (3-0) Vs. Ink Inc (2-1)
Ink Inc -
Ben 'Psycho' Toth - 5'11", 150, 48 MPH - He's the
captain, and he has 4 Kills and 2 catches so far.
Shaun 'Hitman' Hauser - 5'1"0, 215, 45MPH - He is
up to 6 kills, 3 of those game-winners.
Strati Hovartez - 6'0", 180, 59MPH - Leads the
team with 7 kills while getting 3 catches - maybe a
rookie of the year candidate?
Kim Estrada - 5'9". 125. 37MPH - She was on the
Curves of Steel. She's no longer there, but she does
have... curves - and 1 kill and 1 catch. Heh heh heh...
'Scary' Kari Richardson - 5'8", 135, 31 MPH -
What's scary is that she has done nothing of redeemable
Certified Public Assassins -
Tobias McKinney (6'5, 130, 51 MPH) - He has 6
kills and one catch, which is nice, but...
Michael 'Handsome' Costanza - 5'"10, 160, He
leads the team with 11 kills, 4 of them game winners.
Mandy Sommers - She's 5'5" and only one catch.
Was last year a fluke?
Art 'Artful Dodger' Spigel - 5'9", 175, 46 MPH.
The Artful Dodger leads the league in Regenerations (3),
and he has 5 kills and a catch to boot.
Natasha Pospich - She's at 5'7", 135, and like
Sommers, she only has 1 catch.
Round 1 - Everyone is gunning for them - especially the
Inksters, who saw their season end at the hands of the
CPAs. Things are looking good for the Inksters, as
Costanza and McKinney are out quick. Spigel knocks out
Hovartez and Toth to even the score, and Richardson soon
follows. Strati's throw gets caught by Spigel and
Estrada gets caught in a Simulthrow to give the CPA's a
surprisingly easy win (CPA's lead, 1-0)
Round 2 - Pospich gets tagged out quickly, and McKinney
bobbles a catch and bounces it off Spigel for the double
elimination. Costanza's shot gets caught by Toth and
Sommers gets tagged by the big ball for the just as easy
5-0 shutout from the Inksters (Match tied at 1)
Round 3 - Toth's strategy is to get rid of Spigel early,
but it's Costanza and Toth who are the dead men walking.
Costanza avoids two simulthrows, but he gets caught on
the foot while avoiding the third, and the Inksters get
the surprising win and the upset. (Ink wins, 2-1). Well,
that's what you get without Steve Altes on your team.
Zack and Bil blame it on something else - they didn't
take the practice camp seriously, and maybe their
lowered stats and Sommers inability to catch a ball is a
result of it, adding that they may pay for it later on
down the line.
After the match, Costanza is complaining to the refs,
and all that gets him are dodgeballs thrown at him by
the Inksters and Hovartez. Talk about ungrateful
winners. Hovartez calls Costanza a little B!tch and he
have our first nasty rivalry.
McKinney says that they won 11 in a row, and they are
tied with teams with one loss - big deal. He may have
brushed it off, but you know they are fuming and whoever
plays them next may be in a world of hurt. Speaking of
Match #2 - Barbell Mafia (0-3) Vs. Armed Response
Barbell Mafia -
Jeramy Freeman - 6'0", 290, 47 MPH - He can
benchpress a car - but hasn't benchpressed any kills or
catches yet. Yikers.
Tyrone Rush - 6'0", 200, 55 MPH - leads the
league with 11 kills. He has 2 catches, too.
Alan Grimes - 5'"10, 360, 45 MPH - No kills, no
catches, leads the league in foot faults.
Melissa Coates - The blonde bodybuilder is 5'5",
150 and 37 MPH. She has yet to register a stat this
Vanessa 'Scorpion' Altman -At 5'9", 155 and a 31
MPH shot, she also has no stats. Where's Amazon Beard
when you need her?
Armed Response -
David Benedetto - 48MPH - 10 Kills, 0 Catches,
Still a Swamp Donkey
Kel Watrin - 61 MPH - Fastest in the league, and
deadly with 6 kills and 2 catches
David Rice - 44 MPH - 1 Kill, 0 Catches, and
right now, dead weight
Nicole Zingale - 38 MPH - 0 Kills, 1 Catch. But
hey she's better than...
Tanya Fenderbosch - 34MPH - 0 Kills, 0 Catches.
At least Michelle Manumaleuna screamed a lot and did
something. Imagine what they would be like if they got
Round 1 - At least Grimes stays in bounds to start the
game, but Rush's first kill is disallowed. Watrin's kill
is not, as Altman gets taken out. Rice and Grimes are
out next, but Rush catches Benedetto's throw, but any
momentum is stuffed when Freeman and the returning
Altman are gone. Rush catches Watrin and Freeman comes
back in, while Zingale gets caught by the 5 second
violation. Fenderbosch gets taken out by a Rush suicide
kill and the mafia win the first game (Mafia leads, 1-0)
Round 2 - Can we have another upset win? It's not
looking like it, as Altman and Rush leave quickly.
Grimes gets tagged out and Freeman's catch is caught.
Coates does manage to regenerate the team, but as they
come back in, Grimes and Rush get tagged. Coates steps
out of bounds and Benedetto gets the suicide kill on
Freeman, tying up the match (Tied, 1-1)
Round 3 - We get our second straight Dead Man Walking,
and the DMW are Benedetto and... Grimes. Grimes? Mr.
Foot Fault? Well, it starts out ok as they take out
Rice, but a Kel shot quickly takes out Diesel and the
Mafia stay winless (Armed Response wins, 2-1). Well, the
Mafia deserved that one, as selecting Grimes as the DMW
was a horrible move, but they need Amazon Beard back in
the worst way.
That's the Classic Division for the week. Let's see what
we get from the expansionites.
Match #3 - MAD (1-2) Vs. Reef Sharks (1-2)
Mutually Assured Destruction -
Gary 'Spaz' Davis - 5'11", 165, 43MPH - The
captain has 5 kills and 2 catches, not good numbers for
a team leader.
Tarone Cathcart - 6'1", 180, 41MPH - has 4 kills
and 3 catches - none of which happened after week #1.
Marie Philman - 5'10", 180, 48MPH - She hash 2
kills and 4 catches, but only 1 catch since week #1.
Mark Vannorden - 5'10", 167, 39 MPH - The stats
say it all - 1 Kill, 1 Catch, 1 virus
Anna Bartsch - 5'4", 160, 35MPH - she has the
best stats with 4 kills, 2 catches and 2 regenerations.
Now if only she can find a real team...
Reef Sharks -
Mark Pontius - He's no longer a mime - he's now a
surfer dude, but with 5 kills and only 1 catch, he
should be surfing with Spaz.
Mark Long - He's 6'3", 205 and throws up to 50
mph. He has 10 kills this season.
Chris Bullis - Another new guy (6'2", 200, 43
MPH). With 3 kills and 1 catch, he's hanging in there.
Amy Wiseman - 5'6", 125, 36 MPH She has 1 kill
and 1 catch so far.
Melanie Thomas - 5'4", 125, 26 MPH - unless she
catches well, she has 'dead weight' written all over
her. She has no stats, which makes her a clunky old
Round 1 - Pontius takes out Pontius, who quickly gets
eliminated by Cathcart, who steps over the line and
eliminates himself. Long is out from Bartsch, but she
and Philman both fault out, which leaves Spaz. He does
get the regeneration, and Thomas's throw is caught by
Bartsch. Bullis now has to stick around for 20 seconds,
and he does so, but Pontius and Thomas are knocked out
quickly. Long manages to knock out the guys, but Philman
catches Wiseman's shot and it's her and Spaz vs. Bullis.
Bullis catches Bartsch's shot, but gets tagged by Spaz's
shot, so it's now Spaz Vs. Pontius. Spaz's shot...is
caught by Pontius in a very competitive match (Sharks
Round 2 - Spaz quickly faults out, and Cathcart and
Vannorden quickly follow. Bartsch is out, but Spaz
regens the team - and catches a shot to boot. Pontius's
shot gets caught, and the other reef males follow.
Cathcart's shot gets caught by Wiseman, and Vannorden
gets taken out as well. Thomas is all alone, but she
regens and we are right back where we started. Cathcart
is out, and it quickly gets knocked down to Spaz and
Bartsch. Bartsch catches a shot, but she and Vannorden
are taken out immediately. Spaz is left, and he couldn't
get it done on a one on one basis, so he's not going to
get it done with Pontius and 2 ladies - especially when
Thomas catches Spaz's shot for the game winner. (Sharks
win, 2-0). Afterwards, Spaz complains of a dead arm, but
it was his throws that were pretty dead.
We go Beyond the Ball with Gary 'Spaz' Davis, who works
for the defense department. He loves physics, and he
talks about the spin of the ball and the types of throws
you could use. Too bad that the knowledge hasn't helped
him that much as of late.
We have one more match to go...
Match #4 - Delta Force (1-2) Vs. The Bling (2-1)
Paul 'Rambo' Green - A former player in the NFL -
6'3, 215, 60 MPH - and he can turn his eyeballs inside
out. That's one SCARY dude.
Geoff Meed - A former professional Jujitsu
Martial Artist. 5'10", 177, 44 MPH. Not as scary as
Green - but still scary.
Bobby Roe - A former college baseball player.
6'5", 235, 48MPH. He's another big boy.
Lisa Marshall - She's not 6', but at 5'10, 170
and 36MPH, she's another built player.
Linda Overheu - 5'9", 130, 38MPH. At last,
someone who I can't accuse of bulking up.
The Bling -
Portis Hershey - 48MPH - 1 Catch, 1 Kill, and no
haircut for the afro-puff
Adam Ullberg - 50MPH - 3 Kills, 1 Catch
Frank Frisoli - 59MPH - 7 Kills, 1 Game Winner,
seems like their top gun
Mia Parlor - 3 Kills, 1 Catch, 1 regeneration -
the ladies on this team can work it...
Alvina Carroll - 33 MPH ...well, Parlor can.
Carroll has yet to get on the board.
Round 1 - Meed and Roe are the first casualties, and
Overheu faults out. That leaves it to the Marshall and
Green, who pick off the Blingers until Parler is left.
Parler is looking good - for 19 seconds, but Green takes
her out with one second left on the regen clock. That
hurts. (Delta Force leads, 1-0)
Round 2 - Marshall is out early, and Green joins her,
along with Hershey. It's the Blingers who then go Delta
Force hunting, and only Roe is left. He does get the
regen going and Parler is left alone again. They don't
torment her this time for 19 seconds - they get her with
only 7 seconds in. (Delta Force wins, 2-0)
Who is the player of the week? Spigel, Long, or Davis?
Well, being that 2 of them are from losing teams, I
would expect the reef shark to win. I am... wrong. Spaz
gets 45%, while Long the reefer gets 38% and Spigel has
Here are the standings, as I know I am right about this
Certified Public Assassins
Mutually Assured Destruction
Next week - the CPA's
are steamed - and want to steam some sharks. We'll see
if they can, as intralegue competition continues.