Match #1 - The Bling (1-1) Vs. Barbell Mafia (0-2)

Barbell Mafia -
Jeramy Freeman - 6'0", 290, 47 MPH - He can benchpress a car - but hasn't benchpressed any kills or catches yet. Yikers.
Tyrone Rush - 6'0", 200, 55 MPH - leads the league with 11 kills. He has 2 catches, too.
Alan Grimes - 5'"10, 360, 45 MPH - No kills, no catches, leads the league in foot faults.
Melissa Coates - The blonde bodybuilder is 5'5", 150 and 37 MPH. She has yet to register a stat this season, though
Vanessa 'Scorpion' Altman - At 5'9", 155 and a 31 MPH shot, she also has no stats. Where's Amazon Beard when you need her?

The Bling -
We finally get a Line-up! Yay!
Portis Hershey - 48MPH - 1 Catch, 1 Kill, and no haircut for the afro-puff
Adam Ullberg - 50MPH - 3 Kills, 1 Catch
Frank Frisoli - 59MPH - 7 Kills, 1 Game Winner, seems like their top gun
Mia Parlor - 3 Kills, 1 Catch, 1 regeneration - the ladies on this team can work it...
Alvina Carroll - 33 MPH ...well, Parlor can. Carroll has yet to get on the board.

Round 1 - Once again Grimes steps over the line and eliminates himself. Hershey, 'The Big Chinchilla' gets tagged out and so does Carroll. Rush gets bounced and Freeman takes out Ulberg. Parlor takes out both Freeman and Coates, leaving Altman in there to finally get a statistic. She does - but it's the last person eliminated statistic, which does them no good (The Bling lead, 1-0)

Round 2 - Grimes once AGAIN goes over the line, and Freeman gets caught on the foot. Rush tries to catch a shot but misses, eliminating himself. Coates is next and Altman is all alone again. Parler tries the suicide leap, but she misses and is gone. The Crazy Chinchilla tries his own suicide leap - and he connects (The Bling Win, 2-0). Portis says that like good rap artists, they like to sample everything and then do their own thing with it. The Mafia, last year's finalists, are 0-3, and Amazon Beard has to be home, laughing at them now.

Zach says that this win proves that the Expansion Division is real. I say that the win proves that Rush has had no help, as Grimes lasted a full 2 seconds into the match and Freeman has been completely ineffective. Everyone around Rush has to step up or Rush will be the big free agent pickup for next year.

Can the CPA's strike back for the Classic Division? We'll find out right now...

Match 2 - CPA (2-0) Vs. Delta Force (1-1)

Delta Force
Paul 'Rambo' Green - A former player in the NFL - 6'3, 215, 60 MPH - and he can turn his eyeballs inside out. That's one SCARY dude.
Geoff Meed - A former professional jiujutsu martial artist. 5'10", 177, 44 MPH. Not as scary as Green - but still scary.
Bobby Roe - A former college baseball player. 6'5", 235, 48MPH. He's another big boy.
Lisa Marshall - She's not 6', but at 5'10, 170 and 36MPH, she's another built player.
Linda Overheu - 5'9", 130, 38MPH. At last, someone who I can't accuse of bulking up. Can she cowboy up?

Certified Public Assassins -
Tobias McKinney (6'5, 130, 51 MPH) - Slim, Skinny, Father of the Suicide Kill. Whatever you call him, just don't call him shrimp.
Michael 'Handsome' Costanza - 5'10, 160, 35 kills last year - the MVP on the team - for good reason.
Mandy Sommers - Only 5'5" but has glue for hands and leads the league in catches with 12.
Art 'Artful Dodger' Spigel - 5'9", 175, 46 MPH. He's one of the rookies
Natasha Pospich - She's the other rookie, but at 5'7", 135 with long blonde hair, and as a former tennis pro, she looks more like a shorter Natasha Henstridge - Yowsers.

Round 1 - Costanza says that the strategy is to have the Delta Force think of more than one thought at one time, since they are incapable of doing that. That seems to work early, as Overheu gets taken out by McKinney. Meed follows, but Costanza is taken out by a Simulthrow. Costanza comes back in on a McKinney catch - but he gets promptly eliminated by Overheu, who comes back in on a Green catch. Overheu goes over the line, which leaves Green all alone - and tagged out by a Simulthrow from Costanza and Spigel. (CPA's lead, 1-0)

Round 2 - Overheu gets thrown out of bounds due to a big ball - but comes right back in thanks to Green's catch on Costanza. McKinney is out, too, and Sommers can't handle the bullet from Green. Spigel is all alone for 20 seconds, but 'The Artful Dodger' regenerates the team for the third time this season and a returning Costanza takes out Green. Meed goes out shortly after, and it's Marshall's turn to regenerate - which she does. Overheu and Meed get Grimes disease and both step out of bounds. Green gets simulthrown out by Costanza and Spigel. Roe finally gets a kill by taking out McKinney, and he takes out Sommers too. Spigel catches Roe's shot, and Marshall is all alone again. It's only time until she is taken out, and a simulthrow forces her to drop the Big Ball - and the match - to the CPA (CPA wins, 2-0). Maybe Spigel gets the rookie of the year award for keeping the CPA's undefeated...

Does anyone want to see the first David Benedetto match since they had a rule banning his tactics? I sure do...

Match 3 - Armed Response (1-1) Vs. M.A.D. (1-1)

Armed Response -
David Benedetto - 48MPH - 10 Kills, 0 Catches, Still a Swamp Donkey
Kel Watrin - 61 MPH - Fastest in the league, and deadly with 6 kills and 2 catches
David Rice - 44 MPH - 1 Kill, 0 Catches, and right now, dead weight
Nicole Zinagle - 38 MPH - 0 Kills, 1 Catch. But hey she's better than...
Tanya Fenderbosch - 34MPH - 0 Kills, 0 Catches. At least Michelle Manu (C-Note: ... maleuna) screamed a lot and did something. Imagine what they would be like if they got support...

Mutually Assured Destruction -
Gary 'Spaz' Davis - 5'11", 165, 43MPH - The captain has 3 kills (1 game winner), 1 catch, and looked spectacularly bad last week.
Tarone Cathcart - 6'1", 180, 41MPH - has 4 kills and 3 catches - none of which happened last week, as he also looked real bad.
Marie Philman - 5'10", 180, 48MPH - She didn't look that bad last week with 2 kills and 3 catches.
Mark Vannorden - 5'10", 167, 39 MPH - 1 Kill, 1 Catch - but is a cool web designer
Anna Bartsch - 5'4", 160, 35MPH - 3 kills, 1 catch. Now this team has the opposite problem. Lots of support, but no leaders...

We'll see which side can capitalize on the other team's weaknesses as we go to Round 1. The key would be for M.A.D. to get rid of Benedetto and Watrin out quickly. That happens as David foot faults out, but Watrin is still there and he takes out Cathcart. Rice gets faulted out and Zingale and Fenderbosch both get hit, leaving Watrin all alone. The team, for whatever reason, only throws one shot at Watrin, and that allows the Response to come back in. That allows Benedetto to get rid of Davis, and although Fenderbosch foot faults again, Vannorden gets tagged out by Benedetto, leaving Bartsch to regenerate. She does evade some shots and the team comes in, and Bartsch catches Watrin's shot - before going out of bounds, which gets rid of both her and Watrin. The rest of Armed Response, however, picks off the MAD until only Vannorden is left. Vannorden's weak throw gets caught by Rice, and stupid thinking by the scientists for not eliminating Watrin when they had the chance costs them (Armed Response leads, 1-0).

Round 2 - Rice gets takes out early, and a double sacrifice takes out Vannorden and Watrin. Benedetto tags out Davis - and then catches Cathcart's ball, allowing Watrin to come back in. Philman catches Rice's shot - and then her next ball is caught by Benedetto, knocking her out. The returning Vannorden steps out of bounds, and this spells disaster for Philman, who has to survive Watrin and Benedetto for 20 seconds. She doesn't, as Watrin's first shot eliminated her and the M.A.D. (Armed Response wins, 2-0). The M.A.D. have no one to blame but themselves, as bad strategy costs them.

We go Beyond The Ball to Kimberly Estrada, who also moonlights as an actress (gee, what a surprise). She had a lot of fun last year, and had to come back this year. She wanted to go into law enforcement as she was intrigued by the handcuffs (heh). She wants her own action figure with the Kim Estrada doll. Well, Vanilla Ice made stardom, so why not Kim?

We have one more match - and one opportunity for the Expansion Division to tie their head-to-head record.

Match #4 - Ink Inc. (1-1) Vs. Reef Sharks (1-1)

Reef Sharks -
Mark Pontius - He's no longer a mime - he's now a surfer dude, which I guess based on last year's profile of him, fits his personality. He had 19 kills and 9 catches last year.
Mark Long - He's 6'3", 205 and throws up to 50 mph. He had 6 kills in the last match.
Chris Bullis - Another new guy (6'2", 200, 43 MPH)
Amy Wiseman - 5'6", 125, 36 MPH She had a few catches last week.
Melanie Thomas - 5'4", 125, 26 MPH - unless she catches well, she has 'dead weight' written all over her.

Ink Inc -
Ben 'Psycho' Toth - 5'11", 150, 48 MPH - He's the captain
Shaun 'Hitman' Hauser - 5'1"0, 215, 45MPH - 3 Kills last week. 3 Kids - but not from last week, and no, he didn't kill the kids.
Strati Hovartez - 6'0", 180, 59MPH - maybe the second fastest thrower (to Kel Watrin) - maybe a rookie of the year candidate?
Kim Estrada - 5'9". 125. 37MPH - She was on the Curves of Steel. She's no longer there, but she does have... curves. Heh heh heh...
'Scary' Kari Richardson - 5'8", 135, 31 MPH - Her play last week was scary (but not in a good way), indeed.

Something interesting. Mark Pontius's sister, Rebecca, played for the Inksters (which Estrada is currently on) last year. Will that mean anything this year? Round 1 - Apparently not - but the Inksters may have had something gunning for him, as Pontius gets knocked out first. Toth and Long get knocked out in a double sacrifice and Hauser gets knocked out. Hovartez, however catches Thomas's throw, which bring Toth back in - but he gets quickly sent out by Bullis. Wiseman goes out of bounds, which leaves Bullis all alone - and in a great play, Bullis throws the ball at Hovartez, who jumps out of the way and nails Bullis in a suicide leap. Nice (Ink Inc leads, 1-0).

Round 2 - Is it just me or is Bullis's straddling on Long during the opening run seem... unnatural? Anyways, the Sharks get all 3 balls on the opening run and nail Estrada with 2 of them. Hauser catches Bullis's shot and tags Wiseman - but gets tagged out by Long in return. Toth takes out Long, which leaves them with just Pontius and the ladies, but Pontius catches Hauser shot and Bullis comes in, even as Thomas steps out of bounds. Richardson gets tagged, and so does Pontius, leaving Bullis all alone. He catches Hovartez's throw and nails Toth, leaving Estrada against Bullis and Wiseman. Can she use her acting techniques to her advantage? Not unless it's a ballet role, as she steps over the line with her throw (and her throw is caught by Wiseman, making it a double out) (Match tied at 1-1).

Round 3 - The Dead Men Walking are Pontius and Toth. On the first run, the Inksters throw the balls at the crowd, who scatter out of the way. By scattering, who do they leave open? A surprised Pontius, who tries to get out of the way, but he gets tagged. Game over, match over, and the shortest round of dodgeball, under 10 seconds, has been completed (Ink Inc. wins, 2-0). Pontius is supposed to be the star of the team, but the team isn't going to win many games when you have the star's teammates doing that.

Who is the star of the show? Art Spigel? David Rice? Shawn Hauser? Hauser wins it with 40%, Spigel in second with 33% and Rice in third with 27%.

So after the first week of intra-division play, the Classics lead 3-1. That is evident in the new standings...

Next week - more intra divisional action, more balls, and more Pontius, as the Sharks are the next team to try to end the CPA's undefeated streak. Tune in next week to see if they can.