Week 6 ("Streaking Upwards... And Outwards") - November
We are past the halfway mark on the season, and we are
seeing certain teams reach a dominant position. Well,
make that a certain team - the CPA's, as they start to
roll again. Can they and The Bling maintain their leads?
We'll find out the answer to one of the questions very
Match #1 - Bling (3-2) Vs. Reef Sharks (2-3)
The Bling -
Portis Hershey - 48MPH - The Chinchilla has been
cooling down to only 1 Catch, 5 Kills, and one regen.
Frank Frisoli - 59MPH - He's been the main guy
with 16 Kills, 2 Game Winners and 2 catches
Adam Ullberg - 50MPH - He's been the true
sidekick with 9 Kills, 1 Catch
Mia Parlor - 7 Kills, 1 Catch, 1 regeneration -
She calls herself the female Kobe Bryant...
Alvina Carroll - 33 MPH ...which makes her the
female Dennis Rodman, though she does have 1 kill and 1
Reef Sharks -
Mark Pontius - He's been sharking around with 9
kills and 3 catches with a 50 mph shot.
Mark Long - He's 6'3", 205 and throws up to 50
mph. He had 19 kills - 2 of them for game winners this
Chris Bullis - Another new guy (6'2", 200, 43
MPH) - with 9 kills and 5 catches to boot
Amy Wiseman - 5'6", 125, 36 MPH She has 10 kills
as well. Sweet.
Melanie Thomas - 5'4", 125, 26 MPH - 1 catch, 1
regen 1 surfboard.
Round 1 - The Sharks target Frisoli - and hit him.
Frisoli comes back in after Ullberg catches Long's shot.
Frisoli goes right out again - and this time Ullberg
can't catch his show and he goes out, too. Pontius is
taken out, leaving it 3 on 3 - until Thomas gets tagged
out. Wiseman is next, and Bullis is left. Carroll and
Parlor both go for suicide kills - and both miss,
leaving Hershey all alone. He regens, and we are all at
even strength. Hershey takes out Pontius and Bullis goes
shortly afterwards, followed by Thomas. Long is next,
leaving Wiseman all alone. She isn't alone for long, as
Hershey takes her out and Bling gets the weird 5-0 sweep
(Bling leads, 1-0).
Round 2 - Bullis and Frisoli take each other out, while
Pontius takes out both Ullberg and Hershey. Caroll
catches Pontius's shot, which brings back Frisoli, who
takes out Thomas, but the Bling women are taken out and
Frisoli is left. Frisoli regens the team, but Wiseman
eliminates Parlor. Wiseman gets tagged out, but Long
avoids a suicide kill by Hershey and the Sharks regen.
Bullis's throw is caught, as the Blingers come back, and
Pontius, Carroll and Hershey catch shots. Pontius
catches a shot, which leaves the teams at 3-3. Hershey
and Carroll are tagged out, which leaves Parlor. She
catches Wiseman's throw, which brings back Frisoli, who
take out Long. Parlor's suicide kill misses, which
leaves Pontius and Frisoli. Frisoli goes to end the
match - but Pontius catches his throw and the match is
tied (Tied 1-1)
Round 3 - The Dead Men Walking are Parlor and Wiseman,
and I'd like to pint out that the Sharks have had a
history of very short DMW matches - all on the losing
end. That streak continues as Frisoli tags out Wiseman
on the foot. The Blingers are now 2-0 against the
Sharks, as they remain in first (The Bling win, 2-1).
As for the other half of the first placed teams...
Match #2 - CPA (4-1) Vs. Barbell Mafia (1-4)
Certified Public Assassins -
Tobias McKinney (6'5, 130, 51 MPH) - 11 kills on
the season - but only one in the last 2 matches.
Michael 'Handsome' Costanza - He's up to 21 kills
- but he may want some help from McKinney.
Art 'Artful Dodger' Spigel - 5'9", 175, 46 MPH.
He has plenty of help from Spigel, who has 10 kills, 2
catches and 3 regens
Mandy Sommers - Last year, the 5'5" player had 12
catches. This year - 1. She has to step it up
Natasha Pospich - She's 5'7", 135 and a former
tennis pro, but she has no kills, 1 catch, and a wrist
Barbell Mafia -
Jeramy Freeman - 6'0", 290, 47 MPH - He can
benchpress a car - but has only benchpressed 2 kills.
Tyrone Rush - 6'0", 200, 55 MPH - has 18 kills.
He has 2 catches, too.
Alan Grimes - 5'"10, 360, 45 MPH - 4 kills, no
catches, leads the league in foot faults.
Melissa Coates - The blonde bodybuilder is 5'5",
150 and 37 MPH. She has yet to register a stat this
Vanessa 'Scorpion' Altman - At 5'9", 155 and a 31
MPH shot, she also has no stats.
Round 1 - Would you believe that the Mafia was in the
finals last year? Me neither, but Rush gets the first
kill on McKinney. Spigel's throw is caught by Grimes,
and we could see an upset...or not, as Costanza catches
Rush's shot. That spells trouble, as McKinney catches
Freeman and Grimes shot, and the women are eliminated
shortly thereafter. Altman gets hit, (CPA's lead, 1-0)
and in doing so, smacks her head against the wall. She
is ok, but...
Round 2 - The Mafia have to play shorthanded, 5-4. It's
not like Altman would help them, but with her out, they
get eliminated that much quicker. Freeman is first, then
Grimes, Rush and finally Coates. (CPA win, 2-0). The
mafia still only have one win, and maybe with Altman out
for awhile, they can maybe get Beard back...not that it
We go Beyond the Ball with Art Spigel. He was born in
Russia and immigrated to the U.S. He played dodgeball in
school as a way to make friends, and watched TV to learn
English. As a producer, he uses dodgeball as a way for
people to confront their fears - and encourages leaders
to use it as a way to resolve conflict. Too bad we
couldn't use that method a few months ago...
Next up - a battle for second in the Classic Division -
Match #3 - Armed Response (3-2) Vs. Ink Inc (3-2)
Armed Response -
David Benedetto - 48MPH - 18 Kills, 0 Catches,
Still a Swamp Donkey
Kel Watrin - 61 MPH - Fastest in the league, and
deadly with 18 kills (4 game winners) and 4 catches
David Rice - 44 MPH - 9 Kills, 4 Catches, and
finally has woken up
Nicole Zingale - 38 MPH - 1 Kill, 3 Catches. But
hey she's better than...
Tanya Fenderbosch - 34MPH - 0 Kills, 1 Catch. At
least Michelle Manu screamed a lot and did something.
Imagine what they would be like if they got support...
Ink Inc -
Ben 'Psycho' Toth - 5'11", 150, 48 MPH - He's the
captain, and he has 9 Kills and 4 catches so far
Shaun 'Hitman' Hauser - 5'1"0, 215, 45MPH - He is
up to 8 kills, 4 of those game-winners.
Strati Hovartez - 6'0", 180, 59MPH - Leads the
team with 9 kills while getting 4 catches - maybe a
rookie of the year candidate?
Kim Estrada - 5'9". 125. 37MPH - She was on the
Curves of Steel. She's no longer there, but she does
have...curves - and 1 kill and 2 catches. Heh heh heh...
'Scary' Kari Richardson - 5'8", 135, 31 MPH -
What's scary is that she has done nothing of redeemable
Mary says that it's a high kill team vs. a high catch
team. In Round 1, Toth goes over the line. That's a
problem as Richardson and Hauser soon joins him. We see
why Benedetto is the Swamp Donkey, after he is braying
after every kill. He brays after nailing Hovartez.
Estrada shows why she is important, though, as she takes
out takes out Rice and Benedetto in one shot and regens
her team. Zingale's shot is...caught by Richardson, and
she FINALLY has a stat on the board. After Fenderbosch
is hit, Watrin is all alone, but he gets both balls and
regens his team. Toth, Richardson, and Hauser are all
out, while Estrada caught Benedetto's shot which brings
in - and then out - Richardson. Hovartez and Estrada are
then out quickly, giving the Response the win. (Armed
Response leads, 1-0)
Round 2 - Hauser gets triple teamed out and Hovartez's
big ball throw is caught. Estrada and Richardson turn
the tide by both catching balls which bring the Ink men
back - and eliminate the Response's men. The Response
women are left, and Fenderbosch and Zingale get tagged
out to even the match (Tied, 1-1)
Round 3 - The DMW are Toth and Benedetto. Ink is glad
it's not Hauser or Hovartez, as they both foot fault
out. Richardson and Estrada are next, which leaves Toth,
who uses an interesting strategy - throwing the ball up
high against the wall, where no one can get to it, and
hence no one can tag him out. Rice tries to catch his
shot, but he can't and Zingale are out, leaving
Benedetto. They throw balls at him, but he deflects them
and keeps braying after each deflection. The Response
come back on the scene, fully regened. Richardson and
Watrin both get tagged, while Rice's throw is caught.
Estrada is out, while Zingale gets caught too close to
the line and gets tagged. Benedetto is all alone, but he
catches Hovartez's throw and Watrin comes back in.
Watrin throws the ball ad it seems like it misses him,
but Toth says that it tagged him, and Toth's honesty
ends the match (Armed Response wins, 2-1). Toth says
that he is being honest - and he is not as out of shape
as the rent-a-cops. Well, that was at least honest...if
Match #4 - M.A.D (2-3)
Vs. Delta Force (2-3)
Paul 'Rambo' Green - A former player in the NFL -
6'3, 215, 60 MPH - and he can turn his eyeballs inside
out. Plus he has 16 kills. That's one SCARY dude.
Geoff Meed - A former professional Jujitsu
Martial Artist. 5'10", 177, 44 MPH. Not as scary as
Green - but still scary.
Bobby Roe - A former college baseball player.
6'5", 235, 48MPH. He's another big boy. He has 11 kills.
Lisa Marshall - She's not 6', but at 5'10, 170
and 36MPH, she's another built player.
Linda Overheu - 5'9", 130, 38MPH. At last,
someone who I can't accuse of bulking up. Can she cowboy
Mutually Assured Destruction -
Gary 'Spaz' Davis - 5'11", 165, 43MPH - The
captain has 11 kills and 2 catches, good numbers for a
Tarone Cathcart - 6'1", 180, 41MPH - has 6 kills
and 3 catches - none of which happened after week #1.
Marie Philman - 5'10", 180, 48MPH - She hash 2
kills and 4 catches, but only 1 catch since week #1.
Mark Vannorden - 5'10", 167, 39 MPH - The stats
say it all - 1 Kill, 1 Catch, 1 virus
Anna Bartsch - 5'4", 160, 35MPH - she has 6
kills, 2 catches and 2 regenerations. Now if only she
can find a real team...
Round 1 - Spaz takes out Green, but that makes the Force
angry as they go after the rest of the squad. But as
Davis is the only one left, he catches two shots that
brings his team back and leaves Marshall all alone. She
is quickly disposed of as M.A.D. takes the first match (M.A.D.
Round 2 - The Force go after the Madsters, but they
leave Bartsch in there, and she regens her team. No
matter - Green goes sniping and eliminates all of the
M.A.D.sters all by himself (Tied, 1-1)
Round 3 - Davis and Marshall are the DMW. After both
teams regen, a wicked throw by Mead bounced off Bartsch
and Davis - the DMW. That's the game as the Force gets
the vital win (Delta Force wins, 2-1)
With that said and done, we see that the MVPs for the
week are Roe, Frisoli and Benedetto. Coming in
first...the Swamp Donkey, with 48%. Roe is second with
37% and Frisoli third with 15%. We bray right along to
Certified Public Assassins
Mutually Assured Destruction
The top three teams in
both division move on to the playoffs. The CPA and Bling
look like a lock, but everyone else is still alive -
including the Mafia, as they can beat the Inksters
outright - and then hope for help.
We'll see if they get any next week, as we continue the