Match #2 - CPA (4-1) Vs. Barbell Mafia (1-4)

Certified Public Assassins -
Tobias McKinney (6'5, 130, 51 MPH) - 11 kills on the season - but only one in the last 2 matches.
Michael 'Handsome' Costanza - He's up to 21 kills - but he may want some help from McKinney.
Art 'Artful Dodger' Spigel - 5'9", 175, 46 MPH. He has plenty of help from Spigel, who has 10 kills, 2 catches and 3 regens
Mandy Sommers - Last year, the 5'5" player had 12 catches. This year - 1. She has to step it up
Natasha Pospich - She's 5'7", 135 and a former tennis pro, but she has no kills, 1 catch, and a wrist injury

Barbell Mafia -
Jeramy Freeman - 6'0", 290, 47 MPH - He can benchpress a car - but has only benchpressed 2 kills. Yikers.
Tyrone Rush - 6'0", 200, 55 MPH - has 18 kills. He has 2 catches, too.
Alan Grimes - 5'"10, 360, 45 MPH - 4 kills, no catches, leads the league in foot faults.
Melissa Coates - The blonde bodybuilder is 5'5", 150 and 37 MPH. She has yet to register a stat this season, though
Vanessa 'Scorpion' Altman - At 5'9", 155 and a 31 MPH shot, she also has no stats.

Round 1 - Would you believe that the Mafia was in the finals last year? Me neither, but Rush gets the first kill on McKinney. Spigel's throw is caught by Grimes, and we could see an upset...or not, as Costanza catches Rush's shot. That spells trouble, as McKinney catches Freeman and Grimes shot, and the women are eliminated shortly thereafter. Altman gets hit, (CPA's lead, 1-0) and in doing so, smacks her head against the wall. She is ok, but...

Round 2 - The Mafia have to play shorthanded, 5-4. It's not like Altman would help them, but with her out, they get eliminated that much quicker. Freeman is first, then Grimes, Rush and finally Coates. (CPA win, 2-0). The mafia still only have one win, and maybe with Altman out for awhile, they can maybe get Beard back...not that it would help...

We go Beyond the Ball with Art Spigel. He was born in Russia and immigrated to the U.S. He played dodgeball in school as a way to make friends, and watched TV to learn English. As a producer, he uses dodgeball as a way for people to confront their fears - and encourages leaders to use it as a way to resolve conflict. Too bad we couldn't use that method a few months ago...

Next up - a battle for second in the Classic Division -

Match #3 - Armed Response (3-2) Vs. Ink Inc (3-2)

Armed Response -
David Benedetto - 48MPH - 18 Kills, 0 Catches, Still a Swamp Donkey
Kel Watrin - 61 MPH - Fastest in the league, and deadly with 18 kills (4 game winners) and 4 catches
David Rice - 44 MPH - 9 Kills, 4 Catches, and finally has woken up
Nicole Zingale - 38 MPH - 1 Kill, 3 Catches. But hey she's better than...
Tanya Fenderbosch - 34MPH - 0 Kills, 1 Catch. At least Michelle Manu screamed a lot and did something. Imagine what they would be like if they got support...

Ink Inc -
Ben 'Psycho' Toth - 5'11", 150, 48 MPH - He's the captain, and he has 9 Kills and 4 catches so far
Shaun 'Hitman' Hauser - 5'1"0, 215, 45MPH - He is up to 8 kills, 4 of those game-winners.
Strati Hovartez - 6'0", 180, 59MPH - Leads the team with 9 kills while getting 4 catches - maybe a rookie of the year candidate?
Kim Estrada - 5'9". 125. 37MPH - She was on the Curves of Steel. She's no longer there, but she does have...curves - and 1 kill and 2 catches. Heh heh heh...
'Scary' Kari Richardson - 5'8", 135, 31 MPH - What's scary is that she has done nothing of redeemable value yet.

Mary says that it's a high kill team vs. a high catch team. In Round 1, Toth goes over the line. That's a problem as Richardson and Hauser soon joins him. We see why Benedetto is the Swamp Donkey, after he is braying after every kill. He brays after nailing Hovartez. Estrada shows why she is important, though, as she takes out takes out Rice and Benedetto in one shot and regens her team. Zingale's shot is...caught by Richardson, and she FINALLY has a stat on the board. After Fenderbosch is hit, Watrin is all alone, but he gets both balls and regens his team. Toth, Richardson, and Hauser are all out, while Estrada caught Benedetto's shot which brings in - and then out - Richardson. Hovartez and Estrada are then out quickly, giving the Response the win. (Armed Response leads, 1-0)

Round 2 - Hauser gets triple teamed out and Hovartez's big ball throw is caught. Estrada and Richardson turn the tide by both catching balls which bring the Ink men back - and eliminate the Response's men. The Response women are left, and Fenderbosch and Zingale get tagged out to even the match (Tied, 1-1)

Round 3 - The DMW are Toth and Benedetto. Ink is glad it's not Hauser or Hovartez, as they both foot fault out. Richardson and Estrada are next, which leaves Toth, who uses an interesting strategy - throwing the ball up high against the wall, where no one can get to it, and hence no one can tag him out. Rice tries to catch his shot, but he can't and Zingale are out, leaving Benedetto. They throw balls at him, but he deflects them and keeps braying after each deflection. The Response come back on the scene, fully regened. Richardson and Watrin both get tagged, while Rice's throw is caught. Estrada is out, while Zingale gets caught too close to the line and gets tagged. Benedetto is all alone, but he catches Hovartez's throw and Watrin comes back in. Watrin throws the ball ad it seems like it misses him, but Toth says that it tagged him, and Toth's honesty ends the match (Armed Response wins, 2-1). Toth says that he is being honest - and he is not as out of shape as the rent-a-cops. Well, that was at least honest...if not backhanded.

Last...and least...

Match #4 - M.A.D (2-3) Vs. Delta Force (2-3)

Delta Force
Paul 'Rambo' Green - A former player in the NFL - 6'3, 215, 60 MPH - and he can turn his eyeballs inside out. Plus he has 16 kills. That's one SCARY dude.
Geoff Meed - A former professional Jujitsu Martial Artist. 5'10", 177, 44 MPH. Not as scary as Green - but still scary.
Bobby Roe - A former college baseball player. 6'5", 235, 48MPH. He's another big boy. He has 11 kills.
Lisa Marshall - She's not 6', but at 5'10, 170 and 36MPH, she's another built player.
Linda Overheu - 5'9", 130, 38MPH. At last, someone who I can't accuse of bulking up. Can she cowboy up?

Mutually Assured Destruction -
Gary 'Spaz' Davis - 5'11", 165, 43MPH - The captain has 11 kills and 2 catches, good numbers for a team leader.
Tarone Cathcart - 6'1", 180, 41MPH - has 6 kills and 3 catches - none of which happened after week #1.
Marie Philman - 5'10", 180, 48MPH - She hash 2 kills and 4 catches, but only 1 catch since week #1.
Mark Vannorden - 5'10", 167, 39 MPH - The stats say it all - 1 Kill, 1 Catch, 1 virus
Anna Bartsch - 5'4", 160, 35MPH - she has 6 kills, 2 catches and 2 regenerations. Now if only she can find a real team...

Round 1 - Spaz takes out Green, but that makes the Force angry as they go after the rest of the squad. But as Davis is the only one left, he catches two shots that brings his team back and leaves Marshall all alone. She is quickly disposed of as M.A.D. takes the first match (M.A.D. lead, 1-0)

Round 2 - The Force go after the Madsters, but they leave Bartsch in there, and she regens her team. No matter - Green goes sniping and eliminates all of the M.A.D.sters all by himself (Tied, 1-1)

Round 3 - Davis and Marshall are the DMW. After both teams regen, a wicked throw by Mead bounced off Bartsch and Davis - the DMW. That's the game as the Force gets the vital win (Delta Force wins, 2-1)

With that said and done, we see that the MVPs for the week are Roe, Frisoli and Benedetto. Coming in first...the Swamp Donkey, with 48%. Roe is second with 37% and Frisoli third with 15%. We bray right along to the standings...

The top three teams in both division move on to the playoffs. The CPA and Bling look like a lock, but everyone else is still alive - including the Mafia, as they can beat the Inksters outright - and then hope for help.

We'll see if they get any next week, as we continue the regular season.