Week 2 - October 21
We are back for episode #2, and this week, we continue
to see inter-league action as we have everyone switch
partners. Now dance your tattooed players, do-si-do...
Match #1 - Barbell Mafia (0-1) Vs. Ink. Inc. (0-1) The
Mafia came soooo close to giving the CPA's loss #1. Can
they take it out on the Inksters?
Barbell Mafia -
Jeramy Freeman - 6'0", 290, 47 MPH - He can bench-press
a car. Yikers.
Tyrone Rush - 6'0", 200, 55 MPH - had 8 kills last week.
Alan Grimes - 5'"10, 360, 45 MPH - the DMW last week, he
Melissa Coates - The blonde bodybuilder is 5'5", 150 and
37 MPH. Did I mention that she's a pro bodybuilder?
Vanessa 'Scorpion' Altman - She's a newbie, but at 5'9",
155 and a 31 MPH shot, she's a nasty newbie.
Ink Inc. (Hey, we get line-ups from them this
Ben 'Psycho' Toth - 5'11", 150, 48 MPH - He's the
Shaun 'Hitman' Hauser - 5'1"0, 215, 45MPH - 3 Kills last
week. 3 Kids - but not from last week, and no, he didn't
kill the kids.
Strati Hovartez - 6'0", 180, 59MPH - maybe the second
fastest thrower (to Kel Waltrin) - maybe a rookie of the
Kim Estrada - 5'9". 125. 37MPH - She was on the Curves
of Steel. She's no longer there, but she does have...
curves. Heh heh heh...
'Scary' Kari Richardson - 5'8", 135, 31 MPH - Her play
last week was scary (but not in a good way), indeed.
Both teams are 0-1, and they are both returning teams -
but according to Strong, this is the first time that
they are playing each other. The loser is 0-2, which is
not where you want to be with playoff berths in the
Round 1 - Toth gets taken out immediately, and Grimes
goes back to his foot-falting ways, eliminating himself.
Rush tags Hauser off a miss on Rush, but Hovartez gets
Rush while a Freeman throw is caught by Estrada,
bringing Toth back in the game. Altman gets picked off
and Coates's throw is caught by Hovartez as the Inksters
get the win (Ink Inc leads, 1-0).
Round 2 - During the intermission, Toth talks about how
the ink is intimidating the Mafia. Will anyone be
intimidated by the Big Ball? No, as Hauser gets tagged
out. Rush throws a ball caught by Toth, so Rush is out,
and Hauser is back in - but then Hauser throws a ball
that's caught by Grimes, so Hauser is back out and Rush
is back in. Everybody got that? Good. Rush walks into a
Big Ball shot and gets eliminated in a most embarrassing
fashion. Toth eliminates Grimes and once again, the
ladies are left. They don't last very long in a 4-2
shootout and the Inksters get the surprising win. (Ink
The Inksters are back to .500 in a huge win over the
finalists. The Mafia drops to a shocking 0-2 with the
loss. Toth curses out everyone as they say that they
will (bleep) everyone en route to the title. I don't
think I want that image in my mind...
Let's see the other division in action.
Match #2 - Bling (0-1) Vs. Reef Sharks (1-0)
Bling - Well we still don't have a line-up, but
trust me when I say that Adam Ullberg, Frank Frisoli,
Portis Hershey, Mia Parlor, and Alvina Carroll are all
Reef Sharks -
Mark Pontius - He's no longer a mime - he's now a surfer
dude, which I guess based on last year's profile of him,
fits his personality. He had 19 kills and 9 catches last
Mark Long - He's 6'3", 205 and throws up to 50 mph. He
had 6 kills in the last match.
Chris Bullis - Another new guy (6'2", 200, 43 MPH)
Amy Wiseman - 5'6", 125, 36 MPH She had a few catches
Melanie Thomas - 5'4", 125, 26 MPH - unless she catches
well, she has 'dead weight' written all over her.
Round 1 - Long steps out of bounds for the first out -
and then Pontius and Bullis quickly join them. The women
are left, but make that woman as Portis catches
Wiseman's shot. Wiseman can avoid 16 seconds worth of
evasion, but not 20 as the men trip hr up for the 5-0
shutout (Bling leads, 1-0)
Round 2 - Bullis shot bounced off 2 players three times
- but is caught and Bullis is out. Caroll can't catch
the big ball, so she's out. Hershey gets out, but
Pontius steps over the line and Wiseman gets tagged.
Thomas gets another shot at surviving for 20 seconds,
but Parlor wants none of that and gets rid of Thomas
with a Kamikaze Kill (where you jump over the line,
eliminating yourself, but ensuring that you take out
your opponent by tagging them in mid-air). The underdogs
are now 2-0, as they beat the Sharks by the same score (Bling
Next up - the other half of the Expansion Division
Match #3 - Delta Force (0-1) Vs. M.A.D. (1-0)
Paul 'Rambo' Green - A former player in the NFL - 6'3,
215, 60 MPH - and he can turn his eyeballs inside out.
That's one SCARY dude.
Geoff Meed - A former professional jujitsu martial
artist. 5'10", 177, 44 MPH. Not as scary as Green - but
Bobby Roe - A former college baseball player. 6'5", 235,
48MPH. He's another big boy. What sort of water are they
drinking out there? Do these Dodgeball Players get
tested for 'Roids?
Lisa Marshall - She's not 6', but at 5'10, 170 and
36MPH, she's another built player.
Linda Overheu - 5'9", 130, 38MPH. At last, someone who I
can't accuse of bulking up. Can she cowboy up?
Gary 'Spaz' Davis - 5'11", 165, 43MPH - The captain with
one game-winning kill
Tarone Cathcart - 6'1", 180, 41MPH - has 4 kills
Marie Philman - 5'10", 180, 48MPH - Yep, she throws
faster than the guys
Mark Van Norden - 5'10", 167, 39 MPH - and this guy,
too, but he's a web designer, so he's cool
Anna Bartsch - 5'4", 160, 35MPH - she played soccer in
college - and has 2 kills
Delta Force looked, well, pretty bad last week... can
they do better this week? Round 1 says.... no early, as
Meed is the first person out. Davis gets taken out, but
in the confusion, both Roe and Marshall for the Force
knock themselves out of bounds. Now what sort of army
discipline is that? They do eliminate Cathcart and
Bartsch, so Philman is left, but she takes care of
Overheu, leaving her and Green left. Her shot misses,
Green's does not. (Force lead, 1-0).
Round 2 - Spaz isn't intimidated, saying his hit from
Green was like a feather. That's fighting talk - and
everyone wants to go over the foul line to fight. Well,
that doesn't happen, but on the opening rush, Marshall,
Van Norden and Davis all foul and are all sent to the
sidelines. Philman takes out Roe, Green takes out
Cathcart and Bartsch, and only Philman is left again.
Meed, in his overzealousness, fouls over the line, but
Green doesn't and eliminates her with 3 seconds left on
the Regeneration chart. The Force sweeps out M.A.D.
(2-0) and everyone is tied in the Expansion Division.
Green, who now respects everyone, will stop talking
trash and will let his game talk for himself. Oooohhhh.
Finally, we have Armed Response (1-0) Vs. the CPA (1-0)
for the early league lead. But first, another Boot Camp
video, where we see the throwing and dodging sessions.
The judges think that the new divsion will dismantle the
classic division, We will see...
Armed Response -
Still no offical line-up, so we'll use last week's blurb
- The only person back is David 'Swamp Donkey' Benedetto,
but he has the most coveted free agent from the
off-season - Curves of Steel's KEL WALTRIN. Uh-oh...
David Rice, Tanya Fenderbosch and Nicole Zingale are the
rookies to the team.
Tobias McKinney (6'5, 130, 51 MPH) - Yes, the stats are
correct - he's as skinny as a beanpole - but don't mess
with him or he'll drill you upside the head.
Michael 'Handsome' Costanza - 5'"10, 160, 35 kills last
year - the MVP on the team - for good reason.
Mandy Sommers - Could also be the MVP of the season.
she's only 5'5" but has 12 catches (the most out of
anyone) and has glue for hands
Art 'Artful Dodger' Spigel - 5'9", 175, 46 MPH. He's one
of the rookies
Natasha Pospich - She's the other rookie, but at 5'7",
135 with long blonde hair, and as a former tennis pro,
she looks more like a shorter Natasha Henstridge -
Round 1 - Benedetto fouls early and fouls out, and Rice
quickly joins him. Waltrin catches a simul-throw, which
knocks him out - but he caught Costanza's ball, which
knocks him out and brings Benedetto back in. Benedetto
then takes both balls and puts them right over the line
into CPA territory. This is interesting, because both
the CPA's have to get one of the balls (or get docked a
person with a 5 second violation), but if they go up
there to get it, Benedetto will reach over, grab a ball
and plaster them with it, like what he does to Sommers.
Pospich and McKinney go out the same way, and Spigel is
left - but they let the CPA's regenerate as he doesn't
throw a shot at Spigel. Wha? That allows the CPA's to
come back - and Benedetto does the same thing again to
Pospich, but Benedetto doesn't get it set up and gets
whistled out for a 5 second penalty. That only leaves
the women, and McKinney tags both of them for the win
(CPA lead, 1-0)
Round 2 - We get the interview on the strategy, where
Benedetto says that they may have to resort to trickery
to beat the CPA. Sommers chats with the CPA's about it,
and no one seems happy with Benedetto's strategy -
including Dwyer, Selwyn and the refs. Waltrin doesn't
care, as he kills McKinney, Costanza and Spigel. Pospich
is next, and Sommers goes out quickly for the 5-0 sweep
Round 3 - The Dead Man Walking are Costanza and
Benedetto, who Kel is already not liking because he just
likes to pummel things. Could there be a rift forming
here? Maybe with Waltrin and Rice, as he faults out amd
Spigel takes out Waltrin. Fenderbosch catches McKinney's
shot and Benedetto eliminates Sommers and Spigel, so
Costanza has to play offense. He does by grabbing the
balls and pulling what Benedetto did earlier, taking out
Fenderbosch. He gets rid of Zingale and Benedetto,
appropriately nailing him in the balls, as the move was
a pain in the balls, as the CPA's stay undefeated.
(CPA's win, 2-0). Everyone still isn't happy by it, as
Selwyn says that there will be a rule change - "'Next
year, there will be no balls" Heh. I'm still not sure if
Benedetto has any feeling returning to his balls...
Player of the week nominations - Green, Benedetto,
Costanza. Costanza (47%) is in first, followed by
Benedetto (27%) and Green (26%). At least they got the
percentages right this week.
Epilogue - Right after the taping the refs had a
meeting. Out of the best interests of the game, the refs
decide that the move that Benedetto made was illegal,
and installed a rule that any time to impede the flow of
the game, including forcing a delay of the game, will
get a yellow card. Two yellows is a red, and that gets
you out of the match. This will be known as the 'Benedetto
Rule'. Well, it's not unusual to see a Swamp Donkey act
like a jackass.
With that out of the way... Standings, Please!
Certified Public Assassins
Mutually Assured Destruction
Next week, we start
intra-league play as we see the first result of Classic
Vs. Expansion. Join us, won't you?