Week 1 - October 14
We are back for the second season of Extreme
Dodgeball! This is "Red Hot" Gordon Pepper here, as I am
back to cover the ceremonies. Although Jerri Manthey is
no longer with us (Awwwww) Mary Strong joins the
returning Zach Selwyn and Bill Dwyer as we see if the
Certified Public Assassins can hold on to the titles.
Of course, as is the custom, there are always new things
abound. For starters, there are four new teams, which
will replace the departing Sumo Storm, Stallion
Battalion, Silent But Deadly Mimes, and Curves of Steel
(no more curves? Awwww =( ). The teams are now also in 2
divisions - the Classic Division and the Expansion
Division. We also see that some of the returning teams
have new members - but we'll get to that later on during
the show as well. Let's start with the reintroduction of
the teams, starting with the Classic Division...
CPA (Certified Public Assassins) - They have new
orange shorts - and I don't see any ties. The defending
champions still look like they can kick your ass,
Barbell Mafia - They are your defending runner-up
team, and they are now in a more manly purple and black
layout than the goofy pink tights from last season.
Ink Inc. - They are still orange, though looking
less tattooey than their prior incarnation.
Armed Response - The Rent-A-Cop wardrobe has been
replaced by light gray shirts. They look much less like
rent-a-cops and more like rent-an-NBA
And now, for the four new teams making up the new
division - the Expansion Division.
Delta Force - Look, it's a team by Mark Burnett!
Well, no, not really (though if you've watched Combat
Missions, you know exactly what I am talking about), but
that definitely looks like the armed forces stereotype
team, camouflage shirt, salute and all.
Reef Sharks - Hang Ten, Dude! We get another gray
outfit sheen, with the guy in the middle making a shark
impersonation. That, in my mind, would be the surfing
theme. Hopefully they won't wipeout...
Bling - Look - Hip-hopsters! They have green
shirts (how creative) and look to be this year's urban
Ink Inc. Cute concept - but can they play?
M.A.D. - You thought you saw the last of the
acronyms? Never! M.A.D. (Mutually Assured Destruction)
has a brown jersey with a radioactive sign on their
shirts. That's the most original design from the
scientists - can they insure the other team's
There are some new wrinkles this year - each episode is
now an hour, as we will see EVERY game in the league.
The prize money has been raised from $10,000 to $25,000
- now making $5,000 a person for the winning team. In
addition, only the top teams make the playoffs and you
can vote online (www.gsn.com/mobile)
for the player of the week.
That's the rhetoric - let's get ready to throw balls at
each other! We start
off the new season with...
Match 1 - Reef Sharks Vs. Delta Force. Line-ups -
Mark Pontius - He's no longer a mime - he's now a
surfer dude, which I guess based on last year's profile
of him, fits his personality. He had 19 kills and 9
catches last year.
Mark Long - He didn't have any kills last year -
then again, he wasn't in the league last year. He's
6'3", 205 and throws up to 50 mph.
Chris Bullis - Another new guy (6'2", 200, 43
Amy Wiseman - 5'6", 125, 36 MPH
Melanie Thomas - 5'4", 125, 26 MPH - unless she
catches well, she has 'dead weight' written all over
Paul 'Rambo' Green - A former player in the NFL -
6'3, 215, 60 MPH - and he can turn his eyeballs inside
out. That's one SCARY dude.
Geoff Meed - A former professional jiujutsu
martial artist. 5'10", 177, 44
MPH. Not as scary as Green - but still scary.
Bobby Roe - A former college baseball player.
6'5", 235, 48MPH. He's another big boy. What sort of
water are they drinking out there? Do these dodgeball
players get tested for 'roids?
Lisa Marshall - She's not 6', but at 5'10, 170
and 36MPH, she's another built player.
Linda Overheu - 5'9", 130, 38MPH. At last,
someone who I can't accuse of
bulking up. Can she cowboy up?
Here's a recap on the rules: You win the game by
knocking out all of your opponents. You knock out an
opponent by hitting any part of their body - except the
head, which is off limits. If someone throws the ball
and you catch it, the person who throws it is out and
one of your eliminated teammates comes back into play.
If you step out of bounds or step over the center line,
you're out. Whoever wins two out of three games wins the
A few rule changes from last year. If a team has more
than one ball, you have 5 seconds to throw it or face a
delay of game penalty. There is also no more
regeneration target - if you are the last person
standing, you can get your whole team back in by staying
alive for 20 seconds. Like the target, however, this can
only happen once per round. Your head referee is Jim
Burns. Your line refs are Greg James and Decklyn Galvin.
Delta Force, according to Zach, has been tagged to win
the whole thing. In Round 1, it's the Sharks that are on
the attack first, as they knock everyone out except for
Green. In the 20 second survival wave, Green sees...
only one ball thrown at him, and that allows his whole
team to come back in. It doesn't matter though, as they
get picked off one by one, and only Meed is left. He
tries to do a rolling rope-a-dope out of the way, but he
gets nailed by Pontius in a 'simulthrow' (where more
than one ball is coming for you at the same time) and
the Sharks take the first match (Sharks lead, 1-0).
We get an interview with Pontius, as he says...
absolutely nothing of value. I preferred it when he was
a mime and didn't say anything. Well, at least he's
playing the surfer stereotype perfectly.
Round 2 - The Big Ball is back! The Delta women...
aren't as they get taken out first. Green gets tagged
with a 5 second delay penalty. Roe gets simulthrown out,
and this time, they don't let Delta Force get to
regenerate as Meed gets taken out. This is a sweep for
the Sharks, who look impressive against a very shoddy
Delta Force (Sharks win, 2-0). Maybe Pontius's return
will help this team...
Two teams that don't need help are Ink. Inc and Armed
Response - unless they are going after each other. Let's
meet the revised teams.
Match 2 - Armed Response
Vs. Ink Inc. Line-ups -
Ink. Inc - We don't get the line-up graphics from the
previous match - or from the earlier seasons. We do see
that only Ben 'Psycho' Toth and Shawn Hauser are the
only guys back from their team. Joining them is Strati
Hovartez, Curves Of Steel's Kimberly Estrada and Kari
Richardson. Is that THE Kari... nah.
Armed Response - The only person back is David 'Swamp
Donkey' Benedetto, but he has the most coveted free
agent from the off-season - Curves of Steel's KEL
WALTRIN. Uh-oh... David Rice, Tanya Fenderbosch and
Nicole Zingale are the rookies to the team.
Round 1 - Waltrin, who throws at 61 MPH, makes a huge
impression early by catching Hovartez and tagging
Hauser. Waltrin wipes out everyone except Richardson. Do
you think that ex-teammate Waltrin would take it easy on
Richardson? She apparently thinks so, as to avoid the 5
second penalty, she rolls the ball to him. That mistake
turns fatal, as he nonchalantly pegs her with it and
ends the round (Response leads, 1-0).
Round 2 - Waltrin gets taken out early, but Benedetto
has a great fake-out move and takes out Toth. Benedetto
and Hauser takes each other out, and the ladies are
left. Fenderbosch's ball is caught, and Zingale gets
tagged out, despite holding the big ball. (Match is tied
Round 3 - We have the Dead Man Walking round returning,
as Benedetto and Hovartez is the dead man. Toth is
eliminated by crossing over the line, and that forces
Hovartez to be active. Toth's folly dooms his team, as
an exposed Hovartez gets tagged by a Waltrin shot. The
new look Response wins - and looks very scary, indeed
(Armed Response wins, 2-1).
Zach says - You should never make your DMW (Dead Man
Walking) a strong player. Instead, make it a weak
player, who can hide and not have to play, while letting
your strong players do the dirty work. Well, said, Zach.
Intermission - and it's time to see the first Extreme
Dodgeball Boot Camp! We see a video of everyone of
drills, stretching, target practice (so that's where the
regeneration targets are) and a simulated game, as we
see Melanie Thomas both lose her lunch and her vision,
as we see a nice shiner under her eye.
Next up - the Championship Rematch! Match 3 - CPA Vs.
Barbell Mafia. Lineups -
Tobias McKinney (6'5, 130, 51 MPH) - Yes, the
stats are correct - he's as
skinny as a beanpole - but don't mess with him or he'll
drill you upside the
Michael 'Handsome' Costanza - 5'10, 160, 35 kills
last year - the MVP on the team - for good reason.
Mandy Sommers - Could also be the MVP of the
season. she's only 5'5" but has 12 catches (the most out
of anyone) and has glue for hands
Art Spigel - 5'9", 175, 46 MPH. He's one of the
Natasha Pospich - She's the other rookie, but at
5'7", 135 with long blonde hair, and as a former tennis
pro, she looks more like a shorter Natasha Henstridge -
The CPA's no longer have Gretchen Weiss or... STEVE
ALTES??????? Oh, the agony!!!! Chico, I can't do this
anymore. I think we can no longer do the Dodgeball
recaps due to Steve's absence on the show and we need to
erect a shrine in Steve's memory. I am too distraught to
(C-Note: Gooooooordon.... *holds a red ball, points at
Gordon, starts to wind-up a 70 mph monster*)
Well... that would be a good incentive to go on. Heh.
Now for the Mafia, who are described this way by Zach,
"They got bigger, they got stronger, and they got rid of
Amazon Beard." Ouch....
Jeramy Freeman - 6'0", 290, 47 MPH - The
mountain, who is now the team captain, is back...
Tyrone Rush - 6'0", 200, 55 MPH - but it's THIS
guy you have to watch out for as he had 36 kills
Alan Grimes - 5'"10, 360, 45 MPH is also back.
Let's see if he can stop
himself from crossing the line, which he was second in
the league in doing (only Kenny Sanchez from the defunct
Battalion was worse)
Melissa Coates - The blonde bodybuilder is 5'5",
150 and 37 MPH. She could also probably beat me to a
Vanessa 'Scorpion' Altman - At 5'9", 155 and a 31
MPH shot, she could also probably kick my can.
Can the Mafia get revenge on last year's match? Mary
Strong notes that the CPA's were goofing around, while
everyone else was hard at work. Bill notes that no
defending team has ever repeated - well that's because
that this is only the second season.
Round 1 - Spigel and McKinney both step over the line
while Costanza gets tagged. Pospich gets eliminated and
Sommers gets called out by holding both balls for more
than 5 seconds. The Mafia win on a 5-0 shut out as the
CPA's looked more like the Sumos (Mafia leads, 1-0).
Round 2 - In the Big Ball Round, McKinney and Sommers
get takes out immediately, Altman is the first person
out by the Mafia, but Pospich and Spigel get taken out.
Costanza is left, and it looks like the CPA is staring
at loss #1, but he makes the full 20 seconds and his
team gets regenerated. The CPA's knock everyone out and
only Grimes is left. Can he regenerate? No, as Costanza
hits Grimes on the arm while he is holding the Big Ball
Regardless, Rush says that it's their team's day. in
Round 3 - Spigel and Grimes are the DMW, and Altman and
McKinney both go over the line. Pospich and Freeman are
eliminated. Sommers gets knocked out, but Costanza takes
care of Rush off of Waltrin's fake out seen earlier.
Costanza's throw's gets caught by Grimes, which brings
back Altman and it's now Spigel who is all alone. Spigel,
however, survives the 20 seconds and completes the
regeneration, and Grimes gets taken out by a returning
Costanza. The CPA's keep their undefeated streak alive -
barely. (CPA's win, 2-1).
Can you handle all of this excitement? Well, we have one
Match 4 - M.A.D. Vs. Bling. Line-up -
M.A.D. - Gary 'Spaz'
Davis (Captain), Mark Van Norden, Tarone Cathcart,
Anna Bartsch and Marie Philman. I know as
much about them as you do.
Bling - Adam Ullberg is the captain, but Frank
Frisoli supposedly has the
best arm. Portis Hershey, Mia Parlor and
Alvina Carroll round out the roster.
Round 1 - Portis and Carroll are out early, but Tarone
and Marie get taken
out in a double-kill. Spaz crosses the line, leaving
Bartsch all alone. She
survives the 20 second regeneration time, and her whole
team is back. Frisoli and Ullberg quickly fall, and
Parlor is now all alone, but she goes on the offensive -
which is a mistake because Philman catches her shot.
(MAD leads, 1-0)
Round 2 - Cathcart steps over the line, while Hershey
steps over the line. The M.A.D. once again get knocked
down to Bartsch, but she not only survives the 20
seconds, she takes out Frisoli in the process. Ullberg's
shot gets caught by Philman. Parlor is the only person
left, but her crouching in a ball and using the Big Ball
as cover gets her own team back in. Bartsch catches
another shot as Cathcart comes back in - and then
quickly gets tagged out. Hershey is out and only Carroll
is left. She gets tagged out while trying to exchange
balls, and MAD completes the sweep (M.A.D. win, 2-0).
The women of M.A.D. can
catch the balls - shades of Sommers? Speaking of Bartsch,
she is nominated as a player of the week. Rush and Long
are the other 2. Who would you vote for? I would vote
for Bartsch, who is going to make M.A.D. a very nasty
team to deal with.
Sure the season is early, but let's see some standings -
Certified Public Assassins
Mutually Assured Destruction
The player of the week
is Bartch, by 50% over Long (40%) and Rush (20%). Wait a
second - that's 110%! I've heard of giving it your 110%,
but that's a little silly. Then again, the whole show is
supposed to be a little silly. We end it with the
pleasantries and we are out.
My take? This should be another fun season. Waltrin
makes the Response very dangerous, and them the women
who catch make M.A.D. just as dangerous - but the CPA
has yet to take a loss. Ratings?
Favorites - CPA (Of course)
Legitimate Threat - Armed Response, Barbell Mafia, M.A.D.
Contenders - Reef Sharks, Ink. Inc.
Dark Horse - Delta Force, Bling
(C-Note: Gordon, I'm
going to have to cut you off here. I just got a
telegram... 95 percent of dodgeballers who could kick
your ass don't care what you think. Go ahead and wrap it
Thanks for reading - and we'll see more balls flying