December 18, 2006

Chico: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas and all that. I'm Chico Alexander, I have come bearing GIFTS!
Jason: Yay Santa Chairman!
Chico: For you, Block... a copy of Network on DVD..
Jason: Sweet.
Chico: For Gordon... William Shatner's head... on a silver platter!
Gordon: Set phasers to...cancel.
Chico: And for our viewers, I have this... from somewhere in America... the Chrismukkah edition of WLTI... is... ON!
Jason: Ho Ho ho!
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and we'll be giving you  Media Ho Ho Hos later on in the show.
Jason: They are wearing naughty Santa's helpers outfits
Chico: But first, time to go go go... into the Opening Round (DING!) First up... a success story gone mad. First it sucked.. then it got good.. then it sucked again. I'm talking bout, the life of Show Me the Money.
Jason:  I am glad this piece of dreck got cancelled.
Gordon: When exactly did it get good?
Chico:  Getting there. When it dropped earlier, it won the time slot, thanks in no small part to Dancing. Then it dropped like a rock on its own. Then it was reupped for six episodes. Then it was shopped around the world...Then ABC calls off the 6 episodes... THEN, after a dizzifying dizziness that only rivaled the show itself... It was cancelled. I can only offer one explanation...
ABC finally realized that it sucked.
Jason:  Amen and hallelujah.
Gordon: The declining ratings may have had something to do with it, and it does make financial sense to stick up America's Funniest Home Videos in it's place, since it'as much cheaper to give out $15,000 an episode than $500,000+ an episode.
Jason:  True.
Chico:  I don't know. I mean, they may be able to do something with it. Remember Bert's Family Feud? Didn't do much to start... but then it caught on. Now it's one of the best versions of the Feud on the air now.
Gordon: Keep in mind that the UK version of this show is MUCH different than the U.S. Version. I honestly thought that if they brought the full UK version here, that it would do much better.
Chico:  Also true. What did the UK get in SMTM? What did they get? In so many words?
Gordon: The UK got to randomly pick amounts to start the show, and decided themselves whether to add a plus or minus. The trivia came in the second half, using multipliers for correct answers and dividers for incorrect answers. If you got 6 consecutive questions right, you could have a potential 8 million dollar payout.
Chico:  Hmm.. Sounded interesting instead of reviving Sports on Tap and putting Shatner and his Shatnerettes on stage doing... well, whatever. The product was just.. rushed, you know?
Jason:  Rushed, bad..boring
Gordon: You don't mean that a network, seeing the success of a trivia show, rushed something to the air, do you?
Chico:  Of course not! That would only be a real world model!
Gordon: If only they put us on Show Me The Money. We could have saved the show.
Jason:  Duh. We could haave saved lots of shows. :)
Chico:  Saves nine out of ten shows, that. Stick with what works? Remember my column last week? It's the Format, Stupid!
Gordon: Just as a side note, isn't it amazing how when network people have to tinker with the format so they say they 'branded' it, they make the show infinitely worse?
Chico:  That IS interesting. Again... and it's probably going to develop into a mantra for me now... IT'S THE FORMAT, STUPID.
Gordon: BTW, does anyone want to know what happened in the last show ABC will air?
Jason:  Sure.
Chico:  So what happened on the show?
Gordon: We start the show with Sarah Holden, who uses a roller skating gimmick (yes, similar to Deal Or No Deal). We have gold stripp...err...dancers for the evening
Chico:  Very Solid Gold...
Gordon: She's also a blonde, which also explains why she thought that the original host of The Daily Show was Jon Stewart and didn't know that Jenna Morasca won Survivor.
Chico:  Feh... Caricatures.
Gordon: She gets Knocked out by the Killer Card.
Jason:  Yeah on Sly Stallone no less.
Gordon: The Killer Question - The Saturday Night Fever sequel, Staying Alive, was directed by what Hollywood Actor with a 3 lettered nickname? The answer....Thanks, Block. Her answer - John Travolta
Chico:  No! NO! GOD NO!
Jason:  Hell no!
Chico:  No! That's wrong! You suck! Have a Nice Day! GET OUT!
Jason:  Bad Chico.
Gordon: Next contestant - Bob Glouberman, who plays video games for a living and considers himself a dork. You guys didn't pick us?
Chico:  What fortune befell Bob?
Gordon: Bob gets 4 questions right...and is up to $650,000 with no questions wrong.
Jason:  Whoa.
Gordon: And we end the show, so if the last show gets yanked, we'll never know how Bob does.
Chico:  On the bright side, the show made me miss the Rich List that much more.
Gordon: Uh....no. It made me miss 1 vs. 100, but I got to see it on Friday, so I'm happy.
Chico:  Heh.
Gordon: Anyone want a recap?
Jason:  Sure.
Chico:  K
Gordon: Keikaboo Harlan walks off with $174,000 and leaves 11 mob members.
Jason:  Damn.
Chico:  Man. I thought he could've gone the distance.
Gordon: One of which - Annie Duke, who is visibly frustrated that she has answered 25 questions correctly. Amount of money won? $0 She, along with David Legler (who has ALSO won no money), are still playing. No longer playing? 9 Hooter Girls, 8 Janitors...and Brad Rutter, who gets knocked out.
Chico:  Brad Rutter experiences loss... for the first time... ever.
Jason:  So at least Ken and him have something in common.
Gordon: Here's help for Annie in the form of our suggestions - 1.  Keep the player playing. If he quits, he has to give up 25% of his money to the Mob. That will make the contestant continue. 2 Have some sort of cheap safety net earned for knocking off a certain number of people - like $25,000 for 50 and $50,000 for 90 or something like that. you'll have more people going for it.
Chico:  Hmm... those'd be some pretty nice little fixes. Will we see them? Fingers crossed... Meanwhile, what question knocked Rutter out?
Gordon: Matthew Miller, the Orthodox Jewish Reggae Rap Star, is also known as who? Matishayu, Black Shabbas or Vanilla Iceberg
Chico:  Got it. A.
Jason:  Matishayu
Gordon: Right answer - A. Brad's answer - Black Shabbas. By the way, Brad won...nothing
Chico:  How does loss feel, Mr. Rutter... Kidding.
Jason:  I don't think Brad feels too bad :)
Chico:  He wasn't the only J! giant to go down in a blaze of glory this week, as this week also saw the immovable rock that was Christian Haines leave the show after five wins and $107,000.
Jason:  He was a damn good player.
Chico:  And interestingly enough, it was the first time that he could have been caught that it happened Because that dude... played to WIN.
Jason:  Yeah he did.
Chico:  And he won... five times. Of the five, he made you work in three or four of them. In fact, going into the Final at least one, Chris had more money than his two opponents COMBINED.
Jason:  Wow. Damn.
Chico:  The dude was ready to make you work!
Gordon: Hands down, the best player of the season
Chico:  Agreed.
Gordon: No question, currently the man to beat once the Tournament of Champions rolls around
Jason:  The man earned my respect.
Chico:  Were it not for being hoisted by his own petard, he'd still be champ.
Gordon: he was even leading in the game that he lost in.
Chico:  He could've been caught. The Final: Chief Justices. The answer, gentlemen...I feel like Alex up in here :)...He wrote that if a person in custody "cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for him... if he so desires".
Jason:  I read your recap so I know the answer.
Chico:  I knew this one...Earl Warren.
Jason:  Anyone knows that is the Miranda warning from Miranda V. Arizona
Chico:  All three got it wrong, but Christian at least was defeated doing the right thing. So Christian Haines... you have earned the people's respect. We will see you in May.
Gordon: Switching gears, did you see the Monday episode of Deal or  No Deal?
Chico:  What happened?
Gordon: after watching Monday's show, I was feeling a little...horny.
Jason:  HONK!
Chico:  First up, there was Karen Kulcsar...And her airhorn.
Gordon: The Banker had a truck horn to combat her airhorn
Chico:  The banker always has to have the last word, doesn't he?
Gordon: He does. Thats what makes him the banker.
Chico:  She ended up selling her case for $151,000... In the case.. $5.
Jason:  She did an interview on PLJ this week...what a loud character she is :)
Chico:  Yeah.
Jason:  Great, great deal
Chico:  Brian Miller is the dealer at the show's closing. After round 3, he has only two big amounts left and an offer of $24,000.
Gordon: Brian doesn't look too good. Neither did Karen, but she played on and stopped at the right time. That being said, she gets the props because she goes against the grain and gets away with it.
Chico:  I think Karen pulled a justified deviation. She had one big amount and one amount bigger than the bank offer.
Gordon: Yes, but she was playing with fire for her last 2 selections
Chico:  True. And one more would've put her over the edge. We'll see how Brian does on Monday... and we'll also see a new game show on Monday! Everyone say woo-hoo.
Jason:  WOO HOO
Gordon: woo-hoo!
Chico:  Identity is getting rave reviews in prep for its weeklong run, but how will it fare with you and me and everyone else? Remember what we did last year with DoND?
Jason:  Yes?
Chico:  Time to go at it again. Lower the Big Board!

Chico:  This week's title: Stealing Identity. Basically, we're going to see Identity's five slots and gauge as to whether or not they'll hit on those slots.  Scorecards ready?
Gordon: Si
Jason:  Got it and the #2 pencil.
Chico:  First up: Monday at 9p. Pros: They have the audience of Deal or No Deal fed RIGHT INTO 'EM. Cons: They face formidable competition in CBS's comedy block.
Gordon: No problems there
Jason:  None.
Chico:  Heroes usually does well here. I think Identity will do the same.
Jason:  So do I.
Gordon: Deal Or No Deal didn't have a problem with the comedy block. Heroes didn't have a problem with the comedy block. This should fare equally well.
Chico:  And anyone can tell you... First impressions are LASTING impressions.
Jason:  you read the press kit :)
Chico:  I did :) Next up, Tuesday at 8p. Pros: Nothing else on... Cons: ... except NCIS, which proved last year that there can be two hits on at the same time against American Idol.
Jason:  True.
Gordon: But Idol doesn't premiere this week, so again smooth sailing.
Chico:  Again, smooth sailing indeed. No problems here.
Jason:  Nope.
Chico:  Wednesday 8p. Pro: Biggest Loser was modest here. ... and aside from Top Model on CW, nothing else is on.
Jason:  Again...I don't see a problem here.
Gordon: And none of them have new episodes on, except Top Model, which is just parading around some summaries from Britain.
Chico:  And ABC.. well, it's a moot point. So yeah, they'll squeak out with a win here. Thursday... is when things get a little hairy. The only real worry.. Ugly Betty. Because Survivor would've been all wrapped up and everything.
Gordon: Agreed. If Identity takes a hit, it's on this night.
Jason:  No problems for them I think
Chico:  Friday: 8p.  This is usually 1 vs. 100 time, but Bob and company have graciously given up the slot for the night.
Jason:  Good for them :)
Chico:  I think the biggest problem's going to be Thursday. DoND didn't have to go up against Ugly Betty.
Jason:  I agree.
Gordon: This week, which is pretty much a repeat-filled wasteland, is the perfect week to foster a show. Should this work out again, then other networks may take notice.
Jason:  They are taking the DonD model and running with it.
Gordon: If you remember, DOND wasn't a major hit every night of the week. This show won't have to be, either
Jason:  And remember Howie wasn't that great out of the box, he had to mature into the host that he is.
Chico:  It just has to gain a following. And if it does... look out.
Jason:  I played the online game...this looks huge to me.
Chico:  Block likes it?
Jason:  Yes I do.
Chico:  And Gordon?
Gordon: Keep this in mind - Penn Jillette is more of a polished host than Howie Mandel. Jillette has already hosted a few shows.
Jason:  You mean BS on Showtime?
Chico:  Impossible Heists.
Gordon: BS, Impossible Heists, et al.
Chico:  Now... you know how I feel about this show. You know I'm hoping for the best. And you know that I think if lightning strikes twice, people are going to take notice.
Gordon: Its a different concept. This could work if it's executed properly
Chico:  Totally.
Gordon: But now we move on to a week of a show that was not executed properly. This was sent to us from Bobby McBride. Thanks Bobby!

Jason:  Thanks Bobby. Honestly, I blame it more on the contestants. This was just a bad week.
Gordon: I hate to be a hater...but I agree with Jason. I knew 4 of those 5 puzzles without needing any extra letter help. At least 3 of them should have been won outright.
Chico:  Umm. yeah. I'm going to blame the players as well. Who calls a used letter three times?
Jason:  This was a rare bad week for the wheel.
Chico:  Oh yeah
Jason:  It was painful to watch though. The worst week in 3 years of recapping.
Gordon: I don't blame the wheel. But there have been lots of good contestants this week. Maybe not on Wheel, but the game playing, as a whole this week, was good.
Chico:  Been a good Price week... was a GREAT primetime week. Hopefully next week will be better.
Jason:  Of course.
Chico:  It's Christmas. We're owed. But now, Let's keep it real. (*plays "Take Me Out"*). This week...

Erik Chopin wins The Biggest Loser. Walter Royal wins against Iron Chef Cora, Tyler and James win the Amazing Race crown. Parvati wins nothing as she gets booted from the Island.

Chico:  That's a big Biggest Loser winner.
Jason:  He lost over 200 pounds. God bless him.
Gordon: Congratulations to Tyler and James, who...oh wait, I called that, didn't I?
Jason:  Yes you did.
Chico:  I think everyone had Tyler and James :)
Gordon: I called them alllll the way back though
Chico:  Ah, right.
Gordon: Don't hate me because I'm...beautiful.
Chico:  Back to Survivor, though. We're down to the wire. Nine-member jury, double elimination. Who's going home a winner Sunday night?
Gordon: it would be a shame if anyone except Yul won this
Chico:  It really would. My money's on him.
Jason:  So would I.
Chico:  And if I'm right... I'd be, I think... oh, 12 for 13 on this.
Gordon: Yet...in this format, he could easily lose this if someone from the opposing tribe wound up in the finals.
Chico:  Very true. Three against nine. It's anyone's game.. It's not heads up like it was before. We could theoretically have a tie. If that were to happen... It would be legendary.
Gordon: We give out...ThREE Million Dollars!
Jason:  Yeah right
Chico:  Heh, please. So Yul, if you don't win this... Man, you're probably the worst post player EVER! :) Okay, friends... NEWS TIME!
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico:  Thanks, Doug. First story...Pilots! We've got pilots!
Jason:  More new shows!

GSN has commissioned Granada America for a pilot of UK show "War of the Words", while NBC has commissioned a pilot for a US version of a Japanese show "Comedy Colosseum."

Gordon: You want....Mooooooore?
Jason:  I do!
Chico:  More you say?
Jason:  Yup.
Gordon: Give us moooooooore!

How about the Fox we know and deride come back with a new show to combat CBS' planned kids vs. adults show, "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?"

Jason:  This could be fun.
Chico:  Of course, since this is Fox, Mike Darnell is saying that this isn't a ripoff of sorts. And the show's producer, Mark Burnett is joining him. The CBS show claims "How smart are you?" The Fox show claims. "How dumb are you?"
Gordon: Interesting, but...I want moooooooooore.
Chico:  More, you say?
Gordon: MOOOOOOORE!

How about "The Big Give" from Oprah Winfrey?

Jason:  Now this is going to be huge!
Chico:  It takes her paying-it-forward challenge one step further.
Jason:  It could be a nice change of pace...
Gordon: This is either going to be really good or really bad. I hope that Oprah keeps this to the flavor of her shows and not to the flavor of Primetime reality schmaltz.
Chico:  But wait!
Gordon: Wait?
Chico:  There's MORE!
Gordon: Moooooore!
Jason:  MOOOOOORE!

And this comes with apologies from the American people to the people of the great nation of Canada...Play2Win will air on CityTV.

Gordon: We're sorry, Canada
Jason:  We apologize.
Chico:  We really apologize. And that's really all the games that were greenlit this week.
Gordon: Nooo - we got moooooore
Chico:  You want MORE?
Gordon: MOOOOOOOORE!
Jason:  Yes!
Chico:  Goodnight!
Gordon: Here's moooooooore!

VH1 has coming out in January a dating show featuring New York, who we last saw get rejected from Flavor Flav. She gets her own show, and we see a game show battle with choice members of The Surreal Life.

Gordon: You want moooooooore?
Jason:  Sure.
Chico:  Holy crap.

CBS has officially greenlit Name That Tune, soon to be coming to a May Sweeps period near you.

Chico:  Good to know that after Pyramid and the White & Nerdy video, Donny Osmond can still find a vehicle.
Gordon: And...that's it.  Out of More.
Chico:  Next story?
Gordon: Isn't that enough?
Chico:  (Gives Gordon 'The Look')
Gordon: Guess not. Next story...:\

Like Top Chef? Watch it in December on NBC, as they will repeat this past episode on December 30th, Finally, a chance for The Chairman to see what he's been missing since he doesn't get Bravo.

Chico:  I can't wait!
Jason:  I know you can't
Chico:  It's gonna be some goooood s(^_^)... but it's on a Saturday.
Gordon: Deal.
Chico:  Fine. Okay, next, time to get Fully Loaded.
Jason:  Hic
Chico:  hugsnotdrugs. This week, a knickknack for the game show fan who has everything...
Jason:  oooo
Chico:  Ever wanted to make your own game show buzzer?
Jason:  Sure.

Thanks to a tutorial from Nick Vazzana, you can turn a bike handle, some sauter, a lockout switch, and a few wires and jacks, you can make your very own buzzer. It's my web pick of the week at http://www.retroblast.com/articles/BYO_Game_Show_Buzzers-12122006-01.html

Chico:  But the question now... does it work? Apparently if you go to Nick's site, it does... but only on YDKJ. So there you go. You have some time to yourself this week? Go build a buzzer...Oh, sorry, a "signaling device".
Jason:  Right.
Chico:  Or as Bob Harris calls, "the Jeopardy! weapon."
Jason:  Great book.
Gordon: Or you can use the buzzer to signal the waitresses to get you some Haterade
Chico:  Double! :)
Jason:  We have a double shot?
Chico:  No, I just need a double.
Jason:  Oh wow.
Gordon: This is a weird one, but the Haterade goes to...The Republicans
Jason:  (grumbles) What now?
Chico:  There's a story behind this, isn't there?
Gordon: I would think so...

According to Wayne Allen Root, his web site credits the the reason why the Republicans lost the election is because they added the ban on gambling, galvanizing million of people to vote them out of office.

Gordon: I can't say I disagree with that.
Chico:  Wayne Allen Root, of course, creator and host of King of Vegas
Gordon: That is correct.
Jason:  Sure, he can think that.
Gordon: If we wish to be less political, which we should, the haterade goes to...

OJ Simpson, a man so hated that GSN created a game called 'Throw The Book at OJ', which allows you to throw copies of his unreleased to the masses book at him.

Jason:  Now that's cool
Gordon: So there's your double shot.
Chico:  Nice. Let's Go Global now...Oh crap, I used my global ticket with Play2Win.
Jason:  Uh oh.
Gordon: I have some global news...Want it?
Chico:  Sock it.

We start with a trip to Brazil, where the Apprentice gets a fourth season. We then go to the Asian Television Forum (ATF), where we see that Korean pay TV company Onmedia took American Idol, Project Runway and The Apprentice. Media Prima in Malaysia acquired American Idol, The Apprentice, Project Runway, and American Inventor. Tying up the deals concluded at the ATF is a deal with Singapore's Mediacorp TV, which includes Project Runway, American Idol and The Apprentice.

Chico:  Brazil also gets Distraction, American Inventor, and American Idol, thanks to a deal from SET and Fremantle
Gordon: Right.
Chico:  Thanks, Gordon :) I knew you had my back.
Gordon: That's what homies do. We roll.
Chico:  In short, Fremantle's been busy ho-ing themselves out... and they're not the only ones. (plays *Area Codes*)
Gordon: We have...Media Hos!
Jason:  Yeah we do!
Chico:  Here's your ho-dometer. Gordon?

Jerry Springer and Sara Evans both join the Dancing With the Stars Tour, Janice Dickinson suffers a concussion in a car accident, but she's ok...

Jason:  That's good.

We see the latest Country Music Media Hos, as Nashville Star reveals their 10 contestants.

Jason:  Cant wait for that.

Kellie Pickler finds her dad hocking her stuff on eBay, while Mike Darnell gets an interview and Quincy Jones gets an award.

Gordon: But...none of them are your Ho of the week
Chico:  Drumroll please...
Jason:  Who is the HO of the week....?
Gordon: Just because of how silly he made the news...Elliott Yamin.
Chico:  Wait. I know this.
Gordon: Elliott's in the news because....he has new teeth.
Jason:  I guess all he wanted for Christmas was...
Chico:  Heh.
Gordon: All of his front teeth
Chico:  Together. Again. Reunited and it feels so gooood. :)
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico:  Now let's see if he can sell more copies than Mario Vazquez.
Jason:  Or Daughtry.
Chico:  That's Brainvision.
Gordon: Not much news showing up, eh?
Jason:  Its the end of the year :P
Chico:  Still to come, we take pictures and make fun of 'em! But first,  we have more presents on this Chrismukkah... This is WLTI... the stocking hung by your chimney with care.

(Brainvision has been brought to you by The Bourne Identity. You can win one million dollars if you can Identify movie roles. Hosted by Matt Damon)

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