November 20, 2006

Gordon: Thiis iis Gordon Pepper. II am sure you are wonderiing why my letters are...well...diifferent.
Jason: LOL
Chico: I see.
Jason: You have a stuck I key?
Chico: Affinity for next gen consoles by the Nintendo company?
Gordon: II guess you could say that. Thiis would sort of be annoyiing iif II diid thiis all show long, wouldn't iit?
Chico: YOU THINK?... heh. From somewhere in America, the Gamer's Weekend Edition of WLTii... now you got me doing it....is ON! Alongside Gordon and perennial special guest Jason Block, I'm Chico Alexander.
Jason: Oh y3ah. Just play B3yond and 3v3rything will b3 ok :)
Chico: Sure thing. Just give me the $600..
Jason: And not get shot in the process.
Gordon: So until a certain system is cheaper than 3 months worth of car payments and we don't have to get a system without wearing a full metal body cast, you know where our affiliation lies. The question is...where does your affiliation lie with Show Me The Money?
Jason: Not with the show I am afraid. Not a good show at all.
Chico: I like-a the dancers.... The rest of the piece... not so much.
Gordon: It honestly felt that this was a sketch from MAD TV, complete with dancer stripper pole.
Chico: It ain't a game show, it's a strip club! Where's T-Pain and Mike Jones?
Gordon: Show me your boobies, anyone?
Chico: I'm afraid someone's going to end up saying that.
Jason: I was waiting for XZibit to come out --"Pimp My Game Show"
Chico: For the people who didn't see the show...
Gordon: ...And based on the ratings, there were a LOT of people who didn't see the show...
Chico: ...here's how it works. You get one or two words and three choices. Three choices relate to three "rest of the questions".
Jason: Such as "The Person Who Lost...." You get two passes per question.
Gordon: Which means that you can see all 3 options, just one at a time.
Chico: That's right. You answer a question, then choose one of the Million Dollar Dancers, pronounce the name of the show in an overexcited voice...SHOW ME THE MONEY!
Jason: They open their scroll. There are 12 Scrolls with money and 1 scroll that says Killer Card.
Chico: You get shown the money, then you find out if you got it right or wrong.
Jason: If you are right you win the money, if not it is subtracted.
Chico: The game ends after a) You get six right, b) you get six wrong, or c) You get a question wrong during the Killer Card sudden death round. Now... I need a Big Board.

Chico: The Subject: Grand Theft Shatner.
Jason: Is that available on the PS3?
Chico: Hope so. If you can tell, the show pretty much steals from everything.
Jason: True. The dancers come from Spanish Game Shows and DonD
Chico: The game is pretty much DoND... with trivia questions. William Shatner borrows his Chairman-lite schtick from Iron Chef USA... eww, just saying "Iron Chef USA" feels dirty. The Killer Card... reminds me of the Knockout card from World Series of Blackjack, among other things. The question format was used on Sports on Tap and hasn't been used since, so that's something new... sort of.
Gordon: What wasn't taken from anywhere? Any semblance of playability, fun, and any sort of reasoning on why it should take 45 minutes to answer 9 questions.
Chico: I suppose the only appealing aspect of the game, besides the dancers... What, I'm a guy, sue me...Is that you have to play the game out to the end.
Jason: I do like that element. However, I don't like the dancers. For some reason, the dancers don't work here.
Gordon: The dancers play like the people opening the suitcase. It is like Deal or No Deal, trivia edition, but without the suspense or excitement.
Chico: Although you can get one game done in half an hour if you didn't have Shatner pausing every bloody word. And I'm going to harp on this subject until people finally start to "get it".. The game is the game, and that's cool, but the show lives and dies on presentation.
Gordon: It's just a very slow game that shouldn't have to be. There's also no real excitement in the game. I'm waiting for the episode where the person ping-pongs between big amounts to start and has to play the last 4 questions with nothing close to a million to play. I have a feeling though that we won't see anything close to that sort of show because it won't be around that long.
Jason: This show bored me to tears.
Chico: We'll see. The show order is for eight, and the Wednesday show will tell the tale on that, but for now, your grade gentlemen...*serious lighting*. Jason?
Jason: D-. Fox was smart to reject this.
Chico: Gordon?
Gordon: I liked the fact that the questions got harder. Now if there was only a good game that was original instead of it feeling like DOND's younger brother.
Jason: The young, pervier brother. :)
Gordon: I can't fail it because I liked it slightly better than the Rich List. Of course, that's saying that I like 4 month old cheese better than I like scrambled eggs mixed with horseradish and octopus. D-.
Chico: Rushed product will spell the end of the wave, then I'll have to wait another six years. And that's what this is.. Rushed copycat product. D.
Jason: I have a couple of other complaints. May I raise them?
Chico: Please do share.
Jason: Number one...how many ABC related questions were there the first night? A lot.
Chico: Oh yeah, that stole from the Weakest Link. Forgot about that. And #2?
Jason: DonD casting. We had a military guy in show #1. I have no problem with that...but come on.
Gordon: The saddest thing about this is that Chico is right.
Chico: What's so sad about me being right? =p
Gordon: Seriously, If ABC and FOX waited for something GOOD to happen and took their time to nurture and air it, then maybe they would have a great franchise. Instead, they rushed it for November Sweeps, and because two rotten shows failed, the executives will now say that no one wants any more game shows. That's the pity of this. We WANT game shows, just not bad retreads.
Jason: Because WE as a community want good game shows....not rushed crap.
Chico: We'll get another shot with Set for Life and another NBC project, but more on that later. Meanwhile, another ABC show got us talking this week...What Pierre Kelly calls ... "Ballroom Bowl III"
Jason: Smith v. Lopez...
Chico: One was the preseason favorite. The other was the season favorite.
Jason: Down goes Lopez! Down goes Lopez!
Gordon: I would like to point out that I was the only one who correctly called it last week.
Jason: As usual.
Chico: Now THAT was sad...Because if you think about it, Mario was the better dancer.
Gordon: But based on the voting, and you should all know this by now, it's not about who is the better dancer. It's about who gets the most votes. Shall we take a history lesson with Professor Pepper?
Chico: Cue the cartoon Pepper in the mortarboard.
Jason: (hands you the mortarboard and robes)
Gordon: It's time for another lesson with Professor Pepper. Let's go back to last season - the Final 3, to be exact. Do we remember who those final 3 were?
Chico: Jerry Rice, Drew Lachey, and Stacy Keibler.
Jason: How can you forget those legs.
Gordon: But lets really break it down. We have...NFL Athlete, Musical Pop bopper, and Sexy TV Star. Do you remember in the public vote, who came first?
Jason: Rice.
Gordon: NFL Athlete. Now tell me, out of the three, who was the least
talented?
Chico: The guy who choked on Celeb Jeopardy! this week?
Gordon: We'll get to that later.
Jason: Rice.
Gordon: Yes. What place in popularity did the sexy TV star come in?
Jason: 3rd. Keibler right?
Gordon: Right. Soooo... now let's go back to real time. Not only do you have the NFL person Vs. the TV star again, but the NFL player is better than last season and the TV star is worse than last season. This should not have even been remotely close as to who wins, and not only should this not have been a surprise, but it should have been Smith the favorite and Lopez the underdog.
Chico: No one saw that coming until the show actually began. Very sly, that Emmitt Smith.
Jason: How much of this win do you give to Cheryl Burke?
Gordon: Lots of it. She made Emmitt look very, very good.
Chico: I'm going to give as much as I did to Emmitt Smith. You know the two were a unit from the get-go.
Jason: So it will be very interesting to see who they pair with Burke next time.
Chico: Yep. Meanwhile, and anyone who saw the finale can attest, Mario was all like "Vote for ME, Vote for ME." Okay, quick question. If you were to choose one person to go into Dancing season 4 next March... Pick a name. Gordon?
Gordon: JD Hernandez.
Jason: Suck up :)
Gordon: He's a Lingo star. Why not?
Chico: Okay, a REAL star =p (no offense, JD).
Gordon: Fine. Howie Mandel.
Jason: Seriously, David Hasselhoff. He is tall, good looking has done broadway...and the people like him. He would rebuild his image from the nasty divorce.
Gordon: True...but I doubt AGT would let him go...or Howie, for that matter. What about Meredith Vieira?
Chico: K. Here's a name out of left field... Last night I saw the pilot for the US version of Red Dwarf.. You know about Red Dwarf, right?
Jason: Sure.
Chico: One of the principals on the US version... Hinton Battle. Dance/musical theatre vet. You want to talk about Out in Left Field?
Jason: Sure.
Gordon: No popularity. He would have no chance. Mario Cantone, however, would have a chance....as he won on Celebrity Jeopardy! this Friday night.
Jason: I am sorry...I can't stand Celeb J!
Gordon: Friday's episode of Martin Short interested more in turning the show into an SNL skit didn't float your boat, Jay?
Chico: Don't remind me.
Gordon: Just wait until Monday's episode =)
Chico: And who do we have on Monday?
Gordon: That's the one I saw at the taping...it really doesn't matter who won, just check out every time Susan Lucci or Paul Shaffer gives an answer.
Chico: I don't know. There were a couple of matches that blended the whole educative and entertainment aspects of the competition. They were... Edutaining. Now is it me or are we going at a gradient here? We start with the best shows with the best game... and then it goes all to piss from there.
Jason: Please.
Gordon: Welcome to Sweeps Advertising
Chico: Wee!
Gordon: Wheel of Fortune could have used to to Advertise The Wild Card...which FINALLY gets used.
Chico: Chalk this one up to being at the right place at the right time.
Jason: Yes. And it was used twice in the same week. Back to back.
Chico: Go figure.
Jason: But its another reason why Harry rocks. It's a nice element not used that often.
Gordon: Will the item stick around, or is it going to get retired...like Family Feud's relationship with Tribune?
Jason: Uh oh...bad split?
Chico: Not so much, really.
Jason: You think this is good for the show?
Chico: Family Feud has inked a deal for new distribution rights with Debmar Mercury, effective next season. The first thing DM went and did was to talk to the affiliated about renewals.
Jason: Sweet.
Chico: Seems like the distributor is very serious about believing in the show. And I for one can't blame them. The other three of the big four have posted year-to-year gains thanks in no small part to the current wave in primetime. Feud is the only one to post a loss.
Gordon: Well, being that they picked it up, they sort of have to. I think that with almost all of the new shows doing worse than Family Feud, I would think there would be a decent shot at renewal.
Jason: The only new show to be a hit is Rachael Ray.
Chico: It's a good show and they constantly deliver good product, but Fremantle thought that they needed to change gears. So they did. That, and Tribune is having a plethora of problems internally.
Gordon: And at 2.0, the level that previous shows got killed at, I don't think it bodes well for the new shows. Could it bode well for new game shows that want to come in?
Jason: It all depends on the show and the timeslot
Chico: Yeah. we could be seeing another Millionaire, in which a show started modestly, then for one reason or another exploded. Or it could be another Pyramid, which also was modest, but got killed off in favor of something less modest.
Gordon: Well, Pyramid had other problems besides ratings.
Chico: Yeah, but those problems aside, it was a solid product.
Jason: I agree.
Gordon: It was better than Greg Ber...zzzzzzzzz.
Jason: Wake Up!
Gordon: Lets keep it real.
Chico: *plays "Take Me Out"*
Gordon: Emmitt wins Dancing with the Stars, Jaeda loses on America's Next Top Model, and on the Amazing Race, we get...to be continued.
Chico: And on "Deal"... Sisters!
Gordon: which make double the wrong decision. You have both 1.5 million and 400,000 on the board. Why in the world are you taking a $216,000 deal?
Jason: I have no idea.
Chico: Because they're chicken? It's the only reason that makes sense.
Gordon: Maybe. Sure enough, in the case - $400,000.
Jason: There you go. We have been getting a lot of that lately. DonD Chickenitis.
Gordon: Hey, if you only have 1 big case up there and there's 5 cases or so in play and you have the 1 big case, well, then that's bad luck. Like Vas O No Vas, where the woman had 4 cases left, and unfortunately, she had the big $250,000 case.
Jason: Que lastima.
Gordon: But to leave more than one up there and deal, especially when there is more than 1 case up there better than the offer, is silly.
Jason: True.
Chico: Not to mention quite moronic.
Gordon: That too. Something not moronic though - the news.
Jason: Jackets! Animals! Choppler! Cue!
Chico: Morons in news jackets! Go!
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks... First up...

NBC has an identity for "Identity." Penn Jillette has been signed to host the "To Tell the Truth on speed" game.

Jason: I like Penn Jillette.
Chico: Me too...He was the voice of Comedy Central, you know.
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: He also hosted the short-lived reality competition Impossible Heists. He's a great potential host. The only concern I have is that this is a format that can be screwed up. Memo to NBC: Please don't do that.
Chico: So far NBC's been two-for-two.And you know what they say, whatever happens twice will happen three times.
Jason: Let's hope so.
Chico: The show is slated for five nights in a row starting December 18. That sounds familiar.
Jason: DonD 2005.
Chico: So yeah, Identity... Watch it. Please. At least it's different... Okay, next, Gordon?
Gordon: Let's talk returning shows.

1 vs. 100 comes back December 1st. Nashville Star returns in January of 2007. DWTS 4 comes back in March 2007. And Chico's personal favorite, coming in Spring 2007...The Bachelor! Yay!!!

Chico: *runs into wall again*
Jason: LOL
Chico: ... I'm okay.
Gordon: How's that wall doing?
Jason: Nice Imprint.
Gordon: Poor little wall.
Chico: I'm fine, thanks for asking.
Gordon: Next article?
Chico: Time to Go Global...

"Friend or Foe", the Nigerian version of "Dog Eat Dog" has just upped its stakes...And flying over to the UK, we see a new host for Countdown... Survey says... Des O'Connor.

Chico: Very tan, that Des O'Connor.
Jason: And older than both the hosts before him
Chico: And a fan. Can't go wrong with a fan.
Jason: Nope. Except if you are Ricki Lake :)
Chico: Which makes me question Ricki Lake's fandom.... which is another matter altogether.
Gordon: What about questioning some Haterade?
Jason: How much you got this week?
Gordon: I got a request for 2 glasses worth.
Jason: (hands you two glasses) Pour away.
Chico: Make mine a double.

We serve a double shot to Susan Lucci, for 1. declining to be on the next Dancing With the Stars and 2. Her... well, watch this Monday on Celebrity Jeopardy. While we're at it, toss one to Paul Shaffer.

Jason: Dumb as dirt, are they?
Gordon: Just watch. I can't begin to tell you how many facts I learned from both of them.
Chico: TMI?
Gordon: Even more entertaining than Friday, where I learned that The Equator is a million miles long, Alaskans hold Centennial Conventions every ten years, and The Hebrew, Muslim, Julian and Gregorian are all types of chants. I bet you guys didn't know all of that.
Jason: (runs into wall imprint next to Chico's)
Gordon: I hope the wall sues both of you for physical abuse.
Jason: That felt better.
Chico: Hey, Gordon... The next segment is Fully Loaded, not Fully OVERloaded.
Gordon: Hic.
Chico: *makes modem noises*
Jason: Haterade is some powerful stuff.
Gordon: Yah.
Chico: This week, because this is Gamer's Weekend, we're going to hit you up with a new video game...

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire is back on the PS2 with new multiplayer features that can be access with Buzz hardware. It's only available in the UK, though.

Gordon: Awww
Jason: booooo
Gordon: However, I know something that's not just limited in the UK
Chico: *plays "Area Codes"*
Jason: oh yeah
Chico: Who's in the Ho-Dometer this week?

In this week's Hodometer, we start with...new Celebrity Fit Hoes! Maureen McCormick, Dustin Diamond, Tiffany, Da Brat, Cledus T., Judd, Ross 'Intern' Matthews, Kimberley Locke and Warren G all get to lose weight. Jason: oh boy Meanwhile, Fantasia gets a new album and Gary Gulman gets a new Comedy Central special. And for all of you country music hoes, don't forget Nashville Star 5 on January 11 on USA. Model Hoes can go audition for American and Canadian Versions of Top Model, as they both get renewed for new cycles. Jason: My dad will be happy about the NS5 Richard Goggin and Hannah Zickgraf both qualify for the National Vocabulary championship, while Harry Friedman is honored for his achievements.

Gordon: The hoes of the week...well we all love them...Baby Hoes!
Jason: Aw...the Pimp Rattle!
Chico: Awww...
Gordon: Said ho - Caitlin Elizabeth Jennings, daughter of Ken and Mindy Jennings. Congratulations, Ken and Mindy!
Chico: Baby Girl Brainiac! Yay!
Jason: Yay, Ken! Congratulations and to her big brother, Dylan.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. Shut 'er down.

(Booooop)

Chico: Still to come, a World Premiere Game, but first, we celebrate the PS3 with things that come in threes.
Gordon: Trios is up...next!
Jason: Good animals.
Chico: This is WLTI... Welcome to Game Show Heaven... Population... you, me, all of us.

(Brought to you by Throw Me The Money. If you TV networks are going to put up hastily rushed pale copies of shows, you're much better off throwing the money...to us. We can create a kick-ass game show. Just try us.)

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