August 21, 2006

Chico: Hey there. I'm Chico Alexander... Steve Altes was on GSN last night...AGAIN.
Jason: Who is he?
Gordon: Did you just say...Who is he? (smacks Jason)
Jason: Ow.
Gordon: A member of the Certified Public Assassins on Extreme Dodgeball's season one. Won everything on On The Cover. Now wins everything on Starface.
Chico: Not to mention that he had an interview a couple of years back on this very program?
Jason: Oh. Sorry.
Chico: It's the height, man. It's gotta be the height.
Gordon: He can now put out a DVD on The Best of Steve Altes.
Chico: Featuring Godzilla and Star Jones... in the same role? You be the judge...Meanwhile, from somewhere in America, the giant-monster-free edition of We Love to Interrupt... is... ON!
Gordon: Monster free?
Chico: Well, not totally giant-monster-free, as Leonid the Magnificent models cars.
Gordon: Welcome you to another action-packed version of WLTI, as we also talk to Leonid the Magnificent's older brother from Brooklyn, Mr. Jason Block.
Jason: Good morning from Brooklyn.
Chico: And also, the lost Miller Brother, on the wheels of steel, Mr. Don Harpwood.
Don: Good mornin'!
Chico: And why are we on a Talent kick this morning, you ask? Because it was one of three shows that wrapped this week. Aww. Summertime's almost over. "All the leaves are broooown, and the sky is greeeeeey..."
Jason: Back to school and all that.
Gordon: And tying this in quite nicely with the theme, the winner of America's Got Talent will be going to school in September - Ms. Bianca Ryan.
Chico: With a million bucks in her back pocket.
Jason: No need for lunch money.
Chico: No need to guess who the most popular in her school will be for a while.
Don: No kidding.
Jason: Hopefully, in all seriousness, she will invest wisely for college...and maybe buy a nice toy for herself :)
Gordon: I can argue that the best people were not in the finals. However, if you look at complete body of work, I have to say that the person who should have won it did.
Jason: Agreed. And I was so glad Nathan Burton got a huge showcase in the final show.
Chico: And praise be for that. I don't know what sort of chaos would've erupted had Rappin Granny won.
Jason: I think for the most part....people got it right.
Gordon: Well...sort of. I have some issues...as usual.
Chico: But not to discount the role of the runners-up, both the Miller Brothers and All That got BRAND NEW CARS!!!
Jason: I think they would want the $20K Caliber R/Ts.
Chico: But seriously, Gordon, you have issues... and to an extent, so do I. And I'm thinking about the acts that deserved to get in the top 5... well, one act that deserved to be in the top 5... and it wasn't. If only the judges were more honest and forthright in the beginning, you know?
Gordon: Let's see...Celtic Spring, obviously not our choice, gets in thanks to America liking tears. Quick Change, NO ONE's favorite in the backstage, gets in thanks to tears. The Millers, also not our favorite, gets as far as the FINAL THREE thanks to tears. Seeing a pattern here?
Jason: Gordon, I think those charity acts were unduly influenced by one Piers Morgan.
Chico: Chico: Am I the only one who saw a little coddling maybe? Jason: Simon Cowell never coddles.
Gordon: The format is completely different in Idol. In Idol, coddling and tears can save a contestant for a week, but will eventually come back to bite you. In this format, Tears can get you to the finals, and in this case, the Top 3, and possibly second place.
Chico: So in hindsight, it wasn't really THAT hard for Bianca to win, given what America had to choose from.
Jason: No, but do not discount her amazing voice.
Gordon: Maybe, maybe not. America has always voted on tears and the sad sack to win. It would not surprise me if the difference between second and third was a lot closer than we thought.
Chico: If only we knew how close it was.
Jason: And we will never.
Gordon: We may never know. But I will say this. Dat Phan. Harlemm Lee. John Heffron. Josh Blue.
Jason: Winners of Last Comic Standing!
Chico: And Fame. Everyone loves the underdog. However, when you're in a competitive setting... it just won't do for staying power.
Gordon: All of these people got the win because America loved their sad story. Harlemm Lee wins despite lying to get on the show. The first three people...we never hear from again.
Chico: Josh Blue... well, we never hear one-trick ponies more than a month afterwards. Again, second is the new first :)
Gordon: The Underdog is dangerous in a 'Here's everyone, vote on the winner' format. Can I have a Big Board?
Chico: You can and do.

Gordon: The Subject: How to fix America's Got Talent for Season 2. Yes, it's a good show. There are still a lot of flaws to it.
Chico: So what is your prescription, Dr. Strangehaterade?
Gordon: For starters, America put in nothing but music acts.
Chico: Heh. Except the Wild-Card America's Pick was Quick Change.
Gordon: And thats only because all of the music acts were brutal
Jason: Yes. They were.
Chico: So dancing isn't under the "music" umbrella.
Gordon: No.
Chico: Alright. Continue, please.
Gordon: But based on the demographics, America prefers singing over almost anything else - especially cute 12 year old girl singers. To give anyone who isn't a 12 year old girl a chance at this, They need to be careful on the screening.
Chico: Again, there's a pathos to acts that has yet to be mastered enough to overtake a music act.
Jason: Thats true.
Chico: This is what happens with five years of American Idol. Talent showcase = let's pick the singer and put them through. It's easy, it's quick, it doesn't require any thought.
Jason: But Quick Change and Nathan Burton were great.
Gordon: They are great - and Nathan Burton didn't make the finals while Quick Changes needed the Wild Card and a scolding from Piers to get there. Second point...Better editing. It's apparent that tears have a VERY adverse effect on the voting. I know it's part of any show, but it's affecting the competition - in a VERY bad way. Make sure the cuts aren't in the show.
Chico: The only surefire way to remedy that... Live performance show.
Gordon: The other way to remedy it - get rid of the person who causes the tears. #3. Piers needs to be removed.
Jason: Yeah he does. He is unduly influencing the competition.
Gordon: He is...at least Simon NEVER crosses that line on criticizing the person.
Chico: Totally. Damn that restraining order on Mr. Cowell.
Gordon: He should not be back on the show. There is a fine line between criticizing the act and criticizing the person. Piers has stepped over that line on more than one occasion. You do not call someone 'stupid'.
Chico: I know he wanted to make his usual "My god that was awful" with his usual class. You're there to judge the act, not the person. Piers totally overshot himself. In the foot. Both feet. Probably a kneecap.
Jason: When Piers calls someone "deaf, dumb and blind", its over.
Don: Definitely.
Chico: Word.
Gordon: Not only that. He's just erratic in judging. He calls good acts awful and bad acts good. I know he's trying to be nice, but he's putting in a personal preference, which undermines his credibility as a judge.
Jason: Agreed as well.
Chico: Seems like Piers is only there just to be the "token British dude." That never smiles. And is snarky.
Gordon: You don't need a token a-hole on your staff. Dancing With The Stars doesn't have one and look at their ratings.
Don: If they were to take Piers out of the show, who should they replace him with?
Jason: Someone British with a bit more class. He was the editor of the UK Mirror...what does that say?
Chico: Can Ken Warwick judge a talent show? I mean, he's one of the producers. And frankly, the only one who can appear on camera.
Jason: True.
Chico: Again, due to a restraining order. Or hell, he doesn't even have to be British.
Gordon: Why even go British? Get someone who has a critical eye who can judge talent. I would think an Agent would always be fun...Fred Wostbrock? Mark Itkin?
Chico: Boo-yah... and boo-yah.
Jason: Why not?
Gordon: Speaking of cleaning house...#4. Get rid of Brandy. She is judging based on bias. I love the musical insight she brings to the table. The ignorance on everything else, however, is appalling.
Chico: I've noticed that. Singing act.... wonderful. Non-singing act... I don't get it.
Gordon: Pretty much. And that could be a factor on the pro-singing voting.
Chico: Who'd replace Brandy, though... Hmm...
Gordon: Female singer. Also does acting. Nice person. Not in the spotlight recently. big name. How about Jennifer Lopez?
Chico: Think she's having a baby. I THINK.
Gordon: Heidi Klum?
Chico: That would work. She's already adept at hosting.
Don: Yeah, that sounds good.
Gordon: #4. Keep David Hasselhoff. At ALL costs. He's the real factor that makes the show work.
Jason: The Hoff was actually the best judge there.
Chico: And he was the de facto leader. Notice that most of the attention is on him.
Jason: He panned when he needed to pan and he complimented in the right way.
Chico: He took his job rather seriously.
Jason: And when he said no...he said in a way that wasn't mean spirited.
Gordon: Agreed. #5. Keep Regis and Ricky Minor. At ALL costs. Regis, Ricky and the Hoff alone make the show run. Everything else is replaceable.
Chico: Will do, And in case you might've forgotten, we had two other finales to two other summer hits.
Gordon: Did we really?
Chico: Heather made short work of her opponents (who, admittedly couldn't motivate her staff to do beans) on Hell's Kitchen.
Gordon: She was far and away the best contestant on the show.
Jason: So Heather gets a restaurant in Vegas.
Chico: And she gets to cook there. And Gordon Ramsay welcomes his next challenge, "so (^_^) you all." Heh. I heart Gordon Ramsay.
Don: Heather was a top contender from the start.
Chico: So Heather's big win... well deserved. And just watch... she just might turn up on season 4 of Iron Chef :)
Don: That I'd like to see.
Chico: If not her, then definitely the runner-up. I mean, look what happened to Ralph Pagano.
Gordon: If Heather was wise, she may want to send a chef from her restaurant first, as Pagano got crushed like a can of tomatoes.
Chico: Thank you, Alan Chester. :) Meanwhile, though, on Wednesday, Benji Schwimmer was crowned "So You Think You Can Dance" super-ultra-champion-of-the-inner-universe. Yay for him.
Jason: $100K, a new car, and a year dancing with Celine Dion.
Gordon: I think he best person won this contest, too. Good for Benji. He earned it.
Chico: Nice, nice, and... questionable :) Don't ask me about my opinion about Celine Dion :) But Benji was definitely the man to beat during the whole process.
Gordon: What I was impressed the most is that although he knew he was the man to beat, he didn't act like he was the man to beat. That shows class.
Chico: Class is lacking on these show. Always good to see it.
Jason: And you can see him on the "SYTYCD" tour.
Chico: Now to the Big Question... Lauren Sanchez had to sit this season out because she was with child. Enter Cat Deeley, who was more than adept at hosting. Who gets the season 3 bid?
Jason: You can't lose a job due to pregnancy... that's lawsuit city.
Gordon: Why not both?
Jason: I agree.
Chico: Hmm... Why NOT both?
Gordon: if you made me make a choice, then Sanchez, but I think they should use both of them.
Chico: God I hope someone at Fox is reading this. So yeah, all three winners deserved to win, and Fox would be wise to have two hosts of SYTYCD next year. Staying on the Dance floor for a bit *plays club music for Gordon*
Gordon: We've seen the end voting for 2 of these shows, and now the voting continues with more dancing...but with The Stars.
Chico: Time to Handicap! Big Board the Sequel please and thank you.

Chico: Righty. Let's start with AC Slater, shall we? What say you about Mario Lopez? WE know he can dance.. anyone who's ever watched "Saved by the Bell" or "Kids, Incorporated" knows that.
Jason: He is in the final two for me.
Chico: I say he's my favorite to win.
Gordon: Definitely Top 3 Material.
Chico: How about the OTHER favorite, Joe Lawrence? He's also a bit of a dancer. And also a bit of a teen idol. Thoughts?
Jason: He has the goods. He is my other finalist.
Gordon: He's not mine. He may not even be in the Top 4. He's going to make an unexpected departure early. Call it the splitting the male votes effect.
Chico: So you're calling chaos theory early then.
Jason: Gordon Pepper Chaos Theory(TM)
Gordon: Not early, but late. You will not have 2 males in the finals.
Chico: Okay, now let's go down the rest of the list...Tucker Carlson... for me, the pundit gets the coveted Master P/Kenny Mayne WTF Award. As in WTF are you doing here?
Jason: Agreed. Out first.
Gordon: And he gets the first person leaving from me award. I bet he can't dance. More importantly, I can't imaging his stodgy fan base voting for him. Elena Grinenko is making her debut. Enjoy your one episode, Elena.
Chico: Heh. You said Stodgy. Okay, next up... Sara Evans. Country music star. Country music has always had a rabid fan base.
Jason: Hmmm...country fan base---strong...could be a sleeper.
Chico: Will it serve her in the dancing world?
Gordon: It will. She has a music fan base and a name. Should she be able to dance, she will be one of two women competing for that finalist female slot.
Chico: Her partner.. Tony Dovolani, who danced all the way to the final with Stacy Keibler... She could also be a sleeper, depending on how hard she works at it.
Jason: That is my sleeper pick then.
Chico: Next up, "High School Musical" star Monique Coleman. Not a household name yet, but could she ride the big hit movie far enough to be a threat?
Jason: Threat yes...finalist...no.
Chico: She has the young "Disney-Channel-Viewing" vote locked. Will it be big enough? Judging from ratings? Probably not.
Don: I doubt it.
Gordon: The Disney kiddies don't vote. her partner got stuck with Trista on season 1. She'll last longer than what Trista didin season one...but not much longer.
Chico: Next up, Willa Ford, pop music bad girl. Had one hit. Fell off. Hosted Ultimate Fighter for ONE SEASON... Can she dance it up enough to make people remember who the heck she is?
Jason: Nah. Don't see it.
Gordon: Maybe. She does have a voting base and some name recognition. Middle of the pack.
Chico: Bigger than Monique Coleman and Tucker Carlson, but most of this will be riding on the work of her partner, Maksim Chmerkofsky, who if you remember was with Tia Carrere last year.
Jason: The smoking hot Tia Carrere.
Chico: True, but I don't see her placing any higher than she did, honestly.
Gordon: Smoking hot...but disappointed with the dancing.
Chico: Speaking of smoking hot, next up, the aptly named Vivica A. Fox. Can the Kill Bill star kill the rest of the pack? I'm guessing middle of the pack for her.
Jason: I agree.
Gordon: I think she could be competing for the other spot in the finals. If she can dance, she's going to be a dark horse for it.
Chico: How about Mr. Lisa Rinna, Harry Hamlin? He saw his wife do it. Will pride goeth before the fall?
Jason: He is another sleeper for me.
Chico: His wife going as far as he did may be a big factor here. It'll all ride on his willingness to try. He is partnered with Ashly DelGrosso, who was good with Joey McIntyre, but HORRIBLE with Master P.
Gordon: Ashly Delgrosso is going to want to do better after she got stuck with Master P. There are too many good guys here though and I can't see him getting further than middle of the pack.
Chico: Agreed. Next, Shanna Moakler. The requisite reality hottie of the pack.
Jason: Not far.
Don: I've never heard of her until now...
Chico: Now requisite reality hotties have historically been a mixed bag. Trista didn't really do MUCH damage in season 1. Stacy got pretty far in season 2. Shanna's partner is also a newbie, so it's really all up in the air here.
Gordon: Stacy also had the WWE as a Fan Base, something Shanna does NOT have. Reality hottie + New Dancer = Competing against Tucker for first person gone slot.
Chico: Emmitt Smith is up next. Can he pull an end run and score the big six points he needs to win? He's got a BIG ace in the hole.
Jason: Which is?
Chico: He's partnered with reigning champ Cheryl Burke. Not to mention the Jerry Rice crowd from last year.
Jason: Which will give him a big advantage.
Chico: He could easily be a sleeper.
Gordon: This is why Joey Lawrence will be leaving in an upset. If Emmitt has ANY sort of feet movement (and being a running back, he should), then he is competing against Mario and my third pick to pick up the male spot.
Chico: And finally... get ready for this... Jerry Springer.
Gordon: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Chico: He is a newbie it seems, but he too has an ace in the hole. 1) He has a big fan base with his talk show. BIG fan base.
Gordon: Big RABID fan base that I bet WILL call
Chico: Second... his partner.. Kym Johnson... winner of the Australian version of Dancing. A lot of this will be on his willingness to try. He may surprise if he puts in his 110.
Gordon: Kym knows how to dance. Springer has financed musicals across the pond in the UK and I was told he CAN dance. I predict that he will be in the Top 4
Chico: So Gordon has three men in the top four... I have three men in the top four... and as a dark horse Sara Evans.
Gordon: Top 4 - Mario, Sara, Emmitt, Jerry
Jason: I have Mario, Joe, Jerry and Sara
Chico: I have Mario, Joe, Emmitt, and Sara, with Jerry not far from Sara.
Gordon: And in terms of Dancing Rodents, we have Gordon Junior, followed by Fluffy, Cheeseball and Bald Chico.
Chico: We'll see who's dance card has the most black Sharpie marks in the fall. Right now though... it's time to DO THE NEWS! Gordon, you know what to do right now.
Gordon: Roll that beautiful dancing Brain Footage.

Doug:  (impersonating Mark Thompson) From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, featuring the Award-Winning Brainvision News team.

Chico: *mimes drums* Gordon you want to kick this off?
Gordon: Kicking it off with...

We got endings for you. Treasure Hunters ends August 21st. Rock Star ends September 11th. Big Brother ends September 12.

Jason: And not a moment too soon for all of them. :)
Chico: August 21...that's Monday! Did we mention that all three are going to be LIVE?
Jason: Yup.
Chico: So yeah, Treasure Hunters is going to get the royal send-off, and if 1 Vs. 100 takes off, and I do hope it does... we may never see it again.
Jason: It was a good show...but too much of a clone.
Gordon: I didnt think it was a good show, to be honest.
Chico: Gordon, you know if we get to see the rest of Laird Hutchison? You know, so far, all we saw is his head.
Gordon: If we don't see him, I won't be complaining.
Don: I saw the first episode, but it didn't interest me enough to see any others.
Chico: I thought it was too much of a clone, and the players didn't really get the concept. It seemed like Race-lite all around. Next up...

Another week, another legend gone to Father Time, as we say goodbye to Milton Kaye, noted jazz musician and composer of the theme song to "Concentration." He was 97, and still rocking out on his piano to my understanding.

(Silence)

Gordon: Thank you.
Chico: Next?
Gordon: There's a hater in the house....
Chico: We know, Gordon.
Jason: (hands Gordon some haterade)

This week's Haterade goes to...Adrian Woolfe, who apparently has enough hate to sue Celador, Complete Communications and Paul Smith. WHy? Because supposedly, the Millionaire rights were supposed to go to HIM. Instead, Celador sends them over to 2waytraffic and everyone gets a lawsuit. We'll have more on this later.

Chico: Yes we will.
Jason: This Isn't going to be pretty.
Chico: Never is.
Don: Oh my.
Chico: Well, I was afraid I was going to forego getting Fully Loaded... but thanks to a late news item, I guess I can! This week, it's the W3Games.

Two finalists from Kiwiskill.com have been named and are en route to Los Angeles to take on 73 others in the Worldwide Webgames to be broadcast later this year on GSN.

Gordon: What are the games?
Chico: Let's see... Zuma... Bejeweled... and Solitaire.
Gordon: Are any of them Media Holitaire?
Chico: That doesn't even rhyme, man! :) You gettin' rusty with the segues, man.
Jason: Wow :P
Chico: *plays "Area Codes"*

In this week's Hodometer, we start with unveiling new Media Hoes. America's Next Top Model 7 has uplisted the hoes, as well as the Celebrity Hoes for Celebrity Duets and the 50 Weight Losing hoes on The Biggest Loser.

Don: One for each state, if I heard right?
Gordon: Correct

Survivor Winner Danni Boatwright gets a gig for ESPM, while ATNM's Season 5's Kim gets a role for MTVU. Justin Timberlake recants what he said about Taylor Hicks, while Chris Daughtry is working on his debut album.

Gordon: We have 2 Hoes of the week...and they interact with each other...sort of.
Jason: Sort of :)
Gordon: The first HOTW is Jamie Roberts, who is the new senior head of programming for GSN. One of the shows coming to GSN - High Stakes Poker 3, where getting an invite to play is...the Winner of the WSOP 2006, who is the second media ho of the week. (How can you not be a ho if you've just won 12 million?). As usual, we will not mention the winner so as to not spoil the World Series of Poker programming, but I'm sure if you really wanted to know, you can find out if you looked hard enough...or went to cardplayer.com.
Jason: The winner is PAID!
Chico: Big time.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And .... walk it off. Time to Go Global with our final item...

The last two seasons of Fear Factor are coming to the UK courtesy of Challenge.

Chico: Challenge, if you recall, is the UK's answer to GSN. Only far cooler, If only because of Crystal Maze... and WPT.
Don: Sounds cool.
Chico: AND Takeshi's Castle... all on the same CHANNEL! Craig Charles owns you for free. That's all I'll say about that.
Gordon: Whoo hoo.
Chico: Whoo hoo indeed. And that's Brainvision. Shut'er down, boys. Okay, we play around with figures in Higher-Lower in a moment, but first... oh have we got a treat for you.
Gordon: When we come back, we have a VERY special interview with...wait for it...America's Got Talent's resident stripper, Michelle L'Amour!
Jason: Yeah baby!
Chico: Woo! She survived death stares from Brandy ... but can she survive the 20? Find out after the break. This is WLTI, game show news from the looooooooow end of the dial.

(Brainvision has been powered by brought to you by Kiernan's Potato Crisps. The snack chip that's also a sleep aid.)

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