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Episode 16.12
December 3
Gordon: You mean I'm not the Greatest American Model Chef Pop Star Astro Physicist?
Chico: Nope.
Jason: That would be a neat trick to try. But I think that would be a little out of my league.
Chico: I'd think so.
Gordon: What about the next greatest Whammy Wrangler?
Chico: Nope. I've heard about those buggers. They're all over the place. They get into everything. They mess stuff up... Don't want to deal with it.
Jason: Nasty little things.
Gordon: Well, we're dealing with them now. I hope youre wearing gloves.
Chico: So since we don't want to deal with them, we're passing them on to other "deserving" candidates.
Jason: (snaps on latex gloves) bring em on
Chico: (snaps on PVC gloves)...
We start with...the barbell Whammy (uhh uhh uhh uhhhh....(crash) not again). Yes again. Hulk Hogan. Laila Ali. Which one gets the Whammy for being on Gladiators?
Jason: Hogan of course.
Chico: Hogan. I so wanted Joe Theismann again.
Gordon: We don't get Adamle, we don't get Theirman. We don't even get Dierdorf. We get Hogan? (Packs Whammy in the Box and ships it out to Hogan). Next?
Chico: Next up...
The wedding Whammy... Byron Velvick or Brad Womack. One gets popped by his paramour... the other... has no paramour.
Gordon: This one goes to Brad. At least Byron is trying. Brad is trying...to be a media ho.
Jason: Got to go with Byron...you got assaulted...dude. Not good.
Chico: Byron... well, he's got a woman. Brad, though... he has nothing. And he got some free women time on ABC's dime with nothing to show for it...*throws rice* It was a Double Whammy... Next?
Gordon: Next one...
The Americasn Express Whammy. 'Hello, Do You KNow Me?' Does it go to Christopher Francis....or JAG?
Chico: Wow. This one's tough. We KNOW JAG lied. We don't know what Chris was thinking... I'm going to go with JAG.
Jason: JAG....Garcia padded his entire resume. He could have won the whole damn thing. Sorry.
Gordon: I think Chris lied and he knew it. I'll say JAG as well, but for a different reason. At least Francis' indiscretion won't cost him his employment or hopes of getting a new job. JAG's screw up hurt him. Badly. Next one?
Chico: Next up...
The politician Whammy... "If elected, I will raise your taxes!" This one is pretty straightforward... AMPTP or WGA?
Jason: Come on guys...pay up and get this over with. AMPTP
Gordon: There's billions of dollars in rights up for grabs and you're only offering the WGA 130 million? A sImple answer here. AMPTP.
Chico: AMPTP. They're holding the money. They're holding the power to end this. Told you it was easy. Next?
Gordon: Next one...
It's Tammy Whamette! Crowned - The Mother of all Beauty Pageants, and 'When Women Rule The World', where the male contestants are controlled as slaves by the females. Both of these shows are coming to pollute your tv in 2008 or sooner. Which one needs Tammy to come over and shake them up a little?
Chico: One's just "Survivor" redux. The other... complete waste of time. I vote for Crowned on default.
Jason: This is tough. But do we need another bunch of self-absorbed females on my TV...Crowned it is.
Gordon: That goes to Crowned, at least in WWRTW, the women are exposing their rights and sense of equality - as warped as that sounds.
Chico: Finally...
The breakdancing Whammy. Dance War is coming... Dance Machine is coming. They're both on the same network. Which show needs another superfluous dancer?
Gordon: Run. Idea. Into. Ground.
Jason: Dance Machine. I like Carrie Ann and Bruno
Gordon: Dance War has a track record of being good, while Dance Machine doesn't. I'd be real careful on that oversaturation thing.
Chico: Dance Machine doesn't even have Bruno or Carrie Ann in it. What purpose does it serve? Whammy over that way. Okay, that's Whammyville... and there goes the train. And in the midst... a sunrise.
Gordon: And a crying baby. Waaaaaaa
Chico: New game on the other side. Stay here.
(This break has been brought to you by Hell's Love Doctor. Gordon Ramsay moves from the kitchen to the bedroom, as he helps to fix relationships. Hey, at least when they are doomed to fail, at least we will get Gordon cursing his head off for entertainment value.)
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