Episode 22.12
November 30

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and first of all, I hope that everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving.
Jason: I did.
Josh: Oh...thanksgiving....yah....
Chico: Yep. And we hope that wherever you went, you got home safely.
Jason: I counted my blessings, watched insanely bad football. And ate enough turkey to satisfy my quota for the year.
Josh: No wonder I was sleeping....I overate....again.
Chico: Oh Josh. Well, good news... We've got a whole lotta turkey left to talk.
Gordon: One of my teams was playing insanely bad football. Stupid Giants. But is it just me, or has the whole month of November, from a sweeps standpoint, been like one big day after Thanksgiving hangover?
Chico: ... Yup
Josh: Yes.
Jason: Very much so....
Gordon: So I have more good news. If you didn't get your fill of turkeys yet - we have more right here!
Chico: And we're going to go over the last week in said sweeps. I'm "Gobbles" Alexander, and from somewhere in America, the After Thanksgiving Turkey Shoot on WLTI... is... ON!
Jason: WOOT!
Josh: Gotta love them leftovers.
Chico: Gordon and Chico with you at the Thanksgiving table, and joining us on the far end is Jason Block and Agent Josh. Hey peoples.
Josh: Hey, I'm a commentator, what the heck am I doing at the Kid's Table?
Jason: Seniority.
Chico: Technically, you've only been on site for six months, so there you go
Josh: :P
Gordon: I thought you'd like your Turkey McNuggets.
Josh: Seriously, though, Glad to be here.
Chico: Glad to have you. Now, let's talk turkey. We'll start with Deal or No Deal, because... well, for the last few months or so, it's been nothing BUT turkey. This week... no exception.
Gordon: And this has been the reason why the ratings have dropped to dangerous levels. This week, we have nurses.
Jason: Nurses rock. They are way underpaid, like teachers. And lab techs
Josh: Agreed Jason.
Chico: And they were playing like they were patients.
Gordon: Unfortunately, they were playing like patients who belonged in an insane asylum.
Chico: Heh. Got that right. A few stats to go over here. This week, our nurses were paid $97,501. Crazy nurses.
Jason: Nurse Ratchet?
Chico: You wish. In all, they posted a LOSS. of $257,599.52.
Jason: (THUD) OUCH.
Josh: That's more of "GOOD BYE NURSE!"
Chico: ... yup.
Gordon: Only 1 person this week made a good substantial deal.
Chico: And what was the secret to his/her success?
Josh: Sheer dumb luck?
Chico: Timing? Combination of both?
Gordon: This is the only good one:

PENNY, $10, $100, $1,000, $2,500, $500,000
OFFER: $29,000

Josh: I'd be hitting the plunger.
Jason: BYe. See ya
Chico: Yup. DEAL.
Jason: Hope you have a good good time.
Chico: That's too big of a spread.
Gordon: Mary Spencer deals. Next case gone - the half million. She got the best deal she could have gotten.
Jason: There you go.
Josh: Wow!
Chico: I'd say so. She had the hundie, by the way. So that's a profit of... if I do the math right... $28,900.
Josh: I'd say she came out great in the end.
Gordon: So that's the good news. Then we go into the Turkey Zone. Everyone ready?
Chico: Gobble gobble.
Gordon: Big Bored please?
Josh: You are about to enter another dimension....

Josh: A dimension not only of sight and sound, but of stupidity.
Gordon: The Subject: Dealing out Turkeys.
Chico: Gobble.
Jason: Gobble.
Gordon: Monday has Mindy Peterson with this dilemma:

$2,500, $100,000
OFFER: $39,000

Jason: Deal...no?
Chico: Deal NO!
Josh: No.
Chico: You're putting up $36,500 to try for $61,000 more. Me being the resident expert of risk assessment says... GO FOR IT.
Gordon: Its a low ball deal because she had the big case. She deals and gives up $61,000.
Jason: That's like the wing on the turkey.
Chico: It was literally a $100,000 game of chicken. And the banker won. Gobble.
Josh: *shudder*
Chico: There's more where that came from, friends.
Gordon: Next up is Teresa Keim. She's a gambler who wants to go to the World Series of Poker. She sees this Board:

$1, $300, $400, $5,000, $10,000, $100,000
OFFER: $8,000

Josh: To me, that offer is too low.
Chico: Way too low, if you ask me.
Gordon: The right answer is No Deal. She does say it. unfortunately, she opens up the $100,000 case.
Chico: So the WSOP wasn't in the cards. Hey-oooooooh
Josh: YIKES! That's as sour as my mom's Cranberry Sauce.
Jason: That is a bad beat there
Chico: Baaaaad beat, baby. In poker parlance, that's a 7-2 with a flop showing Picasso.
Gordon: She walks with $5,500 and she had $5,000 in her case.
Josh: That's even worse!
Chico: In the grand scheme of things... a split pot.
Gordon: Gary Cunningham gets this board on Thursday:

$5 / $50 / $200 / $250,000
OFFER: $24,000.

Jason: Bye.
Chico: That's a RUN.
Josh: I'll take that deal.
Chico: Sure it's a lowball offer, but look at the spread.
Jason: BIG Spread.
Chico: It's a canyon between $200 and $250K.
Josh: I don't like the odds.
Jason: Me neither.
Chico: And if you DID knock out $250K... The best offer you would hope for next round... $75. Unfortunately, Gary was sitting on the big money.
Josh: OH MY!!!!!!
Jason: No way!
Gordon: Gary deals and loses $226,000 in the process.
Chico: That was just a terrible board. So we have terrible dealers, terrible boards... what's next?
Gordon: And then there's Friday, the mother of all turkeys.
Jason: Bird-zilla?
Josh: A heritage turkey, no less.
Gordon: Sonia Johnson wants to buy a Cylon. In the first 2 rounds, she sees the top 5 amounts zapped out of existence.
Josh: Oh lawd
Jason: Damn.
Gordon: Her first offer is $6,000. After that, this is her best offer for the rest of the game:

PENNY, $1, $25, $300, $1,000, $5,000, $10,000, $25,000
OFFER: $4,000

Josh: At this point, You have no big amounts, and no guaranteed big offers. I'd play the game through.
Jason: Me too.
Chico: Oh she did. Believe me, she did.
Gordon: She plays it out. $25,000 comes off the board.
Chico: Next offer: $1500.
Josh: Play it out.
Gordon: Then we get this:

PENNY, $1, $300, $10,000
OFFER: $1,700

Chico: It's a lowball, but a small one.
Jason: right
Chico: This is about as good as you're going to get.
Jason: Yeah
Chico: You can hope to knock off the low amounts, but really, since the low amounts are so close together, this is as good as you're going to get. Take it and be happy.
Chico: Maybe have a BSG marathon or something
Jason: Buy the DVD
Gordon: If you hit the $10,000 now, it's disaster. She says No Deal and we have disaster. We also have history being made for our last 2 cases...

PENNY, $1
OFFER: 52 Cents

Chico: She NO DEALS and leaves with... a DOLLAR! That'll get her a fourth-hand copy of the entire series of Quark on VHS... recorded off broadcast.
Jason: Gordon...how bad did you want to see .69?
Gordon: Very.
Chico: Ha.
Josh: LOL
Chico: While we're on people who play on tilt, I've got one for you. Who watched Catch 21 this week?
Gordon: I did!
Josh: What, did we have a poker-brat Phil Helmuth type explosion?
Chico: Don't we wish. We have not one... but TWO cases of questionable play.
Jason: Ouch.
Chico: One was a playout that would've resulted in $25,000 had the contestant continued... and then there's Kimberly Fox. I write the column for Catch 21 on the site and in the year and a half that I've done so, I've never had to show the work on how to get the big money... SHE IS THE FIRST ONE. The board is...

Q - A - A

Josh: What a board.
Jason: Very good board
Chico: That board is BEGGING for a big win. Three power chips.
Josh: Looking for paint or an ace.
Chico: Right. First card... 6.
Josh: Chip it
Jason: On the Queen
Gordon: on the queen
Chico: Block and Pepper are right. You play the cards until you can't.
Gordon: You cant possibly be looking for an ace on that board. 2 of them are already out.
Jason: Exactly. I know that NOW (faceplam.)
Gordon: Thats right, dummy.

(Q - 6) - A - A.

Chico: Next: an 8
Jason: On one of the aces.
Josh: I'd do that as well.
Gordon: On an Ace
Josh: A soft 19 is good.
Chico: Very good.

(Q - 6) - (A - 8) - A

Chico: Third card... 5. Everyone now..
Gordon: On the 16!
Josh: The 16! BLACKJACK!
Jason: ON THE ACE (kidding) On the 16...
Gordon: This is why Jason busted out on his board, folks.

($1000) - (A-8) - A

Chico: Now, everyone... we're hoping for 2 or monkey. Next card... 10!
Jason: On the ace.
Josh: TAKE THE ACE!

($1000) - (A-8) - ($5000)

Josh: So we're left with a soft 19.
Chico: That gives us 4 out of 45 cards... and we're still in a safety net.
Gordon: Yep. And again, it's a soft 19, so you can't bust, and you have 3 power chips.
Chico: You're basically golden at this point.
Gordon: Major safety net. No danger whatsoever.
Chico: But you're looking for the deuce. Next... 7
Gordon: NOW we start chipping.
Josh: I'll chip
Jason: Cheep.
Chico: You could play it for 16, BUT there are more high cards in the deck than low ones. So you chip it. Next... what do we have here... a TWO!
Jason: $25,000!
Chico: And that's how it's done. I'm trying out for this series =p Well, when my J! window closes.
Josh: LOL
Gordon: Did they call yet?
Chico: No.
Jason: Crap.
Gordon: Aw.
Chico: Oh well.
Gordon: So that's how to play the board. What wound up happening?
Chico: This is how Kimberly played it. Again: Q - A - A. 6 was chipped. 8 was played on the queen (18). 5 was chipped. 10 was played on the ace (21 for $1000). 7 was chipped.
Josh: Sounds like the only smart move she made.
Chico: Oh, Josh. It gets better. Next card: 2. That goes on #1 for 20.
Gordon: NO! 2 Aces are already gone. Only 2 cards can help you. Why are you reducing your odds in half?
Chico: Next card: 7... on #3 for soft 18. Next card: Jack... on #3 for hard 18. She plays on.... and busts on a 10.
Jason: THUD.
Gordon: Just bad, bad playing.
Chico: No, Kimberly, that's a bad Kimberly
Jason: Wow. Just wow.
Chico: Did I mention she was a shouter?
Josh: Lord almighty.
Chico: For those who are new to WLTI... A "shouter" is a game show contestant who obviously and blatantly wasn't chosen because he or she could play the game. So we have a shouter who plays on tilt.
Gordon: Sort of like the 'Screamers' in those movies where they arent real people but killer androids.
Chico: This could only end one way.
Jason: Not very well.
Josh: Can I put in some earplugs?
Chico: Doubt it would help, because you'd still have to watch. What can I say except... Better luck next season, GSN.
Gordon: Well, GSN likes those people, because it puts less strain on their budget.
Chico: Well, we could go on an on about them, but we'll do it later. Right now, it's time for one of Gordon's favorite Big Boreds... Because we had Celebrity 5th Grader this week, we have...

Chico: The Subject: What Did We Learn on Celebrity 5th Grader?
Gordon: I learned that celebrities are morons.
Jason: Yes., yes they are.
Chico: Yay! Let's expound on that, shall we?
Gordon: Lets.
Josh: Can't wait.
Chico: We learned from Omarosa... no last name, just "Omarosa"... that the Englishman who circumnavigated the world first... was Jean Cousteau.
Josh: *slams head to desk*
Jason: Um...Sir Francis Drake?
Chico: right
Josh: *hands Jason a Gold Star*
Jason: Thank you.
Gordon: Ok. A few problems with Omarosa's Answer.
Chico: Tell me one problem.
Gordon: 1. Jean Cousteau isn't a real person. It's JACQUES Cousteau.
Jason: Correct
Chico: or Jean Lafitte or something
Jason: 2. Jacques Cousteau was in the 20th century. Drake was in the 1600s
Gordon: 3. Since WHEN did Jacques Cousteau decide that he wanted to deport France? JACQUES COUSTEAU IS NOT AN ENGLISHMAN!
Jason: ROFL
Chico: Could be worse. She could've went with her other choice... Christopher Columbus. ITALIAN.
Gordon: At least Columbus was in the right timeline.
Chico: That's not all, folks. We learn from Drew Lachey that VHF stands for "Variable High Frequency"
Jason: 2/3 right isnt it?
Chico: 2/3.
Josh: He's 7/8ths right. VERY High Frequency
Chico: VERY. Josh gets a gold star.
Jason: Gotcha
Chico: We learn from Jillian Barberie Reynolds that the 5th Amendment guarantees freedom of the press and speech.
Josh: That's the First Jillie.
Chico: In her defense, she's Canadian.
Jason: 5th Amendment...was self-incrimination.
Josh: The fifth is quoted in every US police show ever made. Since the Miranda laws were passed.
Chico: There you go.
Jason: They were never PASSED. It was a supreme court decision in 1962. Miranda v. Arizona.
Gordon: (hands Josh a dunce cap)
Josh: So I got schooled by the Block
Chico: And we learn from... Sanjaya... that the border of South Carolina and Georgia is formed by... the Mississippi.
Jason: Um...a little too far west.
Chico: Yeah. Not. Even. Close.
Josh: Get that man a globe.
Chico: And we also learn from Omarosa (I'm giving you a bonus because I love y'all)... Ottawa is a Canadian province.
Gordon: OTTAWA IS NOT A PROVINCE
Jason: Its a City, dope.
Josh: Get that woman a globe... Better yet, A Brain Cell!
Chico: But it wasn't all city-provinces and misplaced rivers...  We had TWO celebs run the table. Fred Willard and Annie Duke. Yay, Annie Duke.
Gordon: Well...sort of run the table.
Chico: Sorta.
Josh: Annie Duke I half-expected, but Fred Willard?
Chico: Fred Willard is no dumb cookie.
Josh: Sorry, last I remember him trying anything remotely mental was the Hollywood Home Game of WPT where he had his WIFE help him out the whole game!
Chico: I sit corrected.
Jason: Annie Duke is incredibly smart.
Chico: Actually, he lucked out one question. And he wisely dropped out with $25,000.
Josh: Not a bad payout for charity.
Chico: Annie Duke, though, is a gambler. She has to gamble.
Gordon: Duke is very smart. Maybe too smart for her own good, because she goes for the $250,000 question.
Jason: Oh no.
Chico: You have the question ready, G?
Gordon: I do. Ready for it?
Josh: Shoot.
Jason: Sure.
Gordon: The category: Life Science

Lying between the bark and the wood, what's the word for the cellular layer found in woody plants that separates the xylem from the pholem?

Jason: (tapping table) I know this...but I don't know the word for it.
Gordon: Then you don't know it. lol.
Jason: I don't.
Chico: Oh gosh. I was totally absent for this day.
Josh: I'm going to say Sap, but I bet I'm wrong.
Gordon: You'd be wrong.
Josh: Then I win my bet.
Chico: I saw it and I don't know what it is.
Gordon: It's the Cambium
Jason: Never would have known that.
Chico: Nope.
Josh: Not in a month of Sundays. So...Annie?
Chico: Leaves with $2,500. Fred ends up being the big winner this week. Who'd've thought?
Josh: Fred Willard....The top money winner..... I never thought I'd be saying those two phrases in connection with each other.
Gordon: What about Donny Osmond and Dancing with the Stars winner?
Josh: That I saw coming a mile away.
Chico: I could see that. A few friends of mine, though.... couldn't
Jason: I saw it MONTHS ago.
Chico: I've not seen an outpouring of "She was robbed" since Ken Basin muffed the MDQ over the summer. But if you think about it... I mean, you REALLY think about it... it makes sense. Let's get one thing out of the way here... Kelly Osbourne... never stood a chance. That leaves Mya and Donny Osmond.
Josh: Mya was an odds on favorite, but she did the worst thing you can do.
Gordon: ANY show that features audience participation means the audience decides the winner.
Jason: And I knew that Donny Osmond had the BIGGEST overall fanbase. Mya and Osbourne didn't.
Chico: Because who watches Dancing with the Stars? Women of a certain age.
Jason: Pretty much
Josh: They're more likely to remember Puppy Love than....wait....What song took Mya to #1?
Chico: The Case of the X? My Love Is Like Wo!? ... I know these things!
Josh: LOL
Chico: Anyway, females aged 55 and older watch this show. They spent their entire childhood idolizing Donny and his many sets of teeth.
Jason: Yes. Donny Osmond transcends this.
Gordon: Donny perfectly fits the audience demographic.
Chico: And a great majority of them couldn't give a hoot as to who Mya was.
Josh: Hoot!
Chico: Even though she was technically the better dancer.
Jason: of course she was.
Gordon: You sort of saw this coming when Donny was in last in both the 3rd to last and 2nd to last episodes and didn't even finish in the bottom 2.
Chico: Right. You heard the fingertaps of Donny's fanbase dialing in their votes like crazy. And in the end, it's like G said... anytime you have an interactive game show element, the audience will ultimate decide the winner.
Jason: There you go.
Josh: The show also made a big to-do about how the Freestyle round would decide everything. I think it did.
Gordon: I don't think it would have mattered. As long as Osmond stayed out of third, which he did.
Chico: Yup. I honestly think this show was decided last week when the finalists came out. I mean, Mya's good... and she has the judges' backing, and all of that mess, but in the end, who has the fan in the cut?
Jason: The show was decided before the first dance was even started. The shows usually are.
Chico: That's usually how DWTS ends up.
Gordon: After the first dance, you usually know who's going to be around at the end, if not the eventual winner. The Amazing Race, on the other other hand, is a different animal.
Josh: Roar.



Chico: Once again, Meghan & Cheyne lead the Race for a million as we enter Czech Republic. And they would lead coming out of Czech Republic.
Jason: 5th win
Chico: They're building up strength.
Josh: Which is impressive to say the least.
Gordon: Very. but what's even more impressive is that some teams are learning that it's time to take the gloves off.
Chico: Yup.
Jason: About time
Josh: At this point in the race, you can't race for a middle spot.
Chico: Sam & Dan know that, hence them thieving Brian & Ericka's cab and forcing them to a last place spot. Now Team Zebra... listen to Uncle Chico now... This is a race. You are racing to win a million.... You cannot take ANYTHING for granted. Not a cab, not directions...  Not anything. You have to play with your brain as much as you play with your feet.
Jason: Exactly.
Josh: Right on.
Jason: And, sorry to say, you have to play Dirty. Stop with this play fair BS.
Chico: This isn't 'let's all go around the world and promote world peace'. This is a game show with a million dollars going to ONE team. And if you don't start fighting for it... that team ain't gonna be you.
Gordon: And you play to win the game.
Josh: Hallelujah and Amen.
Chico: And I hate to say this... but I don't think Brian & Ericka are going to get it to avoid elimination this week.
Jason: You see this in a lot of seasons....teams saying they want to play fair and all that kumbaya stuff. Have any of them won folks?
Chico: No, J.
Josh: Nope. I will say that I thought the Detour was one of the funniest I've seen in a while.
Jason: The opera one?
Josh: That was the Roadblock. The Detour was Fast or Furious...
Chico: Or Slow & Steady
Jason: You mean when the Globetrotters just stopped?
Josh: Yes. About time a physical activity came up that those two had trouble with!
Chico: And when the brothers capsized... repeatedly.
Josh: PLUS you get the bonus of Sam and Dan arguing about how to work a kayak.
Chico: That's what he said.
Josh: I'm sorry to both teams, because they're good teams, but you got to admit, the situations were funny.
Jason: I liked when Flight Time said...I am staying here till my teammate comes. Not illegal and great play.
Chico: That's called ohana. No one gets left behind or forgotten.
Josh: Agreed.
Jason: and blocked the ladder in the process. Oops.
Chico: That's called fight.
Josh: that's called :P NYAH!
Chico: ... I honestly can't make it any simpler than that.
Gordon: It's something you can do. And yes, it's legal.
Chico: *golf clap* Are bookstore clerk actors legal on Jeopardy!?
Gordon: Why not? They are legal anywhere else. But this actor seems to play better than most actors.
Josh: Hm....
Chico: Two locks in two games... I say that's pretty good for Jody Allen, and correct me if I'm wrong, but he's from your neck of the woods, isn't he G?
Gordon: We have woods in NJ. And swamp.
Chico: And they have woods in New York City as well. Just over the bridge, I believe.
Josh: It's called Central Park.
Gordon: But yes Jody is in NYC, which is my neck of the woods. And so far, he has $41,500, which means he can afford a standard no-frills NYC Thanksgiving dinner.
Josh: I think that's quinto-champ potential.
Chico: Every time we say that, they end up losing the next game.
Josh: *knocks on wood* There, that's reversing the curse.
Chico: So... I'll just give up this Final J! and an MVP and be done with it. The category: Planet Earth. The clue...

Despite its name, this ocean current outdoes any river; at maximum flow off the Carolinas, its flow is 3500 times the Mississippi's.

Josh: You can buzzer me out. I have no clue.
Jason: Me too...what is...I don't know
Chico: Gordon?
Gordon: Let's see. It's a Carolinas question.
Chico: Planet Earth question...
Gordon: So I can either give the right answer (which is 'What is the Gulf Stream?') or I can come off with a jerk-off answer (which is 'What is the amount of Carolina Panthers Playoff gear that's being dumped in the Neuse river going into the Atlantic Ocean right now?')
Josh: HEH!
Jason: ROFL
Chico: You'd be right both ways. Jody's right on the right one, so he'll return tomorrow. Meanwhile, while we're on the playoffs, we have the hamsters in... Grey Cup gear? Wha?
Jason: What?
Josh: Grey Cup?
Gordon: This is for the Canadian Idol Traditional sing at the anthem, isn't it?
Chico: Sorry, not this year, they weren't on. Aww.
Gordon: So who sang it this year?
Chico: "The Canadian Tenors"
Gordon: I'm sure Canadians will appreciate this next sentence: 'ROLL THAT BEAUTIFUL BRAIN FOOTAGE'

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug.
Josh: Darn, Doug's voice is just perfect for that.
Chico: Very.
Jason: Very much so.
Chico: We'll start with some business news... I need a bat.
Josh: May I have the honors? *Hands Chico a louisville slugger*

More info on "The Sing-Off", as Nick Lachey signs on as host. It's set to launch on December 14, run for three days, and then have the grand finale on the 21st. Judging: Ben Folds of Ben Folds Five, Shawn Stockman of Boyz II Men, and a rotating third judge.

Chico: This show has a lot of talent behind it, but yet it doesn't make me feel any better.
Josh: I like the two main judges.
Chico: so do I.
Josh: Great experience.
Chico: They're good at what they do. And we have a lineup of the groups. We have the Beelzebubs from Boston, Noteworthy from Utah, Face from Colorado, Maxx Factor from Baltimore, Nota from Puerto Rico, The SoCals from LA, Solo form Nebraska, and Voices of Lee from Cleveland, Tennessee.
Jason: I think this is going to bomb bigger than anything LOL...
Gordon: How did Clash of the Choirs do again?
Chico: Worse than Duel.
Gordon: How did MTV's Top Pop Group do again?
Josh: El stinko
Chico: Worse than Clash of the Choirs.
Gordon: Lasted for FOUR episodes.
Chico: And Mosaic won... only to lose on AGT. Again... not hopeful at all.
Gordon: And I think the show is going to have as much lifespan as inviting a band called The Beelzebubs over to your Christmas holiday cheer.
Josh: LOL!
Chico: I'm an a cappella alum, and that's the only group I've heard of.
Jason: Devils during the Holiday season....nice.
Chico: Ha. That's NEXT week, what do we have THIS week, G?
Gordon: Here's some dates.

Last week, we spoke about Britain's Missing Top Model. That shows up on December 1st. on December 2nd is Bravo's latest attempt to recapture the magic they had on Project Runway with 'Launch My Line'.

Josh: They had lightning in a bottle, and they let it go.
Chico: I have a feeling that this is going to go nowhere soon as Top Chef ends. It's going to benefit from a killer lead in, but after that.... nothing.
Jason: Nope. Nothing.
Chico: That's just my feeling on it
Josh: Nothing.
Gordon: The one good thing it has going is that there's nothing else on right now. And it can't be worse than The Fashion Show.
Jason: Are you sure?
Gordon: No.
Chico: I'd love to see them try.
Gordon: I don't want to see them try.
Chico: I'd also love to see cool little gadgets and gizmos and stuff like that there. Let's get loaded!
Jason: HIC!

Going a little low-tech this week, Howie Mandel has a new book out. It's called "Here's the Deal: Don't Touch Me". It documents his battles with OCD in a bit of a funny way. Because he's a bit of a funnyman.

Josh: I think this will be an interesting read.
Chico: I think so, too. If you're a fan of Marc Summers' earlier book, you'll probably want to pick this up.
Gordon: It should be fun. While I'm at it, I'd like to recommend another book
Chico: Recommend away.
Gordon: Last week, we spoke about Scott Hostetler.
Jason: yes we did.

He's got a book out called 'Winning Game Show Secrets from the Game Show Guru'. I'll be providing a full detailed review later, but a lot of the material in the book features things we preach about.

Chico: And again, we're hoping to get questions to the author for a future WLTI.
Josh: And I hope that you get the interview.
Gordon: If you want to be a game show contestant, it is not a recommendation, it is a NECESSITY that you get this book. This is a perfect must get for any game show fan.
Chico: Sure is.
Jason: At all your local bookstores. I have one more book to plug. May I?
Chico: why not. While we're on a book high here.
Jason: We all know Randy West
Chico: Good guy.
Josh: Announcer extraordinary.
Jason: A very good VO announcer.
Josh: Fav job of his was SuperMarket Sweep, imho.

Well he has just released a book on Johnny Olson. It is called "Johnny Olson: A Voice In Time". West takes his friendship/mentoring with Olson and reviews Olson's career as well.

Chico: Also available at your favorite bookstore.
Josh: Wow.
Chico: That'll do it for your intelligence report, now for the lack of intelligence report, here's Gordon.
Gordon: And boy, we have some lack of intelligence this week.
Jason: Here we go
Josh: Duck and cover everyone!

Are YOU Smarter than...Erik Chopin, who won The Biggest Loser Season 3 by dropping 214 pounds...and who just regained 175 of that.

Jason: Oh man.
Chico: Oops.
Josh: OWCH!
Chico: Have you learned nothing, man?
Josh: Old habits ARE hard to break
Chico: Remember, folks... Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint.
Gordon: He's going to come back to reweigh himself for the season 9 finale, which is nice and all...but yuck.
Chico: Yeah
Jason: Not really.
Gordon: But we're not done yet.

Are YOU Smarter than...Adam Lambert, who decides that it would be fun to simulate male oral sex during a live performance on an ABC music awards program.

Josh: Not smart....At All....
Jason: And it was not just ORAL sex...it was a male on male kiss and leading two people on a leash. Oh, and flipping off the camera.
Josh: Dick Clark has to be beside himself.
Chico: But yeah, Adam... This sounds like a job for the "We Get It" sign. You know what I mean?
Josh: Yes, I know what you mean.
Jason: Yeah.
Chico: And if that wasn't enough, he goes on the offensive, saying that he's an entertainer, not a babysitter. Way to drive those sales up, bro.
Gordon: That got him cancelled from a Good Morning America Appearance.
Josh: If he's intentionally trying to ruin his career, he's doing the right things.
Jason: Actually he did quite well this week. According to this article: http://www.billboard.com/#/news/susan-boyle-on-track-for-biggest-debut-of-1004048267.story But look who is blowing up here more than Lambert or Gaga?
Chico: Susan Boyle. Thank you Amazon.
Josh: Susan Boyle! And thank you QVC!
Jason: She did this right...thank you Simon Cowell and his team. This is how you do a promo tour.
Chico: As for Haterade?
Josh: I've been having a hankering for Haterade as of late.
Gordon: Well I've got plenty of that. Everyone have their cups out?
Jason: Yup.
Josh: Pour away
Chico: Give me some!

So Adam Lambert is predicted to sell 225-250,000 units. He came in second. Your winner, Kris Allen, sold...80,000.

Chico: He came in #11 this week.
Gordon: That is far and away the WORST that any American Idol winner has sold.
Josh: Yuck
Jason: DAMN.
Chico: Oopies. Of course, laying low and not doing what Adam Lambert did probably didn't help.
Jason: He did SOME pub. Not much.
Gordon: No. The one thing that Lambert did right was to stay in the spotlight. I'm guessing most people didn't even know Kris Allen's album came out. I didn't see any ads for it.
Chico: I only knew because... well, it's my job to know these things. I have the album. It's not ... terrible.
Josh: *shudder*
Chico: By method of comparison, I wanted to use Mario Vazquez as a coaster. Now THAT's Haterade!
Josh: Wouldn't he make a lumpy coaster?
Gordon: Ah. Well I have more Haterade. Who wants some?
Chico: ME!  I'm not satiated yet!
Josh: Two rounds with hate-er-aa-ade!

5th Grader Celebrity Contestant and Food Network game show guest chef Paula Deen was smacked in the face with a big piece of meat.

Chico: Ow, y'all.
Gordon: Specifically a Ham, which was YouTubed and is now seen around the world.
Jason: Poor Paula
Gordon: And no, the ham did not belong to Adam Lambert
Chico: *instantrimshot.com*
Josh: She is the pitch-person for a ham company isn't she?
Chico: I believe so, y'all.
Gordon: She is
Jason: She is. Smithfield
Josh: Isn't she getting into that a bit TOO Much?
Chico: Just a bit, y'all.
Jason: No...it was an errant toss
Gordon: You know if she wanted bad hams in her face, all she needed to do is watch For The Love of Ray J Season 2.
Jason: (rimshot)
Chico: You're all a bunch of pigs.
Josh: *Snort Snort*
Chico: Okay, this is wearing thin. Let's go somewhere else. We're going to Russia this week.
Jason: Packing my cold gear
Josh: OOh!

Channel Russia is lining up its own local version of hit German gameshow 5 Against The Quizmaster after licensing the format from FremantleMedia.

Jason: Da. Good stuff
Chico: Basically, five people put forth five questions to the host... First one to stump the quizmaster wins.
Josh: Hm. Sounds good.
Chico: It's a hit for Germany... I doubt it would fly in the US. It's too simple.
Josh: Almost like a serious "Information, Please"
Chico: Almost
Gordon: It feels like 'Can you Beat Ken Jennings'
Chico: Oh, that went nowhere fast.
Jason: Or "Stump The Master" on GSN LIve(same thing)
Chico: That went... further... slower.. Then Bob Guiney came along and ... yeah.
Josh: .....Yeah.....
Chico: Again, all the GSN ragging can wait for later. Finally... Gordon?
Gordon: I've got some Thanksgiving hoes. Want some?
Chico: Yup.
Josh: Gobble Gobble!
Chico: *plays "Empire State of Mind"* Trying something different this week.
Jason: Rap Track of the year people.
Josh: It just doesn't feel right without the normal song.
Chico: Fine. *plays "Pimpin' All Over the World"*
Josh: Thank you.

In this week's Media Ho Report, Regis Philbin shows up on Millionaire this week, Nick Lachey will host The Sing-Off, Idol Alumni Jared Cotter will host The Challenge...

Josh: Three hosts....It's a slot machine. I hope Regis does well, and has fun.
Jason: Me too.

New Iron Chef Jose Garces cooks up Thanksgiving for charity, Eminem wants to judge 'The X-Factor', Mia Michaels explains why she quit So You Think You Can Dance...

Josh: Eminem...two words...Career Death. Two more words...Run Away!

David Hasselhoff gets rushed to the hospital - again, Barack Obama's Tuesday speech moves The Biggest loser to 9pm and pre-empts Jay Leno for the first time in his run, and George Choderker passes at the age of 65.

Josh: May George Rest in Peace.
Chico: He of the Password Plus and the Super Password...
Gordon: He directed 2 of the 3 shows in the Password series and was part of a great many others.
Chico: Gents?

(silence)

Chico: Thank you... Do we have a ho of the week, sir?
Josh: *drumroll* Whoooooooo is it?
Gordon: We do. And obviously, it's Adam Lambert.
Chico: Obviously.
Jason: Duh.
Chico: I could make a REALLY bad joke here...
Josh: Oh go ahead.
Chico: No, no.
Gordon: Yes
Josh: It would certainly be better than any joke I could make.
Gordon: I can edit it in post.
Chico: Fine..
Gordon: Or add to it and make it worse
Chico: Of course, a man who would drag two other men in leashes would be ho of the week.
Jason: That's not bad
Gordon: Actually, he'd be the pimp daddy of the week.
Gordon: Though I was talking to Chico and wondering what Jason Block had to do to be featured on the American Music awards like that.
Jason: You have NO IDEA LOL
Chico: The hoes of the week: the guys in the leashes. And that'll do it for the smut portion of the show...
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Josh: LOL
Chico: Okay, Brainvision. Done.
Jason: Suhtting down.
Josh: *flicks the switch to OFF*
Chico: Still to come, we fire up the InterTardis and head back to 2004, but first...
Gordon: First, we deal with turkeys in a hat. This is WLTI. you give us 22 minutes and we'll give you 22 turkeys who are looking for their own reality show. Not you, Jason.
Jason: Definitely not me.
Josh: And definitely not me.
Chico: ... I might.

(Brainvision is powered by Reality Blows Shoes, the perfect shoes for those who want to just wander past security in hopes of scoring their own reality show. From the makers of Reality Blows Balloons)

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