Episode 22.1
September 14

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper and welcome to the new season of WLTI!
Chico: Yay!
Gordon: Did you do anything fun during your Labor Day weekend?
Chico: Not really. Just stayed at home. And watched a lot of TV. A LOT of TV.
Gordon: There was a lot of good stuff to be watching. And we'll be covering it.
Chico: Because from somewhere in America, the season premiere of WLTI... is... ON!
Gordon: YAY!
Chico: How goes it, I'm Chico Alexander, and this is going to be one of those "calendar boys" episodes, so let's start with what we had to watch on... MONDAY.
Gordon: We start with the season debut of a show that had a lot of people talking - both good, and bad - and awaiting it's presence. The show: Who Wants to be a Millionaire.
Chico: The only big difference... the players fighting for a spot in the Tournament of 10. We saw a lot of people going for it.... yet there's only one at the top with $25,000.
Gordon: One of the things we didn't see - the new money board arrangement.
Chico: Nope. That comes after the the Tournament. Reportedly.
Gordon: I'm still hoping they scrap it.
Chico: Well, they have until the end of November to come to their senses, but I have a bad feeling that they won't.
Gordon: So after week #1 of the Millionaire Tournament of 10, we have 1 person sitting at $25,000. That person is Will Capp, who gets there thanks to this:

By area, what is the largest country located entirely within and continent of Europe?
A. Germany
B. Ukraine
C. Sweden
D. Poland

Chico: I'll go with B.
Gordon: And in this case, you are correct.
Chico: Wee! What do I win?
Gordon: A place to stay next week.
Chico: I'll take it.
Gordon: Sure will. So right now, Will is in. We have other people at $16,000 and $1,000, but I wouldn't suggest to them to make any reservations to come back to the studio.
Chico: Will you take a new season of Deal or No Deal?
Gordon: Let's take a new season of Deal or No Deal.
Chico: Other than a change in venue, you wouldn't notice a difference. Howie's still Howie... the ladies are still smokin'... the banker's still the banker... And the players are apparently still a little stingy, The combined loss this week: $43,000... and 99 cents.
Gordon: Not great playing this week. we did have a $32,000 win, on this board:

$50 / $200 / $1,000 / $5,000 / $7,500 / $500,000
OFFER: $32,000

Chico: Seemed like a no-brainer as Luteechia Montague deals for that amount.
Gordon: Deal...or No Deal?
Chico: Me, I'd go ahead and deal there.
Gordon: It's a tough call. if you go and avoid $500,000, you'll get heavily rewarded (In this case the offer would have been $121,000). However, if you found the big one, then $29,000 is going away.
Chico: This is one of those cases where the final variable is the player. How secure are there in their game play?
Gordon: It's also all about luck and when to get out. $32,000 is a nice hunk of change.
Chico: Very nice.
Gordon: In certain syndicated markets, after Deal, is Family Feud.
Chico: We see our first week of the new season... our first car win... and our first schedule flub. Let's start with the new season. With the new season comes the new Bullseye, which plays the same as it ever has. Start families out with $15,000 and let them control their own fate. It adds a depth of character not seen since 1992.
Gordon: It also makes the first round of real play completely meaningless, but I digress.
Chico: Also... there's a car to win. The Cunninghams find that out with five wins to their belt. And with those five wins comes a Chrysler... looks like a Chrysler 300. And in the trunk: $26,420.
Gordon: They walk off with $26,420 and a car. The next day, The Browns defend successfully for the 3rd time...huh?
Chico: Yeah. I asked the Feud people about it. I basically told them (straight shot coming) that while the Bullseye round and the car were great additions (straight shot coming)... it didn't fix what was fundamentally wrong with the show in the first place. That is... someone at the scheduling seat is an absolute flake.
Gordon: Basically, the issue is, if you're going to have defending champions, make sure you air those same champions on the next episode, instead of an episode with new defending champions.
Chico: And it's not the first time either.
Gordon: No. Feud has been notoriously bad for doing this.
Chico: Now I get it. They have double runs. Those double runs run singly after sweeps. But here we are with nothing more than the promise of new families.... you weren't lying there, but where did games 1 and 2 go?
Gordon: It doesn't matter if you have double runs. Deal or No Deal also has double runs, yet you have them showing the episodes in order.
Chico: Deal episodes are self-contained, though, with no continuity.
Gordon: Sort of non-continuity. You do have weeks with the same contestants, so you don't want to screw up that order.
Chico: Right. So that's something that still needs to be corrected. And you would think after 11 years they'd have control over this... That's what I get for having a little faith.
Gordon: Hopefully, they will do so. That ends the daily show version of week #1. Now let's move on to the current weeklies. And speaking of 11, Big Brother 11 is coming to an end.
Chico: Awww.... But not without getting rid of one more...



Gordon: As we correctly called last week, Michele is out, leaving Kevin, Natalie and Jordan.
Chico: Now friends... you're probably asking yourself... How in the hell... is Michele a moron? Michele actually made her grave the week Russell was kicked out.
Gordon: And she is a moron because she jumped a few steps, knocking out Russell way too early, and letting Natalie and Kevin control the game.
Chico: Once she ponied up to the wrong race horse, it was all downhill.
Gordon: Exactly. And now she's glue. That leaves us with Kevin (who won stage 1 of the final HOH), Jordan (who won stage 2) and Natalie.
Chico: Now it gets a bit wild.
Gordon: Yes and no.
Chico: Kevin wins, he's going to lobby for Natalie to leave the house under the guise of a plot so nefariously evil that not even he knows about it.
Gordon: And that, for Kevin, would be a $450,000 mistake. Big Board, please?

Gordon: The Subject: Who Wins If... Now keep in mind our jury: Russell, Michele, Lydia, Jeff, Jessie and the loser of Kevin/Natalie/Jordan
Chico: Not to mention, should the need arise... AMERICA! Now, Kevin has a lot of friends in the house. Russell, Lydia, Jessie, chief among them.
Gordon: So if we have Jordan Vs. Natalie in the finals...
Chico: If we have a Jordan vs. Natalie... Natalie wins. At least by a 4-2 vote. Because Kevin's friends are Natalie's friends.
Gordon: I disagree. Jeff, Russell, Michele and America will vote for Jordan. She wins, 4-3.
Chico: how about Kevin vs. Natalie?
Gordon: Kevin wins, easily. I would think 5-2 at least. Especially now that we are seeing the evicted comparing notes and seeing all of Natalie's lies during the game. They will not respect that.
Chico: And Kevin vs. Jordan?
Chico: Jordan would have Jeff, America, Michele, and Russell.
Gordon: I think Jordan also wins, 4-3. Russell is the Wild Card here. He could flop for Kevin and he could win 4-3 also. But if I'm Kevin, I bring Natalie with me to the finals for the win.
Chico: Basically.
Gordon: If I'm Jordan, I bring Natalie with me to the finals for the win.
Chico: You want to choose someone you're going to win against. Natalie seems to be that person. She's the heel, if it were.
Gordon: If I'm Natalie, I have no choice because I can't win the HOH, so I need to lie about something else to whoever wins the last stage of the HOH.
Chico: But the thing is... she's already exposed herself as a liar. If I'm anyone but Natalie, I can see right through her game. I mean, if she really IS a poker player, she's a BAD one. Know what I mean?
Gordon: She'll make it to the final 2, with an outside shot to win the game, so she's not a bad player. The issue here is that some people in power played the game super poorly.
Chico: Jeff, chiefly among them. Backdooring Russell, I don't care how well-intended, was not a good move.
Gordon: Terrible at that point. That switched the game around. You have to get rid of everyone first before turning on yourselves. There were still options to get rid of, like Kevin and Natalie.
Chico: But again, if you're HOH, you're going to take the best person you have a chance against in the final vote.
Gordon: Exactly. But the problem is that you can't think about who to take with you to the finals when there's 6 of you left.
Chico: True. You have to think about your alliances. And that, folks, is why the jury's there, and the final three's there.
Gordon: Right. You have to GET to the jury first. They needed Russell until the final 4. THEN they could argue about who to get rid of at that point.
Chico: Right on. So your overall assessment of this final three... Not pretty exciting, but at least they know how to play the game.
Gordon: Some of them know how to play the game. Too early on the back-stabbing means that Michelle gets to watch the finals in the jury room. And then when she gets out, she can watch the final 10 acts on America's Got Talent.
Chico: And speaking of "not pretty exciting, but at least they know how to play the game"
Gordon: True. Well at least 5 acts do.
Chico: The five people who get into Monday's final are... Recycled Percussion, called it... Lawrence Beamon, called it... Hairo Torres, called it... Drew Stevyns, called it and Barbara Padilla, super called it.
Gordon: This week was pretty easy. 5 good acts and 5 not so good acts. Now let's see what they have to do in order to win the million. Big Board please?

Chico: Now what do they have to do to get the big prize?
Gordon: Let's start with Recycled Percussion.
Chico: Yes. Let's. Now this week, they went outside the box and got some instruments they've never played before. If they can do that again, they're in with a chance.
Gordon: They need to expand their act. I liked what they did this week, but for me it was a step down. They need to show me something that wows me.
Chico: Also remember the rock chops. That'll help.
Gordon: That will help also.
Chico: Yep. How about Lawrence... He took a big risk this week and it paid off.
Gordon: Lawrence Beamon: The technical aspect was good. Now give us a proper song to showcase your talent. And no more Alicia Keys. If people think he is the next Barry White, go sing some Barry, or some other low baritone's work. "Let the Music Play' or 'My First, My Last, My Everything' would work well. And I mean the song covered by White, not the song covered by Shannon.
Chico: Latter. He needs a "number". Something with flavor and robust appeal.
Gordon: Trademark song. I agree.
Chico: Next is Hairo. He's going to need to bust moves he's never busted before. He may have to touch his butt with his head or something. I wouldn't know. But the selling point here is his unpredictability.
Gordon: Hairo Torres: That was a very cool shtick he did. Now he has to build on it. I would even say get help from the FootWorKKiINGz or Jabberwocky or another ABDC Crew for a choreography lesson, with him being the star of the piece.
Chico: Well, maybe not the FootworkKingz. *poses*
Gordon: Go Go Chico Ranger.
Chico: We are... the GINYU FORCE! Okay, that's enough. So yeah, Hairo basically needs to take a few tips from the best.
Gordon: He could be a dark horse.
Chico: Could be. If we have an audience that's tired of singing. Heh.. like THAT'll happen.
Gordon: Drew Stevyns: He needs to tap into the Daughtry voting base. He needs to get harder.
Chico: Now he actually did the Seether version of Careless Whisper, which unlocked the true grit of that song. He needs to do something like that again. Another "Event" song. Basically, if you're a singer, you need "an event song". Name of the game is "how bad do you want it?"
Gordon: True, and that was a great song selection for his base. Now he needs to go further into rock. He can win this competition.
Chico: True. Finally... Barbara Padilla. We know where her strength lies. Now she has to tap into it for enough energy for one final knockout blow.
Gordon: Be contemporary. Ave Maria was beautiful, but not everyone has heard it. What about some Carmina Burana?
Chico: You're waiting for that like a dog waiting for a steak.
Gordon: I am. If she can go mainstream once and dazzle, she will win this competition.
Chico: You know something... Crazy thought here... "I Dreamed a Dream" If she can lights out Susan Boyle, she can rally the judges to her side and get those votes she needs to win.
Gordon: Barbara Boyle Padilla. I would actually do something different and more challenging. I'd go with Phantom of the Opera.
Chico: Basically, you're looking at five acts that need to go hard.
Gordon: They all do, now. It's million dollar show up time.
Chico: Oh yeah. Of course, they won't have to go back to school for the million... Two blonde bombshells will.
Gordon: Or you could win your million dollars by answering 11 trivia questions.
Chico: You can appreciate two blond bombshells, right?
Gordon: Sure. Do they get straight A's?
Chico: Well... it depends. Marlies Pinto knew when to quit. And she did, after seeing this... 5th Grade US History. For $500,0000.

Who was elected president of the Confederate States during the American Civil War?

Gordon: That I believe would be Jefferson Davis
Chico: You sir, are correct.
Gordon: YAY!
Chico: Marlies drops out not knowing a thing about Civil War history. So she gets an A in knowing when to say when. That's fair, right?
Gordon: Absolutely. And $300,000 is a ton of money.
Chico: It's also $275,000 more than what Michelle Madoor won. She took the freeball on 5th Grade US History...

In the 1630s, Roger Williams was banished from Massachusetts for his political views and then went on to establish what present-day U.S. state?

Gordon: I believe that is Rhode Island.
Chico: You sir, are correct. Michelle went with Missouri. I don't think there was a Missouri in the 1630s.
Gordon: There wasn't. Unless you consider the daughter of Jack and Michelle Ouri. Then she'd be Miss Ouri.
Chico: .... BAD JOKE!
Gordon: Thank you. Finally, we have to discuss something that isn't a show, but that made BIG headlines this week. Paula Abdul: Gone. Replacing her...Ellen Degeneres.
Chico: To which I had to say... WHAT?! Here's the thing. I like Ellen DeGeneres. I like American Idol. Do I like the two together? No. Sure she's the fan and the voice of the people... But... think about it. Idol is the top of the food chain so far as reality judging is concerned. There's credence. There's experience. And let's face it. You wouldn't ask Gordon or myself to judge "So You Think You Can Dance", could you?
Gordon: This, for me is a dichotomy on why this is a great choice and a terrible one at the same time. Let's start with the good. Big Board please?

Gordon: The Subject: Good Ellen. Let's chat about why she is a good choice. 1. And the most important, she's the sunshine in the group. She's going to be the nice judge. 2. She has a great comic wit and can hold her own with Simon. This could set the stage for some very fun clashes between the 2.
Chico: I can imagine. And she comes across as someone who will genuinely like the contestants. And you need that. You need the balance.
Gordon: 3. She represents the 'common fan', the person who you could relate to more than any of the other judges. 4. She will not make the out there Paula comments. She's going to be easier to reign in.
Chico: Something tells me that she is not in this to be Paula. She makes a better Ellen than she does a Paula.
Gordon: And you won't expect her to talk about performances that didn't happen yet.
Chico: Nope. I would imagine that she'll have greater control.
Gordon: And finally, 5. Ellen is scalding hot right now. People will tune in to see her.
Chico: Oh yeah. Now let's go to "BAD ELLEN". Big Bored, please.

Chico: First of all... how can I say this... 1. she's not qualified. She has no musical background.
Gordon: And that's a big one. She has no musical background. And if you thought contestants were taking pot shots at Kara, wait until Ellen says her first negative comment.
Chico: True that. While we're on that.. #2) she says that she won't "judge". Umm.. isn't that why they hired you in the first place? She's going to go after that whole "qualified observer" angle, and I just don't buy it.
Gordon: I don't either. Eventually she will judge. 3. Too much comedy could focus away from what the point of the show is - a singing competition.
Chico: Yeah. Randy reminds us of that every week. Ellen's not the sort to play it straight. Unless, you know, she has to. But if she doesn't, there goes this show's credibility (or what's left of it).
Gordon: 4. She could undermine Simon Cowell. If she starts to be more correct than Cowell, then Simon becomes less of an authority figure. Randy, Kara and Paula were opinionated, but you knew they were going to be wrong. Ellen, if she talks as the voice of the people, could be very very accurate.
Chico: Because, yeah... she's the voice of the people. 5) Not so much an Ellen problem, but an Idol problem... it doesn't fix the problem created by last season... overruns.
Gordon: You still have 4 judges, but I'm sensing that Ellen will be quicker and more concise than Paula.
Chico: Let's hope.
Gordon: We announced the new judging hamsters for Idol. The Chairman, Cheeseball, Ralph and Gordon Jr.
Chico: Who's the new one?
Gordon: Ralph is in for Amanda. She's holding out for a higher roly-poly wheel.
Chico: Ah. Good luck with that. Speaking of things that roll...
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks! First up, G?
Gordon: First up - a Datebook. And it's hefty.

We start with the syndies. Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune show up on Monday.

Chico: Yay!

Then the Big 3 show up - September 15 is The Biggest Loser, September 16 is The Ultimate Fighter and September 17 is Survivor: Samoa. As for Finales, Tuesday's Big Brother, Wednesday's AGT, and Friday's 5th Grader and TPIR.

Chico: So yeah, hefty datebook.
Gordon: Do we have a hefty greenlight?
Chico: We do...

Big Brother is, after nine years, a big hit. So CBS has given the go-ahead for season 12 next year.

Chico: Good news if you like hot and sexy people cohabitating for 75 days. For the rest of us... meh.
Gordon: I've got something that Chico will loooooooove. What is your faaaaaavorite show in the Whole wide world?
Chico: Oh... oh no... Not that... ANYTHING but that!
Gordon: THAT!

Get ready for an ALL STARS edition of The Bachelor, which features Chico's favorites on a 3 day Mexican Cruise to see if they kan rekindle love with each other. Included in the mix is Jesse Csisniak and some of your 'favorites'. It's MUST SEE TV for Chico!

Chico: ABC's close to "Ow, My Balls!" People... if you stop watching, they'll stop making! Rise against the popular norm, people!
Gordon: Meanwhile, so Chico can get out some aggression (hands Chico the bat)
Chico: Okay. Now, remember how I kept saying that So You Think You Can Dance in the fall was a bad idea?
Gordon: Sure do.

Season 5 premiere: May 27... 8.71 million viewers. Season 6 premiere: September 9... 6.55 million. The loss... 2.16 million.

Gordon: And that's against Barack Obama. Wait until we get the real programming in there.
Chico: And that's before the fall kicks off. This week, it goes up against the season finale of Wipeout. Noooooooot sexy
Gordon: Note to FOX: You don't need a voting competition show in the Fall. There is such a thing as resting your franchise.
Chico: Yep. We didn't say "You couldn't", we said "You shouldn't." Bad Fox.
Gordon: I've got more 'You Shouldn't', if you want some.
Chico: I'll take some

Are YOU Smarter than...Eddie McGuire, who decides to withdraw a job offer to a 18 year old journalism student after telling him on the air that he gets the job.

Chico: I don't know what's worse... doing that or offering the job in the first place
Gordon: Taylor Auerbach was promised that if he answered a crucial question correctly on the show, he would get a job. Taylor did that and won $50,000 on the Aussie version of Millionaire. McGuire then did an about face, saying that the $50,000 he won gives them no more budget for a job, and that he doesn't need the help of a job anymore. You buying?
Chico: Nope. Not buying. Just Eddie McGuire being a ... phallus?
Gordon: If you make a promise on TV, kids, be prepared to pay up. In this week's Haterade, someone does pay up. Brutally. We had Poker After Dark - the Cash Game.
Chico: Yep.

Ilari 'Zigmund' Sahamies pays up, to the tune of losing $209,000 of his own money to Tom 'Durrr' Dwan, who walks off with over a quarter million dollars.

Chico: And... if you'll believe it... he's not done yet. Because this game will continue to next week.
Gordon: Tom may not be done winning - and Ilari may not be done with losing. Stay tuned. Ilari may want to get Fully Loaded.
Chico: *hic*

It's a biggie. After a year to get all the bugs in order, PriceIsRight.com is finally live.

Gordon: Nice
Chico: On it is a sneak peek of season 38. And after watching it... I honestly don't see what the whole to-do is... and you all KNOW what I'm talking about.
Gordon: I think it's an upgrade. Of course, my issue is more towards what's going to happen on the nice happy shiny set.
Chico: If Mike & Co. can keep Drew in line...
Gordon: We'll see if he can. What's going on around the world?
Chico: Let's take a trip, you and me... how does England sound? Remember how you liked a show that revolved around a set of magical golden balls?
Gordon: You liked it more than I did, but ok.
Chico: That's going the way of the dodo, the nene, and intelligent discourse.
Gordon: No more Shiny Golden Balls?
Chico: No more Shiny Golden Balls.

Taking their place in a schedule shuffle: the Chase and Divided.



Gordon: Too bad. But I have a shiny red casting couch
Chico: Yay
Gordon: We start with this -

if you like Tool Academy, they are looking for couples for season 3. If you want to save your marriage and possibly win $100,000 in the process, go here:
http://www.realitywanted.com/call/5431-tool-academy-season-3-now-casting

Gordon: Also -

If youre in the CT, NJ and NY area and you want to be on a dating show, go here:
http://www.realitywanted.com/call/5433-casting-call-dating-show-needs-contestants-men-and-women

Gordon: And now for the hoes...
Chico: (plays "Pimpin' All Over the World")

In this week's Media Ho Report, 4th and Long winner Jessie Holley practices with the Dallas Cowboys, The couples for The Amazing Race is revealed, Mike Bongiorno passes...

(silence)

Susan Boyle will perform in the finale of America's Got Talent, Ant & Dec reshoots a pilot, Army Archerd passes...

(silences)

Karina and Maksim splits up, Andrew Lloyd Webber will stay with the BBC, and contrary to published reports, Bachelorette couple Jillian and Ed are 'Still Extremely Happy'.

Gordon: But none of them are the Ho of the Week.
Chico: I was going to say Ellen was the ho of the week, but then she was added to the opening round..
Gordon: It's still Ellen. She's the new Paula. Good luck.
Chico: Ha. And I guess that does it for Brainvision... Shut it down, please.
Gordon: (Shutting Down)
Chico: Still to come, powering up the toilet for one more go, but first... Heads... on a stick. This is WLTI. Give us 22 minutes...
Gordon: ...and we'll give you 22 new shows that we're going to whine about for the next 13 weeks.

(Brainvision is powered by "Are You Smarter Than a Bricklayer", the only show for constructors of new houses... hey, the market's got to turn around someday)

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