Episode 17.9
February 25

Gordon: Boooo
Chico: What? I like "Beat the Clock"?
Gordon: No. I mean boo that we lose an hour
Chico: ... Ah. That sucks.
Jason: Less sleep, more sun. Baseball...
Chico: Or something like that.
Jason: BBQ's.
Gordon: But to make you feel better Chico, I'll make you the judge.
Chico: Good, because I have a roster the size of Montana. And I'm ready for some justice.
Jason: ALL RISE!
Chico: We the Jury is now in session.... now sit on it.
Gordon: The not-so-honorable Gordon Pepper is in session. Order in my Court!
Jason: Oatmeal with Hot Tea and Honey.
Gordon: Sounds good. What's the first case on the docket?
Chico: Okay, Your Honor, your first case...

ACCUSED: Adam Jasinski
CHARGE: Diarrhea of the mouth.

Jason: Evidence? (like we need any)
Chico: He's talked bad about autistics and gays. Badly. Proudly. And unapologetically.
Jason: While I agree with the 1st Amendment, this man needs a huge dose of Imodium. Idiot, moron, dumbass. GUILTY.
Chico: If I was working with Adam, and I heard what he had to say, I'd be playing some damage control, too. GUILTY.
Gordon: He did a lot of damage, causing at least 2 websites that he worked on to deny existence of him. Guilty!
Chico: Adam Jasinski.. GUILTY. The sentence?
Jason: As soon as he leaves the Big Brother house...he gets his butt kicked by some gay autistic people.
Chico: KARMA! (it's like more than justice)
Jason: And Adam...when you read this...you are a first class jackass.
Chico: Like he needs any reminders of that.
Jason: True. But it had to be said.
Chico: Noted. Next on the docket...

ACCUSED: Italy
CHARGE: Illegal immigration and trafficking.

Jason: Cargo?
Chico: The illegal immigration is Domenico Nesci getting his own show on MTV after having "a shot of love" with Tila Tequila. The trafficking comes in with "Ciao Darwin", a game show play on the evolution of species. We know one's just crazy... it's just a matter of which one.
Gordon: I don't mind as much - if the shows are good. Unfortunately, they are not. GUILTY!
Jason: Agreed. This is mierda --Italian for poop. GUILTY.
Chico: Mierda's also Spanish. GUILTY! The sentence: a cold pizza delivered 3 hours late. With anchovies and a soggy crust. And three bites taken out of it.
Jason: Nasty.
Gordon: Fear Factor Pizza! Can we add Madagascar hissing cockroaches and moldy cheese to it?
Chico: Why not?
Gordon: Yummy. Next?
Chico: Next case...

ACCUSED: Frank Nardi. AKA: The other Frank.
CHARGE: Excessive media-ho-ing without a license.

Jason: Evidence?
Chico: He gives us a second interview in the New York Post, saying that he wouldn't have done what he did if he knew what would've happened. And making mention of him as an actor, a show he's in, and giving his MySpace.
Gordon: And what exactly did he do?
Chico: He was "The other Frank" He asked the "buttoned" question.
Gordon: You mean on The Moment of Truth
Chico: Yes.
Jason: That sir was a bigger lie than your ex-girlfriend told. GUILTY.

'If I wanted to get back together with you, would you leave your husband?'

Chico: AND...

'Do you believe I'm the man you should be married to?'

Gordon: Quite honestly, its not his fault. It was HER moment, and he was brought in because he was connected to her. He wouldn't be there is our blonde bimbo wasn't the contestant. Not guilty.
Chico: Maybe so. But he could've stopped at one. He could've said "no."
Gordon: Not really. He's there because the producers wanted him to ask the question
Chico: Yeah, but what about the aftermath.
Gordon: He didn't cause the aftermath. He's only the messenger for the question. you cant shoot the messenger.
Chico: Fine. Don't shoot the messenger.
Gordon: Just like George Ortuzar's son asked him the question about the college fund. You can't blame the kid if he would have said yes. Not guilty.
Chico: You got me there.
Jason: But he didn't have to go in the New York Post and Ho himself out. Guilty.
Chico: See what I mean?
Gordon: Why not? It's his shot of being a ho.
Chico: Uh oh. Self-conflicting argument. GUILTY.
Gordon: It's not his fault about the women. He has a shot of making money. Who wouldn't go for it? He didn't do anything wrong.
Jason: Yeah he did...he went on the show. He knew the results of the show before it was broadcast, and told his friends all to watch.
Gordon: And actually, the evidence is more damning and it makes him look like an a-hole if he didn't do the interview.
Jason: All of a sudden he feels guilty about it? BS!
Gordon: He could feel guilty about it. Again, show me that any of this is his fault. He's only asking the question. I'll guarantee you he didn't make it up
Chico: We're not talking about the question, though.
Jason: I am not asking if he made it up.
Chico: We're talking about him benefiting from his appearance.
Jason: We are talking about the interview he did after.
Gordon: I don't know how much of that is going to be a benefit. I mean Jason, if you were interviewed, don't tell me you're not going to give out your info to everyone who's there.
Jason: Hold on...I am not putting myself in that situation in the first place.
Gordon: But maybe you don't have a choice
Chico: There's always a choice.
Jason: Frank had a choice...he could have said NO.
Gordon: If the producers ask you to ask questions to Chico, and if that's the only way he gets on the show, you'd do it.
Chico: Can we not talk about what happened on the show for a moment?
Jason: Sure.
Chico: I mean, he could've asked the question, and that could've been IT. I mean, we haven't heard from George O's son since. And we were all the better for it. this reeks of "can't.... stop... talking..."
Gordon: If he doesn't take the interview after asking the questions, then he looks like an a-hole. I don't think he had a choice but to take the interview.
Jason: I think he did.
Chico: He looks like an a-hole anyway, at least in my guesstimation.
Gordon: But at least he has a shot at redemption. And if he's an actor, you don't get that opportunity that often to get yourself out there.
Chico: See,.. now there's something.
Gordon: And he got the interview due to circumstances that were not caused by him. So not guilty.
Jason: So, not only to screw over a marriage, you step over BOTH of them to get famous. Nice.
Gordon: Whoa. How exactly did he screw over a marriage?
Chico: Guys... we still have three cases, and I'm ready to rule.
Gordon: Rule, sir
Chico: Okay... being an unwilling a-hole is not a crime... YET. Stay tuned America. Not guilty.
Gordon: Thank you, your honor
Chico: You're not out of the woods yet, though.
Jason: lol
Gordon: You've let an innocent a-hole live.
Chico: I'll be watching you and if you pull that same s(^_^) again, I'll send Block myself to get you.
Gordon: Next one?
Jason: lol
Chico: Next...

ACCUSED: Simon Cowell.

Chico: Charge... all together now...

Everyone: Making copaaaaaaays

Gordon: Lets hear it
Chico: He's been charged with making his own reimagination of "the Gladiator genre" to go against Sky's "Gladiators" remake.
Jason: Anything else?
Chico: That's it. Standard Fox formula. Take something that works... tweak it a bit...Put it up against the original.
Jason: Well, I will withhold judgment due to lack of evidence.
Gordon: The idea itself doesn't make it a copy. Not guilty without further proof. Battledome wasn't a copy of Gladiators, (though it reeked).
Jason: that was horrible
Chico: Uh... yeah.
Jason: What was the scripted Karate show in the 90s?
Chico: WMAC Masters. That was... that was paining.
Gordon: They ended the series on a Cliffhanger. Very sad.
Chico: Next...

ACCUSED: Big Brother

Gordon: GUILTY!
Jason: GUILTY!
Chico: Let me get to the charge first!
Jason: Sorry.
Gordon: This season is the guiltiest of guilty, but lets hear the charges.
Chico: The charge...

CHARGE: Attempted murder. By slop.

Jason: Whoa!
Gordon: To the contestants or the viewers?
Chico: In this particular case, the contestants, but I'm willing to add on an adjunction to name the viewers. Because I'm watching it... and I'm almost bored to death. So on the attempted murder by slop...
Jason: What happened?
Chico: Two contestants ate it and asphyxiated;
Jason: Allergic reaction?
Chico: Yep. Actually, one asphyxiated, and one became hypoglycemic
Jason: As someone who is deathly allergic to nuts...this is a MAJOR GUILTY for me. You HAVE to check the medical history of EVERYONE on the show before you do stuff on this. GUILTY.
Chico: As a healthcare professional, I am inclined to agree. GUILTY...I also say GUILTY to the other charge, because I'm watching and I'm almost bored to death.
Gordon: If you're a casting coordinator, One of the things you ask is allergies and medical history. The fact that Big Brother let this happen is inexcusable. People should be fired for this. Guilty! And you can add me to the attempted death by Ennui charge.
Chico: Sentence... Big Brother is hereby banished to the far depths of the summer, where it can do no one any harm.
Gordon: Make it the permanent 3am slot right next to Crosswords.
Chico: Done! Final case!

ACCUSED: Jerry Buchanan, Michael Hardin & Michele Hardin
CHARGE: Overlawyering.

Chico: These three are the people behind the DOND Lucky Case.... Case. I will tell you right now that 90% of people who read the story on AJC.com... think that this is a frivolous lawsuit.
Gordon: Well if you look at section 1 of my GSNN Contract, you'll see here that any and all litigation in the North-East coast is handled by the department of legal affairs run by Gordon Esquire, while in the California area, any sort of..
Jason: Ok here's the deal....They didn't HAVE to spend the money on the texting...hence the online portion. Hencefore and heretofore...GUILTY of overlawyering.
Gordon: ...action invoked by Game Show Network and three circles media in the UK would dictate that the general atmosphere of texting would change the world as we know it and create a 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse scenario, and therefore...
Chico: And it says in small print: "No purchase necessary to play"
Gordon: ...you're setting up a duel layered dichotomy featuring the plaintiff's accusations on the defendants, who would defend themselves with a writ of habeas corpus, though not entirely accurate, while the defendant would counter with a section 7, article 3 clause...
Jason: Geez, man...a little too much Perry Mason?
Chico: James Woods much, Gordon?
Gordon: ...and such that if you look at cirrus stratonimbus Cloudius and phi zeta bet eata for the Stephen Pastis clause and that if you look at the dotted lines with coiffeur Deuteronomy Nero Wolfe namedropping Suzanne Sugarbaker Dr. Proboscis...is anyone still reading this?
Chico: No, but points to you for the Pearls Before Swine clause.
Gordon: Thank you. Guilty.
Chico: And the sentence... two years in the banker's vault... and time served.
Gordon: And while the rest of you try to figure out all of the references that I wrote about, we get to The Big Finish.
Chico: That's coming up. See you soon!
Jason: Guys I have to lay down...My head is killing me.
Chico: Go lay down.
Jason: TTYL
Chico: Later, yo :-)
Gordon: Before or after reading my clause?
Jason: Both?

(Brought to you by the law firm of Pepper, Block, Alexander, Pastis, Mason, Sugarbaker, Proboscis, Wolfe, and Klauss. Get lawyer... Win money.)

Gordon: Are they connected to Dewey, Cheatum and Howe?
Chico: Yep.
Gordon: Nice. I love spin-offs.
Chico: Where do you think I cut my teeth? Big thanks to Jason Block for hanging out through all that law talk (we needed some translations and he was the only guy who could so...) Running low on time, so let's finish it up big.
Gordon: Oprah's Big Give -hit or miss?
Chico: Hit. Me, I'm watching Family Guy, though.
Gordon: I agree. Idol - who doesn't make the Top 12?
Chico: Amanda, Luke... and those are the only two I have. Maybe Danny and Kady.
Gordon: I'll say Kady, Amanda, Luke and Danny as well. Survivor - Ozzy makes a fake Idol. Will anyone be dumb enough to use it?
Chico: Yes. It's Survivor, isn't it?
Gordon: I'll agree. Big Brother - we get hints of a 'Twist'. Any hope that the show is ending early?
Chico: Please. PLEASE...Come on, the strike's over!
Gordon: I hope the Twist is that it's going to end early. No one is likable in that group. No one.
Chico: NO ONE. But we do have the return of someone likable...
Gordon: Who?
Chico: STAT-BOY!
Gordon: YAY!

Chico: Good, because all we have is a bucket with JD Roberto's face on it.
Gordon: And we can't do a Push or Flush with THAT.
Chico: Yeah. That... That's just sad.
Gordon: And we can't do an e-mail segment without your emails, so where do
they send them, Chico?
Chico: wlti@gameshownewsnet.com OR go to myspace.com/wltiongsnn.
Gordon: Thanks. Special thanks to Jason Block, who hopefully has recovered after reading the ramble.
Chico: Feel better, J! I know how hard this flu season is. I had to do 10 swabs in five hours. Not fun. Just thinking about it gives me the "ewwws", as Rich Fields calls it.
Gordon: If you haven't done it yet (and if its not too late), get a shot. I did.
Chico: So did I.
Gordon: And I haven't been hit with the flu.
Chico: And neither have I. We're gonna get through this.
Gordon: So this is Gordon, for everyone, saying Game Over and spread the love - not the flu.
Chico: Wash your hands, people. Go wash'em right now. Go go.
Gordon: We're not going to make a new episode until you do.
Chico: We'll wait...