Defending the Rights of
Pretty People Everywhere
- August 4
Around a month ago, before I went off to the Game Show
Congress, I wrote an article on the practice of bringing
in the pretty people to appear on television and then
griping about how the better game players do not get to
play the games. This article was received with much
praise and critical fanfare. I thank all of you for the
very pleasant feedback that I have received.
That being said, it's time for me to once again play the
role of Devil's Advocate and probably receive just as
much hate mail coming my way.
Now I do believe that the television contestant
coordinators spend way too much time looking for the
pretty people instead of the people that can play the
game. However, in order for a television show to
survive, not only do they need pretty people, but it's
vital that they get some. I'm not talking only about
Deal Or No Deal sort of pretty people, but I mean shows
like Millionaire, Jeopardy, and even the newly aired
Chain Reaction and Starface.
The purpose of this column, however, is not just to say
why the pretty people are needed. The purpose of this
column is to help you become a pretty person and to help
you get on a game show. If you keep your mind open
enough and if you want to take some suggestions, this
may be the most important column that you will read all
year if you are an aspiring game show contestant.
Intrigued yet? Then read on...
Ratings, Ratings, Ratings: As much as we hate to
admit this, it's a fact. If you're pretty with big
breasts or if you have that GQ chiseled face, the
general public are more likely to watch you. It's a fact
of life. And shows do need the ratings to get on. I'm
not suggesting that you get surgery to be on a game
show. I am suggesting, though, that if you want to be on
a show, you not only dress to impress, but you should go
through the trouble of getting a stylish hair cut, or
something that doesn't make you look like Quasimodo.
Are you unique?: So you like video games. You
probably play poker. You like to surf the internet. Do
you do anything else? If you don't, then you are the
same boring old contestant that everyone else is. You
have to sell yourself, and the pretty people are very
good at selling themselves, if only for the reason that
they do things that keep them beautiful.
When I was at The Price is Right, I asked a few people
to come up with something interesting about themselves.
Some of them could, but most of them could not in 30
seconds. I thought this was strange, because in order to
get on the show, you will have to say something about
yourself in 30 seconds that would make The Price is
Right producers put you on the air.
Can you tell me something interesting about yourself in
30 seconds? Can you describe yourself in three sentences
that would make me want to know more about you? if you
haven't thought about it, I suggest you do so. If you
can't. then try getting a hobby or doing something
different. Maybe pick up something you've always wanted
to do or go somewhere that you've always wanted to go.
It may not only spice up your life, but also spike up
your chances to get on a show...
Slaughterhouse: During the game show
competitions, you had brilliant people going up against
other brilliant people. Sometimes you had great
competitions - other times, the games ended in a rout.
The one thing that all of these people had in common
though was that everyone, almost without exception,
would brutalize any of the teams in Chain Reaction this
week. As much as us people at home would find it
entertaining seeing our friends whomping up on
strangers, routs traditionally do not make good
So the solution? Even the balance - put the pretty
people against each other so that it can be competitive.
Of course, the past week of shows have treated us to a
near dumb-off, but at least the games were close. They
do have the smart people on there, but they are also
usually pitted against each other. Pretty Vs. Pretty is
the way to go, and as we all know, there are vastly more
pretty people out there than there are smart people.
I can do that: Finally, part of the allure of
game shows is the ability to scream at the television
set, seeing people screw up and think to themselves
"gee, I can do that. I can be on the game show, because
we all know that I am MUCH better than this nimrod who's
playing." Face it - we all have said that at one time or
another. We wouldn't be saying this if we saw geniuses
playing on every single episode. The main use of the
pretty people is to show us how smart we are and to make
us feel better about ourselves.
So when you look at it, we do need the pretty people
there, if nothing more than to say how much smarter we
are than they are. It gives your ego a lift and it also
drives you to be on the show, which when you look at it,
is the whole objective of a show to begin with.
Hopefully, this article not only gave you an insight
into why the Pretty People are there, but it also gave
you some tips on how you can get on TV and dismantle
Gordon Pepper never claimed to be a pretty person,
but he's good at faking it. E-mail him at