It's Not What You Know,
It's Who THEY Know - April 14
This
was originally supposed to be a column about my review
of Ive Got a Secret, but since IGAS is going to be
around for awhile, and Celebrity Cooking Showdown has
just been flambéed with a nice white wine sauce, its
time to focus on that for this weeks column.
Now my
good friend Chico, in his column this week, spoke about
the sampling that P. Diddy (or in this case, Didnt) had
done. Im not going to deny that, nor do I think that
its not all entirely wrong. However, I think there are
two other issues that are also major factors. For
example, on this past weeks Idol recap, Grandma Pepper
(who consistently delivers insight after insight) noted
that she didnt know any of the celebrities on the show,
and that was as good of a reason as any to not bother
watching. Then I started to look at the show. Who do we
have here
Show
#1: Alison Sweeney, Tony Gonzalez, Cindy Margolis
Margolis is known for being an uber-model. Sweeney, who
has been in other celebrity competitions (including Fear
Factor) comes from Days of Our Lives, but if you dont
watch that show, you dont know who she is. Gonzalez is
a football player for the Kansas City Chiefs, but hes
not a well-known one, and if you dont follow football
that much, you arent going to know who he is.
Recognizability: 1/3
Show
#2: Ashley Parker Angel, Gabrielle Reese, Patti LaBelle
People
knew who Patti was
20 years ago. Gabrielle does a lot of
sportsmodel cover work, but unless youve seen her
infomercial, youre not going to know who she is. Ashley
is from the band
O-Town. Wha?
Recognizability: 0.5/3 (The 0.5 goes to LaBelle)
Show
#3: Tom Arnold, Chelsea Cooley, Big Kenny
Chelsea
who? Miss America
oh. Big Kenny is part of the
band Big & Rich, who created the World Series of Poker
Theme
which is not the audience that you would think
would be attracted to this show. Tom Arnold is a media
ho to the nth degree who people would AVOID watching
(like Grandma Pepper) if they were on a show.
Recognizability: -1/3 (Tom Arnold gets a -1 for people
who avoid the show because hes on it)
Total
= 0.5/9
Not
good. Lets compare it to other shows in the genre. For
example, the FIRST Celebrity Millionaire
Rosie
ODonnell, Kathy Lee Gifford, Ray Romano, David Duchovny,
Drew Carey, Queen
Latifah, Lance Bass, Emeril Lagasse, Dana Carvey,
Vanessa Williams
You would know any of
those people instantly. Some of the whippersnappers may
not remember Gifford or Williams now, but most of you
should. Lets look at something more recent, like
Dancing With the Stars 2 (Thanks to recapper Pierre
Kelly)
Kenny Mayne
(ESPN
sportscaster)
Drew Lachey
(98 Degrees Singer and Nick Lachey's brother)
Master P
(Rap mogul)
Lisa Rinna
(soap actress; host of "Soap Talk")
Stacey Keibler
(WWE Diva)
Tia Carerre
(Star of "Relic Hunter" and Waynes World)
Jerry Rice
(former San Francisco 49er)
Giselle Fernandez
(formerly of "Access Hollywood")
George Hamilton
(Actor, best known for his tan, his Dracula movies, and
his short-lived talk show)
Tatum O'Neal
("The Bad News Bears")
You
would know at least half of them off the bat. If you are
going to make a CELEBRITY edition of anything, then use
REAL CELEBRITIES, please. Thats one reason why
Celebrity Cooking Showdown didnt work.
But
wait, theres more
Heres
the other main reason. We have, as a main dish
.wait for
it
Hamburger with Gorgonzola Cheese!
Thats
right, folks. You tuned in to watch a celebrity prepare
for us a hamburger. This comes to us from Tom Arnold,
which adds yet another reason for people to scratch
their heads when he appears on a show. Its not just Tom
though we had main dishes that included vegetarian
pizza, 3 orders of beef, a plain sole with a little
puree, some salmon, and a roll of tuna sushi and
asparagus. Booooorrrrriiiing. I can make that stuff in
my house. Give me something I cant make so I can learn
how to make it. I want to see exotic recipes. My smoked
pollock with a garlic honey sauce and my white pancake
with honey cream cheese sauce dessert sounds more
interesting than these recipes. I want to be stirred
into a cooking frenzy, not lulled to sleep.
We
wanted celebrities. We wanted exciting recipes. We
wanted some sort of new and out of the box game play. We
got none of it. Thats why the audience, as a whole,
sent the order back and didnt bother to pick up the
check.
This
is when American Idol gets fun
but at the same time,
this is when American Idol gets painful. For the first
time in its history, we have 6 excellent singers
remaining, and any loss now is going to hurt. Any singer
could win American Idol, but its not about predicting
who wins its about predicting who loses. Its almost
crucial that a good performance is mandatory on Tuesday,
because a mediocre one will probably lead to your
departure on Wednesday.
This
is probably also going to be the toughest time ever to
select whos going to be leaving especially because we
dont get privy to said Tuesday performances. So once
again, we delve into the realm of Idol singing
And
once again, we delve into why the person is leaving. I
knew if Elliott didnt go, you would be going, and its
simple to explain why. Too many pop singers, and you
have been hanging on a thread for a very long time.
There are no more bland singers left, which leaves you
as the blandest, and you as the person who is leaving.
So who
does this help?
It
doesnt necessarily help you, but it does cement you as
the person to beat for right now. With Kellie faltering
and Chris making his first appearance in the bottom
three, the Soul Patrol has been serving you well. Keep
on trucking and keep using common sense on the song
selection.
What
were you doing down there? VERY bad song selection and
uninspired singing on Tuesday. Let that serve to be your
wakeup call. You NEED to sing songs that people know and
sing them with the fervor that you had at the beginning
of the competition. You should be safe this week,
regardless, because your fan base will come out firing,
but should you continue the path where you are going,
you can join Mandisa interviewing people on the red
carpet instead of being inside the theater on the night
of the finals.
That
South vote is very nice to have, isnt it? That being
said, you cant mangle a song like that again. Even when
Carrie bungled up a few lyrics on her way to winning it
last year, she didnt bungle it THAT badly. You did, and
should you do that again for a second straight week, you
will be making your first visit to the bottom three or
worse.
But
I dont see her doing that, which means that I see you
in the Bottom Three. This could be very interesting,
because this may not be in stone should you outperform
Kellie. Unfortunately for you, Kellie still has a ton of
fan base and Chris is going to get a huge swing, so this
could be a fight for survival for you. You better have
your A game on.
A
lot of people think that you should have gone home last
week (myself included). Why did you break the curse of
sticking around despite being in the bottom three for 2
straight weeks? Well, Ryan never did say who was in
third and who was in second, so you may have been in
third after all, which meant that Ace would have had to
outsing you, instead of the other way around and your
fans realizing that you were in major danger from last
week didnt hurt, either. A lot of people think that you
will go home this week. I am NOT included in that, if
only because you will get most of the Ace vote as being
the sole male pop singer left. You better sing well,
though, because you and Katharine will be competing for
that vote.
Elliott
and Katharine will be getting a boost from Aces vote,
Chris will get a boost from being in the Bottom from
last week, Taylor, barring coming out and pulling a
Constantine (also in the Top 6 last year) is untouchable
right now, and Kellie has the South all wrapped up for
at least the next few weeks
which leaves you. Not only
do you not get a boost, but you sang lights out last
week and still wound up in the Bottom Three. That
spells massive trouble for you, and we could have a
nasty little upset in the making should none of the
other Idols falter.
So
last week, I got a sushi dinner by predicting the
safeness of Kellie. Well see if I can snare anything
else this week by predicting Pariss ouster.
If Gordon Pepper can cook, so can you.
E-mail him at
gordon@gameshownewsnet.com.
|