Episode 33.6 - Newsmakers III:
Revenge of the Slow News Week
I think Chen Bot needs to be equipped with lasers coming out of her eyes.
Chico: And mind bullets. Can't forget the mind bullets. Welcome back to
WLTI. Thanks for being a part of our week and allowing us to be a part of yours.
Match Game turned 40 this week. And we couldn't be happier than _________. Okay,
Jason: (flips over) a Pig in poop!
Gordon: (flips) Jason Block in an ego warehouse
Chico: I had "TMZ in the Big Brother House" But seriuosly, we're going to
celebrate by determining, once and for all, who the best panelist ever was. The
best combination of comic sass and gamesmanship. Obviously... Richard Dawson is
at the top of the list.
Chico: We're not even going to argue with that... or ARE WE? Shall we
begin Who's Your Daddy?
Gordon: We shall.
Chico: Okay, let's start with another reg...Charles Nelson Reilly. Below
or above Richard?
Chico: I'm going to go below. I mean, CNR was the comic cut up but
Richard had game.
Jason: So did CNR when he had to
Chico: Gordon, it's up to you.
Gordon: I'm going to go ABOVE, for this reason - CHR was not only part of
all of the 70's version, he was also a part of Match Game 90. And he was the
glue that kept both series cohesive.
Chico: Fair enough.
CNR > Richard.
Chico: Next up?
Gordon: You have Charles, so what about his cast mate Brett Somers?
Jason: Below. She was the comic foil. But not by much
Gordon: Bottom. She was the foil, but she gets second billing
Chico: Brett took a while to get into the swing of things when she played
on the panel. She wasn't as quick as her two male cohorts, but once she got
there, she stayed there. BOTTOM
CNR > Richard > BRETT.
Chico: Okay, let's go to someone who was, up until 2012, thank you
Canada... on every version of MG...Vicki Lawrence.
Jason: Below Brett. Great game player. Not her best game.
Chico: I'm going to agree with you there. Good, able to play with others,
but not that strong.
Gordon: Make it a 3some.
CNR > Richard > Brett > VICKI
Gordon: Next one...Brad Garrett. A Mainstay on the 3 latest Match Games.
Jason: Below Vicki
Chico: He's the closest to old school we have in the here and now. Above
Jason: More interested in the comedy than the game.
Gordon: Below Vicki, for what Jay said.
CNR > Richard > Brett > Vicki > BRAD
Chico: How about... BETTY! Mrs. Password herself Betty White.
Jason: Above Brett. Had the perfect balance of Comedy and Gameplay and
naughty repartee with Gene
Chico: Plus she nailed it with three hosts at the helm.
Gordon: Above Brett also. She had the gameplay skills and was more than
just another pretty face.
Chico: Of course being a naughy old lady helped.
Jason: She still is at 91 :)
CNR > Richard > BETTY > Brett > Vicki > Brad
Gordon: Next one...Colin Mochrie
Jason: Above Vicki. For the comedy v. gameplay routine.
Gordon: I agree with Jason. just above Vicki because he's still a comic,
but he's playing the game.
Chico: He's one of the good ones. He knows his stuff. A HAIR below Brett.
CNR > Richard > Betty > Brett > COLIN > Vicki > Brad
Chico: How about Fannie Flagg and her impress bazooms.
Gordon: Very nice bazooms. Below Brett.
Jason: Below Brett, and those bazooms were amazing. She was funny,
naughty can can play. I'd say even better than Brett. Below Betty.
CNR > Richard > Betty > Brett > FANNIE > Colin > Vicki > Brad
Gordon: Last one before spoilers....Bill Daily. The person who replaced
Chico: Hmm.. Pretty deadpan. Gamer, but not as funny as everyone else.
Jason: Exactly. On the bottom
Gordon: I respect gamers over comics. Above Vicky
Chico: Great. I have to do some math here.
CNR > Richard > Betty > Brett > Fannie > Colin > Vicki > BILL > Brad.
Chico: Okay, now two spoilers. First up.... the panelist that would be
host... if only for a pilot. BERT CONVY
Jason: Above Colin. A good game player and host.
Gordon: Very good, if not underrated panelist. He would have been a great
host. Over Brett
Chico: I agree with both of you, very underrated host, and a shame that
he wasn't physically able to carry the series. So I'll split the difference.
CNR > Richard > Betty > Brett > BERT > Fannie > Colin > Vicki > Bill > Brad
Chico: Finally... the panelist that would be host of another half of game
play...Jon "Bowzer" Bauman
Jason: Bottom. Too much funny not enough play
Gordon: ...why? Bottom.
Chico: WAY BOTTOM
CNR > Richard > Betty > Brett > Bert> Fannie > Colin > Vicki > Bill > Brad
Gordon: Last one...Bob Barker.
Chico: .... Below Brad. Sorry, you're a good host. A panelist, not so
Gordon: He was decent, but I agree with Chico. Below Brad.
Jason: Make it a sweep. He was trying to bring the funny...couldnt do it.
Chico: So to review...Charles Nelson Reilly is the BEST MATCH GAME
Gordon: WHoo hoo!
Jason: WHOO HOO
Chico: Followed by Richard Dawson, Betty White, Brett Somers, Bert Convy,
Fannie Flagg's breasts, Colin Mochrie's head, Vicki Lawrence, Bill Daily, Brad
Garrett, Bob Barker, Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, Jason Block, Game Show Dog,
and in the bottom.... Jon "Bowzer" Bauman". That's what we think. What do you
think? Email us with your ideas. Meanwhile, we're going to Whammyville after the
(Brought to you by big Brother Battle Royale. The gusete don't get voted off.
They off each other as the audience decides what wepons to drop in the pool.
Last houseguest no one cares about wins.)
THAT I would watch
Chico: I'd tune in just to see Julie dress like Beat Takeshi in a
bloodied track suit. Bad. Ass. Speaking of bad things, it's time for another
trip to Whammyville. Gordon has assured me that he has a whole herd of little
Gordon: Because so far this season, I don't care.
Chico: Bad season?
Gordon: Big Brother? Yes. But I have a healthy crop of Whammies. We start
or Ginamarie. Yes it's easy to say to give them both one, but we're going to
make you choose here.
Jason: Ginamarie. Hateful.
Chico: Wow. The dumb blond or the other dumb blond. I'll pick... Aaryn.
Gordon, it's on you, bro.
Gordon: Ill go with Aaryn, just because she lost more money off of her
Chico: And for her I have... the supermodel Whammy. (I'm so hungry I
could eat all your money!)
Gordon: Nice. Next one?
Chico: Next one...
bring Ginamarie for one more shot at this. This time, she's up against Krissi
Biasello of MasterChef. We really don't like cases of beer muscles, keyboard
courage, and diarrhea of the mouth here.
Jason: Ginamarie...see above.
Chico: Krissi. aside from being hateful, she's also a hypocrite. She
railed against a competitor for saving himself during a Pressure Test for his
kid... then goes and does the same thing for the same reason.
Gordon: I have to go with Krissi here. GinaMarie, for all we know, is
saying that in terms of playing a game. What Krissi said is not ganme based at
Chico: Nope. So what do we have for her?
Gordon: I have the Emerill Lagasse Whammy. BAM BAM BAM
Gordon: Next one...
Bauman or Michael Berger. Who do we send a WHammy to for yucking up Match Game?
Jason: Bowzer. Too much high energy
Gordon: Bowser. Michael did fit decently. His stars did him in.
Chico: And fittingly enough, here are the Temptations! (ooooooooooWAHHHHHHH!)
Jason: (applause and screams)
Chico: Next up.
Ann Inaba, Bill Engvall, or Apolo Ohno. All three have hosted GSN remakes. All
three are not your typical game show hosts. And all three... tried either too
hard or not hard enough because they weren't chosen for their hosting chops.
Jason: I have to say Engvall. Hated him on Lingo
Chico: I want to give it to Apolo. He forces phrase.
Gordon: I agree with....Jason. Engvall was just not a good fit on the
Chico: So what Whammy do we have for this guy?
Gordon: The Great Whamimi Whammy, for excessive showmanship.
Jason: Ah :)
Gordon: Next one....
Harstock or James Case. Just pick one.
Chico: Des is not into any of the men. James isn't into her, but he
actually said it outright. Which is a first for me
Jason: James. We both know what they are. He's honest about it.
Chico: "We've already established what you are, now we're just
negotiating the price."
Gordon: True, but Desiree knew what she's getting into and she STILL is a
media ho. So I'll toss her a WHammy. Hows about Tammy and Whammy's picnic with
Chico: No rain on that picnic. And finally...
cast of the Bachelorette or the cast of Big Brother. Let's just skip all
pretense while we're at it.
Gordon: Big Brother
Jason: Media Hos are Media Hos. But at least the Bachelorette cast arent
hateful bigots. BB
Chico: Make it a sweep. Play us to break, Cruise Ship Whammy! HASTA LUEGO,
ARRIVEDERCI, BON VOYAGE, THAT MEANS GOODBYE! HEH HEH HEH!
(Brought to you by the Whammy Theatre's production of "As You Like It"...
featuring a Whammy dressed up as Aaryn Giles saying the immortal quote, "Do you
not know I am a woman? When I think I must speak" High class low comedy. The
Whammy Theatre Company.)
Chico: And now... the encore performance... SPEED ROUND STARTS NOW! Big
Brother. .... I almost don't want Elissa to get voted out now. Does she?
Jason: Nope. She survives and Jeremy's replacement gets voted out.
Gordon: SHe'll find a way to escape the vote.
Chico: Hell's Kitchen. Who doesn't make final four? I'm going with Susan.
Jason: Make it a double.
Gordon: Whodunnit - Whogetsdoneinit?
Chico: In a shocker, Kam.
Jason: I say Geno
Gordon: Don is going to be done.
Chico: How long until someone else wins Ben Ingram's money on Jeopardy!?
Chico: I'll go with Tuesday
Gordon: I'll say HUMP DAY
Jason: (WHOO WHOO in camel voice)
Chico: Heeeeey Do we have any mail?
Gordon: None here - you?
Chico: None here. You all can send some over to email@example.com.
Or you can follow us on Facebook and Twitter. And give us a listen on iTunes and
Stitcher Radio and Player.fm while you're at it. Jason Block, thanks as always
for your input and insight.
Jason: Always great to be here.
Chico: Next week, if somebody ends up saying something stupid, we'll talk
about it on we Love to Interrupt. Oh yeah, and if there's still time, we'll have
a few reviews as well. Until then for everyone at Game Show Newsnet. He's Gordon
Pepper. I'm Chico Alexander. Our time's up, we thank you for yours. Game over...
and spread the love. :-)