Episode 27.5 - Jungle Love
July 4

Jason: And no cutting!
Chico: The tall chick with the geeky T-shirt. :-)
Jason: I saw her first!
Chico: Yeah, I also saw your woman first. WHAT.
Jason: WHAT! (gets into Chico's face) WHAT?
Chico: WHAT!!!
Gordon: I think the sequel should be 'Get these two a room'.
Jason: LOL
Chico: Heh. And that is how you "Bachelorette".
Gordon: So welcome back to the show. We'll be deciding...right now...if you would or could do different things as we play Would You Could you. Chico will start us off.
Chico: I gotcha.

Would You follow a basic-cable show if you knew the finale was going to be broadcast in broadcast on primetime?

Jason: Would I: Yes. If I really liked the show enough.
Chico: That's the case with Ninja Warrior, which bows July 31 on G4, and the finale airs on NBC August 22. I'm following it all. And who knows... if enough people watch, who knows what might happen for season 4.
Gordon: Would I? Of course. This show? No, because I'm not getting past the first round. I know my strengths. Going through that course is not one of them.
Chico: Perhaps you need to step up your training then. Get you those two-toed shoes... do a few spider climbs. Me, I'm in training right now - not necessarily for this, but I'm in training for something.
Gordon: Yeah I'd like to see you do a spider climb
Chico: I'd love to BE ABLE to do a spider climb.
Gordon: Next one...

Would you, could you...eat worms for $50,000?

Chico: Eh, why not. Protein.
Gordon: It's the New Fear Factor, and casting will be showing up soon.
Jason: Would I...no. Sorry my digestive tract is not ready for it.
Gordon: I'd do it. I think I would be pretty good at Fear Factor.
Chico: I know you would. You'd do it all day... and when they ask you to Spider Climb, you'd be like... oh crap.
Gordon: I would. Next one?
Chico: Next one...

We know you'd go to LA to be on TPIR. We've all done it before. But would you go to Nova Scotia?

Jason: Live Casino version? Or Canada?
Chico: Live Casino Version. (packs bags)
Gordon: To be on The Price is Right? Sure would (packs bags)
Chico: I'd do it.
Gordon: Me too. And Canada is an absolutely beautiful country.
Chico: I've heard.
Jason: (packs bags as well)
Chico: Next?
Gordon: Next one...

Would you...Go on an expedition in Morocco for $100,000?

Chico: Hmm... nope. Don't have the physicality yet. Working on it, though. I do have a never-say-never attitude, though.
Jason: Why not.
Gordon: See on this show - and The Amazing Race, it's all about traveling the world. I've never been to Morocco. I'd do it, even if it means an early exit
Chico: And hey, we're a team of three bound by friendship and hono.... bound by friendship.
Gordon: Wise choice of words.
Chico: Yep. Next..

Would you paint sheep for a game show?

Gordon: I don't think Jason wants to be painted.
Jason: Excuse me?
Chico: HA! Would you paint a group of sheep to promote a game show?
Jason: OK...how? And for what?
Chico: Simon Cowell spray-painted a herd of sheep red and black on "Red or Black".
Jason: Nope. I wouldn't.
Chico: Naturally... some people had a problem with this. PETA, being the bastion of animal awareness that they are, say that it's never a good idea to make sheep, or any animals, props.
Gordon: I think I'm going to leave those sheep alone. I think the situation could be a little too wooly for me.
Chico: Me too. Finally?
Gordon: Last one....

Would you go into the jungle looking for love?

Jason: Jungle LOVE ---OH WE O WE O! No. Not even close
Chico: There are better places to look for love... the line at the DMV for one. Bus terminals...Riverbeds... Shop windows...
Jason: Cemeteries
Chico: The internet.
Gordon: Chico's boudoir.
Chico: Anywhere but television.
Gordon: We'll send Chico looking for love. But we won't send him to the jungle. We'll just send him on a break.
Chico: And when we come back, I'm going to play Wayne Brady... not singing Wayne Brady... or acting Wayne Brady... or even bald Wayne Brady... You'll see what I mean after the break.
Jason: Understood

(Brought to you by Extreme Car Washer. Here's the car, a 2012 Dodge Charger. All you have to do is use 10 gallons of water, three drops of soap, a toothbrush, a set of handcuffs, and a human sponge suit to get it squeaky clean... Did we mention that it was going to rain? Welcome to Mother Nature, fools!)

Chico: I think I just gave Mike Darnell an idea. AGAIN.
Jason: You did indeed.
Chico: Yeah. Welcome back to WLTI. Thank you for being a part of our week and allowing us to be a part of yours... I have a question.
Jason: what's that?
Chico: Quien quieres hacer un trato?
Jason: ME!
Gordon: Yo!
Jason: (Waves hands)
Chico: I need you! And I need... YOU! Gordon... what are you supposed to be?
Gordon: Yo es un Pepper, claro.
Chico: Jalapeno?
Gordon: Si si muy caliente.
Chico: Es verdad. And Jason, what are you supposed to be?
Jason: Soy un assistante de Santa Claus...un elf.
Chico: I would've guessed a garden gnome. :-)
Jason: LOL
Gordon: That's the same outfit you wore when you won the World's Largest Beach Ball.
Jason: I washed it.
Chico: Okay, I have a gift for both of you. Sure thing, free and clear... a $500 gift card to Cost Plus World Market.
Jason: Very cool.
Gordon: Whoo hoo

Cost Plus World Market gift cards... for the newlywed or the lingoist who has everything, give them a bonus that's anything but ordinary and good as cash at any Cost Plus World Market store or at worldmarket.com.

Chico: GSN loves the World Market for some reason? The exchange of monedas perhaps. Anyway. You can keep that gift card, one for each of you... or I have ... BAM! A small envelope. On it: "El juego de los recién casados"
Jason: I see. I like the Gift Card
Gordon: That would be Newlywed Game for the Spanish uninclined.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: I'll go with the Newlywed Game
Chico: This could be cash... it could be ... trip tickets... It could be parking tickets... Gordon's going to trade, give me back my gift card... Jason... keeps his gift card.. I'm looking in the envelope... Oh Jason... OH JASON.... It's CASH. $4200.
Jason: That's ok.
Gordon: Weeeeeeee!

That was the money won by the winning Newlywed team on Thursday's Lingo.

Chico: So you get it? Newlywed game?
Jason: I got it. :)
Chico: Yeah, you're about to get it now, because folks, I have a small box.
Jason: Any clue?
Chico: "Expedicion Imposible"
Gordon: I think that could be figured out without translation.
Chico: Yeah.
Jason: I sense a camel. I am keeping my card.
Gordon: I don't think there's going to be a camel in a small box, but I'll keep the $4,200.
Chico: You're both keeping your stuff...
Chico: Opening the box... USED LANTERNS!
Jason: YES! Un CHASCO!

A collection of used lanterns. These lamps may light the path, but they didn't like the way for Mom's Army. In brightest day, in blackest night, they light the way to a CHASCO! BRRRRRRRRAP!

Chico: You're both doing very well. BUT... I'm not done yet. I have... a BIG BOX.
Jason: I see it
Chico: The clue... "Chef".
Gordon: You know, I'm in the mood for food., I'll trade.
Chico: I'll tell you right now, that's what "MasterChef" translates into.
Jason: I will take this.
Gordon: I'll still trade.
Jason: (hands you back the card)
Chico: Okay, you both trade, you both get ... This. It's a pair of iPads!

(Both of these stylish 32 gig Apple iPad 2s come with WiFi + 3G AND the MasterChef Academy app preloaded. If you love cooking, it's the place to be. Elevate your cooking skills and have fun in the kitchen at the same time. We're also throwing a year's worth of unlimited service in a copy of "Masterchef: The Magazine" and a membership to TasteofHome.com This trato is worth $2435!)

Jason: NICE!
Chico: Less than the cash, but very nice still.
Jason: I went up :)
Gordon: Not bad
Chico: Not bad at all.. I have a CURTAIN now. This one says... Chef Extrema.
Jason: OH NO. The Ipads are mine :)
Gordon: You know - I'll trade it.
Chico: All right... You just gave back iPads... for this...

It's a trio... of ghetto fabulous food trucks! They have no stove, so you're going to have to cook on the engine block. They have no roof, so you're not protected in case of rain. And good luck getting inside of them, because like America's Next Great Restaurant, they're all closed down. It's an Extremely BAD.... Cha-cha-cha-CHASCO! BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAP1)

Jason: SAFE!
Chico: You got two friends for those?
Gordon: I had them until they turned on me and gave me ghetto food trucks.
Chico: Heh.
Jason: LOL
Chico: It's not over yet. Because I have one more GRAN TRATO. And it has an X Factor. ... I have TWO doors... One says "EL VOZ". The other says "101 MANERAS A SALIR UN JUEGO." You can trade for either of the door... OR if you think I've done something incredibly evil and put chascos behind BOTH doors... You can take the $4200 from earlier. Gordon?
Gordon: You know what? I'm going to take the $4,200. Cause I think that if I was me, I'd be incredibly evil and do that. And plus I know you've been waiting to get at me for awhile.
Chico: That's true. You SURE you don't want a door?
Gordon: I'm positive. Go torture Jason.
Chico: Okay, Jason.. You can have a door... OR you can have the money.
Jason: I will Take EL VOZ.
Chico: No one picked 101 Ways to Leave a Game Show.. Behind that door... A NEW CAR!
Gordon: Ooooh. Aaaah.
Jason: Drat
Chico: ... I'm not done yet. *breaks out walkie-talkie* Augustus... release Truck Norris.

(Monster truck with "CHASCO" written on it stomps the new car flat)

Chico: THAT NEVER GETS OLD!
Gordon: No it doesn't.
Jason: WOW :)
Gordon: Nice flat car.
Jason: Flat car
Chico: Awesome. Now Gordon.. you have $4200... That's yours. You can have that.
Gordon: Its all mine.
Chico: Take it, enjoy yourself.
Gordon: I can buy platters of moon cheese with that
Chico: Jason... You had a gift card... you traded it for lanterns... traded THOSE for iPads... and now you're going home ... with this... IT'S A TRIP TO HOLLAND!
Jason: WHOO HOO!

Take in the sights of Amsterdam, Europe's most exquisite city, where you and a guest will stay six nights at an executive suite at the Hotel Okura Amsterdam. Round trip airfare is included. Plus you may want to get your best gear on, because you're going to the finale of season 2 of "The Voice of Holland" in Hilversum! And what's a trip to Holland without cash? So here's how much Javier Colon won, $100,000! ROUND TRIP AIRFARE IS INCLUDED IN THIS GRAN TRATO WORTH... $111,048!

Jason: HOLY S*** (HUGS CHICO)
Gordon: ...you mean Jason actually did something right?
Chico: Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Slightly awkward man hug.
Jason: Yes. WHOO HOO!
Gordon: It's a good thing I kept the money. I would have gone against him and gotten the flattened car.
Chico: Es un BUEN TRATO! Speed Round is next, but first... Jason... here's 30 seconds.
Jason: Thank you very much. I just want to say to all my friends who are going to the Trivia Championships of North America. Wish I could go. This is going to be 10 shades of awesome. If you do, http://www.tcona.com. Enjoy. Done.

(Brought to you by Extreme Fireworks. Sure you can cook in extreme conditions, but what about answering questions during a 4th of July Fireworks display? Good luck hearing the questions.)

Chico: What?
Jason: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Chico: WHAT? HUH?
Gordon: Nice. Now all of you guys, please be careful out there.
Chico: Yep. We want you back next week and that means that you have to watch yourself THIS week.
Jason: Don't drink and drive. And leave the fireworks to the experts.
Chico: And lay off the lighter fluid. If you happen to work with propane and propane accessories.
Gordon: Please do. Now let's go to our Speed Round...Now!
Chico: Expedition Impossible! Who's next to go?
Gordon: The old farts.
Jason: Them
Chico: Gramps.
Gordon: America's Got Talent: We didn't go over anything this week on them, because they stunk. Are we going to get anything better this week?
Jason: Yup.
Chico: Can't do any worse.
Gordon: Sure we could.
Chico: MasterChef. Max took his hubris elsewhere this week. Who follows him?
Gordon: Is anybody watching Masterchef?
Chico: ... I am? All my foodie friends are...that's about 12 right there.
Gordon: Go find some more people. Do we have any mail?
Chico: We do. You remember a long time ago you asked what was more important, a $100,000 win on Lingo or a Double Showcase win on Price?
Jason: Right
Chico: Someone actually answered it!
Jason: Cool.
Chico: This is from Lee DiGeorge...

“

Lee DiGeorge Neither? I consider someone even seeing a million dollar wwtbam question more important than both combined.

”

Jason: Interesting.
Chico: Very interesting. Though seeing the question and answering it correctly are two different animals.
Gordon: Let's get a new question up there. And here it is...

“

WLTI'S BIG FACEBOOK QUESTION! In honor of the 4th of July Holiday, which new Summer show would you like to see explode like a firework?

”

Chico: Answer it at facebook.com/wlti.gsnn And while you're there.. Go on and like us. Because we like you. And we like it when people we like like us back.
Jason: Agreed.
Chico: And we like Jason for hanging out with us this week. Happy 4th, J! :-)
Jason: Thank you. And to all the military personnel, active or reserve who read this (and we know you do). Thank you for continuing to do what you do. Which is protect our freedom to say what we do.
Gordon: Thank you all. We can't do this without you.
Chico: We honestly can't. And that is a bombshell we CAN end on. Next week, Big Brother is watching people who have already been watched. Will our animosity for All-Stars continue?
Gordon: Undoubtedly.
Jason: Let's see how they do it.
Chico: For Gordon and everyone at Game Show Newsnet, I'm Chico Alexander... and I think I'll let the president take it from here...

Bill Pullman: "Today... We celebrate... OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY."

Chico: Best movie line in the history of everything ever. Until next week. Game over... and spread the love.