Episode 27.3 - Trilogy of Terrible
June 20

Chico: Hey, there. I'm Chico Alexander... and you ever get that feeling when you watch a show and you can't unwatch it?
Jason: Many times. Unfortunately.
Chico: I've had that feeling THREE times this week! Four if you count America's Got Talent... and FIVE if you count what happened after the Bruins won the Stanley Cup. What the hell, Vancouver?
Jason: That was BAD
Chico: What the hell, Vancouver?
Jason: And unsportsmanlike
Chico: What the hell, Vancouver?
Jason: And incredibly DUMB.
Chico: SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HELL, VANCOUVER?!
Gordon: It's sort of like watching The Anthony Weiner Press conferences back to back to back.
Chico: Sorta kinda yeah. I mean, there are a lot of excuses, but in the end, it's just someone schlonging the rest of us.
Gordon: Or in this case, texting us their schlong
Jason: LOL
Chico: We're going to try to keep the jokes tasteful from here on out (or at least as tasteful as we can make them), because from somewhere in America, the Trilogy of Terrible that we call WLTI... is.... ON!
Gordon: Yay. Gordon 'The Terrible' Pepper here, Along with Chico 'Awful' Alexander and special guest Jason 'Brutal' Block.
Jason: Greetings from Ft. Wayne, Indiana. Where I have made $50 in casino profit.
Gordon: That would be the highlight of this week, right there.
Chico: Not bad for a lot of slots and a racetrack.
Jason: Boo yah.
Chico: It's called a "racino".
Gordon: We've come up with the lame horses. Let's put it this way, usually we save the new reviews for the end of the Opening Round. This week, we're going to start with them FIRST just to get them out of the way.
Jason: Oh boy.
Gordon: What piece of dreck do we want to start with first?
Jason: LOL
Chico: First up... The Glee Project. A little background noise. Once upon a time, there was a dramedy about a fledgling teacher and his glee club of misfits in Lima, Ohio. It was cute, but then it blew up and became this huge moneymaker for Fox. Enter "The Glee Project", which gives an opportunity for one person to win a seven-episode stretch on the show.
Gordon: Here's the rundown: 12 wannabe actors get to perform for a high school show in the hopes of being good in a 7 episode character arc.
Chico: I remember this show back when it was on ABC and it was called "High School Musical: Get in the Picture" or... something.
Jason: Exactly. Sounds familiar.
Gordon: The 12 people get lessons and we get rid of the Beauty School Drop Outs. So...the good.
Chico: If you're a fan of the show... you'll like the atmosphere. Maybe.
Gordon: It does stay in the feel of the show.
Chico: Exactly. Almost a goof on "The Real World If It Were In The Universe of Glee".
Gordon: That's about it for The Good. Now the bad (takes out pencil and paper)
Jason: Here we go.
Chico: *breaks out legal pad* Where to start... 1) Players showing zero personality.
Gordon: 2. I think Jason can smell the Xerox fumes all the way from Indiana.
Jason: ROFL. Yes.
Chico: So there's one and two. Three... no real attempt to de-mystify the phenomenon...
Gordon: 4. Unfortunately, there's a reason why these kids aren't currently on Glee.
Jason: They suck, get out? :)
Chico: They suck, get out. Maybe they'll grow to be good, but the fact of the matter is that the cast of Glee is super talented, LEAGUES ahead of anyone here.
Gordon: I'm not going to be that harsh, because they can always get better. My point is that there has to be 12 kids who are ready to hit the big time. These aren't those 12.
Chico: Nope. ALSO... And this hits home for me because I was in glee during high school and college, not to mention a member of the UNC Achordants...Do you actually see any of these people in your run of the mill glee club? Even in the Hollywood version of the run of the mill glee club? I mean, it'd stand out like a sore thumb, these guys.
Gordon: I have. It makes it a sad glee club.
Chico: I just have a hard time believing any of them belonged in McKinley High.
Gordon: And I'm sure they are talented. It's just not their time. And unfortunately, like these talent shows, you have to have talent that's ready. They aren't. And 5. The adults don't help. They all have the personality of one of those wire metal music stands.
Chico: Including, surprisingly enough, Ryan Murphy, who you'd expect to be all gung ho being the driving force of the show. We don't get that.
Gordon: His clothing has more personality than he does. That's the other nice thing about the show. I liked his hat.
Chico: I want that hat.
Gordon: It's a nice hat.
Chico: At the end of the day, I want to know who the critics were who acclaimed this show, because I want to know if they were watching the same show I was.
Gordon: I'm guessing the same critics haven't seen any other talent shows that blow this out of the water.
Chico: And can I throw out a number?
Gordon: Please do
Chico: 455,000.
Jason: Ratings?
Chico: Ratings.
Jason: That sounds bad.
Chico: If this was a show on GSN, we'd be jumping out of our seats in ... well.. Glee. Unfortunately, it's a show on Oxygen and expectations are that much higher. And with such lofty expectations.... you can imagine why the folks at NBC Universal are scratching their heads.

	THE GLEE PROJECT Oxygen - 9p ET Sundays
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	F	F	F	EPIC FAIL

Gordon: Let me throw out another number. This one is a Broadway number - an original song sung by the Glee Cast during season two. 'Hell to the No'. F.
Chico: AH. Play on numbers.
Gordon: Oui oui
Chico: Here's a number for you... straight from the show... "I bust the windows out your car...." F. So that makes it an EPIC FAIL!
Jason: I will pass but it doesn't seem I missed much LOL
Chico: Did you miss Rocco's Dinner Party?
Jason: I missed all of it. Sorry. :(
Chico: You didn't miss much on Rocco DiSpirito's new show either. Basically, it's Chopped meets Come Dine with Me.
Gordon: The show makes me LOVE Platinum Hit in comparison
Jason: Hot diggity, G.
Chico: It's a show on Bravo. That's all you need to know.
Gordon: It's Rocco DeSpirito! It's the Chopped Format! We're going to give out $20,000 to the winner! That HAS to be a hit...right?
Chico: Here's the thing: Rocco has invited three chefs to cook two dinner parties for his friends. And by his friends, we mean whoever Bravo can get to show up. There's a signature dish challenge.. someone gets eliminated, then there's a party, and whoever entertains the best wins $20K.
Jason: (puts on Mask for Xerox Fumes) Should I turn up the Oxygen?
Chico: Please do.
Jason: (turns on Oxygen) I can breathe. The fumes are oppressive.
Chico: The good... the chefs are more talented than those you see on Chopped, though at the same time, they are a little less nerved and you don't see the heart of the competition...
Gordon: Well you do have a higher talent level. That's good. And the production levels are good. Even though it's a Xerox Copy - it's a good Xerox.
Chico: It's a laser copy.
Jason: I see.
Gordon: Yep.
Chico: So good competition (if only because the formula has been done before). Good talent. That's the good... The bad... *flips page on legal pad*
Gordon: (Grabs more paper)
Chico: Rocco DiSpirito has yet to improve his TV personage. He's still the same a-hole he was when he was on The Restaurant.
Gordon: He's not someone I want to watch on a weekly basis, and unfortunately, that's what the show hinges on.
Chico: Let's face it. His name's in the title.
Jason: Exactly.
Chico: So his thought - it has to be about him. It is not about you just because your name is in the title.
Gordon: He needs to take lessons form Ted Allen and Tom Colicchio.
Jason: To Dial back the ego
Chico: And you notice we haven't even gotten to the "guests" yet.
Jason: Good grief
Chico: It's the usual mix of celebrities who have time on their hands and chefs who have something to pimp
Jason: I see.
Gordon: You wouldn't even think that this is less of a dining competition and more of a platform to shill, do you?
Jason: I sense sarcasm.
Gordon: Tongue firmly in cheek, which is not a good way to taste any of the food being plated.
Chico: Heh. It's a cooking show. They're ALL shilling SOMETHING.
Gordon: Well my problem also is that this is less of a competition and more of an infomercial with a cooking competition added on.
Chico: Right.
Jason: Which is not good if you are trying to make it a competition.

	ROCCO'S DINNER PARTY Bravo - 10p ET Wednesdays
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	D	D-	NO GRADE	D

Chico: Nope. So all in all, if you get an invite to Rocco's Dinner Party, you may want to pass on it. A D-. For the talent.
Gordon: I'm going to be a little kinder, but not much. D. Then after the party, it's time to go hunting ghosts.
Chico: I ain't afraid of no ghosts. Ghost hunters on the other hand...
Gordon: It's time for The Paranormal Challenge. 2 teams look to see who can uncover more paranormal evidence.
Chico: Hey Gordon!
Gordon: Hey Chico!
Chico: Remember "Murder"?
Gordon: I do remember "Murder."
Chico: It's kinda like that! Only with a real dead person!
Gordon: YAY! I loved Murder! I hated this.
Chico: Yep. And you know what the winner gets? NOTHING! Granted, the winner of Iron Chef America ALSO gets nothing, but what the prize lacks, the prestige more than makes up for. Here there's no prize, there's no prestige, there's just the satisfaction of having disturbed the already dead... that alone should be disturbing in and of itself
Jason: Lovely. :(
Chico: And that's not even mentioning that Zak Bagans is about as entertaining as a bag of baby sick.
Gordon: The show itself is disturbing. And I hate to say this, but it seems more like the 'Hunters' are spending less time finding ghosts and more time getting their acting chops in gear.
Jason: Fakery?
Chico: Maaaaaaaaaybe.
Jason: I see.
Chico: Because let's face it.... 90 times out of 100 if you're on a basic cable reality show... you're not competing for the ultimate prize.
Jason: ROFL.
Chico: You're wanting to put your face out there. And I defy anyone to tell me any different. =p

	PARANORMAL CHALLENGE Travel - 9p ET Fridays
	GORDON	CHICO	JASON	AVERAGE-O-MATIC
	F	F	NO GRADE	EPIC FAIL

Gordon: True. That is the ultimate prize. And Hence I give it the ultimate grade...of failure. F U.
Jason: LOL
Chico: I give it the Cee-Lo...F U... and F Her Too.
Jason: LOL
Chico: We went 0 for the World this week.
Gordon: Maybe some America's Got Talent will cheer you up.
Chico: Or not.



Jason: I have it Dvr'd.
Chico: This week, we're back in Seattle.
Jason: I see.
Chico: Here's what you have to look forward to, J... A men's chorale singing Britney Spears... A woman who sings about dead people... A guy who blows.... up hot water bottles...
Jason: Yuck
Chico: A band of fathers who were almost really good... but good enough to get through when the judges meet teh babies... A repeat offender from "Make Me Laugh" (1997) ... and the best act of the night... a group of 8- to 10-year-olds called The Art of Teknique. They're a hip-hop dance crew.
Jason: Winning Act?
Chico: Not even close.
Gordon: Do they sing?
Chico: No. And I'll say it right now... They were really good... but if they were in step with each other... they'd be fantastic.
Gordon: As they don't sing, they have no shot.
Jason: Sort of a B-Team week?
Chico: Yeah. I think all the talent in Seattle passed in day 1.
Gordon: It would be B-Team week, unfortunately. Not only did I not see a million dollar act, I didn't see a Top Ten act.
Jason: Do you think they put this on just in case they had a Stanley Cup Game 7, or did it just work out that way?
Chico: I think it just worked out that way. Just a stinker of a week.
Jason: Gotcha
Gordon: Could we find anything better on The Voice?
Chico: Yes we could... Unfortunately the folks in America would vote with their hearts instead of their ear holes, so we have...



Chico: We have the result of the first public vote. This is for Christina's Team and Blake's Team. TWO singers from each team would move on in the competition. The other four would go home. The public vote went to.... from Team Christina, a bit of a shocker, Beverly McClellan. Well, not exactly. I mean she did a mean Melissa Etheridge. And that really struck a chord. That and America loves an underdog. Unfortunately, Christina loves Frenchie, so she gets saved.
Jason: Which is showing the weakness of the concept, no?
Chico: Like you haven't seen the weakness before.
Jason: Duh :)
Chico: Try and be surprised, Jay.
Gordon: Shall I be more blunt?
Jason: Go for it.
Chico: Why not.
Gordon: As always, Back Story > Talent
Chico: Thank you.
Jason: Amen, unfortunately.
Chico: Beverly is perhaps the most compelling character on the show. Notice the word I said, "character".
Gordon: Character? Yes. Singer? no.
Chico: Right.
Gordon: I think Christina did the right thing. Frenchie is the best singer left. However, what I though more interesting was the results on Blake's Side.
Chico: Agreed.
Jason: Exactly.
Chico: Dia Frampton won the public vote there.
Jason: As far as character.
Chico: No argument.
Gordon: Which is not a shock. You knew she would be an underdog.
Chico: Again, no argument. BUT! BUT!
Jason: BUT What?
Chico: Out of the three remaining, Patrick Thomas, Xenia, and Jared Blake, Blake saved Xenia. He was fighting for Patrick, and he saved Xenia. I'll let that macerate for a while..
Jason: WHA?
Gordon: If you're going to reflect your feelings, then do it. Don't swerve for the heck of it.
Jason: Or swerve because the producers may have "told you do"
Chico: Once again Mark Burnett creating drama where none needs to exist.
Gordon: It takes out the realism of the moment.
Jason: You mean there is realism?
Chico: What's this realism you speak of?
Gordon: Ha ha ha. Seriously, it hurts you as an artist.
Chico: It really does.
Jason: Yes :)
Chico: So taking from that... what can we glean from the other two teams?
Jason: Some of them just don't have it. I heard some really bad notes from the clips I heard.
Chico: Javier and Jeff are the best singers from Adam's squad... there's a strong chance that only ONE of them makes it through, though.
Gordon: Very, because the performances were...shall I say...tepid at best?
Chico: Bingo.
Gordon: I mean all of that good will gone in 4 minutes.
Jason: yipe and double yipe
Chico: And then there's the matter of Cee Lo's team... The only two I remember... Vicci and the Thompson Not-Twins.
Gordon: Well what exactly about THAT do you remember?
Chico: Their NAMES! :-)
Jason: (rimshot)
Gordon: What about their performances?
Chico: Meh. Let's just say song choice, people. Song choice. I couldn't connect with either of these two acts. That's wasted potential.
Gordon: Wasted time as well. I mean now, I have no idea who's going to win - but for the wrong reasons.
Chico: Drives you nuts, don't it?
Jason: Of course.
Gordon: It does. But when you look at it, it all pales in comparison to one of the greats - and who would have helped this out if he was still around.
Jason: Which is?
Chico: That would be one Paul Alter, one of the most legendary directors in game show history. I need a Big Board, please.

Chico: We're calling this one... Paul Alter: An Appreciation.
Jason: Amen to that.
Chico: He's produced over 60 shows. If you've seen any show produced by Goodson-Todman/Goodson over the past 50 or so years, then you may have seen his work.
Jason: His hand has been in pretty much everything.
Chico: Beat the Clock, Two for the Money, The Price Is Right, What's My Line?, I've Got a Secret, To Tell the Truth, Tattletales, Password, Body Language, and Family Feud, to name a few.
Chico: He's won Daytime Emmy gold in 1982 and 1996 for Feud and TPIR.
Jason: A game show legend.
Chico: And... AND... Who remembers the classic TTTT theme music?
Jason: I do.
Chico: "It's a lie, lie you're telling a lie... " That was Paul Alter.
Jason: He sang it or wrote it?
Chico: Wrote.
Jason: Well I'll be.
Gordon: It's amazing what he's done as one of the lesser known names in the business.
Chico: One of the unsung heroes, if you will.
Jason: Oh yeah. If you grew up in the 1970s and 1980s. He was a huge influence.
Chico: Yep. Think we'll leave it with this YouTube gem dug up by our own Doug Morris... This is from a 1990 ep of Feud that aired on GSN ... Roll the tape.



Chico: Basically sums up the man and his legacy in a couple of minutes.
Jason: Pretty much.
Gordon: It's a great loss for the community.
Jason: Huge loss. :(
Chico: Before we throw it to the hams, who've bowed their heads in the Choppler... A moment, please for Paul Alter.

(silence...bows head)

Gordon: Thank you
Chico: And with that, let's...
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage!

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug, and thanks for the clip. Let's start things off with a greenlight.
Jason: Do you need the bat?
Chico: I'll tell you to get the bat.
Jason: ok
Chico: But let's greenlight it first.
Jason: alright
Chico: *breaks out the Green Lantern's lantern* ... What, I saw the midnight show. I had to.
Jason: Alright then :)

CBS has greenlit a David Arquette/Courteney Cox joint called "Identity Crisis" to pilot.

Jason: Yeah I read...this isn't going to go well
Chico: If you're interested in participating in the pilot, search for "Identity Crisis" at RealityWanted.com. Teams of two guess the identities of famous faces ... and that's pretty much it. Gee, what does THIS remind you of.
Gordon: (Grabs Yellow Ring. Constructs a giant baseball bat and knocks it off the show.)
Jason: ROFL GEEK!
Chico: ... Gordon's a-scared. He's a scared Sinestro.
Gordon: Bwa ha ha ha ha
Chico: Okay, I'm going to conjure up... *constructs* TWO baseball bats. Because I have TWO appointments to announce.

First up, congrats to Wipeout's new sideline reporter, some woman by the name of Vanessa Minnillo...

Jason: Hotness!
Chico: I guess she'll do, I don't know.

... and congrats to the NEW voice... of Wheel of Fortune... JIM THORNTON, COME ON DOWN!

Chico: Great choice there.
Jason: A very good choice. Because his voice was as close to Charlie. Calm. respectful and low-key. A perfect choice.
Chico: Actually reminds me more of Edd Kooky Byrnes.
Jason: But the right choice
Gordon: It is the best choice. Now of course there's going to be a bunch of Rich Fields fans who will call blasphemy - and I do like Rich Fields - but this is the right choice.
Chico: Given all the people that tried, yes.
Jason: But Rich Fields, great as he is, was the round peg in the square hole,
Chico: And besides, Rich isn't exactly hurting for work. But Jim... This is the right fit.
Gordon: It's not even that. It's that Thornton is an excellent fit
Chico: This feels familiar. And that is a good thing.
Jason: Yeah. Its about the best choice you can get. He is filling big shoes, but we wish him well.
Chico: We do. Honor the microphone.
Jason: Do us proud.
Chico: And now for more coming attractions... Here's Sinestro. :-)
Jason: LOL
Gordon: (Creates a yellow datebook)

Lots of shows coming up - 101 Ways To Leave a Game show and Wipeout on Tuesday, The Challenge: Rivals on Wednesday, Expedition impossible on Thursday, and The Marriage Ref on Sunday. Hopefully some of these will be better than what we got this week.

Jason: Let us hope.
Chico: It's gotta be better. It's Wipeout!
Jason: Big Balls.
Chico: If Wipeout isn't good... the world just doesn't make any sense!
Gordon: The power of Sinestro compels thee (Shines yellow light on Wipeout)
Jason: Oh no
Chico: Before this geekery fest continues any further, let's go on a trip.
Jason: To where?
Chico: Let's go to Canada. They need some good news.
Jason: Tell me about it...

Teletoon is ordering a new season of "Splatalot" for both English and French-speaking parts of the country.

Jason: Kids show. Nice.
Chico: Very. And talk about getting medieval on everybody.
Gordon: I can get medieval on dumb people
Chico: Please do.

Are YOU Smarter Than...Terrell Owens? The winner of ESPN Bowling night is under investigation for co-sponsoring a casino, which as a professional athlete is a definite no-no.

Jason: oops.
Chico: And another one gone and another one gone, another one bites the dust.
Jason: Seven come a niner.
Chico: But yeah, a definite no-no.
Gordon: And now for a lot of Haterade.



Jason: How much?
Chico: About two restaurants worth.
Jason: yipe.
Chico: Maybe a little more for good measure.
Jason: I need my big cup
Gordon: Remember NBC's Restaurant show where the winner would get a chain of 3 restaurants?
Jason: Yeah of course. Don't tell me the deal is off>?
Gordon: The deal is still on...sort of...

...but the winning restaurant, Soul Daddy, is now a chain of 1 restaurant. The other 2 have been shuttered.

Chico: ... a RESTAURANT. The location at NYC? Gone. The location in LA... Also gone. That only leaves the one at Mall of America.
Gordon: So much for the long-term commitment to a chain.
Chico: About as long term as a televised Bachelor's relationship.
Gordon: I think the Soul Daddy needs to get Fully Loaded
Chico: I think so too.
Jason: (HIC)

Let's Make a Deal season 3 premieres this fall. BUT! You can get a preview right now at youtube.com/letsmakeadealshow

Jason: The set looks really good. I like the Big middle floor thing.
Chico: Say right now, the set gets redid... Wayne's rocking the bald'n'sexy now. And apparently there's a music guy now :-) So he'll be bald for the Daytime Emmys.
Gordon: I hear that's better to find Media Hoes with.
Jason: But yeah, they are going bigger and better for #3
Chico: ("Pimpin' All Over the world")

In this weeks Media Ho Report, Jessica Simpson shows up for Fashion Star, Christina Aguilera guests on a Maroon 5 single, Jennifer Lopez is deciding whether to return to Idol...

Jason: (backs up money truck). Right, Rob?
Rob the Cash Cow: Moo.

Cedric the Entertainer plays Arkansas and Ashley Hebert claims to be engaged. I'm sure Chico is thrilled.

Chico: I'll believe it when ABC wants to pay for it.
Jason: Cynical much?
Chico: Who me?
Gordon: Heh. But none of them are the hoes of the week.
Chico: Sir Bruce?
Gordon: Sir no.
Chico: Darn.
Gordon: Your hoes are any American Idols listed here. If you want to book them for a show, here are their going rates.

http://blogs.ajc.com/american-idol-blog/2011/06/13/you-want-an-idol-alum-for-your-party-here-are-some-rates/

Chico: Carly Smithson's band is going for $5000 to $10,000.
Gordon: I'll hire them for your wedding to Ashley Hebert
Jason: Damn son.
Chico: But if you happen to win Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and have half a mill lying about... you can get Carrie Underwood or Kelly Clarkson to play your wedding... Gordon.
Jason: Do they do bar mitzvahs?
Chico: Good question.
Gordon: I'm sure they would. And those...are your hoes.
Chico: Still think Sir Bruce got hosed there. And that's Brainvision. Shut it down, Jay.
Jason: (Shutting down) Guys, I have to run, thanks for letting me hang.
Chico: Thanks, J :-) Jason's flown off in the Choppler. I hope he returns it for next week's show.
Gordon: What do we have next?
Chico: Next... I'm bringing the slightly-less-than-cool wall back. But first? Good News.. Bad News... and a twist. Because I know how you love twists.
Gordon: You're reading WLTi. You give us 22 minutes, and we'll try to find you 22 current reality shows that don't suck.....well, make that 2,222 minutes.
Chico: You got a week?

(Brainvision is powered by "So You Think You Can Sing", a talent contest for dancers who think they can sing. Who'll be the next J-Lo, and who'll be the next J-Hough? Yeah, remember her?)

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