Episode 27.4 - Television
Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and you know
Chico, I've been thinking.
Chico: That's got me worried.
Jason: Big time.
Gordon: Hush, both of you. But you know we've been believing the impossible,
with the Paranormal, and gay rights in NYC.
Chico: And you know what, I'm going to make a rare statement at a time like
this... I'm cool with it.
Jason: True. We are here.
Chico: But now that that's out of the way, I got something impossible... a game
show that doesn't suck premiering this week.
Jason: NO way!
Chico: And no, it's not the one you think it is. We'll find out together which
one it is, because from Somewhere in America... WLTI... is... ON!
Jason: WOO HOO!
Gordon: Gordon Pepper here, along with our special guest this week, Mr. Jason
Jason: Glad to be here.
Chico: As usual, we got a lot to cover, so let's start with last Sunday's Emmy
Awards. Seemed like a dirge for daytime television which really bummed a couple
of people out. And by that, I mean it got its lowest ratings in a good long
Jason: Soap Operas are dead. Deal.
Chico: But it was good news for a couple of shows. First, we had a Christine
Lahti moment when Ben Bailey won his second Emmy for outstanding game show host.
That being, when his name was called, he was in the bathroom.
Gordon: Well, that's a good symbolization of the night, when the show pretty
much was in the crapper.
Chico: I hope he washed his hands afterwards.
Gordon: And then later on in the evening, the crap hit the fan.
Chico: I'd have to say so. In the Outstanding Game Show category... a TIE! Now
the nominees were The Price Is Right, Cash Cab, Wheel, and Jeopardy!. For the
last three or so years, the award was given to Cash Cab. This year... a TIE
between Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy!, meaning that Harry Friedman was in the
awkward position of holding TWO Emmys at once on stage. Not to take anything
from his wins, but this was not at all unexpected.
Gordon: Now keep in mind that this year, Alex Trebek and Pat Sajak, the host of
those respective shows, won lifetime achievement awards.
Chico: Alex and Pat, definitely deserving of the awards. But, and it's a
cautious but, the last time I raised an eyebrow about an award show was four or
five years ago when Bob Barker and The Price Is Right swept the series on the
night of his final show.
Gordon: It's sort of like...a tie? Really? The same night they get Lifetime
Jason: It does seem...shenanigan like
Gordon: Now for one or the other show to win, that wouldn't surprise me. But a
tie seems like they got NBA ex ref Tim Donaghy to count the ballots.
Chico: Not to play conspiracy theorist, and it could very well have been that
Wheel and Jeopardy! were the best of 2010... but... REALLY!?
Jason: It's very suspicious
Chico: I can't help but think that there was a little Hollywood backrubbing
Gordon: I think it's the tie aspect that got a lot of people buzzing.
Jason: Buzzing? There is a whole hive like buzzing going on.
Chico: And like you said before, it wouldn't have meant diddly-poo if one or the
other won... but a tie?
Jason: There were more ties than the 2000 Florida Election on this Emmy show.
Chico: Oh yeah.
Gordon: It's like 'Oh let's give everyone a happy ending, and screw the
Chico: Or as Jay said... Everyone gets a cookie.
Gordon: What flavor is your cookie?
Jason: Chocolate Chip.
Jason: There were 3 ties this year.
Gordon: And the other 2?
Jason: Drama Series Directing for Y&R and Bold and the Beautiful and talk show
host for Dr. Oz and Regis
Gordon: Regis, of course, is retiring this year.
Chico: Red flag.
Gordon: However, in terms of the Soap Operas, neither one was slated to be
Gordon: So for the 'ties' - so does everyone get a happy ending, or does the
cookie leave a bad aftertaste in your mouth?
Chico: Seems rather odd to me.
Jason: Life Isn't Fair. Sorry. People WIN and lose.
Chico: A show that supposedly honors all that is good in daytime television, and
it reeks of a bit of electioneering.
Jason: It's makes about as much sense as 10 Best Picture Nominees in the Os
Chico: Not saying that that happened, but to quote Douglas Adams, "If it looks
like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the
possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our
Gordon: Well the problem with too many ducks is that it creates inbreeding and
we get mutant ducks.
Chico: Case in point...This week's premieres.
Gordon: quack quack quack
Chico: The first of which is a mutant form of Jeopardy! meets Fear Factor. If
ever you needed proof that "British" doesn't necessarily mean "good", enter "101
Ways to Leave a Game Show".
Chico: Another in a line of "shows I really wanted to like... but didn't."
Gordon: I thgouht we had that with Million Dollar Money Drop, etc.
Chico: That would be "Way #101: The Drop of Terror". Let's get one thing out of
the way... you are not going to watch this for what Jay's Uncle Harry calls
"smart TV". You're going to watch it for the schadenfreude.
Jason: How people get knocked out.
Chico: You see, every round ends in spectacular fashion as the loser is expelled
in one of a number of ways. Let's talk about the good. If you liked Jeff
Sutphen's backhanded snark of Brainsurge, he's got a lot more where that came
Jason: Big time.
Chico: If you can watch with that in mind, then MAYBE you can last the hour.
Gordon: Sorry, what was that? I picked up some good zzzs when watching the sho...ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Chico: For the rest of us, it was REALLY, REALLY HARD.
Chico: Wake up, butthead.
Chico: *slaps G's shoulder*
Jason: It's a 5 minutes gimmick which is stretched into an hour
Gordon: You know, I remember telling you guys how awful this show was going to
be in the U.S.
Jason: And you were right.
Chico: Well, in its defense, it's better than the original British, in which you
just had the tower and the people getting (BLANKED) from it. At least it's more
Gordon: Oh yay.
Jason: Shouldn't it be creative in the game play?
Chico: It should be.
Gordon: This is a 30 minute show that got stretched into an hour and the format
for either case doesn't work.
Chico: But it reminds me why Distraction was only HALF an hour. Basically, it's
overwrought and overlong.
Jason: And slow.
Chico: Still, the kids oughta like it.
Gordon: Well forget that. The whole premise stinks. I'm stuck with an answer I
didn't want and I lose.
Chico: Yeah, about that. Boo.
101 WAYS TO LEAVE A GAME SHOW
ABC - 9p ET Tuesdays
Jason: I can't totally fail this. Jeff is the
only thing that saves this. D-
Chico: So the format doesn't work, the show is stretched out, and the host is
the only saving grace from it. I'm with J on this: D-.
Gordon: I give no show with a bad game direction a saving grade. F.
Chico: Basically put, there's one SURE way to leave this game show... change the
Jason: And please do.
Chico: Jeff's got a lot of talent to carry a big league show... But this won't
be that show.
Gordon: Now why don't you guys listen to me more often?
Chico: Because you're Gordon :P Sticking with ABC for a moment, let's go to
Thursday and the launch of Expedition Impossible... "THENEXTGREATADVENTURE FROM
MARK BURNETT EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF SURVIVOR!!!!111'
Gordon: You mean Amazing Race: Morocco?
Jason: Or: The 2011 Ford Explorer Infomercial?
Chico: Yes and yes. Now a long time ago, before Survivor, before 5th Grader,
before he was schtupping the chick from Touched by an Angel, there was a show
called Eco-Challenge. This is essentially a revisit of said format.
Jason: Is he gambling on people forgetting?
Chico: Moaybe. So some may say it's a copy of the Race and I can see where
they'd get that, but if you ask me, it's more Mark Burnett coming full circle.
Jason: Even so....(puts on Xerox Mask (TM)) Like the Camo pattern?
Chico: Very nice.
Gordon: Well, unlike 101 Ways to screw up a format, there is some good about it.
Chico: Let's hear it.
Jason: The production values are fantastic
Chico: Very much. It's movie-esque.
Gordon: The visuals are amazing.
Chico: And the challenges are leagues beyond Amazing Race caliber.
Gordon: um....no (buzz) To determine whether or not you're eliminated, you have
to count snakes? Really?
Chico: Aside from that one. =p
Gordon: The only way this would be hard is if I'm Lindsay Lohan after a bender
on my knees during one of her alcoholic parties. Then there could be too many
snakes to count.
Chico: She might decide to do it face first, but ANYWAY.
Jason: And there goes the ratings.
Chico: I'd hate to see HER rappelling down a gorge.
Jason: What bothered me was that the show was trying too hard to be Amazing Race
without saying the words used in the show
Jason: The camera angles, and everything seemed a copy.
Chico: down to the language used?
Jason: Almost. They couldn't use it.
Chico: checkpoints... Challenges... Finish line... Teams of three instead of
Jason: The beginning statement from the host...what's his name?
Chico: Dave Salmoni.
Jason: He was obviously forgettable.
Chico: It was just a knockoff in every sense of the word, but it was well done,
but not well done enough that you don't know it's a knockoff.
Chico: But yeah, Expedition Impossible is a good show with a good format. I know
this because we've seen it done to death.
Gordon: Well here's my thing to counter Chico. Let's say I'm a multi-million
Chico: You're a multimillion dollar producer.
Gordon: I see a show of 15 seasons and the format. That makes it 15 races. I
know what they are doing. The least I can do is come up with something
Chico: Do you take the time out and create something different or do you go for
the quick and easy copy?
Gordon: ANYthing different. At least with Treasure Hunters, the idea was sound,
but the casting was awful.
Jason: Oh yes.
Gordon: The casting company wasn't too good here either. You know, I'd like to
see - for once - less personality, and more smart people on the show.
Jason: Well duh. :)
Chico: They had personality? Sure could've fooled me.
Gordon: True, I guess I misplaced personality for 'whining incessantly'.
Gordon: People, if you're in a dramatic situation, the drama will come out. You
want the best people playing. This...is not it.
Chico: Seemed like "reality cliche #1"... "reality cliche #2..."
Chico: Might as well have been watching Hot Potato with all the clichéd
Jason: Yeah...country boys, gay Californians, hot tempered NY Latinas...
ABC - 9p ET Thursday
Chico: And the three generations of women... or
men...or a combination thereof. So here's what it boils down to... spectacular
packaging... ZERO originality. Still, not bad... not good, but not bad. C-.
Jason: I am with Chico right here. I wanted to like this SO much more. C-
Gordon: If this was ANYTHING different, it gets a really good grade. Instead,
this is Pirate Master 2: Electric Boogaloo. C-
Chico: Except with a vastly better outcome.
Gordon: We don't know if the outcome is going to be better. We know it can't be
Chico: Having a lead-in from Wipeout helps.
Gordon: Getting the same ratings as the now cancelled Downfall doesn't.
Chico: ... oh boy.
Gordon: So I want a good show this Summer. Give me one.
Chico: There's Sweet Home Alabama in a couple of weeks... You'd LOVE that... if
only because I don't. :-)
Chico: But seriously, folks... If you want a good show, you need only say two
words: Jay Rhee. The doctor will see you now... and kick your behind. So far
he's dispatched 10 people (including a friend and cohort in crime) and has
amassed $107,000 PLUS. Needless to say, he enters the tournament talk.
Gordon: He does. Why don't you give us the last Final Jeopardy question he got
Chico: Friday's FJ!...The subject: WORLD CAPITALS.
Built about 50 years ago, it is the only world capital to start with the
Jason: What is Islamabad, Pakistan?
Gordon: What is Isleofwomen, Weinerville?
Gordon: Anthony Weiner needs his own island right now.
Jason: And some saltpeter.
Chico: His island can be next to Harold Campings.
Gordon: Then he can get his own home game, since I'm sensing I'm not getting
Chico: Not even close.
Gordon: Didn't think so.
Chico: It was Islamabad. Jay has $107,203 and will defend Monday.
Jason: Still have a few more weeks before the Tournament reruns
Chico: And then there's the kids week in July. Don't forget that.
Gordon: We can do some math. What about...4?
Chico: Ah, four. As in "final four" of ...
Gordon: Hey Chico!
Chico: Yes Gordon!
Gordon: Remember in the qualifying rounds when the public voted in their
Chico: I certainly do!
Gordon: Who were they?
Chico: They were Vicci Martinez, Javier Colon, Dia Frampton, and Beverly
Gordon: Why yes they were. Then this week, we have the public vote AGAIN, and
this time with their score added in with the coaches scores.
Chico: And the final four are....
Gordon: Who are they, Chico?
Chico: Vicci Martinez, Javier Colon, Dia Frampton and Beverly McClellan.
Gordon: Wow. That looks a lot like who we had going into the finals, doesn't it?
Chico: .... wow, we have a graphic for everything, don't we?
Gordon: We do.
Jason: Didn't we see that before?
Chico: So basically we have the gimmick at the beginning... the change up in
votes, but if I may expound on Block's theory here, basically, you have to have
a fanbase and play TO that fanbase EVERY WEEK or else you're gone.
Gordon: Well, that's the format, so I don't have an issue with it. However, I
have a massive issue with something else.
Jason: Which is?
Gordon: Now the celebrity gets 50% of the vote, right?
Gordon: So if you have a favorite, you should vote as such.
Gordon: So for argument's sake, Adam Levine put 65 on Javier Colon, which would
prevent an upset of stupidity of the audience.
Gordon: He's the only smart one.
Gordon: Everyone else went 50/50, 50/50 and 51/49, completely taking themselves
out of the voting process.
Gordon: So way to go nullify yourself from having any input for the rest of the
Chico: Because they don't want to play favorites.
Jason: That's the newest way...let's be nice to EVERYBODY!
Chico: Which sucks.
Jason: (bangs head)
Chico: The point of the contest is to pick a favorite. Sorry, life isn't fair.
There are winners and losers.
Gordon: And again, if you want everyone to win, don't be surprised if the
favorite loses. So props for Adam, who clearly understands the point of the
show. Raspberries for everyone else, who may need a remedial course after the
Chico: Let's go over the finalists. BIG BOARD ME!
What You Need to Do to Win
- Javier: Show Up
- Beverly: Play to Jason Block
- Dia or Vicci: Try and snipe fans
Chico: We do this every other month or so it's...
What You Need to Do to Win. Let's start with who I believe are the two best
singers... Javier Colon.
Gordon: Winner. Next?
Jason: Excuse me? Really?
Gordon: Really. No reason to go on with this segment.
Jason: You're wrong. Your winner is Beverly McClellan She has the voice, the
chops and has the story to back it up.
Gordon: Really? You're willing to put a sushi dinner up on that?
Jason: You're on, big boy.
Chico: I'm sorry but Javier outshines her.
Gordon: And she's not a hot guy with a guitar. (TM)
Jason: Oh that :)
Gordon: Javier wins. And now because Jason endorsed someone else, Javier has
this in the bag.
Chico: Next... Dia Frampton. Hot chick with a guitar. And Vicci. What a
coincidence, Vicci's another hot chick with a guitar. =p
Gordon: Dia and Vicci have great stories and nice vocals, but this is Javier's
Chico: And finally. Jason's favorite... Beverly McClellan.
Jason: I love her rock chops and her voice is killer.
Chico: She's a great pull to the rock crowd, but is that pull enough to overcome
Javier's advantage of having the better vocal? Or Dia's for that matter?
Gordon: Nope. Javier wins.
Chico: Love it.
Gordon: Let's look at more talent, shall we?
Chico: Or absence thereof!
Gordon: So - did you find anything worth mentioning here?
Chico: Well there was a very tall black man speaking on Wednesday. He was quite
eloquent. But then I remembered that he was the president and he was giving an
Jason: And then there was Nick Cannon.
Gordon: You know, they did have a Barack Obama impersonator on the show last
season, so that could have been him.
Chico: Nah, I think you only get one bite at the apple on this show. There was
one dancer who really wowed the crowd doing things like contortions. You kinda
knew he had the vote when they did a piece on him.
Chico: Then there was another magic boxes act. I'm sorry, but if you've seen one
magic box act, you've seen'em all. How about a silver guy poledancing? Is
poledancing the new singing?
Gordon: No, but I've got a singer for you.
Chico: Ooh, do tell.
Gordon: And I think I may have your winner.
Chico: Really now
Gordon: Try Landau Eugene Murphy Jr., a 36 year old car washer
Jason: Holy smoke
Jason: The Black Sinatra
Jason: And his voice is KILLER.
Chico: It's a little flat. But the tone is amazing. This guy can take it to the
Chico: Anytime you can get Piers smiling, you have something.
Gordon: Hes got the whole package. Sob story, etc. Kevin Skinner redux.
Chico: And he's likable.
Gordon: And he sings.
Jason: Somewhat well
Chico: Gordon has a favorite now!
Jason: Gordon is smart
Chico: This is a momentous occasion!
Gordon: Favorite as of now. There's still shows to play.
Chico: And he's from New York!
Gordon: West Virginia, but from the NYC auditions.
Chico: That's as good as anything.
Gordon: True. And our hamsters are singing 'My friend Sammy the Snake...is
shedding his skin'.
Chico: Now that's on key. Well, Chenbot's a little sharp.
Jason: Ouch on that note
Chico: Bad Chenbot.
Gordon: Roll That Beautiful Brain Footage
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your
frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico
Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thanks Doug. First up, let's talk business. This... is a naked bat.
Jason: WHOO HOO
a naked bat? Because of a naked Heidi Klum, who's shedding it all for the pub
for Project Runway season 9 to launch July 28.
Chico: Can we post a picture here?
Jason: You have one?
Chico: I have one.
(DING DING DING DING DING DING)
Gordon: I think that's a yes.
Jason: That's a way yes.
Chico: .... Naked.
Jason: Seal, you lucky so and so
Chico: I'm just going to put the link up, not the actual picture because people
may be reading this at work. Wouldn't want you to get fired on OUR account.
Chico: But yeah... Damn.
Gordon: That would be bad. And what else is bad? This week's Datebook.
Marriage Ref is June 26 and Love in the Wild is June 29th. The first remnants of
actually getting something good to watch this Summer could be on June 30th with
Jason: Could be
Gordon: Well we're hoping, since I don't see much love from the other 2 shows.
So lets get loaded instead.
Chico: Lingo is a Flash game! AGAIN!
Jason: YAY... :)
though. GSN has updated the show's site with the flash game to play for Oodles
and to match the look of the new series. Still uses some of the sounds from the
Chuckles era, though.
Gordon: The old one was better, but this works pretty well, too.
Chico: It's played in three rounds. First round is basic Lingo. Second is the
five-in-a-row board. Third is more like the 2011 Bonus Lingo.
Gordon: That would be pretty smart. Conversely, well, I have stuff here.
Jason: Oh no.
Chico: Hoo boy
Gordon: Now this week, there should be a clear cut winner here, as this person
removed himself from the gene pool.
Gordon: However, there is a major difference between having fun at someone's
expense and steamrolling someone, so instead, I wish condolences to his friends
Gordon: Thank you. Now off to making fun of someone at their own expense.
YOU Smarter than...63.2% of the price is Right Contestants? That's because the
season of TPIR (which just ended) only had a 37.8% win rate (series low) and
ZERO perfect Shows (also a season low). Meanwhile, we had 11 skunks (which is a
Jason: That's squarely on the contestant coordinators
Gordon: The contestant coordinators don't play the games.
Jason: True. But they pick the people who do.
Chico: It's simple... Play the game, don't listen to the peanut gallery, Profit.
Gordon: And the odds of getting a perfect show on a 'Holiday Themed' day, Mr.
Chico: Slim to none... and slim just left town.
Gordon: Now as far as Haterade is concerned - this past weekend, New York State
passed the rights to Gay Marriage.
Jason: That is true.
Gordon: As someone with gay relatives in my family, I completely support gay
rights and marriage equality. This, however...does not help the cause.
'This' belongs to Ian Bernardo, who loses his third lawsuit against American
Idol for gay disrcimination. He says that he was told to 'gay it up', while the
judges say that he knew what he was getting into when he performed. Ian will be
spending more money paying his lawyers than what he'll be getting from American
Jason: Enough, Ian. Move on.
Chico: I'll be spending more money getting a sandwich than Ian will be getting
from American Idol.
Gordon: Just like 'The Race Card', there is 'The Gay Card'. And improper use of
both cards sets back progress for all people involved.
Jason: Thank you! (applause).
Gordon: This is Pride weekend. This should be a celebration of what makes people
proud, not frivolous sour grape lawsuits.
Chico: I think it's time for Ian to go to bed now. Grumpy Ian is grumpy. He
needs a nap
Gordon: Send him on a trip.
Chico: How about to Australia!
Jason: Nice place
Gordon: Well, that's where his career went - down under.
Chico: +1, Gordon.
Haterade in the form of this question from last week's Millionaire Hot Seat.
Chico: This question was asked for AUS$1 million.
On the current flag of the United Nations, which country is shown closest to
the top of the flag?
A) New Zealand B) Norway C) Chile D) Iceland
Jason: It's A
Gordon: I can't use Weinerveille again, can I?
Chico: It was... A.
Gordon: Jason got one right. Yay.
Jason: I saw the clip :)
Chico: Jim Graham answered .... well, see for yourself.
Chico: Jim said B, so we give out the international version of...
Gordon: What's an Australian Rug called?
Chico: An Eddie McGuire?
Gordon: That works. How about some media hoes?
Chico: ("Pimping All Over the World")
this week's Media Ho Report, Mark Consuelos is the favorite to replace Regis
Philbin, Randy Jackson pitches a tv concept, NBC claims Donald Trumps' 160
million contract is inaccurate...J-Lo may leave Idol for a movie career, Curtis
Stone is expecting a baby, Parvati Shallow will be going around the world for
free...Miranda Lambert will be singing the Voice finale, Marc Summers does
Grease, and Paris Hilton breaks up with Cy Waits.
Chico: I'm sure a girl with her talents will find someone else in no time.
Gordon: But none of them are your hoes of the week.
Gordon: Ethan Zohn and Jenna Morasca...or should I say a new team for next
season's Amazing Race.
Chico: Were they spotted? Much in the way past teams were "spotted"?
Jason: In addition, Jenna revealed their participation to the show by sending
several messages to her followers on Twitter. She tweeted, “I carried Ethan ON
MY SHOULDER AND MY BACK up 5 flights of stairs & 3 laps around track. I’m in
destruction mode thanks to @WarriorFitness. She followed it by, “Last day of
butt kicking @WarriorFitness before we ship out. I’m sure it will be fabulous
torture!” before she finally tweeted, “ ”Goodbye to all my tweeps! I promise I
will be back in a month with even better tweets for you all And will make my
Survivor list. Hearts to u”.
Chico: Hearts to you too, Jenna.
Gordon: And those...Are your Hoes.
Chico: That's it for Brainvision. Shut it off, J.
Jason: Shutting down
Chico: Still to come, a Broadway epic more entertaining than Spiderman: Turn off
the Dark. But first, Gordon?
Gordon: First, we get excessive. You're reading WLTI. You give us 22 minutes,
and we'll give you 22 more entertaining ways to leave a game show.
Chico: Remote Control beat you to it. :-)
Jason: Very much so
Gordon: Writer's Strike, NFL Football Lockout, NBA Labor Lockout...Oh wait,
that's 22 ways to not even get on a game show.
(BrainVision has been brought to you by 101 Ways to Watch Paint Dry. That
could be much more entertaining than what we got this week.)
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