Episode 27.2 - Balls and Shafted
June 13

Chico: Hey, everybody. I'm Chico Alexander... and this particular episode has... balls. BIG SHINY ones.
Jason: Are they yours?
Chico: I believe Gordon may've used some of these when he was bowling as a little Gordon.
Jason: That's true :)
Gordon: Well, no. The balls I use have holes that I can stick my fingers into.
Chico: .... that's what I was talking about.
Gordon: I was actually polishing my balls this morning.
Chico: You never had a toy bowling set?
Gordon: Nope. Always used the real things. (And for the rest of you people reading this, keep your minds out of the gutter. perverts.)
Jason: It's called a double entendre :)
Chico: Well, you're about to have a toy bowling set... minus the pins... because from somewhere in America, WLTI... is... ON!
Jason: WOO HOO!
Gordon: Gordon Pepper here, as well as our special guest Jason Block, who has carried my balls on more than one occasion.
Jason: I have. And I enjoyed it :)
Chico: Now you're probably wondering why we're talking about balls and polishing and all that. A. We're guys, it's what we do, and B. this week was the premiere of Lingo, and we start the new series of Lingo by giving away over $100,000 in cash. It was the Wednesday show, with Christine & Tamara winning over Jeannie & Lana, $1700 to $500. They take that money to Bonus Lingo. And if you know about Bonus Lingo from when we did the Capsule Review on the show a few weeks ago, you know that the first word matches the bank, then with words 2, 3, and 4, they double. Word 5 is worth $100,000.
Jason: Right.
Chico: This... is what happened. ROLL THE TAPE.


(video courtesy GSN)

Jason: Great bonus round playing
Chico: With five seconds left, they score WHILE for the $100,000.
Gordon: They played the round well.
Chico: They know how to play the game, and that's why they got the $100,000. I don't think it's the last time we see a $100,000 team, but Jason, you're jumping out of your skin wanting to say why we saw this team this early.
Jason: This WILL be the last time you see a $100,000 team. Count on it. Because this was a pure 'let's get the best out of the way to spike opening week ratings' ploy.
Gordon: I don't disagree with Jay in terms of the latter half of his statement. Keep in mind you have 40 episodes that since they are stand-alones (meaning the champion does not return) you can put them in any order you want.
Jason: Exactly.
Chico: Correct. GSN hasn't had a straddling series since 1 vs. 100.
Gordon: So if you want to spike up the ratings, you'll put ONE of the wins in Week #1.
Chico: Right.
Jason: You think there is one more?
Gordon: I think the round is easy enough (and you'll have teams good enough) that it's going to get hit more than once under these rules.
Chico: Oh yeah.
Jason: Could be. I just think GSN saw the negative reviews from the screeners and adjusted their schedule accordingly.
Gordon: Now if they change the rules, then all bets are off.
Chico: Don't think they change the rules before they renew the series.
Gordon: I don't think the programmers are that smart, Jay.
Chico: And besides, the premiere scored half a million for the Monday show.
Gordon: Which is very very good for GSN. If they keep the half mil, that's an easy renewal.
Chico: Considering that Baggage still holds the record with 1 million.
Jason: What if they go down to 300K?
Chico: I still think it's a renewal, because 300K isn't bad, considering that Drew Carey leveled off in the 200.
Gordon: There's other tangibles than ratings though - online presence, merchandise, etc. That's how The Apprentice Series, which gets ratings lower than Kim Kardashian's neck line, gets renewed yearly - it's a huge money winner for NBC in terms of revenue and ratings on replays on NBC's sister networks. Is Trump worth 60 million just on NBC's ratings? Absolutely not. Is he worth that much on the strength or his CNBC line, the video games and the slot machines? You bet.
Jason: Smart move :)
Chico: So it's not just the pure numbers, it's also the marketability, and say what you will about Lingo....JASON.... but it's VERY marketable.
Jason: LINGO is huge online. Can you imagine a FB app?
Chico: Agreed. We already know that an iOS app is on its way for Lingo.
Gordon: So if Lingo stays at 300K and the apps are a hit, that will get an easy 130 episode renewal.
Chico: Catch 21 and TNG were renewed for 130. I'm guessing they're going to do TNG like they did Catch 21 and split the season in half.
Jason: That's a pair of 26 week blocks right there.
Chico: GSN's grand and glorious experiment in year-long programming = profit.
Gordon: They are picking the right shows.
Chico: Yes.
Jason: Baggage, C21, The Newlywed Game and now this.
Gordon: And again, like I said a few weeks ago, it's about getting more mainstream America to play. You may not like it, but I'll guarantee the changes will bring in more people because they think they can play along.
Chico: And they'll play along on their little iPad, iPod, Android dealies. So like it or hate it, expect a run from the show.
Gordon: Can we get an MVP?
Chico: Yes. We CAN give out an MVP.



Chico: Can't say that John Slade can get one, though.
Gordon: ummm....no.



Jason: I saw this LIVE.
Gordon: I saw it on Jay delay.
Chico: I saw it before going to work. It was not pretty. In fact, it was rather ugly.
Gordon: It was pretty if you were on the budget staff.
Chico: What happens is that John gets only one chip on Plinko - The free one.
Jason: And the one chip gets the big fat goose egg
Gordon: And so that goes down as a Plink$0 (TM)
Jason: And this guy gets into the showcase
Chico: He does... But does he win? Let's play it out. Jason, Gordon... Here's Showcase #1...An outdoor home gym, an outdoor bed, and a party boat. Jason, you weren't here last week, so you can either bid or pass.
Jason: Ill pass :)
Chico: Gordon, it's your showcase.
Gordon: Can I pass it to Chico?
Jason: LOL
Chico: Judges? (BZZZ!) No.
Gordon: I don't live on a beach. I'm in an apartment, What am I going to do with a party boat?
Chico: Road trip to Atlantic City.
Gordon: How am I driving a boat to AC? BOATS DON'T HAVE WHEELS.
Chico: Hitch it to the Saturn, goofball. :-)
Gordon: Fine. $30,069
Chico: Okay. Jason, you get the iMac, the iPod, the iPad, the Apple TV, an 82 inch HDTV, and a Honda Insight.
Jason: $28,000
Chico: Okay, Gordon's Showcase is...30,281, a difference of.....$212. Jason, your Showcase is... $28,224.. The difference is... $224.
Jason: wow lol
Chico: So by $12, Gordon, you win both Showcases.
Gordon: YAY! Can I hitch them all to my Saturn?
Chico: Sure why not! NOW it's a par-TAY boat. So, end result, John Slade... doesn't win both Showcases.
Gordon: Aw.
Chico: Celestine Lewis DOES.
Gordon: Yay!
Jason: And adds to her car win from Lucky Seven
Chico: She wins two cars, BOTH Hondas... more Apple swag than Steve Jobs, 82 inches of TV, a party boat, a pair of PSPs, in total, over $81,000. She gets this...



Jason: Yes she does
Chico: And John Slade, bless his heart, gets this...



Gordon: Is it a Flokati?
Chico: I only beat the very best.
Gordon: Excellent. What about talent?
Chico: .... did I say I only beat the very best?
Jason: Yes you did :)
Chico: Yeah. I ... haven't beaten anything yet.



Gordon: I haven't seen any winners. However, I may have seen some finalists this week.
Jason: Me too.
Chico: Examples.
Gordon: Dani Shea, the Justin Bieber Look-a-like. If she can expand her repertoire, she has a shot. So does Daniel Joseph Baker, if he can do anything else besides be the 'Lady Gaga' guy.
Jason: I have a couple more, like The Silhouettes, an AMAZING Dance troupe. This was unique and brilliant.
Gordon: They were very good. Now can they do anything else?
Chico: How about Lisa Agnes? Let's see. Singer... Check. Sob story... check. Perfect combination of the two... Barbara Padilla, look out for you.
Gordon: She's got Barbarz Padilla's fan base. She looks like a Top 10 lock.
Chico: So we've seen over the last two weeks, a bit of everything, and we have our favorites from each. Have we seen the WINNER yet?
Jason: Not yet.
Gordon: Nope
Chico: Sounds like an excuse to watch next week then.
Jason: Pretty much
Gordon: Sure. Then you can see The Voice right after that.
Chico: NICE.



Chico: Here's the story... The results will not be made public until this week, because only half of the singers performed; those on Christina's and Blake's team.
Jason: To extend the season I bet
Chico: That and to allow for the requisite filler.
Jason: Like the Queen Medley
Chico: That wasn't really needed. I mean... the "Crazy" group number to start the series. That was good enough.
Jason: That was VERY good.
Chico: Queen medley... not so much. As Jason would say, just an excuse to extend the series.
Rob the Cash Cow: MOO
Gordon: Milk that cow, baby!
Chico: At the same time... you would be foolish to fit 16 performances into two hours. But enough about the economics of reality TV hits, let's talk the talent. Who really shone this week?
Gordon: The usuals. Frenchie was the best of the night.
Chico: The closers usually are the best. You hear that, LEBRON?!
Gordon: I tried to ask LeBron for change for a dollar, and he only gave me 75 cents. He was missing the 4th quarter.
Chico: Ba dum bum. Patrick Thomas sang "I Hope You Dance". Very familiar song, very strong voice. On the flipside, you had Raquel Castro sing "Blow" by Ke(dollarsign)ha. I wouldn't wish that song on my worst enemy.
Gordon: But, and I hate to be cynical here, we both thought last week that Christina and Blake had the weakest teams.
Jason: Cynical can also mean honest
Chico: True.
Gordon: or blunt.
Chico: True. Look at these two teams. You have ONE star.
Gordon: Well you have Frenchie and Patrick...and that's around it.
Chico: and the others just chomping at the bit for attention. Compare that to next week when you have an actual SHOW. Adam and Cee-Lo - Both have the strongest teams. Both will have the closest competitions.
Gordon: And they'll have 90 seconds per performance. Some people on Jackass would have wanted those extra 30 seconds.
Chico: YEP.



Jason: LOL
Chico: Of course, the Jackasses playing are Steve-O and Ryan Dunn. Corporate synergy at work; Ryan hosts the G4 series, "G4's Proving Ground." Both networks owned by Comcast now. Rob?
Rob the Cash Cow: MOO.
Chico: Good cow. Now... how about Defying Gravity. It's a $75,000 game, and a simple game, really, keep up with three balloons. Somehow Steve-O has a problem with it.
Gordon: Well keep in mind they blew 2 other lives earlier in the show, so they get one and only one shot at it.
Chico: But since it's a celebrity game, the money they win is automatically banked. Not that fair, but celebs customarily have a different rulebook from the rest of us.
Gordon: Changing the rules for celebrities. Yay!
Jason: Pffft
Chico: 48 seconds. Dead balloon. Game over.
Gordon: I guess that deflated Steve-O's spirits?
Chico: Like a flat tire. But they keep the $50,000 for the Down Syndrome Congress and Teammates for Kids. So there's something.
Gordon: That's good work for them. What about good work for 20 hopeful dancers?
Jason: Top 20 baby
Chico: Game on. This is your top 20, America. The men are...

Alexander Fost (ballet), Chris Koehl (hip hop), Jess LeProtto (Broadway), Marko Germar (Jazz), Mitchell Kelly (Contemporary), Nick Young (Tap), Ricky Jamie (Contemporary), Robert Taylor (hiphop), Tadd Gadduang and Wadi Jones (both breakers)

Chico: A lot of different genres, different styles, soemthing for everyone.
Jason: Yup
Chico: And then you have the women, who are either jazz or contemporary dancers.

Ashley Rich, Caitlynn Lawson, Clarice Ordaz, Iveta Lukosiute, Jordan Casanova, Melanie Moore, Miranda Maleski, Missy Morelly, Ryan Ramirez, and Sasha Mallory.

Chico: Iveta is the sole exception. She's a ballroom dancer.
Gordon: Not much diversity there. Looks like to look for that on the men's side, which means to look for the women to get picked off early when we get to the Top 10.
Chico: That sounds familiar.
Jason: Hmmm....AI 10 anyone?
Gordon: The only good thing (or bad thing) is that at the beginning, it's coupled up - a guy and a girl must leave.
Jason: Up until 10 right?
Chico: Right. But then you get to the round of 10 and in comes...THE SHENANIGAN ALL-STARS! Now Nigel Lythgoe says that having an all-star partner lifts your game up. He should know, after all, he's judge, jury and executioner being the show's creator/EP/head judge/GOD...
Gordon: Also gets the votes up.
Jason: Yes
Chico: And the ratings, don't forget the ratings.
Gordon: It's like saying there's 10 'America's Best Hamster' contestants and then we throw Ken Jen. Amanda, House and Goodman into the mix.
Jason: NOT COOL!
Chico: No, but an excellent transition.
Gordon: Why thank you. Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug! Doug Morris, the voice of Brainvision News. I'm going to need some baseball bats to start things off.
Jason: How many?
Chico: A couple of aluminum ones.
Jason: (hands Chico some Aluminum Bats)

The aluminum is the do-over bat, because Fox is doing its schedule over. Masterchef premiered this week, but you didn't know that because it was on opposite the Bachelorette drama-fest.

Chico: Which sucked, because it was a good premiere. But it fell off big time against the Bachelorette, and a rerun of Minute to Win It and How I met Your Mother. So Fox is moving it back to its season 1 timeslot of Monday at 9. I don't think that will help.
Gordon: I don't think it will help for a number of reasons. Big Bored please?

Gordon: The subject: CrapterChef. I saw the premiere. I didn't think it was that good. And there were a number of reasons. 1. And this was the biggest violator - Chefs were selected on sob stories and not merit.
Chico: So no change there.
Jason: Right.
Gordon: This isn't Hell's Kitchen, where we know these people are going to be made fools of. This is 'MasterChef', where we're supposed to get the best. If you don't select the best, you lose credibility, which I think happened.
Chico: So you basically think the audience are hip to it by now.
Gordon: I do. 2. The people they did accept looked like Hell's Kitchen Rejects. Any of these people would get killed on Top Chef.
Chico: And some probably did. I remember hearing that a few semi-pros tried to sneak in. Come on, now. =p
Gordon: Well wait a second. Why shouldn't the semi-pros be able to play if this is 'MASTER' chef? Raise the bar. Top Chef: Masters did.
Chico: Because allegedly this is a competition for amateurs.
Jason: Is it?
Gordon: Allegedly. But again, we have that in Top Chef. And as you know, the UK version has the pros playing.
Jason: Interesting
Gordon: 3. Too many chef shows. We're finally starting to see saturation in the genre. Top Chef's ratings have been going down and I think the residuals are affecting the show.
Chico: You think so, sir?
Gordon: I do. If you're a chef show, you have to bring something new to the party. Serving sushi naked doesn't do it, as it's been done before on NON-Chef shows.
Chico: Though it was fun to watch. Even if it's been done to death.
Gordon: 4. The competition. Sorry, but The Bachelorette this season is going to be a glorified train wreck.
Jason: People like trainwrecks
Chico: And how, pray tell, is that different from ANY OTHER SEASON?!
Gordon: It isn't, which is why it's been on for 18 gazillion years. Hence, I think the move will not help. This is going to be it's last season, and we'll be seeing the finale on Saturday nights right after Cops.
Chico: Better that than the onlines.
Jason: That's true.
Chico: While we're on the Bachelorette... I need a greenlight!
Jason: Another bat?
Chico: The Hank Aaron one. :-) Trust me. How would you feel competing for a Southern belle?

CMT's betting that you'd be into that sort of thing, greenlighting "Sweet Home Alabama", where such a group of yanks are competing for a Southern belle. It's slated to air in mid-July.

Chico: I remember similar niche dating series (ahem)Outback Jack(/ahem) that lead me to believe that this will not work.
Jason: Um...yes :)
Gordon: How did Farmer Wants a Wife do?
Chico: *raspberries*
Jason: :P
Gordon: Yeah. Have fun with that. And here's some more shows I don't want to see on my viewing schedule.

In this weeks Datebook, The Glee Project shows up on June 12, Cupcake Wars is on June 14, Rocco's Dinner Party is on June 15, and the Paranormal Challenge is on June 17.

Chico: Pass, pass, pass, and... oh yeah, pass.
Gordon: Now usually, we'd say I can't want for the NFL season to start, but...um...yeah...
Jason: Not yet
Chico: Hockey's finishing. Basketball's finishing. The Yankees are slumping...I'm out of ideas. You guys?
Jason: Ha.
Gordon: Aren't you a Yankee fan, Chico?
Chico: I'm totally a Yankee fan. That's why my heart bled when they got swept by the Red Sox.
Gordon: Lets get loaded.
Jason: Hic
Chico: Yeah, I need it.

This week was E3... and we get a new version of Hole in the Wall for the Xbox Kinect.

Jason: That COULD be a good use for the video game license.
Chico: We also get...

Now get this, you can vote for the Voice on iTunes. It will cost you $1.29 to do so, because every time you buy a single from a Voice contestant, it counts as a vote.

Chico: To which I say.... WHAT?!
Jason: That's called buying votes :)
Gordon: Of course, you can also vote for free for the usual methods, but the show prefers you to spend money on them.
Chico: Because that's what makes the profit.
Rob the Cash Cow: MOO.
Chico: Who's a good cash cow.
Gordon: He is. I have bad dumb people though
Jason: Oh no.
Chico: Uh oh.

Are YOU Smarter than...Ashley Hebert, who after getting dissed by Bentley, begged with the producers to bring him BACK to the show.

Jason: WHAT? LOL
Chico: And wouldn't you know it... if RealitySteve is to be believed... SHE GETS IT! Sorry..

(SPOILERS)
Gordon: And he shows up in Hong Kong when Ashley is debating among her few final choices. I'm guessing this does not end well for the suitors.
Chico: How can I put this..NO.
Jason: OH NO
Chico: NEVER.
(END SPOILERS)

Gordon: As for Haterade...well,...I have a vatful.
Chico: Serve.
Jason: Thank goodness it's non-alcoholic
Gordon: It could be from all the fermenting this week.

Let's start with all things Bachelor. You know about the Bentley thing. Now this is from Jeff the mask guy - the Bachelors were hoping that Emily would have been the person selected. Since it was Ashley, only 3 or 4 guys were into her and the rest wanted off the show asap. As for said Emily, she says Brad dropped her officially and she wants to be the next Bachelorette.

Chico: Drama.
Gordon: I'm hoping the next Bachelor will be him...



Jason: ROFL

And then he can date all the poker shows, whish are being shuttered. The Big Game and Million Dollar Challenge and North American Poker Tour have all hit the rails.

Chico: And Poker After Dark may be next as the fallout from Poker's Black Friday continues.
Gordon: Yep.
Jason: That is a total business and fear decision with the indictments that went around.
Chico: Bingo.
Jason: They are waiting to see if Eric Holder will REALLY do something or this is show.
Chico: If you were a big company sitting on a big pile of money, would you want to take that chance?
Jason: Nope.
Gordon: While we're at it..



Snooki dumped her BF while she was in Italy. Meanwhile Maksim Chmerkoskiy finished his stint on the Ukrainian Bachelor and selected...no one. Waa waaaaa.

Chico: Does this mean he can go back to losing major televised dance competitions?
Gordon: And cursing out everyone. yes.
Chico: YAY!
Jason: LOL
Gordon: Or maybe we just should send him on another trip.
Jason: To where?
Chico: How about France?

The new game coming out of France this week is "Momentum", which is being described as "Wheel of Fortune meets 24". Or.... Headline Chasers if you're old school.

Jason: Interesting
Chico: Four teams unscramble words in order to win prizes. The longer it takes, the less you win. It's being optioned in Scandinavia and the US.
Jason: Gotcha.
Gordon: its an interesting concept But is it more or less interesting than Media Hoes?
Chico: More. Well... depends, who you have this week? ("Pimpin' All Over the World")

In this week's Media Ho Report, Top Chef Antonia will publish a cookbook, Piers Morgan's wife has got baby #4 on the way, Idol's Paul McDonald is engaged to Nikki Reed, which brings new meaning to 'Twilight's Last Reaming'...

Chico: Hello and GOODNIGHTEVERYBODY!
Jason: LOL

Bret Michaels admitted that he returned to work too soon, Sugar Kiper's going to rehab, Carol Vorderman has the Rear of the Year...

Chico: (plays "Baby Got Back")

Karina Smirnoff is getting married, Bob Barker helps Sea Lions, and the new list of The Bachelor Pad contenders is revealed. Chico has to be THIS excited.

Chico: ... yay.
Gordon: But none of them are the Ho of the Week.
Jason: Who is?
Gordon: It's Heidi Klum, who for promoting Season 9 of project Runway is posing...nekkid.
Jason: WHOO HOO!
Chico: The show returns July 27. That's 7/27/11, which is a very thin person if you think about it.
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: And that's Brainvision. Shut it down, J.
Jason: Shutting down!
Chico: Still to come, more offerings to the porcelain throne, but first... we have horses... we have gunplay... and there's a possibility that someone might get killed
Jason: YAY!
Gordon: (points to Jason)
Jason: ME?!!!
Chico: *nods*
Gordon: You're expendable collateral. (grins)
Jason: Um...should I be scared?
Chico: Not really. You're riding shotgun with WLTI. You give us 22 minutes, we'll give you three stoppers and a prizeball. With a mystery ball if we've gotten far enough into taping.
Gordon: We'll be back in 2 and 2.
Jason: Thanks, Chuck.

(BrainVision has been brought to you by Jack the Weiner. We have Beat the Monkey and Don't Scare the Hare, so it's time to Jack the Weiner. Your job is to find Anthony Weiner's Car and Replace his tires with a spare Jack. Bonus points if you can find his iPod with his naughty pics in it. )

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