July 2, 2007

Gordon: This is Gordon Pepper, and we have a common theme this week.
Chico: Why, whatever are you getting at?
Gordon: The theme happens to be what will happen to you if you are not properly dealing with fireworks...
Chico: Explosions?
Jason: Your hands gets blown off?
Joe: Ass on fire?
Don: Ouch.

(This PSA has been brought to you by WLTI. This 4th of July, the only things that should be bursting in air are the fireworks, and not body parts)

Chico: Little too early for a break. Heh.
Gordon: The theme this week...Bring on the PAIN!
Jason: THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER!
Gordon: With pleasure
Joe: Bow to your sensei?
Jason: (bends over)
Gordon: (WHACK!)
Jason: Ow...
Gordon: Oooh, that was fun.
Chico: Yes.. From somewhere in America, the get your pain up in here edition of We Love to Interrupt... is... ON! Alongside Gordon, Jason Block, Joe Mello, and Don Harpwood, I'm Chico Alexander... and as usual.. we have a lot to cover, so let's start with your first paddling...
Gordon: And nothing could be worse then letting $500,000 slip right through your fingers.
Chico: Letting a million slip maybe?
Gordon: Maybe, but not this week.
Jason: Ow.
Don: Yipes.
Joe: Do elaborate
Gordon: This week, we see $500,000 go bye-bye.
Chico: Who and how?
Gordon: We start with new girl Marki ending returning contestant's Andy's run. He does leave with $25,000. The good news is that Stephanie Wombach gets to $500,000. And she stops there.
Jason: Nice.
Gordon: The BAD news is that she knew the answer to this question.

'Who created the violin concerto called The 4 Seasons?'

Jason: Vivaldi
Chico: Vivaldi?
Don: Vivaldi.
Joe: Yeah
Gordon: So Jason Block from Brooklyn says Vivaldi. Joe Mello from PA says Vivaldi, Don Harpwood from Canada says Vivaldi. Chico Alexander from NC says Vivaldi...
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: You all would have won a million dollars.
Chico: Sad but true.
Gordon: I have all of the money in the back parking lot for you guys.
Jason: That is the EASIEST Million Dollar Question since Dan Blonsky's miles from the sun on Millionaire.
Joe: Agreed.
Chico: Yep.
Joe: But at that level, you have to be a) unequivocally sure, and b) willing to not regret a wrong answer
Gordon: Stephanie decides to be the first woman on Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader to get to $500,000. However, she knew the answer.
Chico: Just goes to show you... You know it... you go for it.
Jason: I know that all too well.
Joe: I wonder if Frankie Valli popped up while thinking.
Gordon: The 4 Seasons is a Violin Concerto
Jason: Yes.
Gordon: Ironically, Stephanie played the violin for ten years. So she knew it immediately when the question came on.
Jason: Ouch.
Chico: She really should've gone for it. Just goes to show you what happens when the lights are going... the screen is up... You freeze. It has taken bigger and better champions down...
Don: One thing that bothered me while watching 5th Grader this week... The previews essentially kept spoiling that she would get through the first 10 questions.
Chico: Yeah, Fox is good for that.
Joe: NBC's better for that
Jason: You bet.
Gordon: Here's how she ends the show. 'I guess I am not smarter than a 5th grader, but if I would have answered the question, I would have been.'
Chico: Classic.
Don: Yep.
Joe: 500K in the hand, though
Jason: Yeah...actually $50K for the next 10 years.
Gordon: We move from pain of a mental nature to pain of a physical nature.
Chico: Physical pain?
Gordon: This pain is called...dehydration
Chico: ... What?
Gordon: In this case, that pain causes someone to go to the hospital, which not only wrecks her chance to perform her dance routine in the live show, but also the chance to continue in the competition. This show is So You Think You Can Dance. The Dancer is Jessi.
Jason: Ouch.
Chico: That's... twice this summer. These shows are getting downright brutal.
Don: Wow.
Joe: It's unfortunate, but dehydration should be easily preventable
Gordon: Yes, it sucks, but this is something she should have been much more careful on so she could have avoided it.
Chico: Yep. So what happens to her partner?
Gordon: Her partner wound up dancing with an assistant choreographer. He did a decent job and he was safe, but the choreographer was not Jessi.
Joe: There was probably some pity votes there.
Chico: So what happens next week? He's safe, but Jessi's out of the competition.
Gordon: Maybe. Pascha the partner makes it through without a problem. Jessi does show up to do her solo, but the judges decide that they can't take a risk with her doing it to herself again, so Jessi is gone.
Chico: Makes sense.
Joe: I'm hoping Fox has some protocol for a situation like this
Chico: They probably do. This sorta thing happened on that... other... show... a lot.
Gordon: Maybe they will bring back Jessi next season since technically, the audience never put her at the bottom.
Don: Makes sense.
Chico: Here's hoping... And here's hoping Jessi feels better.
Jason: Agreed
Joe: That would be nice, but this should serve as a warning to the rest of you: You are never too hydrated.
Chico: That... and it's only a game. Nothing's worth your health.
Gordon: Meanwhile, we experience a different sort of pain - one of the Deja Vu variety on America's Got Talent as we see the return of... Jason Block's long lost brother, Leonid the Magnificent.
Chico: AAAAAHHHHH!
Don: Oh geez, I just ate...
Jason: I told him to stay away...but no!
Joe: I think we all just lost our health
Jason: I lost my lunch.
Chico: So explain the reappearance of America's favorite giant Russian.
Gordon: For all of you fortunate people who didn't see the performance, Leonid came out wearing animal furs and wielding a mace. He also wore a chain. Attached to the chain - two women also dressed in pelts.
Jason: And he makes the women his sex slaves
Chico: And the resulting judgment?
Gordon: Oh wait - there's more.
Chico: MORE?!
Don: Unfortunately, yes, there's more.
Gordon: All three of them do choreography whoch is mostly somersaults while Leonid threatens the women with his mace.
Chico: Sounds like there's "less". Unless you prescribe to the whole "less is more" thing.
Gordon: Finally, a sheet comes down for him to be raised up like an angel, but he gets screwed up in the fabric and his headdress falls off.
Chico: Pardon me for laughing, but... HA!
Gordon: David says No consistently. Sharon and Piers both...say yes.
Jason: And David walks off
Chico: This was the now-traditional mid-show judge fight.
Gordon: Yes. Can I have a Big Board?
Chico: Leonid-sized...

Jason: That's a 7' tall board.
Gordon: Now THAT'S a Big Board. The Subject - British Values on America's Got Talent. To anyone who has any doubt that they should have removed Piers as a judge, we have here apparently what Brits like. 1. Watching men dress up like Shakira and shimmy their hips without singing - Good.
Jason: Nods
Gordon: 2. Advancing an act that helps under-privilege kids - bad.  3. Forcing us to watch Leonid for another season - good. 4. Kids - bad.
Chico: Lots of kids...
Gordon: 5. Boy bands, regardless of how raw they sound - good.
Chico: In defense, there was this group that was the second coming of Boyz II Men... almost. ALMOST.
Gordon: Not even close, Chico. neither band was ready for Primetime. 6. Hitting a buzzer to try to startle an act, whether it's to break concentration or to do it while in the middle of dangerous activities (throwing knives, holding large objects over their heads, etc.) - Good
Joe: two observations, if I may.
Chico: go
Joe: 1) The boy bands aside, Piers opinions sound less like a Brit and more like an oversexed, overboozed 18-34 male who doesn't care about anything other than T&A and schadenfreude
Gordon: I agree with that, Joe.
Chico I never saw it that way... but that's so true.
Joe: 2) This Big Board is going to prove why Piers will never NOT be an AGT judge: he's the official bad guy.
Chico: There's always one, isn't there?
Joe: Even though on that other talent search show, the "official" bad guy is really just a grouch.
Jason: Someone HAS to be the a-hole.
Joe: Then why do I think the "Next Best Thing" judges are the best triad on TV?
Chico: Two words: Jeffrey Ross
Joe: And maybe because there is no "good judge, bad judge, middle judge" typecasting.
Gordon: True. They are all objective in their own ways.
Chico: Kinda reminds me of Say What Karaoke.. OR if I'm going back Even FURTHER... Puttin' on the Hits.
Joe: If you're good, they'll say so. If you're bad, they'll say so. They won't go out of their way to be one side or the other unless there's a joke involved.
Gordon: But the problem of being the villain is that you have to be right, or you just become a caricature. Simon is a great villain because he's mean - but everyone knows he is right.
Chico: Piers... almost NEVER right.
Joe: Yes, but caricatures have been successful on TV for decades. See operas, soap; wrestling, professional
Chico: Yeah, but the thing of a successful caricature is that there is a grain of truth.
Gordon: Exactly, and when that happens, you don't become a villain. You only become a cartoon and a pale imitation. It feels that the show is succeeding despite him, not because of him.
Jason: right,
Don: Yeah.
Joe: But Piers is the Big Brit Bad Guy, bordering Blue Meanie, and that's why he's going to stay
Chico: Even though he contributes nothing...
Joe: He's the antagonist
Chico: Aside from that, though.
Gordon: But too far the other way and we get into Star Search territory, where we have 2 evil judges in the form of a Judd and a Matty Leshek, and the show died after that.
Joe: That's just my observation, and I wish I didn't see it.
Chico: But if there were any doubt that New York City had talent... it was quashed last Wednesday. And that's good... Right?
Gordon: NYC becomes the place where the most talent gets in from.
Chico: And we'll see how they all do in Vegas in two weeks. Meanwhile, we have another Brit in New York City trying to make it big. Sitting in for Meredith in the Millionaire hot seat... Tim Vincent.
Gordon: And that was also quite painful.
Chico: I'm going to have to disagree.
Don: Until I heard about him showing up this week, I had never heard of him.
Chico: Me, I don't think he's Regis.
Joe: I watched the Thursday episode while working at Target. He was okay.
Chico: But still... not bad for a week's worth of shows, right? He was just... okay, yeah.
Joe: I liked how he tried to build suspense on wrong answers, though
Chico: Seemed like the running gag was a) a very wry, very humbling "I'm new to this, same as you," or b) someone hitting on him. I could see him hosting another show in the future... don't know when, though.
Joe: I hear he was an option to host Chain Reaction
Chico: He was.
Don: I thought he put in a bit too much suspense in the earlier questions, like at $2K and $4K. I'd have waited until the higher levels to do that. But yeah, he seemed okay to me.
Chico: And I'll tell you. He would've been wasted on Chain Reaction.
Joe: I don't think I'd be able to listen to him if he had a regular 5-a-week show
Chico: he does... Access Hollywood
Joe: I don't watch it, so there you are.
Chico: Touche.
Joe: I'd give him a B based on the half-hour I saw
Chico: I'll agree with B.
Gordon: Didn't do it for me. Sorry. C-
Joe: For comparison: Bergeron A- and Roker C+
Chico: Don't get me started on Al Roker. he may have had experience... but... yeah.
Joe: He tried to be Regis redux, but we digress
Chico: Bergeron... yeah, he could take over the second something bad happened to Meredith. Tim... I think he needs a few more GSN originals under his belt, but hey, not bad for a first try.
Joe: I'd like to see Pat Kiernan, Davies' favorite NYC newsman try this sometime.
Chico: Maybe next season, Joe. Maybe next season.
Don: That would be interesting to see.
Joe: It would be interesting to see if he can actually get excited for something
Gordon: zzzzzzzwhatyousay?
Joe: I say someone set up us the next topic.
Gordon: Then there's Pain in this form...H-u-r-t-s.
Jason: Lingo ending Season 6.
Chico: The big question now... Does Lingo go out on top for its sixth season?
After 5 jackpot wins, the answer is... no. N-o-o-o-o.
Gordon: wah wahhhhh
Joe: 5 wins is par for the course, isn't it?
Chico: There was 2 or 3 on season 5. So five wins in a season.. pretty unusual.
Joe: Well, it's a 1/13 chance multiplied by 65 episodes.
Chico: Ah. Ideally. yeah
Joe: One cannot judge on one season alone
Gordon: Well if it's a 1/13 chance from 65 episode, so 5 wins is...par.
Chico: Unfortunately, Erin & John are of the 60 teams that DON'T win the jackpot. In fact, it all comes down to John.... and... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LINGO!
Jason: Ok, then
Joe: Well, I would think that Season 7 is an inevitability.
Chico: So when Lingo returns somewhere down the line, we're playing for $25,000.
Don: $400 to end the season. Ouch.
Chico: As for when a new season is announced, TCA begins in a couple of weeks, so keep your ears hot.
Joe: Two things I would like to see for Season 7. 1: A double order of episodes. 2: Returning champs.
Jason: lol
Chico: So Season 7? Given?
Jason: I would think
Joe: I would think as well.
Don: I'd bet on it.
Joe: After all, this is the longest running GSN original of all time. In terms of years
Chico: Five years... Stay tuned..
Gordon: I agree - unless Camouflage somehow gets on a roll
Jason: Could be companion shows
Chico: We'll gauge that next week. Speaking of rolls... Time to roll out the hamster wheel.
Joe: Is it a one-ton human hamster wheel?
Chico: Since it's been a slow week, we're only using ONE... hamster.
Jason: Eve is taking a break too.
Chico: Yep.  Okay, Fluffy's in.
Gordon: Eve had a hurt paw after chasing around the hamsters last week. I gave Eve a Percocet.
Jason: No wonder she Meows like Lindsay Lohan.
Chico: Ouch. Okay, what are we gonna do with that footage, Gordon?
Gordon: Roll that Beautiful Brain Footage.

(Doug: Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)

Chico: Thanks, Doug. With our first story is Gordon Pepper. Gordon?
Gordon: First story... Who wants ratings?
Jason: Me! Me! I do.
Joe: I'll take an 8
Don: Me!
Gordon: Jason will like this...
Chico: Right here.

Ultimate Fighter 5 ratings for the finale - 3.0. Yes, that beats On The Lot. The finale was one of Spike's most watched show of the year and all but guarantees UFC6.

Jason: Yes!
Don: Sweet!
Chico: Nice.
Gordon: Top Chef 3 is also having better ratings than the other 2 seasons, as
well as Next Food Network Star. We have the game show hits - they are just
all on cable.
Joe: Hopefully, that won't be the case for long
Jason: Of course they are.
Chico: Cross your fingers. Remember, Crosswords and Temptation this fall...
Jason: May and June were the season of suck 2007
Chico: And in July... well, that's the next story.

Big Brother announced its cast of inmates. This year's twist... Frenemies.

Gordon: X-Factor 2007, anyone?
Chico: Yep.
Joe: Explain, for people like me
Chico: Let's see.. cloning formats... cloning twists... and cloning... PEOPLE!!! Heh.
Don: lol
Chico: Anyway, here's the deal. Some of the contestants will be paired with those they have "unfinished business" with.
Jason: And the contestants are so damn pretty.
Chico: And what does it say when the oldest contestant is 44?
Don: And 11 of the 14 are in their 20s...
Chico: And one is under 21?
Jason: They are going for young, hot and studly.
Joe: It says the target demos are overriding sense.
Gordon: It says we want (eye) candy.
Jason: And they want the ShoToo audience to see boobies and hot monkey love.
Chico: I miss the days when it was all about gameplay... Oh well.
Jason: Yeah
Joe: When was Big Brother ever about gameplay?
Chico: umm... uhh... Gordon get me out of this.
Gordon: It used to be in the first few seasons. Then we had...Allison.
Chico: Who had to sleep with EVERYONE in the house.
Joe: I think the only way to bring back gameplay is to inject some Daleks into the works.
Jason: Yeah.
Chico: EXTERMINATE!
Jason: Season 3 in Britain ends tomorrow night.
Gordon: Would you accept The Master if he brought a pitcher of Haterade with him?
Chico: And begins this month. And yes, I would.
Joe: There's your Dr. Who reference for the week, specifically Series 1, Ep 12
Jason: I Have a glass...pour away

How bad is On the Lot doing? Instead of announcing the eliminated person during the show, they are letting the person go - in a ceremony before the actual show.

Don: Yipes.
Gordon): BTW, this week's eliminated director is Jessica Brillheart, who can now hang out with her trees.
Jason: Yipe indeed.
Joe: Uh, wow?
Chico: Yeesh.
Jason: That means nuclear craptacularness
Gordon: Now its just turned into lets just try to get this show off the air.Jason: And cut our losses.
Joe: Ironic with the trees that the show is in burn-off mode
Don: Think they'll turn to double elimination soon?
Chico: They could just take the One way out and just cut their losses. There is no shame in saying that this show will have no winner... specially if you have a) another big show on the air, and b) a big movie coming out next week.
Joe: Lol. Well played, Chico.
Gordon:  Well they can't because they have major advertisers. FOX will lose a ton if they just end it now.
Joe: And they aren't losing a ton now?
Chico: They're bleeding money. They have to be.
Gordon: It's like either losing 10 million by airing the episodes or 20 million if you don't.
Jason: Yow.
Chico: Either way, you lose.
Joe: So just cut it and Idol comes 6 weeks early this year.
Gordon: Plus its not like FOX has any shows in the weeks they can plunk in there - they are already moving up Don't Forget The Lyrics to cut the losses.
Joe: Well if they don't cut it loose this Groundhog Day of failure will continue. Why not reruns of House? Do a 24 special?
Chico: More 5th Grader!
Joe: Idol Rewind! The Rich....oh wait
Jason: All Idol...all the time!
Gordon: Lets just do a 6 season Idol Marathon. That should last FOX the whole Summer...SHOULDN'T IT?
Chico: I'd rather get loaded into something else.
Gordon: Then do it...burp.
Jason: Hic.
Joe: Load us fully
Chico: Can and do, it's done.

Paris gets locked up... GSN releases game. Paris gets released... GSN releases sequel to game. It's called "Prison Life 2: Full-Release."

Chico: That's all I care to say on that.
Jason: Sounds her latest adult movie.
Joe: Giggity
Don: Heh.
Chico: It's available at GSN.com. And apparently it's the most popular thing they have there..
Joe: That MSNBC lady may have a point
Gordon: We love Schadenho
Chico: We also love Ludacris... *plays "Pimpin' All Over the World"*
Jason: Time for da hoes.
Gordon: But first....oh look, a red sofa
Jason: Time for...THE CASTING COUCH.
Chico: Yay, red sofa.
Gordon: We start with another BIG one. American Idol.
Jason: Huge news for Season 7...no New York auditions.
Gordon: Not only that - all of the audition places are NEW
Chico: And four Southern-friendly cities.
Gordon: You have a feeling that the producers want new talent, eh?
Chico: After season 6? ... Yeah.
Jason: After the debacle of Season 6...I think so.
Don: After this season, I wouldn't doubt it.
Joe: You can't possibly mean they're learning, can you?
Chico: Heh. You'd hope. Where are we going, Gordon?

We're going to San Diego on July 30 at Qualcomm Stadium, Dallas August 6; Omaha August 10; Atlanta August 14; Charleston August 18; Miami August 22; and Philadelphia August 27

Joe: If you think I'm trying out in Philly......forget it :P
Gordon: I dare you to try out in Boxers. How far is Charleston from you, Chico?
Chico: 5 hours.
Joe: I'm going to be back in Pittsburgh by the time the Iladelph auditions come by
Gordon: You're gonna audition in Charleston, aren't you?
Chico: How the heck am I supposed to know?
Gordon: I dare you to audition
Chico: See, I COULD, but then I'd have to shut down the site.... Yeah, that brought that idea to a quick pause, didn't it?
Gordon: Er...However, we have more than just Idol
Chico: Apparently Fox doesn't take a shine to that sort of thing.
Gordon: We actually have another FOX show looking for people
Chico: Really...
Gordon: Yes. The Donald found a home for his Lady Or a Tramp

If you want to be on his now-FOX vehicle, email him at twinsworld1@aol.com or call at 917-678-9996

Chico: Then you get to graduate to the heurre portion of the report.
Gordon: Finally, we have a show that USED to be on FOX but is now on MyNetwork.

If you are 21-30 and want to be on Paradise Hotel, then e-mail realityshowcasting@gmail.com.

Gordon: NOW - who want some hoes?
Jason: I do!
Chico: Oh! oh! Me!
Joe: might as well
Don: Sure, why not?

In this week's Media Ho Report, Blake Lewis is ready to go as he is working on his first solo album, Apolo Anton Ohno joins the Dancing with the Stars Summer Tour, Jennifer Hudson wins 2 BET Awards... Melinda Doolittle gets to go to Africa with Laura Bush, and Jessica Sierra once again gets into trouble- this time with a rental car.  Carrie Underwood once again is PETA's sexiest vegetarian for the second straight year.

Gordon: But none of them is your ho of the week.
Jason: Meow.
Chico: Who is...
Gordon: The ho this week - Mark Burnett
Chico: He beat out Dave Ryan?
Jason: Wow.
Gordon: Burnett now has a new venture - Extreme Fighting. Burnett is planning a reality series with Elite XC
Jason: Strike while the Iron is hot. But Dana White can kick his ass.
Joe "Let's see.. cloning formats... cloning twists... and cloning... PEOPLE!!!"
Chico: Dunno.. He used to be a commando.
Gordon: The Commando vs. The Ultimate Fighter. Sounds fun. And those..are your hoes.
Chico: Pay per view. Okay, we're going global with the final story.
Jason: UK again?
Chico: Pretty hard to ignore this. What happens when you are found to have faked live quiz show winners?
Jason: You hopefully get punished.
Don: Trouble?
Chico: Big trouble.

Ofcom has imposed a $600,000 fine on five for faking winners of its Brainteaser show... The largest fine by a British TV authority to date.

Joe: As ought it should be
Jason: Good.
Chico: Serious cheddar.
Don: Indeed.
Gordon: You just don't come up and make fake winners.
Jason: Hopefully, a lesson learned.
Chico: Fight the law, pay the price. Okay, let's return home after a long trip on the Choppler... Aaaand we're home. That's Brainvision. Going to last week's YLTI question.. We asked if you were planning on seeing Camouflage... 52% said that they would give it a shot; 22% said "They moved Lingo for THIS?!" Now to this week's question..

[FrontPage Save Results Component] Who was your favorite Millionaire guest host? Al Roker Tom Bergeron Tim Vincent Keep'em all; give me REGIS! (none of the above)

Chico: As always, results next week. Meanwhile, what's next, Gordon?
Gordon: Next up - we search for accuracy and look for brains.
Chico: This is WLTI, celebrating five years of pushing your buttons and messing with your head.

(BrainVision has been brought to you by Big Brother - Dr. Who Edition. We have Daleks, Sontarans, the Master, a Slitheen and more...all in 1 house. Watch the hilarity ensue.)

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