Chico: Today... Rosie O'Donnell will not be the next host of The Price is
Right... and we have a good idea why.
Gordon: I have no idea why she wouldn't be selected...if you could ignore the
fact that she has thrown around 75% of America under the bus.
Jason: That could be it.
Chico: Also, stop the age of love, we want to get off, and one word...
Jason: Even the Hoff has standards.
Chico: Too bad he's the only one.
Gordon: He wouldn't have had them if Man-kira was holding a cheeseburger while
shaking his/her/its hips.
Jason: While sounding inebriated.
Gordon: But yet, he's got the kids, so imagine what a disaster Catherine Bach
Jason: You ain't kidding.
Chico: Pamela. Pamela Bach.
Jason: Wait Chico. I saw the reunion movie. Catherine Bach is a disaster :)
Chico: Yeah, but she's not the disaster that shtupped the Hoff...legally.
Gordon: And with that, from somewhere in the back of the General Lee, the 'We
didn't get much sleep, so this should be very entertaining' version of WLTI...is...on!
Alongside Gordon "Luke" Pepper and Jason "Daisy" Block, I'm Chico "Bo"
Alexander...As usual, we got a LOT of ground to cover, so let's get started with
the declaration i made at the top of the show.
Jason: That Rosie O'Donnell will not get the job on Price.
Chico: And I have three good reasons to believe that is true. Mind you, this is
all just what I think..
Jason: May I reset the table please?
Chico: Just make sure the dishes are clean... I hate crumbs.
Why Rosie Isn't Right
2) CBS's hidden fears
3) Throwing in the towel
Jason: Flashback to last Friday night.
Chico: Right. Bob said that Rosie would make a good host for TPIR.
Jason: People went nuts and Bob back tracked a little during the week.
Chico: Last week, Bob... backpedaled for lack of a better word, saying that his
comments were not meant to be an endorsement. But needless to say, this got
Rosie all amped up.
Jason: She wants the job bad.
Gordon: I happen to think that they were meant as a semi-endorsement/trial
balloon to see what the public opinion would be.
Chico: Getting to the three basic legs that Rosie doesn't have to stand on..
Chico: Number one...
Gordon: There's no doubt that she can do a good job hosting the show. There's
also no doubt that an average of 70-80% of the general public (depending on what
poll you take) don't want her anywhere near the job. The problem with politics
is unless it's something that is universal (child education, helping the
jobless, etc.), you are going to wind up polarizing a part of America.
Chico: That's right. Rosie's a very political person. And she's been taking
political in-routes to get her foot in the door. But this search for the next
host of TPIR is NOT...I repeat, NOT...about politics... It's about result. The
one that gets the job will be the one that, in CBS's Eye... heh... a) does the
job best, and, b) whose vision of the future of The Price is Right closely
gels with the future that CBS is seeing.
Gordon: I'm going to disagree. I think it IS about politics.
Jason: Sorry Chico. It's about Politics. Not Conservative/liberal...but
entertainment. (Deferring to Gordon)
Chico: Do explain.
Gordon: This falls right inline with b). Last time I checked my Guttenberg
Bible, Lesbianism and campaigning for gay marriage does not play well in the
Chico: I should know. :) I live in the Bible Belt.
Gordon: So Chico, if I hypothetically came down to your neck of the woods in
North Carolina this weekend (as it is Pride Weekend) wearing pink, brought down
Jason Block as my boyfriend...
Jason: Hypothetically please. And besides....you are SO NOT my type. lol
Gordon: ...and campaigned about letting Adam and Eve share the bed with
Steve, how do you think I would be treated?
Chico: People would look at you funny. Specially the kind I regularly share
working space with.
Gordon: Would they be looking at me through the cross-hairs of a colt 45?
Chico: (shrugs) Maybe.
Gordon: Enough said. The fact of the matter is that if you are going for
something that's going to be a 'representation' of America, you better not have
polarized America. And that's what Rosie has done.
Chico: Yeah, but if we're talking politics of entertainment, if this was a
sister/grandfather issue, then Dave Price would've gotten the job a long time
Gordon: I think there's entertainment politics there, but I think that a show
that's been drawing rating for over 35 years has more political pull than Les
Gordon: From what I've been hearing, the search for the next TPIR host is almost
back to square one. If THAT is accurate, then we may see Bob having to come
Chico: And the season being delayed. I know. Okay, number two. What are the two
groups of people that CBS executives fear most? The Nielsen Company, and ... and
now I'm quoting Judd Hirsch..."Every special interest group that gets absolutely
horny over the word 'boycott'."
Gordon: I thought it was Mike Darnell's Production company and the people behind
'The Will', myself.
Chico: ... okay, SECRETLY fears :)
Jason: Do you believe there would be an advertising boycott if Rosie got the
Chico: Yes... You already have the people from the AFA and Focus on the Family
breathing down CBS's neck.
Gordon: There's no doubt in my mind there would be. There was almost one with
The View with the more liberal advertisers.
Jason: Because even Rosie upset them.
Gordon: The ratings will take a hit anyways. Imagine the damage if Rosie makes
the conservative advertisers go away.
Chico: Atom bomb?
Jason: Nuclear drop in revenue.
Chico: Impact would be worse than if Mike Darnell decided to rip on "The Will"
and made millions from it.
Gordon: Pleas don't give him any ideas, Chico
Chico: Not giving him any ideas. Okay, number three...It came out in the papers
that Rosie posted a blog entry where she implicitly... well, I don't want to say
give up all hope, but she wasn't really that pleased with "the meeting".
Gordon: Rosie is upset that TPIR won't let her run things Carte Blanche. Awwwww....
Chico: You're familiar with the concept of "The meeting", right?
Jason: Pretty much. And the rule of the meeting is....YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT THE
Gordon: I think she knows her chances of landing this is close to (if not
completely) zero, and she's trying to spin this in a way to hope to get her fans
to write and call in and create some sort of campaign.
Chico: Sorry, not gonna happen.
Jason: No one wants you to have the gig. Sorry.
Gordon: Well not no one, but at least 70%
Chico: Going back to 1b) 'are you gellin'?' Speaking of "the meeting", this is
where two more people throw their hat into the ring...Those two names... Drew
Carey, who happens to have a show of his own coming out in August...Power of
10...GO SEE IT.... and Ian Ziering... whose ex-wife used to BE on the show.
Gordon: That would be Nikki Ziering, yes?
Chico: Oh yeah.
Jason: Seen her nekkid. Very niiiiiiiiiiice.
Chico: Oh yeah. But if you were to judge those two names...Drew Carey would be
the better of the two... but still would have a long way to go.
Chico: As would anyone else at this point.
Gordon: I dont think he's as far off as you think. Carey has a decent hosting
resume. I expect him to do well on Power of 10 (as for the show itself, that's a
different story), and I think he does have some hosting chops.
Chico: I didn't say he didn't have hosting chops.
Jason: He does.
Chico: Anyone that can referee Whose Line is okay in my book.
Gordon: He did a good job - and he does have game-playing in his blood, as he
did win $500,000 for charity on a celebrity version of Millionaire.
Chico: He's good... I just think that TPIR is a tall order... for ANYONE.
Gordon: Yes, but if you want someone good...knows the games...has a game show
acumen...credible...non-polarizing...string of success...Carey is strong.
Jason: That's true.
Chico: This isn't like "Okay, Regis, you were excellent, but for some reason he
can't host, let's get Jerry Springer." This is Bob Freaking Barker, doing the
same job... for 35 years.
Gordon: Chico, you're absolutely right. Jerry Springer for TPIR Host!
Jason: Whoo hoo!
Chico: Nah, he's gonna be busy for a while. He's got two freak shows going on
at the same time.
Jason: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
Chico: And on the one WE'RE concerned about...
Gordon: Jerry's not afraid to show some skin to get what he wants. Now Jerry
taking off his clothes...entertainment.
Chico: Oh dear. Anyway, on the one we're concerned about this week... we may
have this season's Leonid the Magnificent...People of earth... I give you ...
Gordon: And apparently, we have found Chico's long lost brother.
Chico: He ain't no brother of mine. He's too light and... uh.. blonde.
Gordon: I don't know. I thought his dancing was very similar to yours.
Chico: ... No. I'm not THAT bad. The show goes to Chicago, where they find,
among other things, a Shakira impersonator... named Luigi.
Gordon: Luigi...5 letters. Chico....5 letters. They have to be related.
Chico: Not related... Now we could go on an on about what he did... but a) then
we'd lose our audience...
Gordon: Not to mention our lunch...
Chico: and b) that's not as interesting as what happened NEXT.
Jason: The Hoff was appalled and left. Booked. See ya.
Chico: The mid-show judge huff.
Gordon: But the reason why he was appalled was that both Piers and Sharon, in a
fit of lunacy, yessed him through.
Chico: Why is still a mystery.
Gordon: I will go on record now. If these morons are stupid enough to get him to
the voting round, he WILL win America's Got Talent. End of Story.
Jason: Oh boy.
Chico: Who wants to bet VoteForTheWorst is all over it? =p
Jason: Oh yeah
Gordon: VFTW, Howard Stern, etc. And unlike last year, you do not have a Bianca
Ryan powerhouse yet in this group.
Chico: "Hey, you know what would be funny? Them giving $1 million to a complete
jackass." But we're not done yet... This week, we're heading up to your neck of
the woods...PLEASE tell me New York has talent.
Jason: I think so.
Chico: You have to know a barbershop quartet or a 9-year-old that can sing
Gershwin or something.
Gordon: I'm thinking, based on what we've seen so far, the million dollar winner
(or at least a top 5er) will be found here. That being said, we have more than
our average share of allotted
Chico: Oh yeah.
Jason: It is a freak show.
Gordon: Here's the difference between NYC and most other cities. In L.A., they
don't have real freaks, just people who act freaky to get on TV. In NYC, we
Jason: Trust us on that.
Gordon: If Leonid the Magnificent and Ian Bernardo aren't signs of this, there
is something weird in the water up here.
Chico: ... there's a bad joke in here somewhere...
Gordon: Let's move off of Jason Block's extended family and on to the next
Jason: Very funny.
Chico: ... Let's go from talented freaks to women who are just plain... freaky.
This week saw the premiere of "Age of Love"... YARDS. Yet Another Reality Dating
Gordon: More like Yawwn.
Jason: Yet Another Weekly Wasteful Nothing.
Gordon: I like Jason's acronym better :)
Chico: The premise... a 30-year-old tennis pro named Mark is looking for
love... in all the wrong places. We introduce him to seven older women... then
we introduce six younger women. Reality ensues. And we are left to believe that
one of these hussies will fall in love with this guy for about a week.
Gordon: Or that Mark will fall in love with a 40-something over a 20-something.
Chico: As you can probably infer... I don't have a high opinion of this show.
Jason: Why would you?
Chico: It's basically NBC recycling the Average Joe concept...Now that was
good.. because it wasn't done before and the world loves a geek. But now you
have "young and stupid" vs. "parade of MILFs." It's all derivative.
Jason: Again...another summer of recycled junk.
Gordon: What are the ratings for this recycled junk?
Chico: Can you say "bomb"?
Gordon: How much of a bomb is it, Uncle Chico?
Chico: It was a 4.9/8... which is like HALF of what the finale of DoND scored.
Gordon: And to think, we get 'Science of Love' on Monday also. Whoopee.
Chico: Failed pilot. Oh, and Mark Consuelos needs to take lessons from his wife
on how to host. Why oh why are all the good hosts taken?
Gordon: We have good hosts. They don't want to be connected to dreck.
Jason: There you go.
Chico: Funny you should say that word.. It's time to grade! Gordon!
Gordon: Um....dreck. D
Jason: D for Dreck.
Chico: I give it the lowest grade I've ever given anything... A D minus....
Gordon: Its not the worst thing I've ever seen. there are things currently on
the air that's worse than this.
Chico: Exposed for one :) But let's talk about a show that was on before Age of
Love that night, shall we? Deal or No Deal closed the case on another successful
season Monday night.
Gordon: Successful season - and successful contestant
Chico: The dealer.. Laurel Martin, a St. Louis preschool teacher.. Fast
forwarding through the early rounds we get this board...
1, 5, 200, 300, 25K, 400K, 500K, 1mill.
Jason: Not a bad board
Chico: Now THAT ... on ANY day... is a great board.
Gordon: Its a huge players board
Chico: Going into round 2, we open up ... $400K and ... $5! Still a big board.
1, 200, 300, 25K, 500K, 1mill.
Chico: That means a big offer... $201,000. Normally, that would be what Klauss
calls "walking money".
Gordon: No it's not. You have 2 big cases left on the board.
Jason: There is $500K and 1M...I would stay.
Chico: When you consider that you're putting that up for a chance at $800,000
more...NO DEAL. Laurel calls #6... $25K!
Chico: Safety net still there. The next offer is $272,000. Again... NOT really
walking money YET. All things considered.
Jason: I would stay.
Chico: But Laurel pulls the trigger and takes home $272,000.
Gordon: Gotta go one more. Even if you knock out the mill, you're still looking
at a 6 digit payout.
Chico: Big money... but was it a bigger mistake?
Gordon: Yes it was. Way too early to walk
Chico: WAY too early to walk. #7 had $200. The offer.. $368K
Jason: So what's left now?
Chico: #23 had $1 The offer.. $496,000.
$300, $500,000, Mil
Jason: Oh you have to stay!
Chico: #14... half a million. Bank offer... $520,000.
Jason: Now you walk!
Gordon: Walking time at $520,000
Chico: Laurel's case... $300! Good deal. Could've been WAY better, but
something's better than nothing, right?
Gordon: $270,000 is a great deal and a nice win - but she could have - and
should have - walked off with a lot more.
Chico: All things considered, it's great to close the season on a positive
Gordon: It is - and good for Laurel.
Jason: Nice job.
Chico: Meanwhile, it seems that we have YET to give away the million on Are You
Smarter Than a 5th Grader... so we're pinning all of our hopes... on a man of
Gordon: ...who isn't smarter than a 5th grader...
Chico: I don't know.. I would think that God was smarter than a 5th grader...
The question is... Is Ben Buys?
Gordon: Not in this case. $300,000, though, is a nice hunk of coinage.
Chico: This is the question that nails him...4th Grade Cultural Studies for
$500K... Who was the Greek god of wine?
Gordon: I know this one.
Chico: Me too.
Jason: Me too.
Chico: Ben... drops out. He would've gone with Dionysus if he had the
fortitude... and he would've been half a mill richer...
Gordon: Actually, wasn't the name recently changed to Spearulohanyltonus?
Chico: ... I don't know if it is now Spearulohanyltonus. Is it?
Jason: I think it is indeed Spearulohanyltonus.
Gordon: 3 headed monster, if I remember correctly
Chico: Ew. Anywho, Andy Gala continues this run to the million next time.
Meanwhile, if you want to see hamsters run to the million, all we have to do is
point to Gordon and say...
Gordon: Roll that beautiful Brain Footage!
Chico: ... look at'em go!!
Live, local, and latebreaking... From the four corners of the globe to your
frontal lobe, this is WLTI Brainvision News, and now here's Gordon Pepper, Chico
Alexander, and the award-winning Brainvision News Team)
Chico: Thank you, Doug. First up... What happens when a really good idea meets
a media ho? Any guesses?
Gordon: It gets turned into a 10 million dollar saga?
that idea that Rob Mariano teased us about earlier? Well, it's come to fruition,
and it's based on the idea of a "Tontine", where a group of people enter into a
contract for a pot, with the last person remaining taking home the purse. Hence
the title of said project, "Tontine." The players will battle each other for
possession of 15 keys. The one who has all 15 keys wins $10 million. That's
right, kiddies... it's essentially "Endurance: The Grown Folk Edition"
Gordon: I don't think they will just give out 10 million. I sense either 1.
Annuity or 2. a Set up like the Mole, where they have the opportunity to build
the pot up to 10 mil.
Chico: I agree. Because you just can't hand someone $10 million.. The tax
repercussions alone would be mind-boggling.
Gordon: All I have to say is that I hope that Rob brought something new and
different to the party, or else this could be the potential for a major
financial train wreck.
Chico: And then we'd see him relegated to a week on Poker After Dark.
Gordon: We'd see him as the bus boy serving drinks as he tries to collect wages
that would get him out of the red.
Chico: HA! Next?
Gordon: Next article...
Endemol, not learning from Midnight Money Madness, wants another call-in and win
show. Apparently, BET, who may not have seen Midnight Money Madness (which would
put them in the majority of America), decides to partner with them on Take the
Cake, a show featuring the Joe Clair and...Toccara.
Chico: THAT Toccara?
Gordon: Yes, THAT Toccara.
Jason: Toccara from?
Gordon: Toccara Jones, from both America's Next Top Model and Celebrity Fit
Chico: Well.. she looks good at least. And she's been on the red carpet for BET
once or twice, so she knows her way around a live camera...
Gordon: I'm glad for her that she got a show. I see her tenure lasting for
around as long as Craig Jackson's did on Midnight Money Madness.
Chico: But is she a gamer?
Jason: Don't know
Chico: CJ's a gamer... Jeff's a gamer... Shandi, dear God is she a gamer.
Gordon: I think Toccara is a gamer, and I think that she will do a decent job.
The problem here is going to be the format, which has so far bombed on every
show except Playmania.
Chico: Swipe some of their producers.. see what happens. Or at least watch a
few episodes. THAT's how you do play-TV.
Chico: Okay, next...Grab your drink cup and your mobiles, because we're getting
fully loaded... and it's a global crossover! Yay!
Bandai, who you know as the people that gave the world Pac-Man, Power Rangers,
and the splendor of the katamari, is teaming with FremantleMedia to bring the
Idol franchise to mobile phones in Asia, Middle East, and Europe.
Chico: From the looks of it, it'll be your standard TV trivia game. Not unlike
the Idol trivia game you get with service on AT&T (AI's cellular network
Chico: However, if you're looking to get loaded stateside, Jeopardy! 2 is
available for download right now at station.sony.com
Jason: True trivia hotness.
Chico: Only $19.99 separates you from playing America's Favorite Answer &
Question Show at home.
Gordon: is Rosie O'Donnell hosting?
Chico: Nope. After getting loaded, I'm still thirsty.
Gordon: We're going to give Rosie O'Donnell a break this week. Mike Darnell, not
Jason: Sorry...Haterade time.
Gordon: What are the rules of The Great American Singing Bee?
Chico: When the music stops, keep singing?
Jason: Pretty much
Gordon: What are the rules of FOX's show. Don't Forget the Lyrics?
Jason: When the music stops...keep singing.
Chico: Pretty much.
Gordon: Very good...
a page from FOX's book, NBC jumps their show from the Fall to July, to try to
get their stuff on the air first - One Day Before Don't Forget the Lyrics..
Chico: Forget that we have no host... and no set rules... and no episodes in
the can yet. Rules? Host? (^_^) that... Just get it on the air in two weeks!
Gordon: So will this be another Trading Spouses/Wife Swap thing, where both
shows will be successful? Or will it be another The Chair/The Chamber debacle?
Chico: Stay tuned, America...Meanwhile, let's stay tuned... oh, UK. Going
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire celebrate its 10th anniversary by being cancelled?
Depends on who you ask. Chris Tarrant, the longtime host, said that it was in
danger. ITV refutes that claim.
Chico: Coupled with reports that the show is averaging 3 million viewers
compared to 13 million in its heyday. ITV says that it's still one of its most
Jason: I don't think it gets cancelled just yet. If it's cancelled, however,
Gordon: If the show gets canned, it would be a major loss to the game show
community, not to mention the group that spent 50 million on the rights for it.
Chico: So it's either serious damage control on the network's part or a genuine
love for the show and what it brings into the network fold. I want to lean
toward the latter.. because, I think, for a British show, 3 million... is good.
Gordon: Its ok, but its not 13 million
Chico: Hopefully our British friend David Howell will enlighten us.
Jason: 13M is a national phenomena
Gordon: Hopefully. What about the Ho Phenomena?
Chico: The Ho Phenomena... We're all about the Ho Phenomena... We begin... as
always... with a visit to the big red couch.
Gordon: And a MAJOR casting call - for...wait for it...wait for it...Temptation!
audition line is open at 323-762-8399 or E-mail
Contestants must be at least 21 years of age.
Chico: We always say this when a phone number is involved... "If it's busy,
Jason: So far only LA auditions..
Gordon: A reminder to everyone in the NYC area that power of 10 will be casting
on Wednesday, June 27. On that same day...you can also go to the Millionaire
audition in NYC.
Chico: That's THIS Wednesday.
Jason: But if you cant make it to Millionaire...Millionaire is coming to you in
Tampa - Friday July 6 - Carol Morsani Hall @ Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center
- 1010 N. W.C. MacInnes Place - Tampa, FL 33602.
Charlotte - Monday July 9 - Booth Playhouse @ Blumenthal Performing Arts Center
Enter at Founders Hall, proceed to 2nd Floor - 130 North Tryon St. - Charlotte,
Catoosa - Friday, July 13 - Grand Hall of Cherokees @ Cherokee Casino
Resort - Enter West Side of the Building through the parking garage - 777 West
Cherokee St. Catoosa, OK 74015.
Chico: July 9? ... Crap, I'm working that day=p
Gordon: Anyone want to visit Chico's house in NC? I have directions...
for more information.
Gordon: Now for the hoes...
the rest of this week's Hodometer, Bob Eubanks will be speaking in LA on June
30th, Ben Silverman calls Mark Burnett to revive The Apprentice, Kristy Swanson
gets arrested for assaulting the ex of skating partner (and current fling) Lloyd
Eisler, while we see the finalists of the second season of both HGTV's Design
Star and Sci-fi's Who Wants to be a Superhero. And yes, Wolvie, we still don't
have a movie with last season's winner, Feedback. It comes as no surprise that
this season's WWTBAS winner does not have a movie deal as part of the prize.
Gordon: But they are not the Ho of the week.
Chico: ... I'm going to guess Aaron, the Asian Cowboy on Hell's Kitchen who
passed out, was hospitalized, and invited never to return to Hell's Kitchen..
But I could be wrong.
Gordon: You're wrong.
Chico: Damn it :)
Gordon: The ho of the week is...Motley Crue!
Chico: So what of Motley Crue, then?
Gordon: In one of the most bizarre lawsuits I have ever read, the Crue are
pissed that Tommy Lee, by doing 2 inane shows (Tommy Lee Goes to College and
Rock Star: Crapanova) has cost the band over 30 million dollars in cancelled
concerts. So do you sue Tommy Lee? No. You sue Tommy's AGENT.
Jason: Say what?
Gordon: The suit may be legit (since the dates were cancelled because Lee had to
be in the TV studio), but blaming his agent is sort of like Jason making a
mistake at work and his boss decides to go after his dad.
Jason: Pretty much.
Chico: Choose your battles carefully... Choose your enemies even more so.
Gordon: Last time I checked, Tommy Lee can think for himsel...well...maybe not,
but still. His agent?
Gordon: And those...are your hoes.
Chico: That's Brainvision for this week. Shut it down.
Gordon: (Shutting Down)
Chico: And now your results of last week's YLTI. We asked you to be honest...
Are your pets spayed or neutered? 43% of you... don't have any pets.
Gordon: That solves that problem
Chico: 48% of your pets ARE spayed or neutered. And we would like to thank
Kellie Pickler for reading the site. She voted: "What's a neutered?"
Chico: This week's question looks into the future...
Chico: As always...Results next week. But coming up next, we strand stuff on
a deserted island. This is WLTI, celebrating five years... respecting our
game show heritage... embracing the game show evolution.
Jason: Yeah baby.
(Coming soon to theatres: Transformers 2002. Watch as one stage with six
holes in it transform a mediocre host into ... a good one. "It's the best
prequel we ever made up," says Variety.)