"And Then There Were Three"
- August 9
So here we are at the homestretch of one of the most
convoluted seasons of any reality dating scenario ever
devised for television. If you've been keeping up with
all the twists and turns so far, then you're far better
than I am. That said...
*K-Ci and Jojo's "All My Life" playing in the
background* Preston and PJ... STILL together.
Rachel hit up her phone for dates and a cheap "24"
homage. Mike got the first date at 9am, David S. got the
second at 12pm, Caleb got the third at 3pm, and Mike
gets another at 6pm. The man on the outside, Morgan, is
also the man who burns his million-dollar check, all
leading to this: three men, three 24-hour dates, one
elimination, two men, two final pleas, at least five
instances of the "but" scenario, and two final
last time, to recap...
Mike - $250,000
Caleb and David
S. - $1
who isn't even thinking about the check, is the richest
one out there, but this being the finale with no million
dollar checks left, expect it to change. The boys are in
the event room to start, but Jordan moves the party to
the vault room. True to form, it's even-spread time, as
Jordan presents the guys with one of four mystery
checks, two worth $1, two worth $1,000,000. For Caleb
and David, it's a win-win situation. Mike, too, decides
to swap, thinking that money is now completely out of
fantasy dates for 24 hours. David is up first, but
first, he admits to the guys that he had $1. He wanted
to take the money out of the game, as did Mike. Caleb
heckles Mike into thinking that giving up the $250,000
was a bad idea. Did it work? That's between Mike and ...
here to pick David up, still thinking about his play for
the money he doesn't know he has, as he and Rachel head
to the Montage Resort & Spa. Potential for romance here.
Rachel's about as skeptical as David is, especially
given the fact that she's done this before. "Part of me
just want to take (David's word) with a grain of salt!"
She asks how David and her are going to "beat this",
whatever it means. David's answer: "I become rich."
Aaaaand cue the drum beat. But Rachel sees the mystery
checks as a gambit that was worth the investment.
dinner, love on the throw-rugs, as David and Rachel
discuss how hard it is to have the next couple of days.
Rachel says he seems genuine. David, on the other hand,
says that Rachel's "not the greatest kisser." All of a
sudden, he's not really that much in love anymore.
Rachel seems to think otherwise.
the house, "What do you think they're doing today?" Oh,
just the worst kissing imaginable, that's all. Caleb
starts packing for his date, thinking that if he got
concrete evidence of Rachel being all hugs and kisses
with everyone else, then he's going to play for money.
Part of his game? Not doing anything. I've never seen a
woman grovel so hard since last week's episode of
"Studio 7". His playing hard-to-get is either because he
likes her or because of a gameplan. Or it could just be
an act of scariness, as Caleb thinks that she's playing
We go to
a cottage "in the middle of nowhere", as Rachel sees if
it could be moved in a different direction. Caleb tries
to find a connection, while the other guys comment on
the original moves that Caleb didn't make. Rachel, on
the other hand, doesn't think that Caleb's capable of
trust. "He may think that I'm not just here for love,
and I'm possibly here for money." Surely enough, Caleb's
as close as he's going to get, thinking that she will
get his check in the end. Good thought, Caleb. Go with
that. Rachel goes with the old standby: "What I feel for
you is real... and I don't say that to everybody." It
worked, as Caleb starts to let his guard down ever that
more for the rest of the date. However, in this game,
the only thing that's a given - money - isn't even that
much of a given. But Caleb has found the connection he
was looking for. "He doesn't know me well enough to know
if that's who I am," and that's a yellow card from
we go with Mike to... no, wait, Caleb's still watching.
Okay, let's go to Mike with Rachel to try to see
something more long-term at a posh suite on the Sunset.
Mike thinks about the mystery check more than Rachel,
even though that was not his intention. Luckily for him,
Rachel spots a distraction: a tour bus. That's totally
random now, is it? They take in the bus as they try to
discuss future. Rachel isn't being totally honest...
Shame for Mike, because he is.
the house, the guys think that she's genuine, but they
still don't know her true intention. "If she gets one of
these chumps to fall in love with her, maybe she gains."
Aaaaaand cue the drum beat.
Meanwhile, Rachel lets Mike know that she wants to
explore something long-term, but Mike can't stop
thinking about the check he said he wouldn't think
about. Rachel talks about playing the "Sweetness" card:
"Maybe he'll feel bad for me and take me over the money,
because I'm so gosh darned sweet." She then channels the
spirit of Paul Revere in "one if yes, two if no". She
gives Mike one wink. Yeah. He's in.
night, more love on the throws, as Mike whispers sweet
nothings into her ear. Let me get the captions on
here... "I could never give you up forever." He ALMOST
said "I could never give you up for money." "I just
self-edited myself. Thank God." In the end, Mike decides
that he's playing for love. And boy is he. Hand
strategically placed on her boobie.
we get to the elimination, the guys talk motivation.
Mike thinks Caleb's gonna go, but before anyone goes,
Jordan outlines the operative: fireside chat. Simple.
David lays his heart on the line... very robotically.
Mike decides on the "here I stand, I can do no other".
But Rachel wanted to hear more. Could it be the end for
the sure thing? Caleb... "You know I want to be here. So
it's up to you." That was sure blank.
Elimination time, as Rachel prefaces it with having
formed a connection with each of them. Mike is down
first... and he's in. David is down next... and he's
out. Cause of death: no spark. Or so she says. Bringing
up Rachel's choice of love or money, "if that's
something she had, then she just totally played me."
That leaves Caleb, the wild card, to compete with Mike,
the sure bet. As for David, he came in with a dollar, he
leaves... with a million. Ouch. "It's not the end of the
world, it's just $1 million." Yeah, you could go on
Millionaire and make that up easy. Meanwhile, we pause
for a break and station identification.
that night, both men are freaking out of the decision of
rubbing someone out of their life over money. "A million
bucks would last you the rest of your life," Caleb says.
Not really. Next day, they meet Jordan in the event room
with "the box" with their checks in it. Jordan just
reminds them of the events to come. To sum up, he won't
tell you what to do, and he won't tell you what not to
do, but he will tell you that you are the sum total of
your choices, and to each one of them goes a consequence
to be weighed carefully. Caleb's mind? Still changing.
Mike, like myself... "Relationship retarded."
decision doesn't get any harder, as Rachel looks at her
check for $1 million. Thought she had forgotten about
that? Yeah, neither did I. Remember, if the man chooses
money, Rachel leaves empty-handed... again. If he
chooses love, then it's on Rachel. "With that said, I'll
leave you to your thoughts." Jordan likes leaving people
to their thoughts.
joins the men for lunch, the most awkward lunch ever
televised. Caleb was starving, but couldn't eat. Mike:
"Three people don't have anything to talk about?" Rachel
begins to crack under the pressure and heads for...
somewhere else. She finds herself in another position
where she needs the money, but doesn't want to hurt
anyone. "This whole thing sucks right now!"
walks with Rachel as they discuss the whole awkwardness.
Rachel hopes to see something more, and she wasn't
playing the honesty card to just be "his friend".
Struggling with 15-second pauses between answers and
stuff that Rachel really didn't want to hear, she seems
to have her mind made up now... Mike is Rachel's ticket
to the money.
there's Caleb. She shares his sentiment that "this
sucks". She is attracted to him physically, but Caleb
just saw right through her ruse. "Somebody has to be
(led on)." He then says that both men are convinced that
Mike will be the one to win. Rachel tries reassuring
Caleb that her feelings toward him are real. "To put
forth that much of an effort, she'd have to have some
truth behind it." But then Rachel has her doubts. "Maybe
he IS here for the money in the end!" So now we
have the final decision: the sure ticket to the money,
or a million doubts?
day, both men are pondering that night's elimination.
Mike wants to be damned ready to commit. Caleb is
seriously weighing his risks, with Rachel being the
heavier of the two. It's all about Rachel at this point,
as both men are escorted into seclusion from each other.
Right after some brother-love. Because you know.. it's
all about love. Once again, the decisions will be made
at the same time thanks to the magic of editing. One
thing's for sure. Caleb has made his decision.
first, we go to Mike. Rachel recaps her time with him
and her feelings about him. She keeps wanting more and
more, but not really getting it that much. "I've been
intrigued by you from the beginning, but..." One.
Caleb. Rachel recaps her time with him and her feelings
about him. She keeps getting more and more, but not
really wanting it that much. you know, doubts and all...
"Acting like you were doubting me... I was really
disappointed in that..."
Mike. "But..." Two. "you kind of scared me, because you
said that if you wanted to have fun either way. That
does not sound convincing." They go back to the last
conversation, in a way saying "Rach, I'm not for you."
Mike apologizes. "I think that you do care about me, and
I care about you... However..." Does that count? (bell)
Okay, that's three. "I don't think that we're for each
other." She takes the ring back as we get a faux heart
beat in the background. Mike returns to the vault to
burn his check... And we get a "Whew!", because he's
only out one dollar. And hey, he even pledges to give
110 percent on everything. Good thing to take from this.
Caleb. "But..." Four. "By the end of that date, I was
wowed again, and I really see so much of myself in you."
Citing the last conversation (that he had an opening for
a best friend)... "I knew you were the one from that
first date, and you're still the one." Okay, slobbering
over, Caleb thanks her for the chance, "But (C-Note:
That's five!) now I have something to tell you as well."
He reveals the game to her, in all of its detail,
including Caleb's first million, his second dollar, and
his third mystery. "I am terrified of relationships,
that's a huge risk. Bottom line is, I've been waking up
every single morning with a million dollar view... and
at the end of the day, all I see if you." Hmm... *takes
down possible song lyric* He balls up his check and
throws it onto the ring platform. More slobber.
is not happily ever after just yet. "I have to tell you
something actually, too." Rachel gives Caleb the RDV of
the past 10 episodes. All Caleb can say is "I knew it."
But we're not done yet. "I could really use $1,000,000.
My mom doesn't want to work anymore. And I don't have
that much money. It's a lot of money. You know what,
though? I don't want it." Way to prove yourself, Rachel.
So we leave you with Rachel and Caleb, fourteen rings,
and possibly $2 million, balled up and chucked like last
the producers came and unwadded the check so we could
see that... there was only $1,000,001 balled up and
chucked like last week's garbage.
anything, this season proved all the shortcomings of
"reality" romance as truth, not just because of the
format, but also the execution. Could've been one of the
better seasons had it not been for everything leading up
to this point.
the Olympics, everyone! I am OUT!